Disclaimer: Don't own them,don't profit from them, just like to have fun with them
A/N: Finally Logan gets up the nerve to tell Max about Lydecker.
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It's been three days since Ben and I am still a coward. Max saw the pictures and we got past that part okay. In fact things are pretty much back to normal. I page her, she comes over and has dinner, we play chess or watch a movie, she leaves. I haven't sent her out on an Eyes Only mission this week; I think both of us needed a break after all that happened.
Tonight I am going to do it. I am going to tell her about my conversation with Lydecker. I am afraid to wait any longer. Lydecker is a bastard and he was definitely trying to drive a wedge between us. If he doesn't succeed with me he will attack on Max's side. He will probably do that anyway just to cover all of his bases.
Max has to know from me what happened, not from him.
One thing that is strange is Max's reaction to everything. The night it ended with her killing Ben in the forest she was quiet and subdued. I thought it would take her some time to get over things but by the next day she seemed okay, almost as if a load had been lifted from her shoulders. She even handled seeing the pictures fairly well. She must have come to terms with things but I wonder how. If it had been me I would have brooded over it and struggled for days on end. If she had talked about it to me and gotten it all out I would be less puzzled. I can't imagine she talked to Cindy and I don't know who else she would go to. (There's my ego talking, wanting to believe that Max comes to me with everything in her life.)
Anyway, that's not the point now. The point is that I have to open up to Max. I have to make her believe that I only called Lydecker out of concern for her. I also have to tell her what he said to me and make her understand that I don't (didn't) believe a word of it. She should be here any minute. Dinner is ready and waiting but I doubt I'll be able to eat a bite.
"Hey Logan. Something smells heavenly and I am starved. Normal had me doing double runs today – half the staff is out with some flu or something." Max is here and hungry. As always she looks hot, dressed in tight jeans and a top that leaves her stomach bare. Of course to me Max would look hot in baggy sweats and top, just as long as she gave me that smile of hers. Logan; don't go there, especially not now. You have other things to think about.
"Come on then, everything's ready. Just let me get the wine." Wine is good. Maybe it will settle my nerves. I grab the bottle and pour, half a glass for her, a full one for me. Max gives me a sideways look at the amount if wine in my glass but doesn't say anything.
Dinner goes well, I think. Max doesn't seem to notice that I am only playing with the food on my plate. I finish off three-quarters of the wine on my own but she doesn't seem to notice that either. We finish and Max helps bring the dishes to the sink where we leave them to soak.
Dishes done she wanders into the living room and stands looking out the window. I fool around for a few minutes in the kitchen until she turns and calls to me.
"Logan, if I didn't know better I'd think you were out there polishing off another bottle of wine." She did notice how much I drank at dinner. Should have known I couldn't get anything by her.
"Sorry, Max, just cleaning up a few little things." I can't stall any longer so I head to where she is but I do grab another bottle of wine on the way and two fresh glasses. She gives me a strange look as I open and pour the wine but refrains from commenting. Sitting on the couch she pats the space next to her invitingly.
"Sit by me, Logan. You need to get out of that chair occasionally or it's going to become permanently attached." Damn, I don't need this. It's going to be hard enough as it is without being where I can't avoid her eyes as I confess. I can't resist the look she is giving me so I roll over and transfer from chair to couch. For a few minutes we sit silently, drinking our wine and gazing out the window. From here, at night, Seattle doesn't look so bad. Darkness hides many sins. I let my mind wander a moment, hoping I will find some inspiration.
"Okay Logan spill it." her voice startles me back to the present.
"Spill what, Max?" I am playing for time. I'm not ready, I can't do this yet. She doesn't answer just looks at me waiting me out. She knows me too well. When I don't answer she tries again.
"The reason you've been pouring that wine down your throat all night. What have you done that you're afraid to tell me about?" Damn, does she really know me that well? Obviously she does.
" I did something you're probably going to hate me for." I try my little boy, caught in the cookie jar look on her. She regards me warily not buying it.
"Logan…" I'm not getting out of this. I take a deep breath and plunge.
"I was out of my mind with worry the other day. There was a killer X5 on the loose and you hadn't been home or been to work. I was afraid you wouldn't be able to handle it on your own. So I thought of calling Zack. Only one problem, I didn't have his number."
She is looking at me very strangely so I stop.
"You were going to call Zack?" there is disbelief in her voice. "You hate Zack."
"I wouldn't say hate, Max. Lets just say he isn't exactly my idea of a fun guy to hang with." I gulp some more wine. How did my glass get empty? I don't remember drinking that much. Stalling I pour myself some more and offer more to Max who absently accepts it. I still can't read the look on her face.
"You didn't call Zack. What did you do Logan?" there is a sudden urgency in her voice, Max is no dummy, I think she's figured it out. Her next words confirm my guess.
"The pictures. Why did Lydecker suddenly send Eyes Only the pictures, Logan?" She's got it. I squirm uncomfortably. "You called Lydecker?" her voice rises in disbelief.
"I didn't know what else to do. The police weren't going to help, I was afraid you were in trouble, hell I was afraid Lydecker might have picked you up if you crossed paths looking for Ben. I had to know." Dead silence. I drink some more wine and so does she.
"What did he say to you Logan? What did he tell you?" her voice is low and I can't tell if she is angry or hurt or afraid.
"He told me a bunch of garbage, Max. Since when does Lydecker have anything worth listening to?" I need to tell her all of it and hope she can forgive me. "He told me that you, that all of the X5's, were like Ben, trained killers who could never be anything else.
He told me you were dangerous and could turn on me at any time."
"And what did you say?"
"I told him I wasn't worried about you, I was worried about Ben. I told him that he'd better stop Ben or I was going to do it myself. Then I hung up on him. That's all there is."
It's done, now I wait to see if she will forgive me. Max turns away for a minute staring out the window.
"Did you believe him?" Now it is my turn to feel a mix of emotions. I am angry and hurt at the same time that she can ask me this. Chill, Logan, you knew this wouldn't be easy.
"Do you really have to ask me that Max? After all we've been through together? After all you've done for me? Lydecker couldn't say anything that would ever make me doubt you. Lydecker has no idea who or what you are. I do." Do I dare go any further? I don't want her to freak on me. No, stop here Logan and see if it's enough. She isn't ready for more, you aren't ready for more. Don't even think the word, the four-letter word that stars with an l.
It seems like forever until she says in a level voice.
"I ought to kill you Logan. How in the hell could you go to him knowing what he is? You should have known he'd try to get between us if you did." Does that mean he didn't succeed? I have hope again.
"Max, I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing given the same circumstances. I told you I worry about you. I would have gone to the devil himself if it would have helped you."
She looks up and suddenly grins at me. It's okay. I don't know what I said but it's okay.
"Logan, you did go to the devil you idiot." I smile back at her and our eyes meet. I am suddenly aware of how close she is to me. I look down and realize I am holding her hand. How did that happen? Did she? Did I? It must be the wine I have drunk. The room seems warm and I am all too aware of her lips only inches from mine. I feel like I am watching from outside my body as I lean down and our lips meet. Hers are soft and sweet. She tastes like the wine we have been drinking. When she doesn't pull away I close my eyes and deepen the kiss.
Finally I pull away, needing to breathe. I run my hand along her jaw line and through her hair. She just looks at me.
"Forever eyes. Dark. Somebody's angel." I pause knowing she recognizes the poem I wrote about her, the one she stole. "My angel, Max." There, I have said it.
"Your angel, Logan." She isn't freaking on me, she isn't running. She has heard and forgiven me for what I did. I sense that we have gone far enough tonight. Both of us need to step back now and let things settle.
"Want to watch a movie, Max?" She nods and I go to my stash of DVD's. I pull out one at random and we settle in together to watch of all things a Disney movie, The Little Mermaid. She grins at me and I put my arm around her pulling her close as we settle in together, Eyes Only and his angel.