Disclaimer: Don't own them, don't profit from them, just like to play with them
A/N: The next day after Pollo Loco. Max finds out Logan has the pictures.
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The sun is actually shining, a rare sight for rainy Seattle. I'd almost prefer a rainy day; it would certainly fit my mood. The envelope with the pictures still sits on my desk next to my computer. I need to put it away although I really want to burn it. I probably should burn it, destroy the obscenity. I hate even to touch it, handle it
I still feel sick whenever I think of the pictures. I need to get past this and put it out of my mind. But, I don't think I will be able to until I talk to Max about it. How do I do that? We have such an unusual relationship. The emotions are there but we communicate on a non-verbal level most of the time, never coming out and saying what we actually mean. On top of that she is going to be pissed that I went to Lydecker behind her back.
If I had only known maybe I wouldn't have made that call to him. At the time I was out of my mind with worry about Max. I had no idea if she would be able to handle it alone, an out of control psychotic X5. If I had had a contact number for Zack I probably would have called him, that's how afraid I was for her. Turns out she could and did handle Ben but at what a cost to herself.
I have to talk to Max. Hard as it may be she needs to hear from me that I've seen the pictures. Lydecker is trying to drive a wedge between us and given the opportunity he will make sure she knows I have them. I only hope I can find the right words. Me, Eyes Only, "man of letters" as she called me, at a loss for words.
Steeling myself I reach for my phone and dial her pager number. Beep…beep…beep. I punch in my number and put down the phone. Nothing to do now but wait and try to figure out what I am going to say to her. Bling is off today so I don't even have the distraction of physical therapy. Half-heartedly I boot up my computer and pull up the last Eyes Only files I was working on. Time passes slowly as I wait for the phone to ring.
"Hey" Hands cover my eyes and I smell her unique scent. Damn, instead of calling back she has come over. I'm not ready for this I planned on asking her to come for dinner to give myself more time to know what to say.
"Max…I didn't expect you to come over." I stammer as I reach up to remove her hands and turn my chair to face her. As always I feel a jolt of electricity on seeing her. The chemistry between us is as strong as ever and it is all I can do not to reach out and take her hands, pulling her down into my lap. I know I can't though, especially not now. Not with that envelope lying just inches away on my desk. Why the hell didn't I put it away?
Max must have caught my glance at the envelope because she reaches over and picks it up.
"Next Eyes Only mission?" she asks as she opens it and pulls out the pictures. Frozen, unable to move or speak I sit there watching helplessly.
"Max, no, don't…" but it is too late. She recognizes the first picture and rapidly flips through the rest. I can tell when she comes to the one of her, the one with blood on her mouth and face.
There is dead silence in the room as she stares at the picture and I stare at her. Finally she looks up and I want to cry at what I see in her eyes. I have never seen such pain.
"So Logan, now you know" said quietly. "Who sent them to you, Deck?"
"Lydecker." I confirm. "He's figured out that Eyes Only knows you and he had them delivered to my drop box." I'll confess later about the call. I admit I'm a coward.
"Well you called it the first time we talked. Genetically enhanced killing machine. You were more right than you knew." She is trying to be flip but I can tell what it is costing her.
"No Max. I was more wrong than I knew." Suddenly the words come out, the words I didn't think I could find. "You're so much more than that. You have compassion and empathy and so much caring inside of you. What happened when you were a child happened in another time and another place. You were the victim as much as that man lying on the ground. The real killers were Lydecker and all those who worked with him on his twisted program. You and the others were their victims. Even Ben. Who knows what Ben would have been if he had had a different childhood."
She is shaking her head in disbelief; I have to find the words to reach her, to convince her. "Max I know that what I'm saying is true because I know myself. I know that I couldn't have the feelings I have for you, the connection I feel between us, for a monster. I have faith in myself and I have faith in you. In the poem I wrote, the one you took, I called you somebody's angel. It was a lie. You're not somebody's angel you're my angel. My angel with slightly tarnished wings." I stop not knowing if I have made things better or worse.
She has turned slightly away from me as I speak and I can't see her face. Reaching out I take her hand and pull her back to face me. Tears are streaming down her cheeks. The only other time I have ever seen her cry is when she thought Cindy was rejecting her. Cindy knew what to do – she hugged her. I remember running to my mother when I was a child with a scraped knee and
she would kiss it and make it better. I remember what I have read about the
healing power of touch and I know what to do.
I pull on her hand tugging her down to kneel on the floor in front of my chair as she did once before. Reaching out I pull her into my arms, her head on my shoulder. She comes willingly, still silently crying. I stroke her hair and murmur nonsense to her and she puts her arms around me. For long minutes we remain like this until finally she raises her head. Her cheeks are streaked with tears but she is not crying anymore. Our eyes meet and she manages a weak smile. Things will be okay.
We still need to talk, about her past, and about my conversation with Lydecker but that is for the future. Today it is enough that we have connected again in our own special way. Somehow, whenever it seems like everything is falling apart, we manage to keep it together.
I don't really understand this connection between us, I am afraid to put words to it but there is a strength to it. After the Pulse I lost whatever belief I had in a higher power but I am starting to believe that maybe there is some force at work. Something brought us together and for a purpose that I can't yet figure out. For now I am not even going to try. I have my Max back and I am content with that. Tomorrow can take care of itself.
Max finally stirs in my arms. "Hey Logan any chance of a girl getting some food around here? You made me miss my lunch break and if I go back now Normal's gonna send me right out on a run." Trust Max to get to the essentials. Laughing I release her and head for the kitchen to feed my dark angel.
A/N: What do you think? Too mushy at the end? Shall it go on…?