Author : Sayuri
A parody of the gameshow, featuring the cast of the Phantom menace. I'll be posting it round by round (8 rounds).
Rating : PG - Pure Mindless idiocy. Filled with useless trivia. Have fun.
Disclaimer - The Star Wars Universe is not mine, obviously. The weakest Link is also the brainchild of another. This is Fan Fiction. I make no money from it, just the enjoyment of writing, and of making fun of Jar Jar. Also, I shamelessly took the intro, from NBC.com. Please don't shoot me. (If you're familiar with the show, skip the intro.)
Note: I hate Jar Jar Binks. I have utterly no respect for him. None. It makes my stomach turn to think that he survived to be in Episode II. Just keep that in mind :-)
Feedback : Yes, please. (Unless it has something to do with Jar Jar) sayuri@drakmail.net
"My name is Anne Robinson and this is the weakest link. These 8 competitors don't know each other. but, they'll have to work together to win $1,000,000.00. But only one person will leave with the money. The others will be systematically voted off as...the weakest link."
"Okay, here's how it goes…
"Eight contestants stand in a circle around host/inquisitor Anne Robinson. They come to the "Weakest Link" as strangers but must work as a team to reach the maximum prize money for each of six rounds of play. In the seventh round, the remaining contestants have a chance to double the bank.
"At the end of each round, each contestant votes to eliminate the fellow contestant they consider to be the weakest link in the chain.
"Each player is asked a 'general knowledge' question, working clockwise around the circle of contestants. The goal in a round is for the team to answer enough questions correctly to reach the money target within the time limit. Each round ends when our players run out of time or they reach the money target for that round.
"The quickest way to make money is to create a chain of correct answers.
"Imagine that every correct answer is another link on the chain. AND, each new correct answer greatly increases the value of the chain. If you get a question wrong you break the chain. If you break the chain, your team loses the entire value of the chain, and your team must start building a new chain, starting at zero.
"But if you say the word BANK before your question is asked, the money is safe and you start a brand new chain, from zero.
"Remember, at the end of each round, only money that has been BANKED can be carried over to the next round.
"At the end of every round, the player voted as the Weakest Link will be eliminated and will leave the game empty handed. That's right…they leave with NOTHING!
"In the Final Round the two players left standing battle it out head-to-head in a best of five shootout until one person wins. The other leaves with nothing...
"Yes…Nothing.
"Start the clock.
"Let's play the "Weakest Link."
"Here are the contestants:" Each of the contestants speaks when the spotlight focuses on him/her.
"AMIDALA. Human. Elected representative of Naboo." She is in her full regalia, makeup and all. She is a study in seriousness and speaks as formally as she can.
"OBI-WAN. Human. Jedi apprentice" Dressed as a padawan, and distracted by the proximity of the sith.
"MAUL. Zabrak. Sith apprentice, slayer of Jedi." He wears the dark sith robes. He smiles endearingly at Obi-Wan.
"QUI-GON. Human. Jedi Master" His eyebrows furrow as he focuses on the task at hand, oblivious to the distress of his padawan.
"Meesa JAR JAR Binks. Gungan. Meesa Bombad General" Jar Jar is confused by the bright lights.
"ANAKIN. Human. I'm a person" The little guy's dressed as a padawan, and he speaks indignantly.
"YODA. Master Jedi, I be. " The other little guy's trying to look sage, with his hands in his sleeves.
"SIDIOUS. Human. Sith Master. Soon to be Evil Overlord." He cackles insanely.
Yoda and sidious eyeball each other warily.
"You will have 3 minutes. Prepare to play, the Weakest Link. First question to you Amidala. What are the natives of Dantooine called?"
"The Dantari."
"Obi-Wan, What planet is Jedi Knight Ki-Adi Mundi from?"
"Cerea."
"Darth Maul, escutcheon is to scutcheon as fabulist is to...what ?" His fiery eyes flash. He takes a moment before answering. "Liar!" Maul finally exclaimed. Qui-Gon jumped, expecting the young sith to charge at the hostess. "Correct." Anne replied curtly and turned to Qui-Gon.
"Qui-Gon Jinn,"
"Bank!" He said emphatically.
"How many sides does a triangle have?"
"Three sides."
Darth Maul shoots him a withering glare.
"Anakin, How many suns does tattoine have and what are there names?"
"Two! Tatoo I and Tatoo II!!!!"
Maul and sidious exchange glances. "This thing is fixed." He mutters under his breath.
"Jar Jar Binks, What is the race that built the Yavin Temples?"
Turns his head towards Sidious, who is glaring murderously at him.
"What does Meesa see?" He inquires of Sidious. Sidious continues his glare.
"Correct Massassi."
"Master Yoda, All of the Jedi Council are Jedi Masters except who?"
"Repeat, would you, the question?"
"All of the Jedi Council are Jedi Masters except who?"
"Difficult to answer, that question is. Some theories say, a master is one who knows all. Know all, do any of us? Arrogance that is. "
"Please answer the question, Mr. Yoda."
"Jedi Masters are not so common. Am I a master? On the Council I am."
Qui-Gon grates his teeth, barely able to restrain himself from yelling out the answer.
"Qui-Gon Jinn, my answer is."
"I'm not on the council, Yoda."
"Senile old bat." Darth maul muttered to Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan was scandalized by the remark.
"Incorrect. Ki-Adi Mundi." The chain broke and they started at the bottom. She turns to Darth Sidious. "Darth Sidious, what is the homeworld of Chancellor Palpatine?" Maul snickers, and earns an evil glare from Sidious. "Naboo." Sidious answered after Maul had looked away submissively.
"Correct." She said. "And thanks to Master Yoda, we are out of time in this round. Out of a possible $125,000.00 you have banked an underwhelming $3,500.00. That money will make it's way to the next round, but one of you will not. Time to vote off....the weakest link." The players all leaned forward and made their vote.
"Statistically, Yoda is the weakest link, having cost them most of their time, and getting his question incorrect. Qui-Gon is the Strongest link, having banked the most money. Let's see if the vote reflects the facts."
She turns to the players. Predictably, the Jedi had both voted for Sidious. Equally predictably, the Sith had voted for Yoda. Surprisingly Yoda had voted for Jar Jar and Jar Jar had voted for Yoda. Anakin had loyally voted off Maul. And Amidala for Jar Jar. Three votes for yoda. Only two for Jar Jar and Darth Sidious.
She turned to Jar Jar. "And why do you want Yoda eliminated?" Jar Jar looked confused for a moment. He swung his head round to Yoda. "Meesa too slow. He talk funny." He replied. "I see. So it's Yoda who talks funny." The crowd chuckles. She turns to Qui-Gon. "You have voted off Darth Sidious. Why do you feel he has to leave?" She questioned. Qui-Gon glared at the Sith lord. "He is a scourge on the galaxy. An infection which must be eliminated. He is a cancer who will rot the very core of the republic--"
"Very good, Qui-Gon." She says dismissively. Turning to Yoda she raises her chin. "Quite deservedly, you will be the first to leave with nothing. You are the weakest link. Good bye."
"Unholy vengeance, I will have." Yoda muttered as he walked off the stage.
The next rounds will be posted as soon as I finish them :-) Once again I would like to point out that Jar Jar sucks. Thank you.