DRAGONBALL U.S.M.C., Part Three
by Clarice_Lecter
The weekend before the Camp Henderson party left for the Budokai Tournament, the opportunity for Gomer to shed his virginal shackles presented itself.
"Excuse me," a tender, female voice purred to Duke at the PX, "have you seen Gomer around?"
Duke looked up. It was Lou Ann Poovie-Eford's former coworker at the Congo Club, April Reid.
"April! How've you been?" Duke exclaimed, rushing up to hug her. April returned the hug, kissing his cheek for good measure.
"I've been great. I quit the Congo Club after that bitch Lou Ann skipped town, and I'm a DJ at that new dance club..."
"Baxendale's? Are you shittin' me, April?! That's the hottest club in town!"
Their talk immediately shifted back to Gomer. "I never liked the way Lou Ann treated him," April fumed. "One minute acting like he's her dream fuck, then dissing him with her next breath..."
"You're forgetting something, April," Duke reminded her, "Gomer's still a virgin---Lou Ann wouldn't even let him tickle her fancy, and all the while the bitch spread herself open for Monroe Freakin' Eford!"
"Tell me about it! The Queen of the Hypocrites---that's Lou Ann all over. She and Monroe really deserve each other...now me, I wouldn't mind taking Gomer's hand and teaching him how to touch and be touched..."
"Yeah, losing his virginity's the final frontier for him..."
Duke then realized what April was talking about. "You have the hots for him, don't you?"
April smiled. "How'd you ever guess? The way I'd cut dirty looks at Lou Ann? Or how I'd tremble every time he'd walk into the Congo Club to see her?"
Duke smiled back. "All of the above, and then some. And unlike MRS. Eford, you can actually sing."
Later that night, acting on April's tip, Duke came up with the idea for him, Sgt. Carter and the rest of the guys taking Gomer out to Baxendale's. They all got weekend passes and went in civilian clothes, to blend in with the club's pulsating rave scene.
Earlier, Duke and Charles had taken Gomer to J. Crew and The Gap for a new outfit, and in his new Doc Marten boots, short-sleeved black silk shirt, Oakley shades and black jeans, with a nice splash of Calvin Klein Escape for Men cologne, the hayseed Marine blended right in. But he didn't believe it.
"Gaw-lee, Duke, I can't dance fer shit," he'd complained on the way. "Ah'd stick out like a turd in th' punchbowl---!"
"Gomer, will ya chill, for God's sake?" Duke replied. "You'll do fine! Besides, April's only seen you in your uniform---trust me, when she sees you dressed like this, with those muscles of yours rippling, she'll have a spontaneous orgasm!"
Being sexually naive, Gomer couldn't help asking, "Whut's an orgasm? Issat th' same thang as an amoeba?"
Duke and Charles roared with laughter. "You'll know the first time you have one," Charles giggled. "It's like nothin' else in the world, Gome..."
"Well, how will ah know ah've had one?"
As they pulled into the parking lot at Baxendale's, Duke and Charles gave him a crash course on human sexuality, telling him about their experiences with women. "It's basically trial and error," Duke said. "You keep learning the more you do it...what she likes, what feels good to you...it's just as much for her as it is for you..."
Charles then gave Gomer a copy of HUSTLER to flip through real quick. "Tell us what you see, buddy," he said as Gomer opened the magazine.
The sight of those beautiful women, their lips pouted, their bodies perfect, caused Gomer to blush. "Gawwwwwwwwwwwwwww-llllllllllllllllleee," he sighed, feeling sensations he never had before...
They met with Sgt. Carter and his girlfriend, Bunny Olsen, inside---April had an hour left on her shift, so Gomer decided to sit on the sidelines and wait for her, nursing a bottle of water as he did.
As they danced, Bunny noticed a sexual glow about Gomer she'd never seen before. "Hey, Vince, what's with him?" she asked, using her body to keep time with the pounding techno beats.
Vince looked in Gomer's direction, and immediately remembered his earlier comment about wanting "t'lose mah virginitay." "Well, I'll be damned," Vince chuckled.
"What? What?!?" Bunny demanded.
"Don't'cha get it, Bunny? Pyle's gotten Whore-Ann Poovie outta his system once an' for all..."
"So what else is new?"
"I mean it! Lookit how he's eyeballin' April!...I tell ya, Slater wasn't kiddin' when he said Pyle was gonna show up horny! Heh-heh-heh-heh-hehhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!"
Bunny looked in Gomer's direction...he wasn't behaving in an overtly sexual manner, but the hot glances he and April exchanged told the story.
The dead giveaway was when Gomer softly licked his upper lip the minute April's shift ended...
Gomer hadn't seen April since the night he'd caught Lou Ann in bed with Monroe, so they had a lot of catching up to do.
"I can't get over how hot you look," April admitted, containing her passion until it was time. "God, Gomer, I thought I was gonna faint when you walked in!"
Gomer reverted back to babe-in-the-woods mode, for only a second, and blushed. "Gaw-lee, April," he giggled, "that's somethin' Lou Ann would never say..."
Almost as quickly, he changed the subject. "So when'd you start workin' here? Ah thawt you was happy at th' Congo Club..."
"Well, I was until a few months ago. You know I never liked Lou Ann..."
"I knew that, but why? B'sides her bein' laid up in th' bed with Monroe behind mah back?"
April took a long sip of her water. "I just didn't like her, Gomer. The fact that she was cheating on you made it easy for me to dislike her...the main thing was, she had a very bad attitude. Thought she was hot shit because she had a pretty face and a killer body, never mind the fact that she couldn't carry a tune in a bucket..."
"Yeah, you're right about thayat," Gomer replied. "Ah never knew whut t'expect from that hussy...one minute she was so sweet butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, th' next she was pissin' an' moanin' lahk she wuz awn the raig..."
Hearing Gomer cuss, a habit he had only recently picked up, made her smile. "Ah won't lie, April, ah did wawna marry her. But she kep' puttin' me awf an' puttin' me awf---th' night ah cawht her in bed with Monroe, ah was gonna have a tawk with her about a weddin' date. Ah'd gotten her engagement ring an' ever'thang..."
Gomer sipped bitterly at his own water, the memory of Lou Ann's betrayal still fresh in his mind. "Y'knew ah punched owt Sgt. Hacker not long after it happened," he now admitted. "Ah shouldn't of done it..."
Now April spoke. "He forgave you, didn't he? That's why you're going to the Budokai next week," she said tenderly. "I saw your match with Tank Abbott a few weeks ago...you really beat his ass..."
"Ever' time ah've competed, ah've imagined that it's Monroe's face ah'm tryin' t'grind up inta dawg food," he now admitted. "Ah've wawnted t'imagine that ah'm bashin' Lou Ann's brains in, but ah'm a gentleman, an' ah don't b'lieve in hittin' women---no matter how they act."
Another sip of water. "Naw, April, I'm jus' gonna let her go. Th' bitch ain't worth it..."
He let the other shoe drop. "But you are."
Gomer set down his water bottle, his eyes holding April's. "You know," she whispered. "You know how I've felt about you since we met..."
He smiled. "Well, ah wouldn't be sittin' with ya now if ah didn't feel the same way...ah wasted mah tahme with Lou Ann when ah coulda been with you. Ah could tell how y'looked at me when ah'd come into th' Congo Club, an' how y'looked at me tonight. Lou Ann never looked at me that way...never made me feel this way..."
In the upstairs bar, Duke looked in Gomer and April's direction and couldn't believe his eyes. "Sweet mother of Ricky Martin!" he exclaimed as he saw them kiss, saw Gomer cup April's face in his hands and gladly welcoming her tongue inside his mouth.
Charles heard him and walked over. "Duke, what is it?" Charles asked.
Duke pointed in Gomer and April's direction. "Our little virgin's about to get laid," he chuckled. "Lookit how they're kissing!"
Charles saw it, and couldn't believe his eyes. "Shit!" he gasped, the sight of Gomer and April playing tonsil hockey bringing a smile to his own face. When LoGicK's remix of Stardust's "Music Sounds Better With You" began to play, Gomer and April's dancing told some more of the story.
April seemed to be walking him through it, and he took to the cure, his normally jerky movements becoming as fluid as his fighting style. He didn't flinch when April's hands grabbed his tight glutes, then his hips, before inching up his chest...in fact, her actions led to another blistering kiss.
A few paces away on the dance floor, Bunny couldn't believe what she was seeing. "My God, Vince, he IS horny!" she sputtered. "Question is, will he know what to do?"
"She'll show him what to do, babe," Vince cooed, his tongue softly tickling her ear. "Y'know, seein' them's makin' me kinda horny...how 'bout you?"
"Oooooohhhhhhhhh," Bunny purred, knowing exactly what he was talking about.
Not far from where Duke and Charles were, Goku, Vegeta, Piccolo and Krillin watched everything that was going on. "There he is!" Piccolo exclaimed, pointing to where Gomer and April were below.
Goku and Vegeta looked down, seeing Gomer and April heading for the entrance. "But are you sure that's HIM, Piccolo?" Vegeta asked. "Are you sure that's the Guardian?"
"I've never been more sure of anything, guys," Piccolo admitted. "That's Virekot, all right...I could see the Saiyan blood flowing in his veins."
Just then Duke and Charles walked by, with Duke accidentally bumping into Krillin. "Hey!" Krillin said when he and Duke collided.
"I'm sorry, buddy," Duke said, helping Krillin up. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. No harm done."
Duke looked up, seeing Piccolo with him. He also saw Goku and Vegeta for the first time. "Ambassador Piccolo!" he said. "This is a surprise..."
"Corporal Slater," Piccolo acknowledged with a grin.
Duke and Charles took their cue and started to leave...but then Duke heard them resume their talk about Gomer. "Charlie, you go on without me," Duke now said. "I forgot something."
Charles shrugged and went on, leaving Duke to his eavesdropping...
At 3 a.m., Baxendale's closed for the night. When Goku, Vegeta, Piccolo, and Krillin started for their Mitsubishi Montero, Duke pulled up in his Mustang convertible. "It's that Slater guy again," Krillin whispered to Goku.
"Don't worry, I think we can trust him," Goku whispered back. "Just stay cool."
Piccolo walked up to Duke, as if to ask what was going on. "Well, Corporal Slater, what brings you back?" he asked jovially. But the expression on Duke's face was anything but.
"Ambassador, do me a favor and cut the bullshit," Duke said in an agitated tone. "I know why you're all here, and why my buddy Gomer's really going to the Budokai..."
Now Vegeta approached him. "So tell us, Corporal," he asked half-snidely, "what DO you know?"
"Just answer me this, whoever the fuck you are," Duke now demanded. "What's this about my buddy being a Saiyan?"
END OF PART THREE
by Clarice_Lecter
The weekend before the Camp Henderson party left for the Budokai Tournament, the opportunity for Gomer to shed his virginal shackles presented itself.
"Excuse me," a tender, female voice purred to Duke at the PX, "have you seen Gomer around?"
Duke looked up. It was Lou Ann Poovie-Eford's former coworker at the Congo Club, April Reid.
"April! How've you been?" Duke exclaimed, rushing up to hug her. April returned the hug, kissing his cheek for good measure.
"I've been great. I quit the Congo Club after that bitch Lou Ann skipped town, and I'm a DJ at that new dance club..."
"Baxendale's? Are you shittin' me, April?! That's the hottest club in town!"
Their talk immediately shifted back to Gomer. "I never liked the way Lou Ann treated him," April fumed. "One minute acting like he's her dream fuck, then dissing him with her next breath..."
"You're forgetting something, April," Duke reminded her, "Gomer's still a virgin---Lou Ann wouldn't even let him tickle her fancy, and all the while the bitch spread herself open for Monroe Freakin' Eford!"
"Tell me about it! The Queen of the Hypocrites---that's Lou Ann all over. She and Monroe really deserve each other...now me, I wouldn't mind taking Gomer's hand and teaching him how to touch and be touched..."
"Yeah, losing his virginity's the final frontier for him..."
Duke then realized what April was talking about. "You have the hots for him, don't you?"
April smiled. "How'd you ever guess? The way I'd cut dirty looks at Lou Ann? Or how I'd tremble every time he'd walk into the Congo Club to see her?"
Duke smiled back. "All of the above, and then some. And unlike MRS. Eford, you can actually sing."
Later that night, acting on April's tip, Duke came up with the idea for him, Sgt. Carter and the rest of the guys taking Gomer out to Baxendale's. They all got weekend passes and went in civilian clothes, to blend in with the club's pulsating rave scene.
Earlier, Duke and Charles had taken Gomer to J. Crew and The Gap for a new outfit, and in his new Doc Marten boots, short-sleeved black silk shirt, Oakley shades and black jeans, with a nice splash of Calvin Klein Escape for Men cologne, the hayseed Marine blended right in. But he didn't believe it.
"Gaw-lee, Duke, I can't dance fer shit," he'd complained on the way. "Ah'd stick out like a turd in th' punchbowl---!"
"Gomer, will ya chill, for God's sake?" Duke replied. "You'll do fine! Besides, April's only seen you in your uniform---trust me, when she sees you dressed like this, with those muscles of yours rippling, she'll have a spontaneous orgasm!"
Being sexually naive, Gomer couldn't help asking, "Whut's an orgasm? Issat th' same thang as an amoeba?"
Duke and Charles roared with laughter. "You'll know the first time you have one," Charles giggled. "It's like nothin' else in the world, Gome..."
"Well, how will ah know ah've had one?"
As they pulled into the parking lot at Baxendale's, Duke and Charles gave him a crash course on human sexuality, telling him about their experiences with women. "It's basically trial and error," Duke said. "You keep learning the more you do it...what she likes, what feels good to you...it's just as much for her as it is for you..."
Charles then gave Gomer a copy of HUSTLER to flip through real quick. "Tell us what you see, buddy," he said as Gomer opened the magazine.
The sight of those beautiful women, their lips pouted, their bodies perfect, caused Gomer to blush. "Gawwwwwwwwwwwwwww-llllllllllllllllleee," he sighed, feeling sensations he never had before...
They met with Sgt. Carter and his girlfriend, Bunny Olsen, inside---April had an hour left on her shift, so Gomer decided to sit on the sidelines and wait for her, nursing a bottle of water as he did.
As they danced, Bunny noticed a sexual glow about Gomer she'd never seen before. "Hey, Vince, what's with him?" she asked, using her body to keep time with the pounding techno beats.
Vince looked in Gomer's direction, and immediately remembered his earlier comment about wanting "t'lose mah virginitay." "Well, I'll be damned," Vince chuckled.
"What? What?!?" Bunny demanded.
"Don't'cha get it, Bunny? Pyle's gotten Whore-Ann Poovie outta his system once an' for all..."
"So what else is new?"
"I mean it! Lookit how he's eyeballin' April!...I tell ya, Slater wasn't kiddin' when he said Pyle was gonna show up horny! Heh-heh-heh-heh-hehhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!"
Bunny looked in Gomer's direction...he wasn't behaving in an overtly sexual manner, but the hot glances he and April exchanged told the story.
The dead giveaway was when Gomer softly licked his upper lip the minute April's shift ended...
Gomer hadn't seen April since the night he'd caught Lou Ann in bed with Monroe, so they had a lot of catching up to do.
"I can't get over how hot you look," April admitted, containing her passion until it was time. "God, Gomer, I thought I was gonna faint when you walked in!"
Gomer reverted back to babe-in-the-woods mode, for only a second, and blushed. "Gaw-lee, April," he giggled, "that's somethin' Lou Ann would never say..."
Almost as quickly, he changed the subject. "So when'd you start workin' here? Ah thawt you was happy at th' Congo Club..."
"Well, I was until a few months ago. You know I never liked Lou Ann..."
"I knew that, but why? B'sides her bein' laid up in th' bed with Monroe behind mah back?"
April took a long sip of her water. "I just didn't like her, Gomer. The fact that she was cheating on you made it easy for me to dislike her...the main thing was, she had a very bad attitude. Thought she was hot shit because she had a pretty face and a killer body, never mind the fact that she couldn't carry a tune in a bucket..."
"Yeah, you're right about thayat," Gomer replied. "Ah never knew whut t'expect from that hussy...one minute she was so sweet butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, th' next she was pissin' an' moanin' lahk she wuz awn the raig..."
Hearing Gomer cuss, a habit he had only recently picked up, made her smile. "Ah won't lie, April, ah did wawna marry her. But she kep' puttin' me awf an' puttin' me awf---th' night ah cawht her in bed with Monroe, ah was gonna have a tawk with her about a weddin' date. Ah'd gotten her engagement ring an' ever'thang..."
Gomer sipped bitterly at his own water, the memory of Lou Ann's betrayal still fresh in his mind. "Y'knew ah punched owt Sgt. Hacker not long after it happened," he now admitted. "Ah shouldn't of done it..."
Now April spoke. "He forgave you, didn't he? That's why you're going to the Budokai next week," she said tenderly. "I saw your match with Tank Abbott a few weeks ago...you really beat his ass..."
"Ever' time ah've competed, ah've imagined that it's Monroe's face ah'm tryin' t'grind up inta dawg food," he now admitted. "Ah've wawnted t'imagine that ah'm bashin' Lou Ann's brains in, but ah'm a gentleman, an' ah don't b'lieve in hittin' women---no matter how they act."
Another sip of water. "Naw, April, I'm jus' gonna let her go. Th' bitch ain't worth it..."
He let the other shoe drop. "But you are."
Gomer set down his water bottle, his eyes holding April's. "You know," she whispered. "You know how I've felt about you since we met..."
He smiled. "Well, ah wouldn't be sittin' with ya now if ah didn't feel the same way...ah wasted mah tahme with Lou Ann when ah coulda been with you. Ah could tell how y'looked at me when ah'd come into th' Congo Club, an' how y'looked at me tonight. Lou Ann never looked at me that way...never made me feel this way..."
In the upstairs bar, Duke looked in Gomer and April's direction and couldn't believe his eyes. "Sweet mother of Ricky Martin!" he exclaimed as he saw them kiss, saw Gomer cup April's face in his hands and gladly welcoming her tongue inside his mouth.
Charles heard him and walked over. "Duke, what is it?" Charles asked.
Duke pointed in Gomer and April's direction. "Our little virgin's about to get laid," he chuckled. "Lookit how they're kissing!"
Charles saw it, and couldn't believe his eyes. "Shit!" he gasped, the sight of Gomer and April playing tonsil hockey bringing a smile to his own face. When LoGicK's remix of Stardust's "Music Sounds Better With You" began to play, Gomer and April's dancing told some more of the story.
April seemed to be walking him through it, and he took to the cure, his normally jerky movements becoming as fluid as his fighting style. He didn't flinch when April's hands grabbed his tight glutes, then his hips, before inching up his chest...in fact, her actions led to another blistering kiss.
A few paces away on the dance floor, Bunny couldn't believe what she was seeing. "My God, Vince, he IS horny!" she sputtered. "Question is, will he know what to do?"
"She'll show him what to do, babe," Vince cooed, his tongue softly tickling her ear. "Y'know, seein' them's makin' me kinda horny...how 'bout you?"
"Oooooohhhhhhhhh," Bunny purred, knowing exactly what he was talking about.
Not far from where Duke and Charles were, Goku, Vegeta, Piccolo and Krillin watched everything that was going on. "There he is!" Piccolo exclaimed, pointing to where Gomer and April were below.
Goku and Vegeta looked down, seeing Gomer and April heading for the entrance. "But are you sure that's HIM, Piccolo?" Vegeta asked. "Are you sure that's the Guardian?"
"I've never been more sure of anything, guys," Piccolo admitted. "That's Virekot, all right...I could see the Saiyan blood flowing in his veins."
Just then Duke and Charles walked by, with Duke accidentally bumping into Krillin. "Hey!" Krillin said when he and Duke collided.
"I'm sorry, buddy," Duke said, helping Krillin up. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. No harm done."
Duke looked up, seeing Piccolo with him. He also saw Goku and Vegeta for the first time. "Ambassador Piccolo!" he said. "This is a surprise..."
"Corporal Slater," Piccolo acknowledged with a grin.
Duke and Charles took their cue and started to leave...but then Duke heard them resume their talk about Gomer. "Charlie, you go on without me," Duke now said. "I forgot something."
Charles shrugged and went on, leaving Duke to his eavesdropping...
At 3 a.m., Baxendale's closed for the night. When Goku, Vegeta, Piccolo, and Krillin started for their Mitsubishi Montero, Duke pulled up in his Mustang convertible. "It's that Slater guy again," Krillin whispered to Goku.
"Don't worry, I think we can trust him," Goku whispered back. "Just stay cool."
Piccolo walked up to Duke, as if to ask what was going on. "Well, Corporal Slater, what brings you back?" he asked jovially. But the expression on Duke's face was anything but.
"Ambassador, do me a favor and cut the bullshit," Duke said in an agitated tone. "I know why you're all here, and why my buddy Gomer's really going to the Budokai..."
Now Vegeta approached him. "So tell us, Corporal," he asked half-snidely, "what DO you know?"
"Just answer me this, whoever the fuck you are," Duke now demanded. "What's this about my buddy being a Saiyan?"
END OF PART THREE