PART 3
Chapter 7
"Alright fellas, be good - I love you!"
"Bye Mom!"
"Be careful"
"Tell Grandma and Aunt Lillian we said hi!"
"I love you!"
The boys and Lee waved as Amanda drove off.
"Will Mom bring Grandma back when she comes home?" Phillip asked.
"I think so. You know your Aunt's been really ill and she needed someone to stay with her while she recovered. But it's been over a month and she's feeling a lot better. Your mom is going up there to check on both of them and more than likely your Grandma will come back with her. I know she misses you guys like crazy." Lee answered, thinking he was starting to sound like Amanda. He smiled at the thought.
"Alright guys - time for school. Hope in the car and I'll give you a ride."
After dropping the boys off at school, Lee headed into work. Each day he arrived at and left work he thought how lucky he was to be out of the field. He entered his office and began sorting through the pile of messages. The day dragged on. Work always moved slowly without Amanda.
After lunch he began a round of important meetings. An hour into the meeting, he was interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Sorry, Mr. Stetson, but there's a phone call for you on line 1".
"Please take a message, we're busy here."
"Sir, I'm sorry but it's the school. Something about your son being sick?"
Chapter 8
Lee took the phone call and postponed the rest of the meeting. He left immediately to pick up Jamie from school.
The nurse met him in the main office and explained Jamie had the 24-hour bug that was going around the school. More than anything, he needed rest and liquids.
Entering the nurse's office, he saw Jamie sleeping in a crumpled heap on an old cot. Lee picked him up and carried him outside to the car. Jamie stirred as he was being placed into Lee's vehicle.
"It's alright, buddy. I'm going to take you home and you can climb into bed and go right to sleep".
Jamie opened his eyes briefly and said, "I'm sorry".
"Sorry?" Lee replied. "Jamie you have nothing to be sorry about." But Jamie was already asleep again.
Arriving home, Lee carried Jamie upstairs to his room and put him to bed. Jamie slept for most of the afternoon, awaking around dinnertime. Lee brought up some chicken noodle soup and a couple of Jamie's favorite books. For the rest of the evening, Lee continued to check on Jamie and bring him things to drink. Lee kept Jamie home from school the next day and took the day off himself.
Jamie woke up around noon feeling tired but much better. He slowly made his way downstairs to find Lee in the kitchen.
"Hey Sport! How are you feeling?"
Jamie eyed Lee curiously. "Why aren't you at work?" He asked
"I didn't think you should go into school today. I thought you needed another day to rest." Lee replied
"But why are you here?" Jamie asked, rephrasing his question.
"I'm not sure I understand." Lee said. "I wanted to be here in case you woke up and felt sick again or in case you needed anything."
Jamie still was unconvinced. "But you have work."
Now it was Lee eyeing Jamie curiously. 'He must think I don't trust him to stay home by himself' Lee thought. "Jamie, I know you aren't a little kid, but I don't feel comfortable leaving you home alone while you are sick. Besides, you're mom or your grandmother usually stays with you."
"I'm sorry you had to miss work." Jamie replied.
"Jamie, it's just work. You don't have to apologize. Everyone gets sick. I'd much rather be at home with you".
Jamie just starred at Lee. His father always put work ahead of him and his brother. Jamie had lost count of how many times his father had missed a school event or cancelled a weekend trip because of work. And Lee was standing in the kitchen telling him he'd rather be here with him? It didn't make sense. "Isn't work more important than me?" Jamie didn't realize he had spoken out loud until he saw the reaction on Lee's face.
Lee dropped into a kitchen chair and held his head between his hands.
"Jamie is that the message I have been sending you? Of course work is not more important than you are. I am so sorry for anything I've done to make you feel that way. How can I make this up to you?"
Lee was close to tears. Jamie saw the sadness and hurt in his eyes. He took a step closer to Lee and sat down at the table next to him.
"Jamie." Lee said again. "Jamie, I am so sorry. I had no idea that was the message I was sending you". Lee's eyes pleaded for forgiveness.
"Lee." Jamie said quietly. "You haven't been sending that message."
Lee looked at Jamie, confused. 'We always seem to be looking at each other with confusion.' He thought. 'Somehow we're not understanding each other'.
Jamie saw the confusion in Lee's eyes and began to speak again. "My father always puts work ahead of me. In a way I expect you to do the same and in another way, I want you to know it's okay to put your work ahead of me."
Lee's first reaction was to say it wasn't okay but not wanting to say anything that might attack Joe, he instead asked, "Can you explain that to me?"
Jamie looked at Lee and could see he was sincere. "I don't want you to leave." He said softly.
Lee looked at him in amazement. "Why would I leave?"
"Because, well, because my father left because of me and Phillip and I don't want you to leave because of us. I try to stay out of your way and not expect to much from you because I don't want you to get sick of us and leave." Jamie took a deep breath. Once he started talking, he didn't want to stop. "If I want you to spend time with me you might get decide to leave and I don't want to get in the way of your work because I know it's important." Jamie finished and looked up at Lee, not knowing what type of reaction to expect.
Lee was floored. "Jamie, your father did not leave because of you and Phillip. You did nothing wrong. Neither you nor Phillip did anything wrong. I can't explain your mom and dad's relationship. I wish I could give you an easy answer." Lee hesitated. "I'm sorry for the way your father has treated you. I know he loves you very much."
Jamie continued to watch Lee struggle to respond to his outburst. He could tell Lee was trying not to say anything negative about his father. "You're different than he is. And I'm worried you might change and . . ." Jamie trailed off.
Lee smiled at the boy in front of him. "Jamie, for the first time in my life, I have my priorities straight. I know what I want. My job is important but it is not more important than my family. And I consider you my family. I'm not leaving. It took me forever to find this and I don't want to ever let go."
He and Jamie starred at each other for a few moments, digesting what each other had said. Finally Lee spoke again.
"Over the last year, since I moved in, I have gotten to know you a lot better but you've kept your distance. I think I understand why now. But I need you to understand that I want to spend time with you. I enjoy spending time with you. I am not going to get sick of you, and I'm not going to leave. I like being home and taking care of you when you're sick." Lee shrugged. "I guess that sounds weird. What I mean is, I'm not your father and I never will be. In that respect, I'm jealous of Joe. He has something I want and can never have. You and Phillip will never be my sons. But I want to be the best stepfather I can be. I want you to lean on me, come to me for advice, and let me help you with your homework. I want you to know that I am here for you, always, no matter what."
"You really mean that, don't you." It was a statement rather than a question.
"Yes, I do."
Jamie smiled at Lee and tried to hide the tears forming in his eyes. "I'm sorry I've pushed you away. I was just so afraid of losing you and . . ."
Lee opened his arms and gathered Jamie into a hug. "I know, Jamie. It's okay. Expressing my emotions isn't my strong suit but I'm working on it. I think we were just misunderstanding each other. Let's promise to talk to each other about what we're feeling more often, okay?"
Jamie smiled and returned Lee's hug.
"I love you, Jamie"
"I know." Jamie replied. "And I love you".
To be continued . . .
Chapter 7
"Alright fellas, be good - I love you!"
"Bye Mom!"
"Be careful"
"Tell Grandma and Aunt Lillian we said hi!"
"I love you!"
The boys and Lee waved as Amanda drove off.
"Will Mom bring Grandma back when she comes home?" Phillip asked.
"I think so. You know your Aunt's been really ill and she needed someone to stay with her while she recovered. But it's been over a month and she's feeling a lot better. Your mom is going up there to check on both of them and more than likely your Grandma will come back with her. I know she misses you guys like crazy." Lee answered, thinking he was starting to sound like Amanda. He smiled at the thought.
"Alright guys - time for school. Hope in the car and I'll give you a ride."
After dropping the boys off at school, Lee headed into work. Each day he arrived at and left work he thought how lucky he was to be out of the field. He entered his office and began sorting through the pile of messages. The day dragged on. Work always moved slowly without Amanda.
After lunch he began a round of important meetings. An hour into the meeting, he was interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Sorry, Mr. Stetson, but there's a phone call for you on line 1".
"Please take a message, we're busy here."
"Sir, I'm sorry but it's the school. Something about your son being sick?"
Chapter 8
Lee took the phone call and postponed the rest of the meeting. He left immediately to pick up Jamie from school.
The nurse met him in the main office and explained Jamie had the 24-hour bug that was going around the school. More than anything, he needed rest and liquids.
Entering the nurse's office, he saw Jamie sleeping in a crumpled heap on an old cot. Lee picked him up and carried him outside to the car. Jamie stirred as he was being placed into Lee's vehicle.
"It's alright, buddy. I'm going to take you home and you can climb into bed and go right to sleep".
Jamie opened his eyes briefly and said, "I'm sorry".
"Sorry?" Lee replied. "Jamie you have nothing to be sorry about." But Jamie was already asleep again.
Arriving home, Lee carried Jamie upstairs to his room and put him to bed. Jamie slept for most of the afternoon, awaking around dinnertime. Lee brought up some chicken noodle soup and a couple of Jamie's favorite books. For the rest of the evening, Lee continued to check on Jamie and bring him things to drink. Lee kept Jamie home from school the next day and took the day off himself.
Jamie woke up around noon feeling tired but much better. He slowly made his way downstairs to find Lee in the kitchen.
"Hey Sport! How are you feeling?"
Jamie eyed Lee curiously. "Why aren't you at work?" He asked
"I didn't think you should go into school today. I thought you needed another day to rest." Lee replied
"But why are you here?" Jamie asked, rephrasing his question.
"I'm not sure I understand." Lee said. "I wanted to be here in case you woke up and felt sick again or in case you needed anything."
Jamie still was unconvinced. "But you have work."
Now it was Lee eyeing Jamie curiously. 'He must think I don't trust him to stay home by himself' Lee thought. "Jamie, I know you aren't a little kid, but I don't feel comfortable leaving you home alone while you are sick. Besides, you're mom or your grandmother usually stays with you."
"I'm sorry you had to miss work." Jamie replied.
"Jamie, it's just work. You don't have to apologize. Everyone gets sick. I'd much rather be at home with you".
Jamie just starred at Lee. His father always put work ahead of him and his brother. Jamie had lost count of how many times his father had missed a school event or cancelled a weekend trip because of work. And Lee was standing in the kitchen telling him he'd rather be here with him? It didn't make sense. "Isn't work more important than me?" Jamie didn't realize he had spoken out loud until he saw the reaction on Lee's face.
Lee dropped into a kitchen chair and held his head between his hands.
"Jamie is that the message I have been sending you? Of course work is not more important than you are. I am so sorry for anything I've done to make you feel that way. How can I make this up to you?"
Lee was close to tears. Jamie saw the sadness and hurt in his eyes. He took a step closer to Lee and sat down at the table next to him.
"Jamie." Lee said again. "Jamie, I am so sorry. I had no idea that was the message I was sending you". Lee's eyes pleaded for forgiveness.
"Lee." Jamie said quietly. "You haven't been sending that message."
Lee looked at Jamie, confused. 'We always seem to be looking at each other with confusion.' He thought. 'Somehow we're not understanding each other'.
Jamie saw the confusion in Lee's eyes and began to speak again. "My father always puts work ahead of me. In a way I expect you to do the same and in another way, I want you to know it's okay to put your work ahead of me."
Lee's first reaction was to say it wasn't okay but not wanting to say anything that might attack Joe, he instead asked, "Can you explain that to me?"
Jamie looked at Lee and could see he was sincere. "I don't want you to leave." He said softly.
Lee looked at him in amazement. "Why would I leave?"
"Because, well, because my father left because of me and Phillip and I don't want you to leave because of us. I try to stay out of your way and not expect to much from you because I don't want you to get sick of us and leave." Jamie took a deep breath. Once he started talking, he didn't want to stop. "If I want you to spend time with me you might get decide to leave and I don't want to get in the way of your work because I know it's important." Jamie finished and looked up at Lee, not knowing what type of reaction to expect.
Lee was floored. "Jamie, your father did not leave because of you and Phillip. You did nothing wrong. Neither you nor Phillip did anything wrong. I can't explain your mom and dad's relationship. I wish I could give you an easy answer." Lee hesitated. "I'm sorry for the way your father has treated you. I know he loves you very much."
Jamie continued to watch Lee struggle to respond to his outburst. He could tell Lee was trying not to say anything negative about his father. "You're different than he is. And I'm worried you might change and . . ." Jamie trailed off.
Lee smiled at the boy in front of him. "Jamie, for the first time in my life, I have my priorities straight. I know what I want. My job is important but it is not more important than my family. And I consider you my family. I'm not leaving. It took me forever to find this and I don't want to ever let go."
He and Jamie starred at each other for a few moments, digesting what each other had said. Finally Lee spoke again.
"Over the last year, since I moved in, I have gotten to know you a lot better but you've kept your distance. I think I understand why now. But I need you to understand that I want to spend time with you. I enjoy spending time with you. I am not going to get sick of you, and I'm not going to leave. I like being home and taking care of you when you're sick." Lee shrugged. "I guess that sounds weird. What I mean is, I'm not your father and I never will be. In that respect, I'm jealous of Joe. He has something I want and can never have. You and Phillip will never be my sons. But I want to be the best stepfather I can be. I want you to lean on me, come to me for advice, and let me help you with your homework. I want you to know that I am here for you, always, no matter what."
"You really mean that, don't you." It was a statement rather than a question.
"Yes, I do."
Jamie smiled at Lee and tried to hide the tears forming in his eyes. "I'm sorry I've pushed you away. I was just so afraid of losing you and . . ."
Lee opened his arms and gathered Jamie into a hug. "I know, Jamie. It's okay. Expressing my emotions isn't my strong suit but I'm working on it. I think we were just misunderstanding each other. Let's promise to talk to each other about what we're feeling more often, okay?"
Jamie smiled and returned Lee's hug.
"I love you, Jamie"
"I know." Jamie replied. "And I love you".
To be continued . . .