[A/N – Geez, long time no see. I've been working on
several long, serious fics. ~gasp~ But then when I was bored, I dug through the
folder of "HP Lost Causes" (I swear I actually named one of my folders
that!), found this, and worked on it.
~shrugs~ I hope it's all right. I'll type out my longer ones later, anyway.]
Disclaimer:
~rolls eyes~ If I owned any of this, I would be swimming through gold coins,
throwing silver out the window like there would be no tomorrow, and using hundred-dollar
bills – well, pound notes, I guess – to
wipe my butt.
Dear Voldie,
It's a well-known fact that you and Albus Dumbledore
don't get along. Could you tell us more about your relationship?
Sincerely,
Just Curious
Dear Just,
Personally,
I don't really have a problem with Dumbledore. He does his thing, I do mine.
He's all about the peace, love, and lunacy, me, I like to kill people. We only
fight because he's jealous of my looks. Go figure.
Advisably
yours,
Voldie
Dear Voldie,
I sort of like this girl in my year, but she's always got
her nose stuck in a book. How can I get her to notice me?
Sincerely,
RAW
Dear RAW,
Don't
worry about her. I had a girlfriend once, but that was before I figured out
that world domination was a lot easier.
Advisably
yours,
Voldie
Dear Voldie,
I heard a rumour that you were coming out with your own
line of perfume and hair products. Please tell us more about it.
Sincerely,
Pret E. Boy
Dear
Pret,
You heard right. I'm very excited
about my new line of accessories coming out this summer. They're Barbie-pink in
colour, and sickeningly sweet in scent. Look for it on shelves; it's called Vol
de Joli.
Advisably yours,
Voldie
Dear Voldie,
What does kissing taste
like?
Sincerely,
Giggly Girl
Dear
Giggly,
What the [this had been censored by
the Daily Prophet editor. Have a nice day.] ?! Jesus, it tastes like whatever
your sweetie ate last. What a stupid question . . . .
Advisably yours,
Voldie
Well,
I'm sorry, (not!) but this is all I have time for this week! Look for my column
next Saturday!
Voldie writes for the Daily Prophet weekly. If
you want to write to him, you're nuts. If you object to any of the opinions
expressed in this column, the Daily Prophet suggests keeping your mouth shut,
because Voldie has a nasty temper.
