By: grinsandgigglez
My first fic! *dances with joy* Has some Heero angst and I think Heero might be a little OOC. Sorry if he
is. It's a 3x1, so all you 3x1 lovers enjoy!
Hope
Trowa looked down at the sleeping boy, no man, in his arms. Brushing a few of the many stray
hairs from his lover's face, he silently asked himself what he had done to deserve such a prize. It was not
Heero's looks, although they helped, that had first drawn him to the pilot of Wing, it was his way of
covering his feelings. As strange as that may sound now that Heero was more open and loving, his way of
hiding things had brought Trowa to feel more deeply for him than he had felt for anyone else. The way you
had to search for breaks in his mask, instead of him being so open like Duo or Quatre, or even Wufei. And,
of course, there was the way that they were both soldiers.
Trowa gently removed himself from the bed, being extremely careful not to wake Heero. His poor
lover needed all the sleep he could get. The way he was working himself to death was almost enough to
make Trowa mad at him, almost. Trowa walked slowly into the kitchen to make coffee, knowing that he
could never be mad at HIS Heero. He knew the real reason that Heero worked so hard. It was to forget the
damage he had caused, to pretend that he had never been a killer. Trowa was the only person Heero had
ever told, probably the only person he would ever tell.
~FLASHBACK~
Trowa watched the pilot of 01 sitting awake in his bed, leaning his head against the wall. Even
though it was dark in the room the two were sharing, Trowa knew what Heero would look like, he would
be looking utterly exhausted. He wasn't sleeping, again. Since all five of the pilots had been together on
Peacemillion, Trowa had made it his business to observe the other pilots. He now had more knowledge of
the four than he needed, and in some cases, wanted. The way Quatre talked to his tea was… disturbing.
Duo and Wufei were fairly normal, but the way Heero stayed awake all the time was really starting to
bother him. It wasn't natural for a person to be awake almost 24/7. Besides, Trowa was beginning to feel
more than friendship with his partner.
Suddenly, Heero rose silently and walked out of the room. Now this was unusual, usually he
would just sit there motionless, or at least that was what Trowa assumed since he fell asleep while Heero
was still awake. Having nothing of interest to do at the moment, not to mention having killer insomnia,
Trowa decided to follow and see what Heero was going to do.
Heero didn't appear to have a set destination. He just wandered around the ship. First he went to
the kitchens, but Trowa noticed that he didn't take anything out. He went a few other places, but Trowa
was wondering why Heero hadn't acknowledged his following him. There was no way that he was not
aware of his silent observer.
The two ended up by one of the large windows. When Heero reached it, he gave a soft sigh, and
stood there, just looking out at the stars. Trowa walked up and stood beside him, content to be silent and
simply look at how astonishingly big outer space was. Trowa had done this many times before, but no
matter how many times he saw it and it's beauty, outer space amazed him.
When Heero broke the silence, and asked "Do you have any regrets about this war we are fighting
Trowa?" Trowa jumped slightly, it was unusual for Heero to talk at all. Still, he was curious.
"What exactly do you mean by regrets, Heero?" responded Trowa
"I mean regrets about fighting. Do you ever regret what you have become? Do you ever wonder if
the people you are killing have family? For so long, I have tried to pretend that they are the enemy, that
they are responsible for this war. But Zero showed me otherwise. Zero showed me that these people that
we fight, are fighting for the exact same reasons we are. They fight because they are told, they fight so
their family and friends can live without being oppressed, they fight for what they believe is right, but most
of all, they fight to keep hope alive in their hearts. A hope that keeps them going, the same hope helps
them hold onto their sanity and this hope is the hope that their battles will end." Heero paused for a
moment, and looked so sad that Trowa wanted to hold him then and there, to tell him that it would be
alright, but Trowa knew that it might not be, so he did nothing. Heero continued hesitantly, in an even
softer voice than he had started with. "I have lost that hope Trowa, for even if the war finishes, I will
continue to fight. I might not have the same battles as I have now, but I will still have some. The battles
will be with my conscience. And since there is no way to make up for what I have done, my sins will
follow me, haunt me, they will drive me insane. All the mistakes I have made, mistakes that have cost the
lives of innocents Trowa, mistakes that have plagued my mind every day and every night since I made
them, mistakes that I could have prevented had I been more careful. " Heero looked at Trowa with some of
the saddest eyes he had ever seen. But Trowa knew that the sadness there wasn't because Heero didn't
agree with his fate. It was there for the families of the people he had killed.
Trowa moved closer to Heero and enveloped him in his arms. He felt like his heart would burst
when Heero hugged him back. Trowa looked Heero straight into his prussian blue eyes and said "You will
live through this, and you will cease fighting because I will be there to help." Trowa bent his head down
and crushed his lips to Heero's in a kiss. Before he knew what was happening, Trowa found himself lying
on the floor next to his love.
~END FLASHBACK~
Trowa smiled lightly as Heero walked into the kitchen. Even when wearing only a ragged looking
bathrobe, he was still lovely. Heero walked over to his chair and flopped down onto it. Trowa couldn't
resist, "You wearing anything under that koibito?" he asked slyly. He was rewarded with a bemused look
from Heero and a reply "No, why? We do have work to do this morning, you know. I've come in late too
many times to get off again." Trowa smiled broader at Heero's statement, "So your job is more important
than me. Well, I`ll just have to teach you a lesson, now won't I." Ending with that, Trowa picked up the
mildly protesting Heero in his arms and proceeded back to their bedroom.
My first fic! *dances with joy* Has some Heero angst and I think Heero might be a little OOC. Sorry if he
is. It's a 3x1, so all you 3x1 lovers enjoy!
Hope
Trowa looked down at the sleeping boy, no man, in his arms. Brushing a few of the many stray
hairs from his lover's face, he silently asked himself what he had done to deserve such a prize. It was not
Heero's looks, although they helped, that had first drawn him to the pilot of Wing, it was his way of
covering his feelings. As strange as that may sound now that Heero was more open and loving, his way of
hiding things had brought Trowa to feel more deeply for him than he had felt for anyone else. The way you
had to search for breaks in his mask, instead of him being so open like Duo or Quatre, or even Wufei. And,
of course, there was the way that they were both soldiers.
Trowa gently removed himself from the bed, being extremely careful not to wake Heero. His poor
lover needed all the sleep he could get. The way he was working himself to death was almost enough to
make Trowa mad at him, almost. Trowa walked slowly into the kitchen to make coffee, knowing that he
could never be mad at HIS Heero. He knew the real reason that Heero worked so hard. It was to forget the
damage he had caused, to pretend that he had never been a killer. Trowa was the only person Heero had
ever told, probably the only person he would ever tell.
~FLASHBACK~
Trowa watched the pilot of 01 sitting awake in his bed, leaning his head against the wall. Even
though it was dark in the room the two were sharing, Trowa knew what Heero would look like, he would
be looking utterly exhausted. He wasn't sleeping, again. Since all five of the pilots had been together on
Peacemillion, Trowa had made it his business to observe the other pilots. He now had more knowledge of
the four than he needed, and in some cases, wanted. The way Quatre talked to his tea was… disturbing.
Duo and Wufei were fairly normal, but the way Heero stayed awake all the time was really starting to
bother him. It wasn't natural for a person to be awake almost 24/7. Besides, Trowa was beginning to feel
more than friendship with his partner.
Suddenly, Heero rose silently and walked out of the room. Now this was unusual, usually he
would just sit there motionless, or at least that was what Trowa assumed since he fell asleep while Heero
was still awake. Having nothing of interest to do at the moment, not to mention having killer insomnia,
Trowa decided to follow and see what Heero was going to do.
Heero didn't appear to have a set destination. He just wandered around the ship. First he went to
the kitchens, but Trowa noticed that he didn't take anything out. He went a few other places, but Trowa
was wondering why Heero hadn't acknowledged his following him. There was no way that he was not
aware of his silent observer.
The two ended up by one of the large windows. When Heero reached it, he gave a soft sigh, and
stood there, just looking out at the stars. Trowa walked up and stood beside him, content to be silent and
simply look at how astonishingly big outer space was. Trowa had done this many times before, but no
matter how many times he saw it and it's beauty, outer space amazed him.
When Heero broke the silence, and asked "Do you have any regrets about this war we are fighting
Trowa?" Trowa jumped slightly, it was unusual for Heero to talk at all. Still, he was curious.
"What exactly do you mean by regrets, Heero?" responded Trowa
"I mean regrets about fighting. Do you ever regret what you have become? Do you ever wonder if
the people you are killing have family? For so long, I have tried to pretend that they are the enemy, that
they are responsible for this war. But Zero showed me otherwise. Zero showed me that these people that
we fight, are fighting for the exact same reasons we are. They fight because they are told, they fight so
their family and friends can live without being oppressed, they fight for what they believe is right, but most
of all, they fight to keep hope alive in their hearts. A hope that keeps them going, the same hope helps
them hold onto their sanity and this hope is the hope that their battles will end." Heero paused for a
moment, and looked so sad that Trowa wanted to hold him then and there, to tell him that it would be
alright, but Trowa knew that it might not be, so he did nothing. Heero continued hesitantly, in an even
softer voice than he had started with. "I have lost that hope Trowa, for even if the war finishes, I will
continue to fight. I might not have the same battles as I have now, but I will still have some. The battles
will be with my conscience. And since there is no way to make up for what I have done, my sins will
follow me, haunt me, they will drive me insane. All the mistakes I have made, mistakes that have cost the
lives of innocents Trowa, mistakes that have plagued my mind every day and every night since I made
them, mistakes that I could have prevented had I been more careful. " Heero looked at Trowa with some of
the saddest eyes he had ever seen. But Trowa knew that the sadness there wasn't because Heero didn't
agree with his fate. It was there for the families of the people he had killed.
Trowa moved closer to Heero and enveloped him in his arms. He felt like his heart would burst
when Heero hugged him back. Trowa looked Heero straight into his prussian blue eyes and said "You will
live through this, and you will cease fighting because I will be there to help." Trowa bent his head down
and crushed his lips to Heero's in a kiss. Before he knew what was happening, Trowa found himself lying
on the floor next to his love.
~END FLASHBACK~
Trowa smiled lightly as Heero walked into the kitchen. Even when wearing only a ragged looking
bathrobe, he was still lovely. Heero walked over to his chair and flopped down onto it. Trowa couldn't
resist, "You wearing anything under that koibito?" he asked slyly. He was rewarded with a bemused look
from Heero and a reply "No, why? We do have work to do this morning, you know. I've come in late too
many times to get off again." Trowa smiled broader at Heero's statement, "So your job is more important
than me. Well, I`ll just have to teach you a lesson, now won't I." Ending with that, Trowa picked up the
mildly protesting Heero in his arms and proceeded back to their bedroom.