What do you see?
Author: Gryffyn
Copyright 1999/2000
Rated PG
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I don't make any money off of them, and I'm just a fan who likes to write.
Warning: This piece may upset readers as it touches subject matters that include suicide and low self esteem
Nathan just stood in the doorway of the med-lab, he was numb and confused. He watched as Kristen checked on her patient. He looked so small, so vulnerable, with all those monitors attached to his pale frame.
'How could I have missed the signs?' Nathan berated himself with a shake of his head. 'How could I have been so foolish to believe that he would be alright after everything that has happened?'
In the weeks since Lucas had become his ward, the boy had seemed happier than the captain could remember. What had changed? The only clue he had was a poem Lucas had left on his computer screen:
What do you see?
What do you see when you look at me?
Do you see what I see?
The scared, timid and ugly person that greets me in the mirror,
Or do you see something else, perhaps something less terrible?
What do you do when I speak?
Do you hear what I say, or do you listen beyond the words?
I try to convey so much, and yet it is so difficult.
Does the message get through, or does it tend to be lost?
What is it you want from me?
How am I supposed to know when you don't say?
It's like trying to move, when the world's suddenly gone black.
What can I do to help you understand?
How hard it is to change what it is I am,
When I see a "Me" so different from you,
I have trouble knowing which "Me" is true.
So I ask once again, from you, my friend,
What do you see when you look at me?
'Did I expect too much from him?' Nathan mused. Most of his friends on the ship had tried to make a point of forgetting the teen's turbulent past. Maybe that's where they had gone wrong. Instead of ignoring it, maybe they should have encouraged Lucas to talk about it and the feelings he'd obviously held inside.
Kristen was still frowning as she passed Nathan carrying a small vile of blood to be analyzed. She barely gave a perceptible nod, letting the captain know it was safe for him to enter.
Lucas' skin was pale, his face drawn. Almost as if even in unconsciousness whatever pain he felt was still there.
Nathan resumed his place at the side of the bed. He refused to leave, and even Kristen gave up on trying to force him out. Crewmembers had been stopping by ever since Lucas' comatose form had been discovered. 'Thank heavens Krieg had gone to see him that night,' the captain prayed. He was also grateful that Kristen had been easily able to identify the substance Lucas had taken. However, the teen had to know it was a difficult drug to counteract, which was why he'd passed over some of the others in Kristen's cabinet.
Reaching over, Nathan picked up the youth's hand and held on firmly. Aloud he said, "I see a young man who has been through so much in such a short period of time, someone whose strength is what inspires many of his friends and crewmates. I see in you hope for the future, Lucas, something I've not seen in a long time. All I want is for you to come back to us, to me. Together we can get through this."
Nathan closed his eyes in an attempt to stem the tears that threatened to fall. He was close to giving up hope that Lucas would return to them, return home. Suddenly the limp hand in his squeezed slightly. Alarmed the captain opened his eyes, but was disappointed when he saw the boy had not moved otherwise. Again Nathan felt the pressure in his hand, and he knew that Lucas was hearing him. The older man reveled with this new development for a moment before calling for Kristen. There was a long journey ahead of the two of them, but Lucas had made it known he was willing to try.