By Relena Dorlian Peacecraft
"I think I'm gonna change my pen name"
O.K. I've wanted to do this for a while, and I'm hoping it'll be the first of a series. I also want to post challenges with a couple of these, and I hope they'll be quite a few takers. :)
O.K, I'm writing this is script format, and this is the first time I've posted anything that
is written as such. Anyway, here we go!
ACT ONE: RAPUNZEL-- "You want to do WHAT with my hair?!"
Dorothy: Do we HAVE to do this?
Author: Yes, it'll be fun! I did theater in eighth grade and I loved it.
D: *I* didn't. *Icy stare*
Quatre: C'mon Dorothy, it isn't every day that you get to play a Princess in a Faerie
tale!
D: *groan* Don't tell me, let me guess; you're Prince Charming.
Q: *Sweatdrop* Heh-heh...yep.
A: *Raises eyebrow* You have a problem with this? *Death glare*
D: No.
A&Q: Oh.
A: Let's get going then! K, I'll be the narrator--hey, go get your costumes on, curtain's
up in ten!
~Ten Minutes Later~
*The curtain goes up, the audience is clapping as the orchestra plays the opening notes
of the theme (We see Trowa happily blowing way on his flute in the orchestra pit)*
Narrator (was the Author): Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there were two
young people.
*Spotlight shines on Milliardo and Noin*
Nr: They loved each other very much, so they decided to get married.
M: *Goes down on one knee in front of Noin* Fair maid, will you marry me?
Nn: *Turns rosy cheeked* Why Milliardo, it's about time you asked!
M: *Hissing* No, your line!
Nn: *Covers her mouth with her hand* Oops, oh yeah. Of course, my dear! *Gives
Milliardo a look with a wicked twinkle in her eye*
Nr: They lived together in a little cottage in the country, and Milliardo made their living
as a humble...um...*glances at Milliardo* Well, he made a living.
M: *Looks at the narrator askance* What was that supposed to mean?!
Nr: Hush, I'm not done! Then one day, *Squints at the script and mumbles* Yeah, like
that's just gonna happen out of the blue...Oh, sorry. One day, Noin gave birth to a
beautiful little daughter. But then, tragedy struck and Noin fell terribly sick. She would
die if Milliardo couldn't get a certain herb for her...
M: *Standing alone onstage with the spotlight on him* My precious Noin will die if I
don't so something. I don't know where to get this herb, and I'm desperate!
*Milliardo looks around (hoping I guess to see it growing a few feet away or
something, don't ask me) and spies a stone wall down the road.* Oh yes, I had
forgotten! Behind that wall they say a witch has a garden, where she grows every kind
of herb in the world. Now all I have to do is take what I need, and hope I can pay her
somehow.
*The lights dim and the moon rises (Serena is playing the Moon Princess and is looking
very irritable at being given that particular role again) We see Milliardo furtively
climbing over the wall*
M: *Pulls a pink plant out of the ground* Ow! Thorns! Here it is; the thing that will
save the life of my dearest!
*Suddenly a flash of purple smoke explodes and envelops the stage; coughing is heard
from within the dense cloud.*
Nr. *Hissing towards backstage* Easy on the smoke guys! We don't want to smother
our witch!
*Gradually the smoke clears and we see lady Une standing in front of the *cowering*
Milliardo. She is wearing her glasses and has her hair up in tight buns*
Une: Ha-ha-ha! Cower, tremble!
M: I'm doin' it! *mumbles* Boy, this part really blows; I wish could have been the
prince or something...
U: What was that?
M: *Crossly* Nothing.
U: Oh. Anyway, what are you doing here? What are you doing with my most
precious herb?! You must be punished for robbing my garden!!
M: Please, have mercy! My wife is dying and this is the thing she needs this to keep her
alive!
U: *Frowning* Why take it from here? You knew it'd end up like this.
M: I, uh, *Scratches his head* I dunno.
U: You have taken what is most precious to me, and I demand payment!
M: But, I have no money and my wife is dying!
U: I think you said that already, several times in fact; I'm not deaf!!!
M: *Scowling* I'm just following the script!
U: And you sound like a broken record player!
M: Why I oughta...
Nr: Shut up, both of you!
M&U: Sorry.
U: For payment, you must give me what is most precious to you!
M: If it will save my wife...
U: I will come in three days to collect!
*The purple smoke explodes again, but this time the stage crew (Howard and Mieser)
underdo it and we Une as she exits stage right*
M: Alas, what a day. This whole thing blows chunks!
*Lights fade, scene changes to the cottage three days later*
Nn: The Herb that Milliardo got from the witch did its work and Noin was healed. But
then that night, the witch came as promised to collect her payment.
U: *Looks around the meager little cottage* My goodness, not much in here that could
be deemed precious.
M: Take what you want. It doesn't matter now that my family is safe.
U: Oh really? *Evil Une grin* Hm...*she glances at the cradle* I think I know now
what is most precious.
M: *Realizes what Une is taking about* No! Don't take little Rapunzel! Take anything
else; take my life if you must!
U: *Shrugs* I am simply taking your most precious, as you did to me. Good-bye!
*Une picks up the baby and disappears in the smoke before anyone can stop her. (Mieser and Howard finally get the smoke right)*
M: No!!!
Nn: Our child...
Nr: The witch took little Rapunzel and locked her in a tower, raising her in captivity. Eighteen years passed, and Rapunzel grew into a gracious young woman of great
beauty. She still lived locked in the tower, but she sat by her window everyday gazing
out into the forest and singing as sweetly as the birds.
D: *Death glare from the tower at the Narrator* I'm not singing.
Nr: Fine, just say your line! You don't have to sing.
D: *With as little enthusiasm as possible* Ho-hum. I hate this tower, and the old witch
is so wicked. I wish some gorgeous guy would come along and save me. *Yells to
where Quatre is waiting in the wings* I sure hope it's a prince!!!
Nr: *Winces at Dorothy's deplorable acting* Then one day, a Prince did indeed come
along and heard Rapunzel's beautiful singing.
*Dorothy starts singing off-key simply to annoy the narrator*
Quatre: *Enters stage left* Hark, what is that beautiful sound? Is it a dove? Maybe a
beautiful Nightingale? No, 'tis the voice of a human girl!
D: *Rolls her eyes at Quatre* Well spoken, Shakespeare. Now get up here and rescue
me!
Q: My goodness, what are you doing in that tower?
D: Duh, I'm obviously prisoner.
Q: I dunno, you could've been bird-watching or something. People do the strangest
things sometimes...
D: I'm not bird-watching! I've been stuck up in this stupid tower my whole life,
waiting for some guy to come rescue me! It really bites, so get me DOWN!
Q: Really? Your whole life? How come you haven't starved or something like that?
D: A witch comes and brings me food and all those kinds of things.
Q: Oh. Hey, one quick question; why do you need to be rescued? Why don't you just
walk down the stairs and come out the door?
D: *Puts her elbows on the sill and rests her chin in her hands* Because, there's not a
door. The only way in or out is through this window. It's obviously too high to jump
from, and I have no rope.
Q: *Sounding very curious* Really? No door? *He circles the tower* You're right. That's insane! What kind of architect would build a tower with no door?! That seems
kind of ludicrous.
D: *Highly annoyed with Quatre's antics* Never mind that, I just need to get out of
here!
Q: Wait a second. So there's no door, and there's no rope for the witch to climb; how
does she get up there to you?
D: *Looks irritable* My hair.
Q: *Sounds incredibly curious and delightedly skeptical* Your hair?! How long is it?!
D: *looks very cross* This long. *she flips her hair out the window and the long
straight golden strands reach all the way from the window to the ground.
Q: *Looks very impressed* Wow. I mean, wow. She really climbs up this?
D: Yup.
Q: Can I?
D: *sigh* I guess. It just gives me one heck of a headache afterwards.
Q: *holds up a little bottle and shakes it* I brought aspirin!
D: Well, in that case...go ahead. Get it? A Head? ha-ha...
Nr: *Slaps her forehead* This is surpassing mediocrity with flying colors...
Q: *Takes hold of Dorothy's hair and starts to climb* Are you sure this is safe?
D: I have no clue--AAA!!!! *The foam wall of the tower crumbles; either Dorothy was
leaning on it too hard or Quatre's fatter than he looks...O_o;;. Dorothy falls from the
tower and lands on Quatre, both crash to the stage and lie there for a minute*
Audience: *Gasp*
Nr: Get up guys, c'mon! We can make this work! Just cut to the scene where the witch
challenges you, Quatre!!!
U: *Billows of smoke explode across the stage* Ha-ha-*cough*ha-ha-ha*cough
cough*ha-ha-ha*choke*ha! I have caught you! You will not take that girl!
Q: Oh yeah?
U: Yeah.
Q: Yeah?!
U: YEAH!
Q: OK.
D: WhAT?!
U: Ha-ha!!!
D: No, you're supposed to rescue and we're supposed to ride of into the sunset on
your white horse and we're supposed to live happily ever after in your castle...
Q: *Eyes grow wide as he listens to what Dorothy is saying* You mean marry you?! We just met! I'd want to know you for at least two years or something before I decided
to marry you.
D: Wha---?!!!!
U: That's it, into the tower with YOU, girly-girl!!!
D: I--Why you little---!!! *She dives at Quatre with intent to strangle him, but the witch
grabs her and throws her over her shoulder. Both disappear in the biggest cloud of
smoke yet*
Nr: *Looks as if she is going to pull her hair out* And so the Prince visited Rapunzel
everyday for two years...and I guess he married her...and they lived happily ever after. I guess.
*We hear enraged screaming from backstage*
D: NOT LIKELY!!!! WHERE IS THAT LITTLE WINNER TWERP?!!!!
Nr: *Several sweatdrops* And that, friends, is the story of Rapunzel--kind of. In a
broad sense, anyway.
*Curtain closes to hesitant clapping*
A: That was AWFUL!!!
D: *Crosses her arms and scowls* Not MY fault! If Winner hadn't eaten so many
chocolate sundaes last night everything would have gone fine.
Q: Hey, wait a second! It's not MY fault that whoever built the scenery didn't do a very
good job!!!! Remember who YOU landed on, Miss Bowling Ball Butt.
*Everyone stares at Quatre for a second, surprised at his uncharacteristic rudeness*
M: *Comes striding up looking very cross* Excuse me...
A: Not now, I'm yelling at people.
M: I must request that my role in this play be changed!
Nn: *Comes up behind him, still has the wicked twinkle in her eye* What Milliardo,
can't take the commitment? A little to much for the mighty Lightning Count?
M: *Sweatdrop* Um, I'm leaving now...I think I hear my mother calling!!! *Runs off as
everyone sweatdrops*
D: I hate this stupid story!
U: *Comes in wearing an Oxy mask* If I have to breath any more of that stupid smoke
I swear...
*Everyone starts shouting and arguing at once*
A: That's IT!!! I can't take it ANYMORE!!!!!
*Chaos insues*
~Fin~
Sorry if that really blew, but I don't do humor very often or very well. Like it? Hate it? Please review!!!
CHALLENGE: "Food items are fun!"
K peeps, here the challenge! It has to be humor, G-rated, and involve some sort
of romance. There are a few certain things you must include, and here they are:
1. Swiss Cheese
2. Old Orange Peels
3. Sour Milk
4. A turkey
5. A random bladed weapon
6. Duo's Braid
7. "Watashi was baka/piman desu!" (I am an Idiot/airhead!)
K, the stories must be posted by May 30th. If you want to respond, tell me in the
review or email me. Put this in the title so I know what's up (also email me when you
post it in case I can't get on ff.n) "Response to "Food Items are Fun".
Have fun!
Email: Relena_d_peacecraft@email.com
Ja mata!