I've Fallen For You ~ By Fujin
She slept without difficulty in the seat. Squall watched her, silently intrigued with her every movement though he could tell her sleep was a troubled one. Her long black hair had fallen over her closed brown eyes and pale brow that from time to time tightened with lines of discomfort and worry. Her slender body was curled up into a child's fetal position, as if trying to protect herself from the demons brought on by her sleep. At times she murmured something under her breath but her voice was so low that Squall wasn't able to understand much of it. Besides if it was from a dream it really didn't matter since it was just debilitated babble.
She had been asleep for over a half an hour and never once had Squall notice her sleep with peace. He wondered if he should wake her, save her from her nightmares or whatever he was seeing in her dreams. But he thought against it after a second. After all she had been through she need her rest no matter what. And rest was one thing Squall wouldn't permit her to go without. She needed it badly. Her could tell that she had long sense grown weary because of the darkness framing the lower part of her eyes and the continual yawns she would utter. Plus with her asleep Squall himself was allowed enough peace of mind to straight out thoughts.
Rinoa, a sorceress? So what? Who cares? I don't. Rinoa will always be Rinoa to me no matter how much power she has. What do I care for her power? Nothing at all. She is just a seventeen-year-old girl who has the heart of a saint. That's all that matters. Her smile matters. Her laughter matters. Her happiness matter. She matters to me. That's all that counts. Right?
Squall sighed, leaning forward in his seat to rub his throbbing temples with his fingertips. These thoughts were still confusing to him. He didn't understand. Did understand at all why Rinoa had become so important to him. Why and how it happen was so foggy to him. But all he knew was that his affection for her only grew when she was lost in space. Yes, at that time his love for Rinoa had made him conquer an unbelievable rescue.
But what did love mean to a lone wolf like Squall? He never knew love only hatred and loneliness. Battle filled with red-hot hatred brought on by his duty as a soldier; nights filled with excruciating loneliness that threw him further into the world of cold solitude. Love meant nothing. Love meant that he would have to depend on people, become exposed and weak to allow himself to love someone. Anyone could hurt him if he let himself love. He didn't want to hurt anymore. He didn't want to feel anymore pain. And the last couple of hours had been more painful than he ever could imagine. He just wanted the hurt to end, the pain to stop piercing his heart. Would it ever stop? Would he ever stop loving Rinoa?
He doubted it and cursed himself for his venerability. No matter how much he was drawn to her he couldn't love her, couldn't open himself up the inevitable pain that was bound to come hand-in-hand with a kiss.
He didn't resent that fact that he had never been kissed. What did he care for that? No girl had even wanted to be close enough to him to kiss his lips with hers but that didn't bother him...much. Of course there had been Quistis but she only remained an instructor in his mind. But with Rinoa things had turned upside down for him. Once or more there had been times when it looked at if she had wanted to kiss him when she stood close enough to him.
She wanted to hug him sometimes too but he always refused until not over an hour again she had come up behind him on the bridge and surprised him with a hug. He let her have her way then. But that was it he had decided. Yet she continued to have her way and sit on his lap and make him open up to her. She didn't force the truth out of him by holding a gun to his head and demanding that he open up but it was more like her eyes, so trusting and honest, had compelled him to say some things that he never meant anyone to hear. Her eyes and her touch too. She had touched his face, held on to his neck as she sat on his lap, and acted like he didn't repel her, acted like she didn't care that he was without friends.
Squall had always been alone. Even since Ellone had left him he was on his own, to fend for him against the lions of the world. But Rinoa didn't seem to mind that he was all by himself, strong and independent. Though she nagged him sometimes that he should start to see how many friends he hand. Quistis. Zell. Irvine. Selphie. His childhood friends. Her. He saw him all right. He saw their pain and their heartache but never happiness. Zell's frustration with Seifer. Selphie's sadness over the bombing of her school. Quistis's anger over losing her teaching license. Irvine's cool nature come grumbling to the ground when he couldn't complete their mission. No, there was no happiness in having friends. Only hurt and pain that would some way come into his heart the moment he opened himself to them.
Squall frowned and glanced over at Rinoa. She was still sleeping. She had managed to bring happiness to the group. She could make Quistis laugh, make Selphie jump up and down with excitement, make Zell charge enthusiastically into battle, make Irvine grin and wink at her. She was like a beacon of hope, of radiant light. Squall couldn't hide that fact and he had to stop himself from smiling a little. Her optimistic ways and open feelings could lead anyone to have a good time with her. She made them forget their pains, made them forgot their troubles. Even when he was holding her out in space he found a sort of peace that he never thought possible. In that span of time when it was just the two of them he felt a surge of happiness. Genuine happiness.
He couldn't hide the fact that when he was around her he felt so loved and actually part of something big, part of the group. She made him feel so human sometimes, like he had not been abandoned by humanity, like she loved him. There had been often enough times to convince himself that Rinoa loved him. Yet he still refused to believe it. Why would she want to love him when he was so different from her? Why would she want to love a guy that had excluded himself from the world of the living, that compared himself to a lion instead of a human? Why would she love an orphaned boy with no past and no furture, whose sole existence was for battle?
Squall didn't have the answer but something inside him knew that she loved him. And that same something knew that he loved her. It would be only a matter of time before he came to terms with reality and allow himself to love.
With a sigh, he glanced over at Rinoa again and unbuckled his seat belt. A little lightweight he seemed to float next to her chair before settling down on his knees. She was so beautiful as he touched her pale cheek with his hand. Not even in sleep did she pull away.
"I don't know what to do..." he whispered to her. "This is just another crossroad in my life. But, for the first time, I don't know which what to go. I've come this far because... I've fallen for you."
A tear slid down his cheek from eye as he brushed her hair back. It hurt to give her away. It hurt to keep her by his side.
"......Rinoa......"