Hope you like it somewhat or hate it but at least tell me what you think...
*The Meeting* also has Mana in it from the "Iron Maiden" game just in case you're wondering.
And of course, 3rd impact did not happen... So let's just leave it at that
*The Meeting*
I promised myself a long time ago that I was never going to cry. Yet at times, I find
myself doing it. Maybe I am weak after all... especially after that 16th Angel. I felt so
useless, ashamed, unwanted and dirty. I wanted to die. No one needed me anymore. No
one cared. I wanted to die and be with my mother. I would probably have been happier.
No one need me. No one.... Kaji-san had Misato... That doll had baka Shinji... But me? I
had no one. I was alone. I was always alone....
But of course, NERV found me and yet again, I found myself in that giant robot still
useless. Why didn't they just let me die in that tub? ...
I felt like that for a very long time. And for days and months my hatred for myself and for
everyone was never ending. Even when Shinji defeated the EVA series ending all of the
fighting for awhile... I still wanted to die.
They made me stay as an EVA pilot, for the one who replaced me died. That's all they
told me. He just died. I think I met him once when we were practicing for a recital. He
played the violin like I did. But everything is just a blur now so I don't really remember.
I don't even know why I'm thinking about all this right now. I guess I'm feeling all the
insecurities that I had felt back then, returning to me. I want all of those memories to just
go away. But always, at times like these they find a way to resurface.
I wanted him to be there. I wanted to see his face and start over from the beginning. I
wanted everything to start out right. But he wasn't there when I got there. It was
supposed to be the cafe by the Seine and he wasn't there. Did he change his mind?
Maybe I was too early. I looked around to see if he was coming but there was no sign of
him. I was afraid that he wouldn't show... I wouldn't have blamed him if he didn't though.
After everything that happened in the past...
I sat down on one of the outside chairs and just waited. It felt so lonely just waiting
there. I wanted him to be there with me. I wanted to just feel his warmth but still he wasn't
anywhere. I looked around again. It was the first time that I had actually looked at
everything around me and I got to admit it was very beautiful. I missed that place. It was
very different from Japan's always summer days. Here it was constantly autumn. Weird
how 2nd impact does that to the environment. I wonder what it place would have looked
like if 3rd impact had actually happened that day, 2 years ago.
There were tree lined streets full of leaves with different colors, there were leaves
everywhere. There was just so much beauty. I wouldn't mind living there for awhile. I
loved the old buildings , the churches... It's amazing how they could still stand strong after
centuries of war and destruction.
When Misato first told Shinji and I about taking a vacation to Paris, I was reluctant. If I
had to go on vacation, I would rather be by myself. Spending your vacation with a woman
who dresses and acts a lot younger than her age while off duty and still gets drinks beer
like a man is not a very good idea. Plus that Baka had to come along too. Of course I gave
in though. I would go anywhere than stay in Tokyo-3 and be bored out of my mind.
Shinji was quite happy about it. "I can't wait Misato-san. I heard that it's continually
autumn there after 2nd impact. That would be interesting to see."
"Yeah it would." Misato said with a wink and a big gulp of her beer. "Besides that,
there's shopping, the Eiffel Tower, French food and all the wine you could possibly
imagine."
"French food disgusts me," I said. "But it's better than eating instant ramen."
"You always, always have something negative to say don't you? No matter what it is." Shinji
said looking at me.
Humph... How dare he say that to me. Ever since his father died he has been this way. It
surprised me the first time. He could always talk back to me before then but now he got
more confident and sarcastic. It's funny actually. But when he does it to me, I get
pissed, I, Soryu Asuka Langley will not get beaten from such comments.
"Oh shut-up, Baka!" I yelled at him and headed to my room. I was mad at myself. I can't
believe I had nothing to say back to him. I couldn't believe I was actually at a loss for words
on him. HIM! Of all people.
I'm glad though, that the baka had changed. Though he still annoyed the hell out of me. He's
more confident now, he laughed a lot more, and talked a lot more. It was strange. He became
like a new person almost. And all it took for him to be this way was for Gendo to die.
I don't really feel anything for Gendo. I'm actually glad that he's gone. Does that sound
harsh? I don't care. He was a user. He used everyone and he didn't care. I felt bad for what
he did to Ritsuko and Wonder.... I mean Rei and to the baka himself.
I don't really know the specifics of how Gendo died. If that's what you want to know. Maybe
Shinji knows but I would never dare ask him. For all I know, he'll probably go back inside his
little shell and become what he used to be before and I don't want that. All I know is that they
had found Gendo lying still on the floor of Central Dogma clutching a picture of Yui holding Shinji
in her arms. Rei was the first to find him. That's all I know.
"He lied about the picture..." Shinji said under his breath, walking ahead of me to the cemetery
for his father's burial. Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki and I were the only ones that came other than
Shinji. Honestly, I don't even know why I came that day or what came over me when I followed him...
I just felt I needed to.
"Why are you following me, Asuka?" He asked quietly. He stopped walking but he didn't turn around to look
at me. "I don't need you to be here. I know Misato told you to come and follow me. I can handle this."
"Baka, I'm not going because of you! Misato never told me to come. I came so I can actually see that
man buried so I know he's really gone for good." I regret saying that. But it was partially true.
I watched him sigh as he continued to walk silently.
I stood there beside him for a long time in that cemetery. Something inside me wanted to comfort him
But I didn't. I think I was afraid. He stood there, clutching the picture of him and his mother
He stared at the men dropping the dirt on his father's coffin. I could tell from his face he still
had a lot of hate for Gendo though, I can also tell he still loved his father too. Even after everything.
I wanted to comfort him but I couldn't. It just wasn't my nature back then. I couldn't. Watching
him like that almost made me cry... Did I just say that? I stated before that I don't cry. Never.
Yet, I had to look away when he turned to look at me. Something was caught in my eye.
He was quiet again on our way home. I wanted to break the silence. I hated silence. But I couldn't
seem to find the words...
"T-thank you Asuka..." He said in that quiet voice again. He turned to look at me.
"For what?" I asked.
"For being with me today. I know you were there to see my father... b-but it was nice that you
were n-near. If you weren't there, I'd probably go mad or do something crazy and you'd call me an
idiot." He smiled a little. "It's hard though. I want to cry because I love him. I want to cry
because he's gone and he can't hurt anyone anymore. I want to cry because of what he did to
everyone. Especially to Ayanami...Especially to my mother.... But I can't seem to cry..." Shinji
shook his head and want back to walking ahead of me. "Sorry for telling you all that. I'm pretty sure
you don't care for my baka problems."
"Ikari!" I said, catching up with him. I grabbed his arm so he could stop walking. "No matter what those
two Stooges say about me, I am not that much of a devil. I-I understand..." I was about to say more...
I don't know what it was now but Shinji had stopped me.
"OK" He said simply, giving another of those small smiles. He fell silent again as we headed back
to Misato's apartment.
I think it was that night that I realized it fully. It was that night that he changed. I could tell,
from the way he was acting that a big weight had been lifted off his shoulders (if I could be cliché
about it). Though he still looked mournful, he looked relieved, relaxed... It was probably even before
that, that I realized it. But I couldn't let myself admit it because I was afraid of what might happen.
But I knew it then. He was the only one. The only one.
I just had too many things going on in my head. Kaji-san, Misato, Kaji-san, Rei, my mother, EVA, my hatred
my loneliness, my everything... I was the best. And it hurt to see someone better. I hated him because
he was better. And her too. She was everything that I did not want to be... Kaji-san loving Misato. Knowing
that I couldn't even compare.... It sucked. I pushed everyone away but yet I wanted them. I especially
pushed him away. He was a wimp. A coward. He always ran away instead of facing his problems. I hated
him for that but I realized that he was no different from me. For I was running away too. We just did
it differently.
I sat there at the cafe thinking all this. If only I could turn back time. Things could have been
different and it wouldn't be like this and I wouldn't feel this way. Paris was so beautiful. I closed
my eyes feeling the wind touch my face, my skin, blowing my hair. It felt great yet lonely...
Continued on Chapter 2