It was the feeling of something moving against him that woke Zack. He'd been trained not to move when he first woke up, so his eyes opened, and his body remained perfectly still. His internal clock told him that he'd been asleep for less than two hours. A tiny movement again, and suddenly memory came flooding back.
He raised his head slightly looking at the sleeping woman cuddled against him. Her arm was across his chest, her leg wrapped around his. He tried to pull away, but her arm tightened and she let out a little growl before he could escape. She shifted slightly, and then deepened into sleep again. He relaxed. She didn't want to him to move, and honestly, he didn't want to let her go.
Idiot, he mentally yelled at himself. You stupid fool! Didn't you give Max a lecture about sentimentality? And get that stupid grin off of your face right now solider! He gave up on the self-abuse. It was hard to yell at someone who was smiling, and he felt too good to quit grinning right now.
He looked into her sleeping face. She had an almost Scandinavian look to her with her high cheekbones, and blonde hair. There was a tiny spray of light freckles on her nose. She looked so incredibly innocent in her sleep. He couldn't resist any more. He leaned over and kissed her sleeping mouth.
Alicia woke at the sensation of being kissed. She stiffened at the unfamiliar feeling, but quickly relaxed, responding to his lips on hers. They finally separated. Their eyes met, and she promptly blushed to the roots of her hair. She couldn't look at him in the face. Had they really? She didn't even want to think about his opinion of her. Why was he grinning at her like that?
"Zack, I…um…uh…oh, hell," she stuttered. If he didn't stop looking at her like that she was going to kill him. Finally she gathered enough wits to make a coherent sentence. "I'm REALLY not usually like this. I mean I don't just…and then…" She couldn't finish. Forget waiting for the earthquake, she was going to get a shovel and dig a crack in the earth.
"That was pretty obvious." She caught his meaning, and if possible, blushed even harder.
"Alicia?" She finally looked back up at him. "I'm not like this either." Was he blushing too? "I mean I wasn't intentionally trying to get you to, it just…happened."
A curious mental image rose in her mind. Her necklace. The one with the yin-yang symbol on it. Two halves of the same whole. She had fallen in love with it when she'd seen it. Dana had thought she was nuts, but she couldn't explain how the symbol had grabbed her. Two halves intertwining into one eternal round. She had worn it constantly, until…until.
She sat up quickly looking at Zack. The moonlight illuminated her body, and Zack was so mesmerized by the sight he didn't hear her words at first. Despite earlier, he hadn't really looked at her; he was too busy doing other things. When was the last time he'd seen a nude woman up close? It had been nearly four years ago when he'd shown up to see Tinga unexpectedly, and she'd been in heat. He'd walked into her apartment unannounced, she was in the shower trying to release some of the tension by herself, and well, she nearly raped him. From that point on he was very careful when the females were at sensitive points. He finally noticed Alicia's words when she accented them with a light punch on his shoulder.
"What was that for?" He tried to sound wounded, but was distracted again by her.
"I said I'm mad at you for taking it."
He deliberately misinterpreted her. "You weren't complaining then." He ducked the next punch, grabbing her and rolling with her so that he was pinning her with his weight.
"Not that!" she half-yelled, blushing again at his inference. "I meant the SUV!"
Now he was confused. "What SUV?"
"You took Dad's personal vehicle. It had something of mine in it."
OK, that made sense at least. "What was it?"
"It was a yin-yang medallion on a black nylon cord with a silver clasp. Don't look at me like that! I know it's stupid and silly and there's a million of them, but that one meant a lot to me." She got all that out in one breath.
He kissed her quickly. "Stay here," he ordered and got up. She couldn't help admiring his body as he moved. Lord above, he was beautiful. It didn't matter if it was science or nature that put him together so well, she thanked them both for the end result. She saw him rifling in the pocket of the leather jacket that he'd been wearing, and then he came back to her. He opened his hand, and she gasped.
"How did you find this?" she asked, taking the necklace out of his hand. She put it on, and touched the medallion lightly.
"I searched the car before I, uh, made it unavailable permanently." Standard tactics, she'd understand. "I found that in the glove compartment, and it didn't exactly look like something Lydecker would be carrying around. I was going to get rid of it, but I…I don't really know why I didn't throw it away, and it was common enough so I kept it."
"Dana gave this to me," Alicia whispered. "I was hating myself for what had happened, and she got it to thank me." Her hand wrapped around the medallion, and she gave Zack a brilliant smile. "Thank you," she said simply. It was the most heartfelt thanks she'd ever given anyone in her life. He smiled back and kissed her. Her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him down to her, and she spent the next while showing him exactly how much she appreciated the necklace's return.
They didn't sleep afterwards. Their bodies had already had more than enough sleep. They lay facing each other on their sides, heads resting on one arm, their other hand touching each other gently. Neither of them were talkers. They were comfortable in silence, and simply enjoyed being together. Finally Zack remembered something she'd said, and wanted to know more.
"Why were you hating yourself?" he asked.
"What?"
"When Dana gave you the necklace, you were hating yourself. Why?"
She looked away. She didn't even like to think about it, much less talk about it. She'd never felt so low in her life. Sure, they'd won, and she'd saved all of their lives, but in the end, nothing had changed. Could he understand, or would he be angry with her for keeping Manticore going? Had she failed, the sixers would be dead, but the fivers would be home free. She would much prefer that he just make love to her again, and not think about the past or future.
"Alicia?" Why did he have to be so sincerely caring? It wasn't fair.
"It's hard, Zack." He didn't say anything. "Sometimes you do what you have to for the good of the group. Even if you hate yourself afterwards, and feel like dirt, you do it." He nodded in agreement. That he understood. It gave her the courage to continue.
"Right after I turned sixteen, there was some changes in the DOD, and some of the new brass wanted to shut down Manticore. It had just started to show promise, but they didn't think we could blend in with norms well enough to ever be successful soldiers or covert ops people. We had barcodes on our necks for crying out loud, how could anyone think we were norms?"
"Dad was told to go to Washington and bring a couple of his genetic soldiers to show off. He said that he would. Then one of his friends said that there was a big function at the White House, and he was invited. He was told that a date was appropriate, and could be provided, but Dad said that he was planning on taking his daughter to Washington because she'd always wanted to see it, and he would take her to the White House. The guy never even associated his daughter with the sixers. Everyone thought Cole and I were his blood children."
"So, I went with him to the White House for this incredible formal dinner. I had read a couple of books on etiquette before we left, and nobody even suspected that I was different. I met the general that wanted to shut down the project, and the senator that was most vocal on ending genetic research and destroying the 'projects' as he called us. They all thought I was the most charming young woman they had met in a long time. They both complimented Dad on having such a lovely daughter."
"General Hepburn and I talked for a while, and he asked me to dance with him once. I had some norm 'friends' that I could talk about, and told him about school, and made up plans for my future. I told him I wanted to go to West Point. He was very pleased, and said he was sure I'd make it there. He told me he thought I was very mature for my age, and was definitely a gem among the young people he'd met."
"He asked me if I had any hobbies, and I told him that I sang. I had to do some time in a high school, and had joined the chorus, so I told him about that. He wanted me to do a song, and I refused, but he insisted, and finally Dad nodded to let me know it was OK with him."
"I brought down the house. I sang a beautiful aria from an opera that I liked, and everyone kept telling me that I should become a professional singer. Even the general said that it would be a tough call if I should give my gifts to West Point or the stage."
"The next day Dad was meeting Hepburn in his office. Then I came in and announced 608 was reporting as ordered. Hepburn almost fell out of his chair. The night before I was just a kid. Now I was wearing an officer's uniform, with the rank that I used when I was on missions with norms, standing at attention. Hepburn could take a joke at least. He started laughing and then…and then he looked at Dad and said, 'Deck, you've certainly outdone yourself. If it can perform in the field as well as it did last night, I'll support you with Senator Martin, and we'll keep the funds coming."
Now Zack understood her remarks about being an 'it'. This general had spent an evening talking with a lovely young woman, and then the moment he realized she had a barcode on her neck, she had become an 'it'. He could see the hardness in her face, and knew it was tough for her to talk about. It would be hard for him to talk about having his humanity stripped from him.
"He wanted to see the barcode, and just walked around me and lifted my hair to look. It was like being an animal being inspected for sale. I was almost surprised when he didn't check my teeth. I had to stand there at attention and let him…" she broke off, shaking with rage. "I had to let him," she spit out. "If he didn't throw in his weight for Manticore, then Senator Martin would carry the day, and we would all be dead. I couldn't let the others down. They believed in me."
She looked into Zack's face, and was relieved to find what she sought. He wasn't angry with her for keeping Manticore alive. There was a calmness in his expression that let her know he would have done the same for the fivers.
"Later it was arranged that five men from Delta Force would be pitted against me. We were in a gym, and it was all closed off, and they went after me while Dad and Hepburn and a couple others watched. I was under orders not to kill any of them, and I even stuck to my orders when one of them was so angry that they were getting torn up by a girl, he decided to go after me with a knife as I was walking away. The fight had been called to a halt, but he decided to get one more swing at me. I stopped the knife an inch before it hit me in the back, and I got the knife from him. I came within an ace of putting it through his throat, but I couldn't kill him because I was under orders not to kill any of them for any reason. I was so angry that I embedded the knife in the wall to the hilt with a kick."
"Hepburn complimented Dad while I was standing there. He said it was very impressive, and it would be a great weapon for any covert ops team leader. He didn't even contemplate me leading the team myself. I guess 'its' don't make good leaders."
"Then came the meeting with the Senator, and I…"she stopped. She wasn't going to go into that. Not for Zack, not for anybody. Only Lydecker and Dana knew what happened, and only Dana really knew why she had done it. "I pulled a stunt," she finally continued. "It was cheap, and demeaning, but I did it, and I won. The Senator backed down, and we went home."
"I prostituted myself. I didn't have to sleep with anyone, but I prostituted myself just the same. It was all for a good cause, but…" her words broke off and Zack pulled her to him.
"But you knew what had to be done, and did it regardless of the cost to yourself," he finished for her. She didn't reply. She didn't have to. Two halves of the same whole, she thought. He understands every word, every action.
"You are wonderful," she whispered, cuddling against him. Had she actually said that out loud?
He tilted her face up to his and kissed her sweetly. "So are you," he whispered against her mouth. He could see the surprise in her face, and the immediate swell of emotion in her eyes. Had anyone ever given her a compliment that wasn't related to her genetically enhanced abilities before? He doubted it.
She tucked her head against his chest. This isn't real, she reminded herself. It's going to end all too soon, and you'll be back at Manticore, and he'll be somewhere. You're never going to see him again, and you both know it. The thought alone made her feel sick to her stomach. Zack could never return to Manticore. She knew Lydecker would force him to tell where the others were. She felt Zack's arms tighten around her and wondered if he was thinking the same things. She closed her eyes, melting into him. For a few more hours they could pretend reality didn't exist, at least they had that.