At some point they realized that the first of the checkpoints was coming up soon. It would probably be better to be dressed and behind the boxes in the car at the first point rather than curled up naked together in the middle. Alicia's clothes had gotten scattered about, and she wondered how things had ended up all over. She thought about the last few hours and then she stopped wondering and was grateful that nothing ended up out the window.
Zack had just finished getting dressed when she suddenly burst into laughter. The sudden noise startled him, and he spun around in a defensive stance. She was on the floor, doubled over, laughing wildly. The only conclusion that he could come to was that she'd gone insane looking for the other sock that she couldn't find.
She finally noticed him staring at her like she'd lost her mind, and tried to explain. Giggles kept interrupting her. She wiped the tears from her eyes, and finally forced herself to get under control.
"Can you…can you…can you get me a couple of safety pins from my bag?" she asked, and then started giggling again. Zack finally realized what she was laughing at. Her work pants might be made for ruggedness, but they were no match for a genetically engineered solider determined to remove them. He had almost ripped out the zipper.
He had the grace to look embarrassed at least. He tossed her the gym bag. He had already dug through it once and hadn't seen a sign of a safety pin. She reached in, and immediately removed a couple. There had to be something on the chromosome to give women that ability. No man could search a woman's purse without severe frustration.
"My button is missing too," she announced, provoking a laugh from him. It took her a few, but she was able to get her clothes in working order. "Next time you want them off," she began provocatively, pressing herself close to him, "just ask, okay?"
She had to back off from him quickly. Boots, she thought, trying to distract herself from thinking about removing her pants again. Find your boots and hope he didn't rip the laces when they came off. She found them, and was very happy to see the laces in one piece. The train had started slowing, and they knew the first checkpoint was coming. Zack settled behind a box, sitting with his back to it.
She wasn't sure where to go. It was strange that she would feel so shy after sharing so much with him. He held out his arms to her, and she didn't hesitate. She snuggled close, annoyed at the fabric between them. She much preferred feeling his skin under her check than a cotton shirt. It was harder to get comfortable. She wiggled a little, and he gave her a little hug.
"Me too," he said quietly. The train had stopped and there were noises outside. She could feel his heartbeat speed up. Nothing should happen, except that anything could happen. The door slid open, and his arms tightened around Alicia. A beam from a flashlight probed the room haphazardly, and then someone shouted the all clear. The door shut, and they both relaxed.
After a little while the train began to move again. Alicia realized that she had been barely breathing the whole time that they had to be quiet. She took a deep breath to open her lungs, realizing that Zack was doing the same thing. Some habits run deep, she thought amusedly.
"What's Max like?" she asked suddenly.
She was disappointed when she felt him stiffen. Calm down, she ordered herself. You're the enemy, and you're demanding information about allies. What happened earlier doesn't change anything. She sat up. He let her go, but she wasn't expecting the thrill that ran through her when he took her hand in his automatically.
"I was just asking since we are going to Seattle to save her life. I figured we'd probably meet."
"She can't take an order," Zack finally said. "She's extremely stubborn, and nobody can make her do anything she doesn't want. She's very different. I could probably spot you as Manticore in a crowd because of the way you carry yourself."
"It's nothing bad," he said quickly, seeing her about to protest. "You could probably do the same to me. We're soldiers. She acts like a regular person. She has friends, a life, the whole nine yards."
"If she's so different, why did you allow yourself to be caught to protect her?" Alicia had read Lydecker's personal file, and he'd made the comment that Zack had only gotten caught to protect Max. Zack didn't seem like he liked Max very much, but he had risked his greatest fear for her.
"She needed help," he said. "She was in trouble, and I could help, and so I just made sure she was safe. It's what I'm supposed to do." He was stumbling over his words. He's not telling me something, Alicia decided. A norm girl she knew once said that the way you tell if your man has a thing for another chick is to start talking about her and if he can't get out two sentences without looking the fool, he's got an itch for the girl.
"And you care about her enough anyways to take a huge risk?" He nodded, and she saw a somewhat guilty look. "You love her enough to take a huge risk." It wasn't a question. You idiot, she snapped at herself. Of course he would be in love one of the fivers. The last few hours were just…well, she'd thrown herself at him, and he was male, what else did she expect?
"That's good," she said levelly. It took every bit of self-disciple she had to keep the tremor out of her voice. Physical lust means nothing solider, she reminded herself. She'd had a bad day, and he'd been there, and he looked good, and it was better way to pass time then most.
"It's good to have someone to care about," she said in the same level voice. He opened his mouth, but she jumped to her feet before he could say anything. "Actually, I think I am going to catch a couple hours of sleep before we hit Seattle. Wake me before we get to the checkpoint if I'm still sleeping, OK?"
She pulled the towel out of her bag, and rolled it into a pillow again. She stretched out one her side, her back to Zack, and closed her eyes. Tears burned her eyes, but she refused to let them out. Suck it up, she ordered herself. There's nothing here worth getting upset over. Nothing at all.
Zack was angry at her reaction. She hadn't given him a chance to explain at all, and for that matter why did he owe her an explanation. He sat for a while staring at her back, and building a case a righteous indignation. Why should she assume that he had never had feelings for anyone before? She was the hard-case Manticore, not him. She had no reason to be angry. Just because they'd slept together didn't mean she had any rights to him.
Except that she laid a lot of honesty on you and the first time she asked for a little back you ducked and tried to hide from her, a flat voice said in his mind. Zack felt the fire of his anger dwindle to ashes at that line of thought. She offered you trust, it continued, and you used it to cheapen something wonderful. Max is in the past, Zack fired back, hating that voice of reason and logic. True, but did you tell her that?
He wished the voice were a person so that he could kick its ass. Mostly because it was right. He immediately tried to hide, and what else was she to think but that he still loved Max. If he still loved Max then what had happened between them was just a little lust getting out. Zack knew it meant more to him than just physical attraction. From the moment they first kissed, it was so much more than just physical. He'd felt her relax against him, and offer him trust like he'd never been given before, even from the others. She'd snatched every bit of control that he had, and then showed him a peace he'd never known.
He slid in behind Alicia so that they were laying spoon fashion. She stiffened when his arm circled her waist, but she didn't try to push him away.
"Alicia," he said gently, "I should have told you, but…"
"Zack, don't," she said quickly, cutting him off. "It's not a big deal, really. I mean, you got something good with her that's great, it was just sex with us anyways."
A norm might be fooled. Her voice was extremely convincing at least. But, he had the night vision to see the moisture in her eyes.
"It meant more to me than anything I could ever describe," he replied. She didn't respond, so he continued on "Max is in the past. I did love her once, but her heart was already somewhere else. Nothing ever happened between us."
"But you let yourself get caught to save her."
He didn't know how to respond. It didn't make any sense that he could be more intimate with someone he'd only known for a matter of hours over someone who he'd known since birth, but facts were facts. And he knew he cared about Alicia. He hated knowing that he'd hurt her, and wished that he could take it back somehow.
"Zack?"
"It meant more to me too." She rolled over so that they were facing each other. "If I lived to be a hundred I will never forget this night." She kissed him briefly, and then settled into his arms.
There sometimes comes a point when a couple realizes that all talking that needs to be done has been done. They lay together quietly, their lips meeting occasionally, but mostly just holding onto one another. In a matter of hours this idyll would come to an end that neither wanted, but for now, they were content just being together.