Title: More Faithful
Author: Stephanie Wheatley, thewheatmeister@hotmail.com
Summary: Sequel to If I Am, in the never-ending songfic saga, Harm and Mac's relationship continues to grow.
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em...
****************************************************************************
The next few months were very happy ones for Harm and Sarah. Together, they dealt with the fears and confusion that comes with a new relationship and fell deeper in love with each other. To this point, they had tried to keep their relationship a secret, as they were not fully prepared to deal with office gossip and the career implications being romantically involved entailed. They were, however, fast approaching the point where they could no longer keep it a secret. More and more, they began seriously discussing 'forever,' complete with a courtship, marriage, and 2.5 kids. Deep down, they understood that when(as it was no longer an 'if') that did happen, they would have to deal with the Admiral and all of their friends. Not to mention a promise made long ago.
****************************************************************************
All the things my feet thought to be firm
Are falling with urgency
Tearing back my false sense of security
Some say things change, nothing stays the same
But the sweetness in my ears
Safe in your arms speak the words I love to hear
****************************************************************************
2100 EST
Harm's Apartment
After splitting a pizza, Harm and Mac had retired to the living room, where they began talking about the months that had just passed. They discussed their relationship, their future, and the fact that they would eventually have to tell the admiral. Then, almost as an afterthought, a promise they had both remembered, though once doubted they'd follow through with came up. From her place on the sofa, Mac said absently, "Little AJ's birthday is coming up soon."
"Three down, two to go," Harm murmured.
"What did you say?" Mac questioned.
"I said three down, two to go," he said. "Remember our deal?"
"How could I forget?" Mac replied ruefully. "Has is really been almost three years?"
"Yep. Do you...have any regrets about our deal? With all that's happened and everything, because we can call it off..." Mac said nothing, instead looked down at her hands. "Hey, Marine," Harm began. "What's up?" He lifted her chin to make eye contact, only to find her eyes shining with unshed tears. "Sarah?" he questioned, concerned. "What's wrong?"
"We have to call the deal off, Harm. We don't have a choice."
"Why, sweetheart?"
Mac took a deep breath and allowed Harm to enclose her in his embrace. "I, uh, I went to my OB/GYN a few weeks ago. I haven't had a period in over 2 years, and I wanted to know why. So she ran some tests and everything, and...I can't have kids, Harm. I'm sterile."
Harm kissed the top of her head and asked gently, "Does she have any idea why?"
"The best we can figure is that it was my alcoholism. I started drinking at such a young age that the alcohol kept my reproductive organs from developing normally. Over time, they've deteriorated, and now my uterus is nothing but scar tissue. She's got me scheduled for exploratory surgery in ten days. She wants to see for herself if there's any hope of my ever having children. But in all likelihood, it won't happen and she'll perform a hysterectomy."
"Sarah, we're supposed to be in this thing together. Why didn't you tell me about this?"
"Because I'm ashamed, Harm! Being a mother is the most empowering thing a woman can do, and I can't! And I didn't know how to tell you." Looking up at Harm, she added quietly, "It's probably for the best."
"Hey," Harm said, holding her gaze. "What makes you say that?"
"Harm, look at the reason I'm sterile!" Mac exclaimed. "I'm a drunk. I had no role models of what parents should be. Face it, Harm. You're in love with damaged goods."
"Oh, Sarah," he said, holding her tight against his chest. "You're not damaged goods. And you can still be a mother."
"How?"
"Sarah, we can still go through with our deal. Maybe not in the biological sense, but we can still have kids. If there's one thing that Dar-Lin taught me, it's that there are plenty of kids in this country who need someone, anyone, to love them and support them. We could adopt a little girl or a little boy who doesn't have anyone that truly cares about them."
"Maybe you're right," she conceded. "But most placement agencies like to put kids in two parent homes, you know."
"But aren't we headed there?" Harm asked earnestly.
Sarah looked up at him in awe. "I don't believe you, Harmon Rabb. You know I'm a drunk; you know I'm more than likely sterile; you know I had a horrible childhood, and you're still talking marriage."
"Well, ninja girl, I've known for a long time that you're a recovering alcoholic and that you survived a horrible childhood, and I've loved you through all of that. As for being sterile, Sarah, I fell in love with you because of who you are, not how well your reproductive organs work. When we decide we're ready to get married and start a family, we can start seriously looking into adoption. Right now, all that matters is getting you through this surgery. And telling the admiral."
"How did I know that was going to come up?"
"Sarah, we have to tell him. This has been going on for over six months. He deserves to know, not just as our CO, but also as our friend."
"I know, Harm. Really, I do. I'm just not a big fan of either one of us being reassigned. I don't trust anyone to watch your back like I can."
"I understand," he said, dropping a kiss on her forehead. "Just like I don't trust anyone to watch your back, either. But I'd much rather come home to you every night than settle for seeing you at work every day."
"Well, when you put it that way, I guess I could live with coming home to you every night, too."
"That's good to know," Harm murmured in reply, brushing his lips across hers. They were(or at least thought they were)great at seeming like just friends in public, but Harm loved the fact that Sarah was so openly affectionate with him in private. They hadn't made love yet, because neither felt that the timing had been right. That didn't stop them from staying at each other's apartments, though. But what Harm most cherished was their emotional intimacy. He felt that he could tell Sarah anything, and he knew she felt the same way about him. They would stay up half the night sometimes just talking about life, and their friends, and the future, and the past. And so far, he had made good on his promise to make her the happiest woman alive. She adored all of the attention he showered on her, and got a kick out of the guessing games going on at JAG every time a dozen red roses would show up in her office from an anonymous admirer. He made a point of not only telling Sarah at every opportunity that she was beautiful, but also making her feel beautiful, just as he told her he would. "Thank you," he whispered in her ear.
"For what?"
"Being you. Loving me. Putting up with me."
"Well," she said with a smile, "It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it."
"Ditto for you, Marine," he responded, tickling her. "Ditto for you."
****************************************************************************
You have been more faithful than the morning sun
You have been more faithful than knowing night will come
You have been more faithful that the changing of seasons
****************************************************************************
1400 EST
Admiral Chegwidden's office
"Commander Rabb and Colonel Mackenzie are here to see you, sir," Tiner said, sticking his head in the door of his CO's office.
"Send them in," he replied. Sitting back in his chair, he said, "So, what can I do for you two?"
Taking a seat next to Sarah, Harm said, "Well, sir, Col. Mackenzie and I have some things we'd like to discuss with you."
"I'm listening."
"First of all, sir, we'd like to apologize for not telling you this earlier. But we're...we've...I love her, sir," Harm finally blurted out.
Giving the younger man a bemused smile, AJ said, "And this is news?"
"You mean you knew, sir?"
"Harm, I didn't get where I am without honing my powers of observation. Yes, I knew."
"Sir," Mac said, "We truly are sorry we didn't tell you earlier. But we weren't sure about...about our relationship, and we didn't want to be the center of office gossip, and we didn't want to be reassigned."
"You two are quite a pair, you know that?" AJ asked rhetorically. "I don't know whose day in the pool this is, but they stand to make quite a bit of money. This whole office has been waiting for you to realize you belong together for years now. I'm very happy for you. Now, exactly how long has this been going on?"
"About six months, sir," Mac said.
"I see. So, is there more?"
"Yes, sir," Mac began. "I need several days of sick leave next week. I'm having surgery."
"At the risk of being too nosy, what kind of surgery are we talking about here?"
"A complete hysterectomy, sir."
Standing, AJ moved around to the front of his desk where he took Mac's hands in his. "I'm so sorry to hear that, Mac," he said sincerely.
"Well, sir, I know I won't be able to have children, but Harm and I have discussed adoption."
"I'm glad to hear that. Let me know if there's any way I can help."
"Thank you, sir," Harm said. "I'd also like to take leave next week, sir. To be with Sarah after her surgery."
"Consider it done, Commander. When you two get back, we'll discuss working arrangements. Let me see if I can pull some strings."
"Thank you, sir," the pair said in unison.
"You're welcome. Now back to work." They turned on their heels and left. As he watched them retreat, AJ chuckled to himself and said, "About damn time."
****************************************************************************
All the things I thought that I used to know
Are falling down again
Our disillusionment is how we grow
Some say things change, nothing stays the same
In a world of inconsistency
When everything's a lie,
What can cause my heart to believe
****************************************************************************
Two weeks later
1830 EST
Mac's Apartment
"Hey, Marine," Harm said softly, shaking the sleeping figure before him. "Dinner's ready."
"Okay," she mumbled.
Harm left her bedroom and returned moments later with a tray full of steaming food. "Come on, Marine. I brought it to you."
"No, I want to eat out there," she replied stubbornly.
"Okay. Want some help?"
"I don't know yet. Take the food back into the kitchen and I'll call if I need you."
"Okay," Harm agreed, bending to kiss her cheek. He left, and Mac slowly sat up. Jingo sensed her movement and was immediately at her bedside, standing ready to do whatever an elderly dog can do to help his owner. It had been three days since her surgery, and while the incision was healing, it still hurt. Harm had taken the whole week off to help her in any way he could. He had been wonderful about not being too pushy, allowing her to ask for help, rather than simply volunteering. Slowly standing up, Mac began to shuffle toward the door, Jingo right by her side. She made her way into the living room which was dark except for several candles placed on tables. Harm sat on the couch while their food was spread out on the coffee table in front of him. "I knew it'd take you long enough to get out here for me to pull this off," Harm teased when he saw her.
"Stuff it, squid," she said, giving him a small smile. Sitting beside him, she settled in the crook of his arm and said, "This is nice, Harm. Thank you."
"You're welcome. Now let's eat."
"Hey!" Mac exclaimed indignantly. "That's my line!"
"Gotcha," Harm responded, reaching forward to get their plates. "Here you go," he said, handing her hers.
After the food was all gone and the plates were in the dishwasher, Harm sat back down next to Mac on the couch. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay. It doesn't hurt as much anymore. I want to go back to work. I'm sick of staring at these walls."
"Monday, marine. But only desk duty."
"I know. But that doesn't mean I have to like it."
"You make a horrible patient," Harm laughed, wrapping his arms around her.
"I know. But you still love me, right?" she asked with a smile.
"More and more every day, Sarah," he replied seriously.
"What did I do right to deserve you, Harmon Rabb?"
"I don't know. Maybe you wished on the right star. I know I did."
"You know, flyboy, too many more comments like that, and your reputation as a fighter jock will be ruined."
"Don't tell anyone."
"My lips are sealed."
"Oh, they are, are they?" Harm said just before his lips descended on hers. When they separated, he looked into her eyes and said, "Sarah, I have a very important question to ask you."
"Okay," she responded, feeling a bit unnerved by the intensity of Harm's gaze.
"I've known you for about five years, and been in love with you almost as long. The past six months have been the happiest of my life, and I want to feel that way for the rest of my life. Would you make me the luckiest man alive and marry me?" Mac caressed his face and held his gaze for a moment. "Sarah? You're making me nervous here."
"I'm getting used to the question."
"I hope you get used to it quick. I'm about to start begging, and that could get embarassing."
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"Definitely yes, flyboy."
"I love you, Sarah."
Wrapping her arms around his neck, she let the tears continue to fall freely down her cheeks. "I love you too, Harm. More than I ever thought possible."
****************************************************************************
You have been more faithful than the morning sun
You have been more faithful than knowing night will come
You have been more faithful than the changing of seasons
You have been more faithful than the morning sun
You have been more faithful than knowing night will come
You have been more faithful than the morning sun
You have been more faithful than knowing night will come
You have been more faithful than the changing of seasons
Author: Stephanie Wheatley, thewheatmeister@hotmail.com
Summary: Sequel to If I Am, in the never-ending songfic saga, Harm and Mac's relationship continues to grow.
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em...
****************************************************************************
The next few months were very happy ones for Harm and Sarah. Together, they dealt with the fears and confusion that comes with a new relationship and fell deeper in love with each other. To this point, they had tried to keep their relationship a secret, as they were not fully prepared to deal with office gossip and the career implications being romantically involved entailed. They were, however, fast approaching the point where they could no longer keep it a secret. More and more, they began seriously discussing 'forever,' complete with a courtship, marriage, and 2.5 kids. Deep down, they understood that when(as it was no longer an 'if') that did happen, they would have to deal with the Admiral and all of their friends. Not to mention a promise made long ago.
****************************************************************************
All the things my feet thought to be firm
Are falling with urgency
Tearing back my false sense of security
Some say things change, nothing stays the same
But the sweetness in my ears
Safe in your arms speak the words I love to hear
****************************************************************************
2100 EST
Harm's Apartment
After splitting a pizza, Harm and Mac had retired to the living room, where they began talking about the months that had just passed. They discussed their relationship, their future, and the fact that they would eventually have to tell the admiral. Then, almost as an afterthought, a promise they had both remembered, though once doubted they'd follow through with came up. From her place on the sofa, Mac said absently, "Little AJ's birthday is coming up soon."
"Three down, two to go," Harm murmured.
"What did you say?" Mac questioned.
"I said three down, two to go," he said. "Remember our deal?"
"How could I forget?" Mac replied ruefully. "Has is really been almost three years?"
"Yep. Do you...have any regrets about our deal? With all that's happened and everything, because we can call it off..." Mac said nothing, instead looked down at her hands. "Hey, Marine," Harm began. "What's up?" He lifted her chin to make eye contact, only to find her eyes shining with unshed tears. "Sarah?" he questioned, concerned. "What's wrong?"
"We have to call the deal off, Harm. We don't have a choice."
"Why, sweetheart?"
Mac took a deep breath and allowed Harm to enclose her in his embrace. "I, uh, I went to my OB/GYN a few weeks ago. I haven't had a period in over 2 years, and I wanted to know why. So she ran some tests and everything, and...I can't have kids, Harm. I'm sterile."
Harm kissed the top of her head and asked gently, "Does she have any idea why?"
"The best we can figure is that it was my alcoholism. I started drinking at such a young age that the alcohol kept my reproductive organs from developing normally. Over time, they've deteriorated, and now my uterus is nothing but scar tissue. She's got me scheduled for exploratory surgery in ten days. She wants to see for herself if there's any hope of my ever having children. But in all likelihood, it won't happen and she'll perform a hysterectomy."
"Sarah, we're supposed to be in this thing together. Why didn't you tell me about this?"
"Because I'm ashamed, Harm! Being a mother is the most empowering thing a woman can do, and I can't! And I didn't know how to tell you." Looking up at Harm, she added quietly, "It's probably for the best."
"Hey," Harm said, holding her gaze. "What makes you say that?"
"Harm, look at the reason I'm sterile!" Mac exclaimed. "I'm a drunk. I had no role models of what parents should be. Face it, Harm. You're in love with damaged goods."
"Oh, Sarah," he said, holding her tight against his chest. "You're not damaged goods. And you can still be a mother."
"How?"
"Sarah, we can still go through with our deal. Maybe not in the biological sense, but we can still have kids. If there's one thing that Dar-Lin taught me, it's that there are plenty of kids in this country who need someone, anyone, to love them and support them. We could adopt a little girl or a little boy who doesn't have anyone that truly cares about them."
"Maybe you're right," she conceded. "But most placement agencies like to put kids in two parent homes, you know."
"But aren't we headed there?" Harm asked earnestly.
Sarah looked up at him in awe. "I don't believe you, Harmon Rabb. You know I'm a drunk; you know I'm more than likely sterile; you know I had a horrible childhood, and you're still talking marriage."
"Well, ninja girl, I've known for a long time that you're a recovering alcoholic and that you survived a horrible childhood, and I've loved you through all of that. As for being sterile, Sarah, I fell in love with you because of who you are, not how well your reproductive organs work. When we decide we're ready to get married and start a family, we can start seriously looking into adoption. Right now, all that matters is getting you through this surgery. And telling the admiral."
"How did I know that was going to come up?"
"Sarah, we have to tell him. This has been going on for over six months. He deserves to know, not just as our CO, but also as our friend."
"I know, Harm. Really, I do. I'm just not a big fan of either one of us being reassigned. I don't trust anyone to watch your back like I can."
"I understand," he said, dropping a kiss on her forehead. "Just like I don't trust anyone to watch your back, either. But I'd much rather come home to you every night than settle for seeing you at work every day."
"Well, when you put it that way, I guess I could live with coming home to you every night, too."
"That's good to know," Harm murmured in reply, brushing his lips across hers. They were(or at least thought they were)great at seeming like just friends in public, but Harm loved the fact that Sarah was so openly affectionate with him in private. They hadn't made love yet, because neither felt that the timing had been right. That didn't stop them from staying at each other's apartments, though. But what Harm most cherished was their emotional intimacy. He felt that he could tell Sarah anything, and he knew she felt the same way about him. They would stay up half the night sometimes just talking about life, and their friends, and the future, and the past. And so far, he had made good on his promise to make her the happiest woman alive. She adored all of the attention he showered on her, and got a kick out of the guessing games going on at JAG every time a dozen red roses would show up in her office from an anonymous admirer. He made a point of not only telling Sarah at every opportunity that she was beautiful, but also making her feel beautiful, just as he told her he would. "Thank you," he whispered in her ear.
"For what?"
"Being you. Loving me. Putting up with me."
"Well," she said with a smile, "It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it."
"Ditto for you, Marine," he responded, tickling her. "Ditto for you."
****************************************************************************
You have been more faithful than the morning sun
You have been more faithful than knowing night will come
You have been more faithful that the changing of seasons
****************************************************************************
1400 EST
Admiral Chegwidden's office
"Commander Rabb and Colonel Mackenzie are here to see you, sir," Tiner said, sticking his head in the door of his CO's office.
"Send them in," he replied. Sitting back in his chair, he said, "So, what can I do for you two?"
Taking a seat next to Sarah, Harm said, "Well, sir, Col. Mackenzie and I have some things we'd like to discuss with you."
"I'm listening."
"First of all, sir, we'd like to apologize for not telling you this earlier. But we're...we've...I love her, sir," Harm finally blurted out.
Giving the younger man a bemused smile, AJ said, "And this is news?"
"You mean you knew, sir?"
"Harm, I didn't get where I am without honing my powers of observation. Yes, I knew."
"Sir," Mac said, "We truly are sorry we didn't tell you earlier. But we weren't sure about...about our relationship, and we didn't want to be the center of office gossip, and we didn't want to be reassigned."
"You two are quite a pair, you know that?" AJ asked rhetorically. "I don't know whose day in the pool this is, but they stand to make quite a bit of money. This whole office has been waiting for you to realize you belong together for years now. I'm very happy for you. Now, exactly how long has this been going on?"
"About six months, sir," Mac said.
"I see. So, is there more?"
"Yes, sir," Mac began. "I need several days of sick leave next week. I'm having surgery."
"At the risk of being too nosy, what kind of surgery are we talking about here?"
"A complete hysterectomy, sir."
Standing, AJ moved around to the front of his desk where he took Mac's hands in his. "I'm so sorry to hear that, Mac," he said sincerely.
"Well, sir, I know I won't be able to have children, but Harm and I have discussed adoption."
"I'm glad to hear that. Let me know if there's any way I can help."
"Thank you, sir," Harm said. "I'd also like to take leave next week, sir. To be with Sarah after her surgery."
"Consider it done, Commander. When you two get back, we'll discuss working arrangements. Let me see if I can pull some strings."
"Thank you, sir," the pair said in unison.
"You're welcome. Now back to work." They turned on their heels and left. As he watched them retreat, AJ chuckled to himself and said, "About damn time."
****************************************************************************
All the things I thought that I used to know
Are falling down again
Our disillusionment is how we grow
Some say things change, nothing stays the same
In a world of inconsistency
When everything's a lie,
What can cause my heart to believe
****************************************************************************
Two weeks later
1830 EST
Mac's Apartment
"Hey, Marine," Harm said softly, shaking the sleeping figure before him. "Dinner's ready."
"Okay," she mumbled.
Harm left her bedroom and returned moments later with a tray full of steaming food. "Come on, Marine. I brought it to you."
"No, I want to eat out there," she replied stubbornly.
"Okay. Want some help?"
"I don't know yet. Take the food back into the kitchen and I'll call if I need you."
"Okay," Harm agreed, bending to kiss her cheek. He left, and Mac slowly sat up. Jingo sensed her movement and was immediately at her bedside, standing ready to do whatever an elderly dog can do to help his owner. It had been three days since her surgery, and while the incision was healing, it still hurt. Harm had taken the whole week off to help her in any way he could. He had been wonderful about not being too pushy, allowing her to ask for help, rather than simply volunteering. Slowly standing up, Mac began to shuffle toward the door, Jingo right by her side. She made her way into the living room which was dark except for several candles placed on tables. Harm sat on the couch while their food was spread out on the coffee table in front of him. "I knew it'd take you long enough to get out here for me to pull this off," Harm teased when he saw her.
"Stuff it, squid," she said, giving him a small smile. Sitting beside him, she settled in the crook of his arm and said, "This is nice, Harm. Thank you."
"You're welcome. Now let's eat."
"Hey!" Mac exclaimed indignantly. "That's my line!"
"Gotcha," Harm responded, reaching forward to get their plates. "Here you go," he said, handing her hers.
After the food was all gone and the plates were in the dishwasher, Harm sat back down next to Mac on the couch. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay. It doesn't hurt as much anymore. I want to go back to work. I'm sick of staring at these walls."
"Monday, marine. But only desk duty."
"I know. But that doesn't mean I have to like it."
"You make a horrible patient," Harm laughed, wrapping his arms around her.
"I know. But you still love me, right?" she asked with a smile.
"More and more every day, Sarah," he replied seriously.
"What did I do right to deserve you, Harmon Rabb?"
"I don't know. Maybe you wished on the right star. I know I did."
"You know, flyboy, too many more comments like that, and your reputation as a fighter jock will be ruined."
"Don't tell anyone."
"My lips are sealed."
"Oh, they are, are they?" Harm said just before his lips descended on hers. When they separated, he looked into her eyes and said, "Sarah, I have a very important question to ask you."
"Okay," she responded, feeling a bit unnerved by the intensity of Harm's gaze.
"I've known you for about five years, and been in love with you almost as long. The past six months have been the happiest of my life, and I want to feel that way for the rest of my life. Would you make me the luckiest man alive and marry me?" Mac caressed his face and held his gaze for a moment. "Sarah? You're making me nervous here."
"I'm getting used to the question."
"I hope you get used to it quick. I'm about to start begging, and that could get embarassing."
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"Definitely yes, flyboy."
"I love you, Sarah."
Wrapping her arms around his neck, she let the tears continue to fall freely down her cheeks. "I love you too, Harm. More than I ever thought possible."
****************************************************************************
You have been more faithful than the morning sun
You have been more faithful than knowing night will come
You have been more faithful than the changing of seasons
You have been more faithful than the morning sun
You have been more faithful than knowing night will come
You have been more faithful than the morning sun
You have been more faithful than knowing night will come
You have been more faithful than the changing of seasons