Soldier Camp1
Soldier Camp
Day 1 5:30 A.M.
**The recruits are on a bus pulled by a flea**
Zelda: This is an atrocious hour to be up!
Link: (is snoring)
Ruto: Link, you snore so sexily!
Link: (wakes up, whacks Ruto with his staff)
Ruto: You're so foxy when you whack me Link!
Grandmother: Pipe down you little hooligans!
Mido & Gannondorf: Shut up!
Ruto: I get turned on when you don't say shut up Link.
Link: (gags Ruto)
Gannondorf: Shut up you annoying knave!
Ruto: Ughggh!
Link: Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
Kafei: (is talking to Skullkid) I dye my hair frequently.
Skullkid: I don't be having no hair homey-g.
Kafei: Umm....... what did you say?
Skullkid: Cello? What side you from fool.
Kafei: (goes to sit next to Link, even though he's drooling)
Skullkid: (is reading "cool phrases 1998")
Darunia: (to Deku Princess) I'm big brother.
Deku Princess: I'm Princess.
Ganondorf: Shut up! I'm Rule of the World!
Link: (wakes up) No, I stopped you remember!
Ganondorf: (bursts into tears, cuddles teddy bear) But
I wanna rule thuh wurld!
Link: That's nice! (goes back to sleep)
Anju's Grandma: Pipe down you rattish whelps!
Mido: Shut up, Granny!
Anju's Grandma: Don't make me come over there!
Day 1 6:45 A.M.
D.I. Odolwa: Get off my stupid bus you stupid morons!
D.I. Dark Link: (to Zelda) Let's move Princess!
Deku Princess: (whining) But I'm the Princess!
D.I.D.L.: (screams in Deku Princess' face for an exceedingly
long time)
D.I. Rauru: Please move along if you would care to.
D.I.O.: Get in the stupid building!
Day 1 7:00 A.M.
D.I. Nabooru: Blah, blah, blah now you're oriented you
little arses!
Darunia: Scuse me ma'am, but I'm much bigger than you.
D.I.R.: (calmly) Please be quiet you taddish knave.
D.I.O.: (jumping up and down and turning red) Shut
the stupid heck up you idiot!
Day 1 7:15 A.M.
Darunia: (on camera) I felt abused.
Day 1 7:20 A.M.
Barber: (evilly) Let's cut some hairs!
Link: (rubs hand on stubble)
Larymus: I'm not getting out of my toilet for this!
Zelda: This haircut is atrocious!
Mido: (whistling "I don't know what you've been told)
Sakon: Cool!
Barber: (is moaning at Deku Princess, Larymus, Ruto, Darunia,
and Skullkid)
Anju's Grandma: Acck!
D.I.O.: Come on, let's get settled into your stupid cabins!
Day 1 7:45 A.M.
Link: (on camera) Sure, everyone likes Mido! He's a natural
leader!
Day 1 8:00 A.M.
D.I.N.: I wouldn't be at all surprised if that little
arse Mido won!
Day 1 11:45 A.M.
Zelda: Like ewwwwwwww I'm not eating that atrocious slop!
Link, Mido, Kafei, Skullkid, heck all the males: Yummy!
Mido: (is munching a greasy, orangeish meat with purple
fuzz growing on it)
Kafei: (is eating grits)
D.I.D.L.: Are you enjoying the food?
Everyone except Zelda: Yessir!
D.I.D.L.: I said are you enjoying the food!
Evereyone except Zelda: YESSIR!
Zelda: Like totally no!
D.I.R.: Perhaps you could hold your nose while you eat?
D.I.O.: (picks up Zelda's tray and dumps it on her head)
Day 1 1:00 P.M.
Sakon: (on camera) I'm getting a little tired of carrying
Larymus's toilet around, I think I'll vote for him.
Day 1 1:15 P.M.
D.I.R.: It tis now time to select a misson leader. If
you complete the mission the leader cannot be voted off, and you get reduced
p.t. instead of extra p.t.
D.I.N.: So pick one you little arses!
Everyone: Mido!
D.I.O.: Fine, start doing pull-downs!
Anju's Grandma and Larymus: How?
D.I.D.L.: (vibrates in rage but can't think of a solution
because Larymus is in a toilet and Granny's in a wheel chair)
Day 1 5:00 P.M.
Zelda and Ruto: Eww! I'm sweating!
Deku Princess: I wanna call Father!
Day 1 10:00 P.M.
Mido: Good night everyone!
Kafei: (rips a fart, then another, then keeps on ripping
nice and loud)
D.I.N.: Shut your arse up!
Day 2 2:15 A.M.
**Noone except Mido is asleep, because Kafei is still
ripping farts but D.I.R. has banned him from grits for the rest of the
game**
Mido: (chuckles in his sleep and begins wetting his bed)
Day 1 4:30 A.M.
Mido: (is still wetting the bed)
Link: (wakes up surrounded by liquid on all sides) Whoa!
**The cabin collapses and a wave of urination comes crashing
and lands in the lake**
Zelda: That's atrocious!
Deku Princess: Like ewwwwww!
Ruto: (barfs) Yuck!
D.I.O.: Who was the stupid moron who whizzed!?!
Link: (notices that Mido is still whizzing, gasps) It's
Mido.
Day 2 5:25 A.M.
Fred Flinstone: Barney, Barney, Barney my pebbles!
D.I.O. (on camera) Unusual rooster, but he was eager to
take the job, I think Mido blew his chances of winning when he whizzed.
Day 2 7:00 A.M.
Mido: (is rebuilding the cabin all by himself w/o breakfast)
Day 2 8:00 A.M.
D.I.D.L.: Here's the dang mission. (hands them a piece
of rock with a square hole and a round hole as well as a square and a round
peg) Shove the dang pegs in the dang board!
Darunia: (stuffs them in his mouth) Oops! Looks like Mido
doesn't get amnesty.
**Misson Failed**
Day 2 10:00 A.M.
Mido: (on camera) No, I think they still like me.
Day 2 10:05 A.M.
Everyone except Mido: Mido's a loser!
Day 2 10:20 A.M.
Anju's Grandma: (on camera) Mido got us extra physical
training, the stupid whippersnapper.
**Everyone does physical training, let's fast forward
to Dismissal Hill**
D.I.R.: Mido, before you cast your vote you may adress
your squad.
Mido: W- (is interrupted)
Everyone: (holds up a container of urine, throws it on
Mido) Shut the bleep up you whizzing loser!
D.I.D.L.: Why should you remain in the game Mido?
Mido: B-
D.I.D.L.: Shut up! Recruit Mido, you are discharged from
Boot Camp!
D.I.R.: All those who voted for Mido, step forward.
Ganondorf: Voted Mido (1), Zelda: Voted Mido (2), Darunia:
Voted Mido (3), Ruto: Voted Mido (4), Kafei: Voted Mido (5), Anju's Grandma:
Voted Mido (6), Deku Princess: Voted Mido (7), Larymus: Voted Mido (8),
Skullkid: Voted Deku Princess (1), Mido: Voted Anju's Grandma (1), Link:
Voted Ruto (1), Sakon: Voted Larymus (1)
D.I.R.: Mido, you may take anybody for any reason at this
time!
Mido: I'll take Anju's Grandma 'cuz she's a geezer!
D.I.R.: Drill Instructors, if it does not bother you,
would you escort these fine trainees off of the hill which is temporarily
in my possession?
**Come back next week for Soldier Camp's next episode**
