Summary: Scully's attachment to the children continues to grow and she feels herself being pulled away from Mulder to be with them.
Disclaimer: As you know, the characters Mulder and Scully are Chris
Carter's brain child, and all rights belong to him, Fox, 1013 etc. I'm
getting no money from this; it's all in fun.
Dana's Dreamland
Part III
"Come on, I have to show you something," Kayla's little voice said as she dragged me off the park bench.
I didn't remember coming to the playground, but here I was—with Kayla.
She took me to a sandbox where she had built a small sandcastle.
"Look, there's room for all of us. Me, William Michael, you, and Mr. Fox."
"But what about your Mommy."
A dim frown fell upon the little girl's face. "She's gone, she can't
come back."
"Miss Scully, " a male voice said from behind me. I turned toward it. A young man stood before me. Dressed in all white.
"I'm Charles Brown."
"Uncle Charley?" I asked doubtfully.
"Yes, we must talk."
"What about?" I turned toward Kayla, but she was gone—as was the sandbox. "Where did . . ."
"She's safe." Uncle Charley interrupted. "Do you believe the sins of the father are carried onto the son? They are. The sons, the daughters. Whole families have been infected and broken by the mistake of one member. But as long as there's a supplement—innocence can be saved. That is no longer possible in our line. And now, the only way to save innocence, to do any good, is to give them a chance to shed themselves of us."
"By them you mean Kayla and William Michael."
"All that is us must end, so that they may begin. And I have been told, that you are deserving of making that new beginning possible."
"Told by who?"
Charles smiled in response—a friendly smile.
"Always remember, life is the sum total of our choices, both small
and large. You've reached a fork in the road that will change the rest
of your life. As you make this choice, remember what Kayla said, there
is room for all of you."
"Ma," the baby cried as he pulled on my shirt and I slowly returned to reality.
William Michael was sitting on the bed beside me. Kayla was still sleeping soundly beside him. She had worn my T-shirt to bed and her small body was lost in it. William Michael had slept in his pamper. I had rinsed out their clothes and hung them in the bathroom.
"Ma," William Michael repeated followed by a baby talk sentence. Obviously trying to communicate something.
"What is it sweetie?"
"Ma, Ba-Ba," he said pointing to the empty bottle on the table.
"Oh, you want a bottle," I replied retrieving it from the night table. "Okay, let's get you some milk."
I picked up William and he held onto me as natural as ever. He smiled at me and I knew at that moment, I had fallen in love. Not just with him, with Kayla too. She was a little chatterbox, at dinner. She had told us a story about almost everyone in her neighborhood, her teachers, and her friends. She even told us stories about herself and her Uncle Charley—whom she seemed to love dearly. But it wasn't until later that night, when she was curled up beside me, that she told me about her parents. How much she loved them, little things they had done how happy she was when she finally got a baby brother.
I shook these thoughts off and went to get the milk and pampers from Mulder's room. He was still asleep.
"Hey William Michael, this is my little boy, well big boy. His name is Fox. He can be bad sometimes; sometimes he says the wrong thing. Believe me William Michael, he's made some big mistakes. But at the end of the day, he's a sweetheart. Let's not wake him up, okay."
He smiled at me. Whenever he smiled, those big bright eyes of his seemed to sparkle. Kayla was like that too.
I put William Michael on the unoccupied side of Mulder's bed as I filled his bottle and retrieved a pamper. I gave him the bottle to suck on, while I changed him. When that was done, I left him on the bed while I went to toss the dirty pamper into the bathroom trash.
"What the hell?" I heard Mulder yell suddenly. Followed by William Michael's giggle.
I quickly returned to the room. Kayla entered his room from my room rubbing her eyes.
"What's going on?" the little girl asked, the neck of the shirt dropping over her shoulder.
"Scully, get this kid. He tried to stick that damn bottle up my nose."
Kayla gasped. "Mr. Fox, you said a bad word."
"I'm sorry Miss Kayla," he said apologetically as I retrieved William Michael from the bed.
"He was just trying to share Mr. Fox."
"Ma," the baby boy said with a smile.
"Didn't I tell you not to wake him up."
"Ma," he replied with that magical, huge grin. "Mommy."
"He said Mommy," Kayla shouted. "He never said that before."
My eyes met Mulder's as the small baby lay down on my chest. He had called me "Mommy", not Ma—his universal term, Mommy. He had never called anyone Mommy—and now he was calling me Mommy. I couldn't help, but be pleased somewhere deep down inside, but as the hanging silence of the room told, I was also shocked and worried. Today he had to go back, she had to go back. And now they would both hate me. Especially Kayla, I hadn't had the heart last night to explain once again that she would not be going home.
"Ma Mommy," William Michael said again, as if to assure the room that's exactly what he had said.
"We better get ready to go."
"Your taking me home now?" Kayla asked.
Mulder's eyes met mine, he couldn't tell her either.
The chatterbox was in full effect as we loaded them into the car. I had borrowed a car seat from the hotel manager after explaining why the kids were in our room. He said he offered to lend us his daughter's car seat and I accepted. It took Mulder an hour to figure out how to get it in the car. Kayla laughed at him, then finally crawled in the back seat, wiggled the chair a bit and snapped in the seat belt.
As each step got us closer to pulling off, I think both our hearts
was clogging our throat. We knew we had to tell Kayla, that if we didn't
she would hate us even moire. Not me, us, because "Mr. Fox" was her new
best friend. Yet neither of us could tell her she was not going home.
BRING!
Both Mulder and I grabbed our phones, the second ring revealed the call was his.
"Mulder . . . . .yes, I was there to see Mindy Brown yesterday."
"That's Mommy," Kayla whispered in the back seat.
"She's what?" Mulder turned to me. "Scully, Mindy disappeared last night. She's not at the hospital."
"Of course not, she's home," Kayla stated matter-of-factly.
"There's no harm in checking it out," Mulder replied.
"Mulder, we can't, we're obligated to—"
"Scully, the place isn't going anywhere. And it would make somebody real happy to see her mother, before going back to that place."
I sighed, that was all the hesitation he needed to start out toward
the Brown's house.
As we pulled into the driveway, Kayla became completely giddy, telling her brother they were finally home, that Mommy was here. We weren't sure; the house looked as abandoned as it had been the day before.
"Mommy," Kayla suddenly yelled, unbuckling her seat belt.
We turned and saw Mindy Brown walking toward the car. Kayla was out the door before we could say 'stop'. She ran into her mother's arms and Mindy broke into tears as she embraced her daughter.
"Kayla," Mindy said pulling the little girl away. "I came home to get you this." Mindy pulled out a small chain with a heart attached to it. "My mommy gave it to me and now I give it to you. So you will remember."
"Remember what?" the little girl asked as her mother placed it around her neck.
"Me, the good things, Daddy. When you begin to hate me. . ."
"I'll never hate you Mommy," Kayla replied.
"You say that now, but—Is William Michael in the car."
"Yeah"
Mindy took her daughter's hand and walked to the car. Mulder and I sat silently, knowing we should stop this right now and return each person to their designated locations. But neither of us moved as she lifted her son from the car.
"I'm never going to see you walk," she said holding her son. "Never hear you speak a whole sentence. Attend your first day of school. You were never meant to be and now you cannot be mine." She placed her son back in the car seat "Kayla, get in the car.
"Why Mommy?"
"Cause I said so, get in the car."
"But I don't want to Mommy, I'm finally home."
"No Kayla, this isn't home anymore. Get in the car, please."
A dejected Kayla climbed into the seat. Mindy moved toward the front window.
"I've packed there things, William Michael's gotten kinda big—so he probably can't fit a lot of his clothes. They grow up so fast, cherish it Miss Scully."
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
"They all came to me, they made me understand. It's my duty as a mother to release them from our curse. Charles tells me not to hate you and I don't. I just can't help being jealous that you will get to be there for all the things I won't."
"Mindy, get in the car," Mulder interjected. "We'll take you back."
"I can't go back, and I can't go forward. This is my end and your beginning."
Mindy stepped away from the car and started walking towards the house. Kayla went for the doorknob again.
"No, Kayla, stay in the car," I said jumping out myself.
"Scully," Mulder called jumping out behind me.
"Watch the kids Mulder," I said turning toward him and then back toward the house and running inside behind Mindy.
Inside the doorway, I was surprised to find out Mindy had packed boxes of clothes and toys, as if the children were moving out.
"Mindy," I called, but the house gave me no clue of where she was. "Mindy,
this doesn't have to go down like this. Mindy, you can get your children
back one day."
BOOM!
The sound of a gunshot spun me around. It came from the office. I ran
into the room as fast as my legs would carry me. But I was too late. I
found Mindy sprawled on the desk, a bullet wound to the head, the gun on
the floor.
It took me awhile to get the nerve to go outside. Mulder and the children's
eyes poured into me, wanting an explination. They must have all heard the
shot as I could hear the cops arriving when I exited the house. I silently
climbed into the car as police cars pulled up in the driveway.
"She's gone, isn't she?" Kayla asked.
"Yes, Kayla—she's gone. I'm sorry."
"Mommy," William Michael cried, fighting his car seat restraints as he reached for me.
I stepped out the car and retrieved the baby from the backseat. A cop
walked up to us. We knew there was going to be a lot of things to explain.
Three hours later, Mulder and I were sitting in the local police station, still with the kids. William Michael was asleep in my lap and Kayla was in Mulder's lap, she had fallen asleep too. Susan Chambeliss had agreed to come by and pick the kids up there.
"Scully, what are you going to do?" Mulder asked.
"What do you mean?"
"You know as well as I do, what's going to happen when it's time for these kids to go back, especially now. Kayla's just lost her mother, the last thing she believed in."
"I don't know Mulder, I can't exactly take them home."
"But you would, wouldn't you."
I gave him the non-answer answer, I looked away. I wasn't prepared to be anyone's mother—let alone these two small children. And what about my job, it didn't allow for this. Children needed constant love and attention.
"Miss Scully, Mr. Mulder," Chambeliss said as she entered. "The cops found a tape you should listen too. Officer Popoli will watch the children."
A female officer came in. I gently handed the sleeping baby to her.
Mulder slipped Kayla from his arms into the chair. She curled up, but never
woke up.
We entered a room where the local police chief and a couple officers were sitting. We sat down and they started the tape.
"Dear Miss Scully,
I am Mindy Brown. Mother of Kayla Diane Brown and William Michael Brown. Or at least I use to be. The wrongdoing of my family dates back many years. Never, has anyone, in my direct line successfully kept his or her family together. My grandmother's infidelity set up the hate between her only two sons. And the punishment for their hate was having their children unknowingly fall in love. Kayla was a conception made in innocence for that reason. But William Michael, named after my father and David's, meant to unite us as a family, was a conscious journey into sin. Though we did not choose to have another child, we knew at the time about ties we had no idea of when Kayla was conceived. Our line is domed and we must therefore end it. David understood this when he committed suicide. His father had explained it to him, but I did not want to face it. So I bared my father's words and tried to go on. But I couldn't. Today, I would like to relinquish the custody of my children to Dana Scully. It has been told to me that she will protect them.
Good-bye."
"This doesn't make sense, I hardly knew the woman, " I replied to the group.
"If this woman thought she was connected to a spirit world somehow, " An unidentified woman in a suit began. "Than there may have been something about you that made her think you were worthy of replacing her. That crucifix of yours is a powerful symbol to someone looking for one."
"Did you guys every solved the brother's murder? Charles Brown."
"Yes, his boyfriend killed him," an officer began. "It seems he was married, ashamed of his homosexuality. He confessed himself. He got into an argument with him leaving his wife. It escalated into some very personal issues and he killed him in a fit of rage. Then, he tried to cover it up by making it look like a hate crime."
"Is the tape credible?" I asked, changing the subject back to the children "I mean, could this be enough to give me custody of them."
"Miss Scully?" Chambeliss questioned.
"Kayla and her brother have gotten attached to me, if I walk out of her life now—after she's lost her mother. What will she believe in? I can't walk away from them, not after what's happened."
Chambeliss sighed.
"Kayla's hurt in ways she can't even say yet. The easiest way for her is to already be with someone she trust. I can be that person."
The female officer entered with William Michael in her arms, screaming "Mommy, Mommy". I quickly retrieved him. He imediatly cuddled next to me. Kayla came in, her eyes dim, a frown on her face. She simply walked up to me and laid her head on my side.
"I'll do my best," Chambeliss said looking at us.
Later that day, I took the children back to the hotel room. Mulder was tying up whatever lose ends there were. Kayla was silent, she sat in front of the TV like zombie. I tried to joke with her on the way back, but that little bright side she always seemed to have was gone had disappeared. I changed William Michael and laid him down with a bottle. Then I called Kayla to me.
"I want you to see something." I said as she sat down beside me. I reached in my wallet and handed her a picture from it.
"Who's this?" Kayla asked.
"It's Emily. She was my daughter."
"Where is she? At home."
"No, she died. She was a very very sick little girl."
"Do you miss her?"
"All the time. And you'll always miss your mother. But somebody has to take care of you. Now the way I see it, you've lost a mother and I've lost a daughter. So I think that makes us perfect for taking care of each other?"
"Mommy," William Michael called, standing in the crib, presenting his empty bottle.
"He already thinks you're his Mommy," Kayla added.
"Does that upset you?"
"No, he needs a mommy. And so do I, I guess. And I guess, I don't mind, if it's you."
"Thank you Kayla," I replied placing a hand on her little head.
She leaned into me and began to cry.
Kayla cried herself to sleep on me. I tucked her into my bed. Then played with William Michael until he was tired enough to take a nap. Mulder came in then. I now considered the draw backs of my choice. For a long time I had known I only had two choices, a normal life or a Mulder life. And the moment I decided to keep the children, I knew which life they needed. I knew we had already had a really crappy day and this wasn't the best way to top it off, but I felt I had to get this off my chest..
"Hey, Scully. How are they?"
"Okay, Kayla's emotionally worn out. She had a much-needed cry. William Michael, he doesn't even get it. He knows something's wrong, but--"
"You got a job on your hands."
"Actually, that's what I want to talk to you about. Sit down Mulder."
"Why do I feel like bad news is coming?" Mulder asked as he sat on the bed.
I slowly sat down beside him and exhaled. "When I made my decision today, I knew that to have them, I was going to have to let you go."
"What?" Mulder said jumping off the bed.
"I can work for the FBI and be a parent, but I can't be your partner and be a mother."
"Why?"
"Because they need all of me and I want to give them that, but I can't as long as your life's work is consuming my life. I choose to be with you Mulder, because I believed in you. Not because I believed in Monsters, Aliens, and Ghost. I've told you these things before. But that means that makes all I dedicated to you and your work is their's now. They're wounded children Mulder."
"Scully, you can't do this. I need you. I told you before, I don't know if I can do this alone anymore."
"You can Mulder and you will," I turned back toward my door.
"When did you decide this, today?"
I turned back toward him. I could tell his head was still searching for more rationalization to make me stay. This was one of those times when I wanted to kiss him, just run into his arms and kiss him. So I did. We were both becoming extremely shaken by the turn of this conversation and our eyes revealed that to one another. Ourlips grazed one another's ever so softly.
"Scully," Mulder said in almost a whisper. "I will do anything to make you stay."
He then leaned toward me. I knew what was coming and every rational bone in my body screamed "don't." I couldn't though; I wanted to feel his lips on mine again. And they met mine, with tenderness yet again, I feltt my legs get weak beneath me. He had hardly moved away when he came for my lips again, this time a little more forceful. And then I felt his warm tongue slip into my mouth and engage our tongues in a long awaited dance. He lifted me with ease laid us down on the bed; our lips barely separating in the process.
Then his lips left mine to make a trail of kisses to my cheek, down my neck, and to my breast. His hands following. My whole body was on fire with him and that was exactly why it had to stop. It seemed he, in fact, would do anything to make me stay.
"Stop Mulder," I whispered so softly that he didn't hear me. Oh, this was going to be hard; his hand was unbuttoning my blouse, making me tingle. "Stop Mulder," I managed out—just strong enough for him to notice.
"What's wrong?"
"I won't let you do this just to make me stay."
"But—" Mulder began. "Oh forget it. You probably wouldn't believe me anyway."
"What, say it?"
"I love you."
" I know," I replied. How could I not know that? But how easy was it
to love someone when they were all you had? I loved Mulder, too. I loved
his faults, I loved his mind, his passion, but mostly I loved being needed.
When Mulder needed someone, I chose to be that someone. "I love you, too.
But is it because we're the right ones for each other, or because neither
of us has anyone else."
Mulder sighed and slid up onto the pillow, I slid up beside him and
laid my head on his chest. Our situation had already been compromised and
I was emotionally spent. I think he was too, for we fell asleep that way.
I don't know how much later I woke up, but Kayla was lifting her baby brother
onto the bed and then crawling up behind him. I didn't move, I could still
hear Mulder breathing as he remained in deep sleep. Kayla and William Michael
found their own little crevices to curl up in. I couldn't believe there
was room for all of us in one bed.
When I awoke the next morning, Mulder had left the bed and was standing in the bathroom brushing his teeth with Kayla. She was giggling again. William Michael sat on the bed looking at me. "Mommy?" the baby asked.
"Yeah," I answered, knowing in fact, that meant this was my last X-File. Mulder consumed my life, he would never really be gone from it, but he couldn't be all of it anymore. I still, had to leave him.