***
It was so exciting. I really felt–and feel–like a heroine in a holodrama. If I hadn't been there, dressed as the Queen, if I hadn't reached the Throne Room when I did, who knows what might have happened? Even if the droids had been taken out, if the Neimoidians had captured Padmé, things might have turned out differently.
It feels really good to know I made a difference.
Things aren't all good, though. Many humans and Gungans died in the occupation and battle.
And Master Jinn was killed by that creature. Jedi Kenobi killed it in return, but I don't think that's much comfort to him. Outwardly, he looks like the perfect image of Jedi calm. But if you happen to catch the look on his eyes when he thinks no one is looking, the pain there is too deep to describe. Anakin is hurting, too. I feel so bad for both of them.
Saché is really quiet, and she has the same look in her eyes that Jedi Kenobi has, which makes me wonder. Yané insists she doesn't know what's wrong, but Saché has always been sort of quiet and reserved, so that doesn't surprise me. I hope she confides in one of us soon.
Later today, we will be having the celebration of our victory. Last night, we memorialized Master Jinn's death, which was one of the most somber occasions of my life. And I've been to plenty of funerals, too.
It feels sort of wrong to be celebrating today, but I can feel myself giving in the to joy of the occasion. I've never been able to resist a good party, and I can already hear the crowd and the music and the cheering.
Senator Palaptine was elected Chancellor, and he is here along with several of the top-ranking Jedi. Just a few days ago, I was so excited about the prospect of two Jedi ambassadors coming, and now I've been able to meet several members of the Jedi Council! I've met not one, but two, Supreme Chancellors, and I've helped negotiate a treaty between humans and Gungans.
It's funny how things change. I never would have imagined myself here in a million years. If I had any dreams at all, they were of becoming an actress, but I never really thought that would happen. And now, I've actually acted as Queen! I remember once when I was really little, in school, I wrote that when I grew up I wanted to be a Leading Lady in a holodrama. (Don't ask me where I got that idea.) When everybody chipped in and gave me a going away present when I left to train as a handmaiden, I have to admit that I wished they would have gotten me one of those new personal holocams so I could make my own holos. (Now that I've been using the multi-Diary that they gave me instead, I think they all knew what they were doing. It does, after all, have a holocorder on it, even if it's not the fancy kind, and I like being able to record my thoughts in different ways depending on my mood. Not to mention the fact that having a way to vent has probably done me more good over the last few days than anything else. This is one gift that has probably saved my sanity, if not my life. But I'm being melodramatic and I'm off my subject again, so–)
Anyway, I always saw myself as the heroin–who doesn't? Having had a taste of what it's like being in the spotlight, though, acting as Queen, I've concluded that I don't mind sticking to a supporting role. That last stint I did as decoy was very fulfilling–I probably saved Padmé's life and who knows what else by pretending to be the Queen. But I'm glad that when it was over, I could go back to being Sabé the Handmaiden. Maybe someday I'll change my mind and want to take more responsibility and more control, but for now, I like being me. It's fun wearing the clothes and makeup for awhile, but only because I know that it's only for awhile. I never would have thought I'd be happy being part of the background, but I am.
Heh, heh. Maybe someday they'll give me an award:
Best Supporting Actress in a Real Life Drama.
And then I'll get up to take my bow and trip over my dress and end up flat on my face in front of a billion viewers.
Maybe I can live without the reward.
*****
The End
Thanks for reading! If you are interested in reading any of the other Handmaiden Diaries, here are the links:
The Excerpts From the Diary of a Handmaiden series:
| Saché's Diary | Yané's Diary | Rabé's Diary | Eirtaé's Diary |