Destruction

Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue. You'll only get fluff - no money. ^.~

Author's notes: I suppose this could be a sequel to Perfection, but you don't have to read Perfection to get this.

Warnings: As with Perfection, slight angst - for Duo this time.

Destruction

By Crysta

I'm not a braided baka. No matter what they say, I am not an idiot.

Oh sure, I laugh and joke on the battlefield. Doesn't everyone? Excluding Heero and Trowa of course – and Wufei to some extent. But being the way I am takes my mind off the task at hand – and the horrible reality that I am a murderer.

Tell you what, if there is a God, he'd have a tough task taking mercy on my soul. My soul stained in the crimson I spilled.

Yeah, sure, I joke, I mess around – but I never put my friends or myself in any danger. I have more sense than that. Aside from all else, Heero'd probably use my braid to strangle me if I did. But there's a reason, when I'm destroying stuff, that I joke.

Tell me, if you'd just destroyed a place with hundreds of people, merely following orders, within – wouldn't you want something to take your mind off it? Hence the laughter, the noise… it's a distraction.

Oh, God of Death – Shinigami – all the same to me. It comes down to the same thing – I'm a murderer. Nice job – a killer. Isn't it?

Don't you pull a horrified face at me. Aren't all soldiers? Even if they're killing on orders. They're still killers. We're no different. Of course the others look quite innocent. If you walked up to Quatre in the street would you think he was a murderer?

I bet a lot wouldn't. And who'd suspect a lion-taming clown like Trowa of being one of the infamous Gundam pilots? Not me.

What's worse – killing or destroying? I'm betting we destroyed some research that could save several more people that we've killed. Indirectly that links us to their deaths. Aw hell, links ME to their deaths – why do I always get those jobs?

Deathscythe… heh, even the scythe seems to suggest destruction. Why does everything about me seem to suggest destruction? I hate it. If I could turn back time, have died with the others in the Maxwell Church, I'd do it. Just to get away from what I have become. What have I become?

A destroyer. Everywhere I go, I seem to end up destroying something. Maybe… maybe that's my destiny. But I wish it wasn't so.

Now look at Heero. He has the air of someone who has seen too much death. But not me. I'm not at all like Heero.

It's not the death I have seen too much of. It's the destruction.