Harry Potter and the Invasion of the Capitalist Pigs
Chapter 3
Harry Potter, ever the ladies man, gathered up his nerve and tapped Cho Chang on the shoulder. But once he had her attention, he couldn't quite figure out what to say.
"I ate a baby," he said, determined to win her back.
"Huh?" she replied, uninterested, even though Harry had just stated that a) he was a cannibal b) he consumes babies for fun.
"I ate a baby."
"Oh," she said, looking out the window, "Sorry, Herbert, I was thinking about Cedy."
"My name is Harry!" he fumed, "You know, Harry Potter? The famous, the great, the good Harry Potter? The one who every body loves…You know what, Cho? I don't have to take this from you! I could have any girl!"
He stormed off, muttering something that sounded a great deal like, "Chicks dig scars."
Cho shrugged and proceeded to snog Cedy.
He muttered angrily to himself as he walked down the hallway. Suddenly, he ran straight into another student, and all of her books fell to the floor. As she stooped to pick them up, Harry stared fixedly at her—she was beautiful, even more beautiful than Mary Sue was. It was odd, though; he had never seen her before.
"Sorry," he said, "Who are you?"
"Oh," she replied, her cheeks flushing, giving her an adorable "girl next door" look, "I'm Sary Lou. I just transferred here from Chicago."
"Wow! Two hot American transfers in one fan fiction series! Lucky me!"
"Actually," she said, "The ministry just made a rule that a hot American girl must transfer here every two weeks."
"So, why did you come?"
"The author got bored and decided to create a new character."
"Huh?"
"Nothing," she said, looking strangely at Harry, "Judging by the adorable scar on your forehead, you're Harry Potter."
He nodded and suavely brushed his gorgeous, thick black hair out of his eyes.
"But if you're Harry Potter—the debonair distinguished gentleman who has a new love interest ever story, then why aren't you helping me with my books?"
Harry froze. The hottie was such a hottie that he didn't know what to do. After a few moments pause, the brain in his head finally took over, and he bent down to help her. But by the time he reached the floor, there was only one book left. They both reached for it, and then something magical happened. When their hands touched, it was, like, magical! Mary Sue may have been a hottie, a smartie, and not to mention a hottie, but she couldn't compete with Sari Lou. Even though he had just met her, he was sure she was utterly wonderful. He knew he had to kiss her; he didn't know quite why (perhaps his other brain was taking over). He leaned in, manly charm in full gear, and then…SMACK! Sari Lou jumped up and screamed, "THAT'S SEXUAL HARRASSMENT, AND I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT!"
Harry was incapable of forming a coherent thought other than, "But…she's a chick…And I have a scar…And chicks dig scars…"
Harry Potter=Sean Connery
This is the result of not having any classes after 10:30 and having to stay at school.