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~written in datapad format~
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Oh, this is so bad. I'm dying. I must be. At least then I'll be put out of my misery.
We just got a message from Governor Bibble (affectionately called "Bibble Boy" by the less respectful among us from time to time–except that this isn't the time for jokes–back to business) that has me sick to my stomach. It isn't like we didn't already know how bad the situation is–our people were in trouble when we left. But now we get this message telling us that we're dying and begging the Queen to contact him. And I'm the Queen. Oh, Force.
Eirtaé is convinced it's a trap. She has a whole lot more respect for Bibble Boy than I do, and she says he would never send a silly message like that. The Jedi seems to agree and he told me not to send any messages in return. I am grateful for both of them–Jedi Kenobi for being so strong in telling me what not to do, as if he simply expects me to listen without question, and Eirtaé for assuring me very kindly that it has to be a trick, because otherwise it doesn't make sense, and that I should listen to the Jedi.
If Padmé were here, she'd give Jedi Kenobi a piece of her mind for telling her what to do. But I'm not Padmé and his confidence that not responding is the right thing to do means so much to me I can't even put it into words.
And I can't even tell him that. Grrr. How does Padmé stand being the Queen? I would go crazy.
It's only going to be for a little while longer. Soon Padmé and I will have to switch. Knowing that keeps me going. If she were here, it wouldn't be so bad. We've practiced subtle messages–both spoken and through hand signals–and I feel pretty confident that I can pick up on what she wants me to do. Like when we were still on Naboo, and Master Jinn encouraged us to leave and I wasn't sure what to do. I turned to Padmé and said something about how dangerous things were and Padmé said, "We are brave, Your Highness." I knew that she wanted me to agree to leave, and I'm pretty sure that no one picked up that I was asking her permission.
Right now, though, I don't even know exactly where Padmé is. I have Eirtaé and Rabé, but neither of them can really tell me what Padmé would do any more than I could tell them. I just really can't wait 'til she returns.
When she left, she must have sensed how nervous I was (which makes me feel ashamed) because she whispered in my ear, "Be strong, Sabé. You can do this. I trust you to make me proud of what I do while my Handmaiden is with Master Jinn." She gave me a smile and a wink and then left.
It makes me feel wonderful to know that she trusts me and believes in me, but...what if her trust and belief in me are misplaced? What if I fail?
COME BACK SOON, PADMÉ!!!!!
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