On the Run Chapter 4:
Gambling Lives
The three stepped on the plane, each greeted individually by a flight attendant.
"Stop staring at her butt, Joe," Max ordered.
"The long and winding–" Joe began to sing.
"That has nothing to do with what we're doing at the moment, Joe," Nathan said.
"She was a day tripper!" Joe yelled.
"And I'm sure you'll mention the one-night stand part out loud in this plane to everybody here," Max cracked.
"Of course," Joe said. "That's the best part."
And so Joe sang "Day Tripper," impressing a flight attendant with his knowledge of the song.
"I've never met a bigger flirt," Nathan commented as the three took their seats together in coach.
"Get set, guys," Nathan said. "Because odds are, there's a Sir or someone else on this plane."
* * *
Colin Creevey flashed his press pass to the security guard, who nodded, allowing entrance to the Daily Prophet reporter.
"You know what the Minister's gonna announce?" Colin asked the guard. The guard shook his head.
Colin walked past, finding his seat in the front row, all the way to the left.
"Two minutes!" said a woman, running across the stage.
Blue curtains hung behind a podium with the official seal of the Minister of Magic on it.
The woman, whom Colin recognized as Ebony Clark, stepped up to the podium a minute and fifty-five seconds later.
"Ladies, gentlemen," she began, "the Minister of Magic has an announcement to make."
Duke Dingo, dressed in dark black, stepped into view, to much polite applause. He stepped up to the podium.
"Thank you," he began.
"Ladies and gentlemen, today is the beginning of a new era. It is an era of peace, of prosperity, of honesty, of justice."
The crowd silenced, its whispers coming to a halt.
"Yesterday, Nathan Talon of Cross Point, England, and Joe Young of Shady Grove, Louisiana, United States, escaped from Azkaban with the help of Max Brown, also from Cross Point."
The whispers immediately made a comeback, almost growing to the volume of the Minister's voice.
"Nathan Talon was arrested on September eighth of last year. Joe was arrested the day before. Joe Young was sentenced to Azkaban for murdering his brother. Nathan went because he murdered his neighbor, his wife, and his only son."
The whispers decreased as three full-body pictures of the men appeared behind Duke.
"Joe and Nathan had only been in Azkaban for a week," Duke said. "As for where they are, we're not sure. They were spotted in Heathrow, the Muggle airport in London, where it was expected for them to board a plane headed out of the country. We believe they are somewhere in the United States. The three men beat one of our agents in the airport and erased his memory, so we do not know if this is accurate or not.
"The Ministry of Magic asks for your help in this matter. Please see the press kits which you will receive after the question and answer session with myself the man in charge of the Department of Criminal Investigation, Joel Coen."
Joel Coen stepped on the stage, making his way to the podium. He shook Duke's hand.
"I wanna go after these guys," Joel whispered in Duke's ear. "I wanna get 'em myself. I wanna go after them."
"Joel, do you think that's safe?" Duke asked.
"Don't make me resign in front of all these people."
"I'll think about it, Joel," Duke said, smiling.
"Now," Duke said, turning to the crowd, "who's first?"
"Mister Coen," said Colin, jumping from his seat, "who is heading the investigation?"
"I am," Joel said, looking at Duke. Duke nodded.
"Minister Dingo, don't you think someone with more experience–" a German reporter from the back began.
"Joel Coen has a lot more experience than you think," Duke replied.
"Then what did he do?" asked another reporter.
"He was a special agent for the Ministry," said Duke. "Next question?"
* * *
Colin's quill scribbled down everything being said in the session while Colin dug through his press kit.
A picture of the three men together. Background information. So this Max guy is an unregistered Animagus, Colin thought.
What's this? he asked, pulling out a letter with Duke's seal on it.
Dear Mister Creevey,
Please meet us after the press conference on the stage. We have a proposition for you.
Sincerely,
Duke Dingo, Minister of Magic
Joel Coen, head of the Department of Criminal Investigations
"Hey, I didn't get that in my press kit," said a reporter, looking at the piece of paper in Colin's hand. "You stupid DP reporters; you get all the exclusives."
"I don't think it's that," Colin replied.
"Then what do you think it is?" asked the reporter.
"None of your business."
* * *
"Mister Creevey, it's nice to see you," Duke Dingo greeted.
"Likewise," Colin responded. Joel nodded to Colin, acknowledging him.
"Follow me, Colin," Joel said, walking off the stage.
They walked through a dimly lit hallway, headed for Duke Dingo's office.
They entered the office, with Duke taking a seat behind his desk. Joel stood to the right of Duke.
"What am I here for?" Colin asked, taking his seat. "I didn't do anything illegal that I know of..."
Joel smiled. "Colin, I'd like for you to come with us on our search."
"What?" Colin said. "I have a job!"
"Exactly," Duke said. "We want a reporter there...as we don't want people speculating on the events. We want the exact version of what we're doing–not everything, mind you; but a lot–for people to know. We'll send these reports out for syndication."
"Don't you think you should like keep this secret?" Colin asked.
"That's the thing," Duke said. "We're not telling people everything. Just what we want them to hear."
"I see..." Colin said. "I'll do it."
"Good," Joel said, nodding.
"Who else is going?" Colin asked. "When do we leave?"
"We've got the former head of the Sirs going..." Duke said. "Orson Welles. He was head of Criminal Investigations for Fudge last year after that other guy retired. Fudge didn't like him much; but he didn't want Orson heading up the Sirs anymore, you see."
"Who else?" Colin asked.
"We're gonna ask George Weasley," Joel said quickly. "Yes, the hostage negotiator."
"I always thought he was gonna run that joke shop with his brother," Colin said, "but I guess he just outgrew it."
"Either way, they're both rich and famous–not matter what they do," Duke said.
"When do we leave?" asked Colin.
"Tomorrow."
* * *
The fugitives were flying over the Atlantic, enjoying their smooth ride. Joe was in the bathroom–for the ninth time–while Nathan and Max were both asleep.
A man got up from his seat, dressed in casual civilian clothing. He wore a green polo shirt, a pair of khakis, and held his right hand in his pocket.
"Hello," he said, waking Max and Nathan up.
"I wanna ride the–who are you?" Max asked the man, rubbing his eyes. "You woke me up from my beauty sleep."
"You're under arrest," said the man.
Joe stepped out of the bathroom, running to his seat. "Who's your friend, guys?"
"I'm not sure," Nathan yelled. "But he just arrested me and Max."
"Well, he didn't arrest me," Joe said. "You're under arrest," the man told Joe straightly.
The man's right hand appeared out of his pocket, and a white wand was clenched in his hand. He held it at Joe's head.
"Help!" Joe yelled. "This man has a gun!"
"That's not part of the song," said a flight attendant. Joe turned his head back at the woman.
"I'm being serious for once, honey," Joe said.
"You're not allowed to carry firearms on a plane!" yelled the blonde flight attendant, going into a karate stance.
"Who do you think you are?" asked the man whose wand had been mistakenly called a gun. "One of Charlie's Angels or something?"
The woman shrugged.
"Well, you're not half as good-looking as them," the man said, pointing the wand at her.
Max unbuckled his seatbelt, throwing his arms around the assassin's neck. "Who are you?" Max asked. "What do you want?"
"The Ministry of Magic has sent me here to arrest all three of you fugitives," the man said. "And I'm not telling you my name."
Joe stayed where he was, afraid to move. Max grabbed the man's wand and was immediately kicked in a wonderful spot below his waist. Max yelled in pain as the flight attendant screamed while Joe began to attack the man.
The mysterious Ministry man kicked Joe back, and Nathan decided to join the fight. Nathan began by sneaking up behind the guy and literally kicking him in the rear.
"Hey!" the agent yelled, grabbing his rear. He pointed the wand at Nathan. "Avada–"
"Avada my butt," Joe commented, jumping on top of the man. "Ride the pony! Ride the pony!"
"You're very immature," Max said.
Joe kicked his feet, trying to throw the man off balance. Suddenly, there was a wand poking at his chin. The mood became very serious now.
"This is bad," Max said. "Very bad."
"Make one move," the agent said, "and the kid dies." Max gulped, staring at his friends, calling for help.
"What do you want?" Nathan asked.
"Come with me," the agent said. "We'll let ya'll go...but you have to come with me."
"What did you guys do?" asked a passenger.
"Well, the kid I'm holding killed a guy, and the fat guy named Nathan killed three while their friend who is also a fat fella helped them escape."
There was a collective gasp. "And I don't lie, folks. I'm an agent of the law for the Ministry of Magic. Yes, folks, there is magic in this world. Yes, I can turn you into a toad."
The man winked at Nathan. Nathan stared at the man like he was crazy.
The man released his grip of Joe and immediately grabbed Nathan. "Are you guilty?" he asked Nathan. Nathan squirmed, trying to get out of the choke hold. "Tell me, man. Are you guilty?"
Joe kicked the man's right knee in, causing Nathan and him to fall the to the floor. Nathan grabbed the man's wand, shoving it in the man's face.
"Avada this," he told the man. And Nathan completely wiped the agent's memory.
* * *
George Weasley always had an open door policy. Well, usually that open door had led to some kind of prank.
But not this time. Joel Coen knocked on George's open door.
"There's no need to knock," George said. "The only time my door's ever been closed was when me any my brother made all that prank stuff."
Joel stepped in George's office.
"Hello, Joel," George greeted. Joel nodded.
"Hi."
"What brings you to my humble Ministry abode, Mister Coen?" George asked.
"Well," Joel said. "I think you know."
"Really?" George asked. "I haven't been paying too much attention to the news recently."
"Seriously?"
"You're so gullible, Joel. Yeah, I know why you're here."
"Great," Joel said.
"I'm not going to lunch with you, Joel. I'm too busy," George said. He propped his feet on his desk. "Maybe tomorrow."
"No, that's not it." Joel smiled.
"I was joking, you know? Haha," George said, explaining his joke that had almost failed.
"I know. Really though, Georgie–"
'"Don't call me that."
"Really, George...I want you to come with me to go after these three fugitive guys."
"What?" George asked, getting up from his desk. "And leave my home?"
"Of course," Joel said. "You'll become famous when we catch these guys."
"As if I'm not famous enough."
"Okay...well, more famous than Harry Potter."
"That guy's a nutcase."
"Let's get back on the subject now, George," Joel said. "Are you in?"
"Of course."
* * *
"Welcome, men," Joel said the next day at his Ministry office to Colin and George. "We've got apparation nets up everywhere, in case our little fugitives haven't left the country."
"You know, that Max Brown guy and that Nathan Talon dude's stomachs are slightly larger than little," Colin cracked.
"Save the sarcasm for the plane," Joel said. Colin nodded.
"We're going on a plane?" George asked. "Seriously?"
"Of course," Joel said.
"You're joking, right?" Colin asked.
"Of course," Joel said.
"I'm confused," Colin said. He coughed for a second, a cough so severe Joel wondered whether or not food would fly out of the reporter-turned-crime fighter's mouth.
"We're apparating to America," Joel began, "but when we get to America we won't be able to apparate."
"Why?" Colin asked.
"The underground organizations in America keep track of all that stuff. They've got just as many resources as the Ministry," George said before Joel could answer.
"Oh," Colin said. He nodded. "Then why did you say that other stuff, Joel?"
"I was trying to be funny."
* * *
The Ministry agent awoke from slight shock of his memory loss, and Nathan smiled.
"Hi," Nathan said. The now brain-dead man stared at Nathan Talon like he was Elvis back from the dead. (Or just returning from his alien abduction.)
"Who are you?"
"My name is Santa Claus," Nathan said. Max squatted down, staring at the clueless guy.
"And I'm the Easter Bunny."
Joe joined the two.
"This is Mrs. Claus," Max said, pointing to Joe. "The woman Santa Claus loves with all his heart and soul and other things as well."
"What are these other things?"
"Well, when a man loves a woman and wants to spend a few nights getting some before moving on–" Joe began.
"Hey!" Nathan said. "I will never screw you!"
"Shut up and take off your pants," Joe said sarcastically. Nathan shook his head.
"Not even if you'd let me videotape it," Nathan replied, smiling.
"Huh?" asked the Ministry's new form of Gilderoy Lockhart.
"Never mind," Max said.
"You're the Easter Bunny, right?"
"Yes, I am...anyway...we're going to throw you out of that door over there," Max said, pointing to the exit hatch in the middle of coach, "and let you fly down to your home, where you can see your mommy and your daddy and your ex-wife and your illegitimate child."
"Max, I think you're taking this too far," Nathan said seriously. "Just throw him out."
"Give him a parachute first!" said a flight attendant.
"Will he know how to use it?" Joe pointed out.
"I know how to use a parachute!" said Mr. My Brain Capacity is Zero, standing up. "You just rip the cord and go–" he waved his hands around, moving his feet–"wee!"
"Of course," the flight attendant said. She patted the man on the back and was handed a parachute from another flight attendant.
"Joe, stop staring at that woman's chest," Max whispered.
"I was staring at her waist," Joe replied.
"Sure..." Nathan joined in.
"Now all you've got to do is go out of this door," said Nathan, leading the man to it. "Just jump out and go–" Nathan made an impression of the man's previous behavior–"wee!"
"I hope he lands in a nuthouse," Nathan said, kicking the man out of the door. He held onto a seat tightly and grabbed the hatch, closing it. "Nearly followed him."
Max nodded. "Let's just hope he doesn't perform a Lockhart on us all."
Nathan smiled and wiped the memories of everyone but himself and his friends.
* * *
The plane landed, and the trio found themselves in New Orleans. They went through Customs–no Ministry agents to beat up this time–and headed out.
"Nathan Talon, Max Brown, and Joe Young, please report to a service desk ," said a voice over the intercom.
The three stared at each other. They said the exact same obscenity at the exact same time.
"Maybe it's not that," Max said. Nathan nodded.
"Doubtful," he said, "but it could be our Mafia friends trying to contact us."
"That's highly unlikely," Joe agreed. "But we've gotta take a chance. This could be like a test or something...to see if we can risk things."
"Or they might have no idea that we threw a man off of an airplane," Max pointed out.
"Let's do it," Nathan said. The two others nodded in agreement.
And so the fugitives headed for a service desk.
Author's Note: More pointless stuff from the master of the pointless! (That's me, people!) Well, in terms of this chapter (The first writing of mine I uploaded using the chaptering system!) I like it a lot more than the last. There's some serious stuff, a little action (but I still think this story's more action than comedy...unlike most movies, I give a plot to my action stuff.), and tons of comedy that I hope I succeeded in writing.
And explanation for the chapter title: Our three "heroes" are gambling their lives constantly, they gambled that guy's life, and our crime fighters are gambling their lives. Thought it was a cool chapter title, so...well, you got it!
I seriously know this was pointless. Really, people...I'm just advancing the plot here. Soon (hopefully next chapter...) there will be some Mafia stuff and some great plot twists. Wait till you see what I have cooked up! I've got some great ideas, and let's hope they come out well digitally! (Ha. Ha. Ha.)
Thanks to all who read and reviewed (won't mention names) and as for the Lockhart comments...Informed is all Lockhart. Joel Coen and company made their first appearance in Election (with the exception of little Creevey) while the reference to Fudge in the last chapter was from The Visit. I reference my fics. God, I'm pathetic.
Now PLEASE leave a review for this chapter...would you like it if people didn't review? All my old reviewers...leave a review (and since you're all nice, cool people, ya'll will) and new reviewers...review! I'm serious, people! I only get to know what a few people think each chapter...wouldn't it be cool to know what everyone thought? Hehe...
Thanks for reading!