by Tracy (biancaheart@yahoo.com)
Rating PG13
Category: K/I friendship, K/T, A/I
Spoilers: Up to "VLV"
Summary: Sometimes the only thing to do is walk away….
Disclaimer: I don't own Roswell, but I'll gladly pretend I do
in my dreams.
He stands up and looks at his "friends".
He hardly knows them anymore.
Before, they had been his life. His family- the ones who cared about him, the ones who were there for him when no one else was.
But they weren't anymore.
They had seemed so grownup, so sure of themselves, so certain, so successful.
And now he could see they were no more than children playing dress up.
Did Tommy know what it was like to die? To feel metal, cold, yet hot ripping apart your skin?
Did Paulie know the fear you felt when your Dad disappeared in front of you? The quick cycle of loss that envelopes your whole body?
Did Doug know how it felt to be trapped? To know that oxygen isn't a certainty?
No.
They had no idea. The truth is out there, but they don't even know that the world exists.
He hung out with them still, being the lead dog to the hapless pack. Being perfect when his mind was on other things. More important things.
Did they know about his Buddhism? No, because they'd have a fun time laughing and calling him a wuss.
They all wanted to be part of the illusion that was Kyle Valenti. They didn't want to get to know his real personality.
Heck, no one really did.
But Tess knew him. She had to, though. She lived with him.
And Alex…they were beginning to become friends, slowly but surely. Alex was pretty cool, except for the whole AV club thing.
He'd spent every year at West Roswell trying to fit in and be Mr. Perfect.
On that spring day, though, Kyle Valenti stood up and grabbed his lunch. And he walked away.
***
Isabel couldn't concentrate. She didn't care what the latest Ben Affleck movie was, or what celebrity was pregnant or engaged.
For years, Maggie and Gracie played princesses with her.
Little did they know, or did she know, for that matter, that she was a princess.
Vilondra. One who valued looks above books. A betrayer. She betrayed everyone that she loved. Her mind couldn't recall the forgotten memories. She couldn't betray Max…and Michael…her brothers, could she?
At times, she just wanted to run away. Over the summer, she took Summer School courses, halfway intending to graduate early and get out of Dodge. She didn't tell anybody though. She had to hide textbooks in her "Seventeen" magazines. And nobody, not even Max, had suspected anything.
Isabel had always felt safe and secure. In her dreams, she would find the rest of family, her natural mother and father, and together with the rest of the Evans family and Michael, they would live happily together, forever.
The shooting shattered that dream. Nothing was the same. The secret was let out. And she couldn't tell anybody.
And then there had been Alex, who made her feel like dreams could be possible again.
Then came the dreams of Michael. Ruining her illusions once again.
And then Vilondra. She felt as if she was carrying around a cross that only she could see. That she was playing dress-up, or enemy agent.
When Alex went off to Sweden, she cried. For the first time in ages she cried. It seemed to serve as a sign that her dreams, her ideals, were getting further and further away.
Then Grant died. Somehow she felt the whole thing was her fault. If Vilondra hadn't been a snot, then Grant would still be alive. The whole mission had been her fault. Everything.
And in Vegas, she almost lost her virginity. To a guy she didn't even know well. To a guy she didn't even love.
Maybe she was more like Vilondra then she ever thought possible.
So naturally, she couldn't relate to Maggie and Gracie's worries over sales at the Gap. It all seemed, so, so…insignificant.
Isabel stood up abruptly. And she walked away.
***
She ran into the eraser room. Tears pounded down her face. She didn't bother to wipe them away. Isabel sunk to the floor, tears still pouring. Her foot came in direct contact with a squishy object.
"Oww!" The voice cried, in a voice that also sounded like it had been crying.
"Kyle?" Isabel exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"
"My sinuses were acting up."
"Oh" she said. "Mine too."
A moment of silence passed.
Kyle spoke up. "Do you ever feel lost?"
"All the time" she affirmed. "I don't even know who I am anymore."
"Me too. I don't fit in anywhere. I'm….I'm not one of them. I care about more things than sports, cars, and girls. I mean, I still care…but it all seems so…"
"Childish."
"Exactly."
"Did you ever really feel like you belonged?" Isabel asked, pushing a lock of hair out of her face.
"I thought I did…but there was always something…"
"Yeah."
"So what do we do now?"
"I have no idea. About what?"
"Everything. Anything."
"You know what? One day, eventually, we'll have to leave High School. And we'll have to leave Roswell. We'll have to walk away."
"Walk away?"
"Leave the past behind."
"That's easier said than done, Kyle. You don't know about my past."
"Tell me." he said, his tone earnest.
She did.
"Isabel, can I tell you something, from someone who got a second chance? I don't have a clue what I'm supposed to do with this second chance, but I know I've changed- mentally and more. You were reborn, Isabel. You've been redeemed. Vilondra's crimes are not yours, they're hers. Stop hanging yourself."
"I never expected you to be the one to give good advice." She said, sniffling.
"I guess Alex is rubbing off on me." He smiled. "You know that he's still crazy for you, don't ya?"
"How do you know that?"
"You spend hours trapped in a cave with a guy, expecting to die, and you talk. He's just trying to adjust to everything, Isabel. We all are. But his feelings haven't changed."
Isabel felt a smile slowly creep on her face. Kyle had given her back the freedom to dream.
"Talking about changed feelings…" Isabel said, standing up. "You might want to know that a certain female alien has given up her obsession."
"Really?"
"Yeah. It seems she prefers guys with blue eyes and football
jerseys."
"Nice doing business with ya."
"Thanks for being a friend, Kyle." Isabel said, before darting out of the room.
He had the feeling that this could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.