One day, Dumbledore was sitting in his office when he suddenly got an owl.
"Who could this be from. If it's Cornelius Fudge again I'm gonna send him a howler.." (an - yes, uncharacteristic ... oh well, this story is a stupid, UN sensible fic anyway...^_^) he opened it and read the letter sent to him by the school in America.... which was called Like School of Magic
Dear Mr. Dumbledore:
Like, we, like have way too many students here, so we're gonna, like send you one of our, like, students, like ... for the sake of medivalmaiden's terrible fic...like, okay? Like, she'll be there, like tomorrow.
like, sincerely
Maria Whoooooooosh
Headmistress of Like school of magic
Dumbledore stared at the parchment. "Okaaaaaaaay." he muttered to himself. He looked up to see a girl sitting in his office. She had blonde (coughdyedcough) hair that was all primped neatly, and WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much make up. She sat in a chair, putting on lip gloss.
"Like, Hi! I'm, Like, Medusa! (An - LOL! Anyone who knows me will get this ... everyone else. Just work with me here. ) and I'm, like,, the new exchange student..."
time passes
Medusa is taken down to the Great Hall . "GRYFFINDOR!" shouted the sorting hat. Harry looked at her.. she was very ugly and looked like a dememnted clown ... but because he was being magically controlled by Medivalmaiden's, he was in love with her. He stood on the table and began saying poetry.
Medusa looked at him in disgust. "like, EW!" she said, spotting the scar on his forehead. Then, she too was suddenly controlled by Medivalmaiden's (and that is the only reason she got into Like anyway, since she's soooo muggle that it's not even funny.)
Then a guy walks in... "I am the Candy Man! (an - anaother joke you must know me to get...) I am the new Defense against dark arts teacher!"
"wait, we already have a DADA teacher," said hermione.
"oh, well, we can fix that." said Dumbledore. He snapped his fingers and little oompa-loompas (didn't you all know that Dumbledore had a secret collection of oompa-loompas?? well, now you do) came and carried him away, singing "Oompa-loompa doopety do. I've got another puzzle for you!" etc. etc. The Candy Man came and sat down at the table inplace of the old DADA teacher.
"He is not a bad man.." said Ron. "He is a good man who is not secretly working for Voldemort and who will not trick us into thinking he's a good guy!"
hermione stood up and screamed . "I LOVE YOU RON!!!" simply because that was what was next on the list...
"I LOVE YOU TOO 'MIONE!!!" Ron didn't know why he called her "'mione" ....he just said it cuz that's what medivalmaiden's wanted him to say. (AN - MWAHAHAHAHA!!)
time passes
Harry, Ron, "'mione," and medusa walked into the History of magic class room and immediately fell asleep. It was actually a very interesting lecture, but they had to fall asleep because medivalmaiden's must prove that she has read the books and knows what they do in this class.
Then, they walk to transfiguration where everyone except Neville can turn their cactus into a beetle.
Then they go to potions with the Slytherins. as soon as Harry walks in, snap yells "FIFTY ZILLION POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!!!"
"What did I do this time?"
"I dunno... I just had to take points away."
"OH... OK!"
"that's, like, not, like, fair.!" medusa screamed, now in tears, cuz she MUST be mad at someone and cry AT ALL TIMES!!!!! (An - this is not a tendency of Americans ... just Medusas....)
"Freeeee candyyyy for everyone!!!!!!!!" Shouted Snape.
"OH NO! HE IS BEING NICE! HE IS WORKING FOR VOLDEMORT!!" yelled Ron.
"I am not a death eater ... only a man in love!!!" he looked out the window (imaginary window ... since there are no windows in the dungeon) at Britney Spears...
Time passes
they went to Care of Magical Creatures..where Hagrid had just ordered some strange creature that was just bred a few days ago...
"'iya, 'arry! 'ow are ya? 'appy?"
time passes
Ron rounded on hermione as they walked down a dark corridor. "I love you, Hermione! You are the woman of my dreams!" He kissed her. just then, dobby appeared.
With a squeak, he pulled his ears over his eyes. "Dobby is a bad elf! Interrupting sir and miss!" he popped out of sight.
They walked to the common room, to find a dark situation. Everyone was crying from fright... MEDUSA HAD FORGOTTEN TO PUT ON HER MAKE UP!!!!!!! half the common room had turned to solid stone.
Suddenly, Fred and George walked in...
"Hey!" shouted Harry. "i thought you two had graduated"
"We did." said Fred
"We are just here to add some comical relief in this already comical story" George added.
"Why did the chicken cross the road?" asked Fred.
"To get to the other side!!" finished George. The whole room laughed hysterically and Fred and George went bye-bye.
"Hell!" said Harry, for no reason at all.
"Damn!" added Ron, also for no reason.
"Hell and Damn!" said Hermione, not wanting to be left out of anything.
Draco Malfoy flew past the common room window on a magical pink pony.."Mudblood!" he said to hermione. "Mudblood!" he repeated, then flew away, cackling madly atop his magical pink pony.
" My scar hurts." said Harry.
"How, like, sad!" said medusa..with her make up ON, thank you very much.
"Oh no! WE must call Lupin!!!"
"You rang.." said Remus, appearing from behind a chair.
"I feel tired..." said Harry. he fell into a deep sleep. Voldemort had held Medusa hostage and was gonna hurt her. "Oh well..." he said "easy come easy go!"
Medivalmaiden's was mad... "hey!!!" i shouted to him. "You gotta play by the rules!"
"But she's ugly, and evil, and I don't wanna like her!"
I give him the deathstare.."YOU MUST LIKE HER!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!" I said in a deep, mystic voice
"okay, okay, keep your hair on!" Harry went back to his dream. Voldemort was hurting medusa...Harry didn't really care, but pretended to avoid the *Hermione Look* of mine...LOL... (really, people do try to avoid that if they can...) and in the back round, he can hear his mum pleading for his life.
in a flash of green light, he woke.
time passes
Harry sent a letter to Sirius, using Hedwig, his snowy white owl ... there was really no reason to do this ... but he did anyway...
Time passes
Harry's dream came true! Medusa was being hurt by Voldemort!! Oh well... I didn't like her anyway.. So...Voldemort performed Avada Kedavera on her and she was gone ... everyone cheered.
The Candy man leaps out of the corner. "Harry, I am really a bad man! I am not a good man who is not secretly working for Voldemort and who did not trick you into thinking I'm a good guy! "
nooooooooo!!!!!" shouted Ron, realizing that his prediction in the beginning of this pathetic fic was wrong.
The Candy Man proceeded. "So now I will kill someone who is sorta close to you, but not too close, ruining all chances of a sequel.how about..Bill!!!"
timed perfectly, Bill walked in. "hey guys, how's it going?" in a flash of light he was gone.
"Lets' go order a pizza!" exclaimed Hermione.
"OK."
time passes
Dumbledore was in his office with Harry, preparing to have a long talk with him.
"i can't explain why all of that just happened ... only the great and powerful medivalmaiden's can ... so, ... go ask her."
I smile and look down from my celestial throne. "I haven't put up a fic in a few weeks, even though I've written two ... lost them both ... and wanted more in my archive. Also, I was reading a nice lil list about what every good fic MUST have, and I had to write a good fic. ..... everything that happened cuz... I, the great and powerful medivalmaiden's made it happen...mwahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Ooooh, OK. I get it now," said Harry.
"yeah... " said Dumbledore, as they walked to the great hall to get some of that pizza they ordered.
I cringe. "Nooooooooo!!!! Not pizza! I had waaaaaaay too much pizza for dinner tonight! how dare you eat pizza!!! I command you to stop!!" they keep eating. I slouch in my throne and pout."so much for "the great and powerful medivalmaiden's"
Time passes
Harry gets on the train and goes to Sirius's house cuz his name was cleared and all was well.
THE END!!!!!!!
AN - yes, I know ... scary.... i really loved that list... lol... is this a good fic cuz it has all that crap in it? review and tell me!!!! ^_^
Disclaimer - NOTHING belongs to me... this whole plot was inspired my Alhphie's ingenious list.. ^_^... the rest of it was all JK Rowling's. Medusa and the Candy Man belong to.. themselves.... as they are real.. hiding under fake names....MWAHAHAHA!