(Disclaimer: I don't own jack squat. You know that and I know that. So sue me….)
The Wrong Magna Duster:
Bubble-gum Flavoring
My name is Mac Donald. I work as a fry cook for the fast food chain, Burger King. Recently, I was involved in an incident in which Emeril Lagasse tried to take over the world. I bet you are now saying "That cook guy on TV?" Well yes. Let me tell you how it all started….
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It was a slow not Friday when I saved the world. My co-worker, Asu Liket, was playing around at the condiments counter. "Asu," I said, "a customer is coming. Shouldn't you be behind the cash register?"
"Shhhh," Asu said, "I'm balancing straws." I sighed and turned my attention to the door. The famous Harry Potter walked in, followed by some girl.
"Hello… We're looking for a talking and rather sarcastic Magna Duster. Have you seen it?" Harry asked.
"Uh… not lately. Sorry," I replied. Just then, out of nowhere, a juicer came circling in through a window like a Frisbee. The chef, Emeril Lagasse stepped through the broken glass. Harry and the girl shouted. They both dived over the counter.
"Hey, hey! You're not allowed back here!" I shouted, not sure what else to say. Harry Potter grabbed my burger-flipping spatula and wielded it like a sword. "DON'T COME ANY CLOSER, LAGASSE! I'M ARMED!" Emeril just laughed. Harry and the girl then saw their talking Magna Duster and ran off after it, leaving me to face the enraged chef by myself.
"I have inherited the power of the Utensils of Power," Emeril began. Even I, a lowly fry cook, knew about the legendary Utensils of Power. It takes a great chef to overcome them. (A/N: To find out more about the Magna Duster and the Utensils of Power, read "The Utensils of Power (and a Talking Magna Duster)" Thank you.)
"Now what are you going to do?" I asked tentatively.
"Well, I intend to take over the world, and I will make the citizens my slaves. I'll probably start with you first. Then I'll move on the Toledo. Next Burma. You know how all that works." Emeril then laughed.
Well, I thought the world was doomed, but luckily, a plot hole opened. Unfortunately, all that came out was a kid playing a kazoo, a light bulb filament, bubble gum flavoring, and a Dippin' Dots ice cream container. Emeril laughed. "Is that all the mighty cliché writer is going to give you? No doubt about it, you're doomed."
I was feeling hungry, so I ate the light bulb filament. "Yum! Light bulb filaments!" I exclaimed. I then grabbed the Dippin' Dots ice cream container and flung it at Emeril. It caught him by surprise, and Emeril was knocked to his feet. "STRIKE!" I shouted.
"You thought you could stop me that easily?" Emeril asked. Emeril grabbed the Strainer of Power and chucked it at me. Defenseless, I pushed the kazoo-playing kid in the way. I mean, it was for the sake of the entire world, wasn't it? While the kazoo-playing kid was twitching on the floor in front of me, I reached for the bubble gum flavoring. (Voices: NOO! THE INHUMANITY!)
(A/N: Bubble gum flavoring is a controlled substance and should only be used in the presence of a responsible adult. Do not attempt this without adult supervision.)
With a mighty "fling", I drenched the power hungry chef in artificial flavoring.
"NOOOOOO! YOU VANQUISHED ME! I'M MELTING!" Emeril screamed. While Asu was mopping up the Emeril goo, I noticed a flying Magna Duster.
"What have we here? What is this, and audience or an oil painting?" the Magna Duster asked, chuckling.
"HEY!" Harry shouted. "We've been looking for you!" And with a wave of his wand, the Magna Duster's cynical reign of terror was finally over. While Asu and I closed shop that day, I wondered if this would count as hazard pay.
(A/N: Sorry about the stupidity content of this one. I apologize. Thanks to Cim for her input.)