Harry Potter and the Invasion of the Capitalist Pigs
Chapter 2
"Driggory? You're dead! Dead people can't have crapaccino! NO CRAPACCINO FOR YOU!"
Girls began to swirl around Cedric—afterall, he was a hottie, even if he'd been decomposing for six months.
"Oh Cedy!" the necrophiliacs cried, "How did you get out of your grave? Did Scully and the F.B.I. dig you up?"
"Actually, I was never really dead."
"What?" they squealed.
"Oh, come on! Everyone knows that when you die, you don't actually die! You just get a game over! Duh!"
"Yay!" the crowd cheered. Cedric was back, even though he had finished his seventh year. Dumbledore let him stay because he was a hottie.
A magically magnified voice came over the loudspeaker as Ron and Harry were enjoying a game of chess.
"Students," it said, "The new defense against the dark arts teacher has arrived. All students please report to the great Hall to meet him."
Harry grumbled because on the way, he had to see Mary Sue snogging Dean Thomas. Sure, Dean was the most popular guy in school (a/n: read "A Day in the Life of Dean Thomas"), but Dean did not have an adorable scar on his forehead. Harry sighed, "Dean may be handsome, smart, and super cool," he thought, "But no one can beat my scar…Chicks dig scars."
Harry decided that he could do better than Mary Sue. He could have Cho! But just as he entered the Great Hall, he saw Cho snogging Cedric. Just when Harry was going to finally have Cho, Cedric had to go and rise from the dead!
"Students," McGonagall giggled, much to the surprise of all the students, "This is our new defense against the dark arts teacher, former president of the United States, William Jefferson Clinton."
Everyone gasped.
"What?" said Bill in a drawling southern accent, "I have experience! I managed to hold off the Republicans, didn't I?"
Yes, I'm a left-wingin' swinger. But I hate Democrats, too.
So I guess you could say that I'm a commie-hating socialist/fascist/anarchist.
Oh, and this story is not meant to insult commies or necrophiliacs.