The wolves had already taken Darkpaws away and she could hear their plaintive howl. She scattered the pieces of the latest blade of grass into the wind, letting them float far away.
Another blade was ripped from the ground below. Delicately strong hands ripped it to shreds. The pieces floated away on the breeze. The process repeated itself over and over, a mute testimony to Ebony's pain and rage. Blade...rip...wind.... Ebony concentrated on that, trying to shut out her pain. Blade...rip...wind....
Just outside of Ebony's view, Rayek hesitate, wishing that he hadn't promised Leetah to do this. He hated not knowing what to say, but there were no words to adequatly cover loss. He -had- promised Leetah though. Sighing wearily, he walked slowly to Ebony.
After long moments of silence, Rayek knelt down and put a hand on her shoulder. She leapt away from him, staring at him in stunned silence. Her breath shortened for a bit. Carefully, Rayek held himself still. Slowly, her breathing came back to normal, and she calmed down. "You snuck up on me." The words were neither accusing not excusing. They were simply a statement of fact.
"I did not mean to startle you," he said quietly. His eyes held hers calmly.
Slowly, she withdrew into herself again. "What do you want?" There was no real emotion tinging the words.
"Leetah thought I might help you."
Her initial answer was a brief snort. She muttered softly to herself, "She meddles almost as much as I do." She wasn't angry at the Healer's intrusion. But she didn't see what she could say to Rayek, either.
Rayek grinned briefly at her words. "I'd say more."
His comment earned him a brief and vaguely reproachful stare. "You don't have to stay here. Whatever Leetah said to twist your arm, it doesn't matter."
"Leetah did not twist my arm," he said with irritated exasperation.
"I know you don't want my company. You've hammered that into my head often enough. And I really don't feel like talking to anyone right now, either."
"I told Leetah you would say that." He stood, muttering to himself. "I still don't understand what made her think -I- could help here."
Ebony stared out into the night, returning to her grass-tearing for a long moment before savagely grabbing a handful of grass and throwing it out into the night. Her face, turned away from Rayek to the point where he could barely catch the change, turned angry.
"Tearing up innocent plants won't bring him back," Rayek told her quietly.
"You don't understand anything about it!" Ebony snapped. The anger changed to hatred, but it was a self-hatred that Rayek saw.
"To the contrary. I know far more about it than you obviously think." His eyes flashed briefly.
"Why does every single elf who isn't a Wolfrider, who doesn't understand The Way, who's never had a wolf-friend, let alone lose one, feel that they must try and talk to me?! Why do they all think that they understand?!" Her words were dark with a savage sort of passion. "You don't understand, you can't understand, and I can just go to the human's cookfires for all you care. The only reason you're out here is because you never could deny the Healer anything. You don't really care about me, you don't care about Darkpaws, or The Way. So leave me alone!"
Rayek glared at her, then shrugged. He'd tried. That's all he'd promised to do. Ebony was right, he didn't know or care about the Wolfrider's precious 'Way.' "I pray your grief ends soon," he said, turning to leave.
"Go back to your precious little Palace, Rayek," she continued. "Go back to hiding from everything and everyone, including yourself. And don't worry. I'll leave you alone from now on. I'm never going to break through that wall of ice you've built around yourself, and I'm sick of banging myself against it to try. Congratulations. You get what you wanted . . . you're free to be alone for the rest of your life, and I wish you the happiness of it." The words were out of her mouth before she could think, but she didn't bother to withdraw them. They were accurate enough. She knew what would eventually come, and she was ready to handle the soul-searing pain when it came, when she realized that she had shut him out, that it was truly her fault that she was not ever going to be there to help him.
"Really?" Rayek's voice was as cold and harsh as a desert night. "And what would -you- suggest? Sulking and raging like you're doing? Sitting out in the cold, wet night, ripping up plants and howling? Oh, that's -so- much better."
Instead of the anger that Rayek expected, Ebony's face drained of fury. She looked, rather, lost and confused. "I'm...I'm sorry. I...." She hadn't realized that she would hurt him with her words. Unable to meet his gaze, her eyes dropped back to the ground. But before they did, he caught the shift to self-hatred again.
"Stop that," he ordered. "That does no one any good."
"Stop what?" she mumbled softly.
"Stop blaming yourself. -You've- done nothing to blame yourself for."
She shook her head softly. "I wasn't there for Darkpaws," she whispered, still not meeting his gaze. "I hurt you." Her arms hugged her legs to her chest, and she buried her face in her raised knees.
"It would take more than that to bother me," he dismissed it easily.
Ebony didn't move. "I'm sorry." She withdrew a little further, her shoulders shaking gently.
"You don't need to be," he snapped mildly. "I told Leetah that I am not the one for this," Rayek muttered.
"I'm sorry...."
"Will you stop saying that?!"
She shuddered. "It's my fault that Leetah put you up to this," she said into her knees.
Rayek waved a hand irately. "Leetah does what Leetah thinks is necessary. Neither you nor I cause her to do anything she wouldn't do otherwise."
Ebony coughed softly.
"Would you mind looking at me?" he asked suddenly. "I got tired of people not meeting my eyes a very long time ago." For a long moment, she burrowed further into her knees. And slowly, her face, ravaged by tears, raised so that her eyes met his. "Thank you," he said drily, but with sincerity.
She blushed softly. Her mouth opened, then shut as she decided not to say what she had been thinking.
"What?" he asked with an edge of impatience.
She shook her head, keeping her mouth tightly shut lest the words spill out.
"What?" he asked again, the edge of impatience noticably sharper.
"I'm sorry...." She glanced down, then looked up in vague defiance. "You asked...."
Rayek's eyes narrowed. "I did."
Ebony laughed self-conciously. Her hand came up, rubbing the last of the tears from her eyes. Her eyes were soft and dark, and she looked so like a lost kitling that Rayek felt an instinctive urge to protect her, before he shook himself out of it. She was a grown elf, she didn't need his help. His help was the last thing anyone needed. Or wanted.
She stood slowly. "Why are you still here?" Her words were oddly hopeful, as though she wished he would remain. She waited for a while, wondering if he would answer, then looked away. The moment she realized what she had done, her gaze snapped back to his, her eyes wide. She bit her lip, her eyes searching his in desperation. She was up against a wall.
He shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. He didn't know why he was still there.
Finally, she cleared her throat. "We should either talk or leave." She regarded him sadly, knowing he would leave now, since she had given him the choice. Her shoulders dropped, but she kept his gaze, remembering what he had asked.
"... I apologize for intruding. You wish to be alone," he said, with some relief, glad to know what to say finally.
She nodded in resignation. "Thank you, Rayek. You... this... helped." She turned away, hugging herself. Rayek stood there a long moment in shock before he heard her whisper, "Everyone always leaves anyway."
Rayek paused. "I... heard what you did. The other day. Thank you."
Ebony turned back, looking confused. "I... I don't understand."
"You waylaid one of the fluff-brains," he turned his head back to her and repeated, "Thank you."
That brought a true grin to her face. "I figured you didn't need the irritation."
A smile tugged the corner of his mouth. "You figured correctly."
"I'm glad. I'd hate to have turned her away when you wanted the company."
Rayek smirked. "If you call Deberra 'company,' which I certainly do not."
"She's almost as irritating as me, right?"
"More!" he said emphatically.
Ebony smiled softly before pretending to let her jaw drop. "Are you sure?!"
"I've known Deberra for countless years," he told her drily. "I am very sure."
"But I've been much more irritating of late."
"There is irritating, and then there is irritating," he shrugged. "You know when you're doing it. Deberra has no idea."
"Do you suppose there will ever be a chance of being friends?"
Surprised, he turned to face her fully again.
She caught his gaze and shrugged in embarrasment. "I'd like to be your friend. I've told you that."
"I... I do not think there is a reason why not." Her revelation had stunned him. She smiled tentatively. "I cannot say yes or no, Ebony," he said lowly. She stared in shock, her eyes wide.
"You... You said my name...."
A little flumoxed, he stared at her. "Yes..."
She smiled, closing her eyes for a moment. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," he said looking at her strangely.
Her eyes traveled past him, to the stars above, and she sighed softly. "Last time I lost a wolf-friend, it took Skywise to eight-of-days to talk to me. We went stargazing." She gracefully lowered herself to a sitting position. "We found my friend in the stars that night."
"Do you want me to send for Skywise for you?" he asked, his head titled slightly questioningly.
She looked up at him again. "Would you . . . would you watch the stars with me?" There was no guile in her face, nothing to suggest that she wanted anything more than what she asked.
"I... If you wish," he said.
She held out a slender hand to him, waiting for him to take it.
After a momentary hesitation, he took it and let her pull him down next to her.
She glanced at him sitting beside her and said softly, "You know... you can see the stars better... if you just lean back." She touched his shoulder, pushing him down onto his back before lying down beside him.
Finally giving up, she cracked one eye open, and jerked up in shock. It WAS Rayek.... He was laying on his back beside her, breathing lightly. They must have drifted off while star-gazing. Her head had been resting on his out-flung arm. For a brief, yearning moment, her body cried out to touch, but she locked it away. Her lack of lovemates was taking its toll.
She closed her eyes, wishing she hadn't moved. With a trembling hand, she softly brushed his cheek. She would pretend, for the few moments it would take him to waken, that he would be happy to see her beside him. The expression on his face changed subtly, but he did not quite wake yet.
She trembled, wishing she could be as brave as the others, could just lean over and nuzzle him. But she was terrified of his rejection.
"Rayek?" she whispered. Though they were still closed, his eyes blinked once. Then they opened slowly and he sat up, supporting himself with one arm. "Hi."
As Rayek looked at her, he saw she was the color of one of his headbands, bright red. "I take it we fell asleep while star-staring." he said with a note of dryness.
"Yes." The color deepened as Ebony remembered that it was HER idea to stargaze in the first place. "I'm... um...."
"You're...?" he prodded with a small smile.
Ebony laughed a little nervously. "I'm... sorry?"
Rayek rolled his eyes. "I know you can say more than just 'I'm sorry.' You've exercised your talent with words on me enough before."
Ebony's eyebrow raised. "I meant that I was sorry for keeping you out here all night playing pillow. I know there are more comfortable places for you to sleep than the ground. And it WAS my fault." Her irritation was surprising.
"If I had minded, I wouldn't have stayed. Do not concern yourself," he shrugged it off.
She smiled faintly, her hand once more reaching out to touch his face. "Thank you."
Instantly he drew away from the touch. Not with any display of displeasure, it was simply an automatic reaction. "You're welcome," he said lowly.
She grabbed her hand back as if it had been burned. "I'm sorry..." she gasped out, before stumbling to her feet. She hadn't meant to push things so far. What had come over her?
"There you go again," he smiled weakly.
She stumbled a bit at first, but quickly ran away. How could she? How could she push him so far?
Rayek looked down as Ebony ran away, and studied his hands. After a moment he sent with quiet weight (and a subtle sense of irony) **I am... sorry.**