Trickle - 5 - Ordinary

[The face I used to consider being mine was pale and drawn.]

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April 5

I picked a really bad day to wake up late. It's 3:45 p.m. I woke up about an hour ago. God, what am I turning into? I'm usually awake when the sun kisses my floor, but for some reason I didn't want to get out of bed. It's not that I was extremely tired, I just dreaded going to the ball.

I can't just decide not to go. No, Quistis has to be there to go around and shake the hands of people she doesn't know. She has to give students lessons on drinking at the after-parties they usually hold at Deling City. She has to stand there alone with a half empty glass of wine and watch everyone dance because people are so damn used to seeing that.

There's someone knocking on my door but I don't think I'm going to answer it. It's probably Selphie waiting to ask me if I want to help decorate.

Geez, I must fake my smiles really good at those balls if she thinks I really want to help out.

Will something different ever happen to this life? Am I going to be stuck in this certain page forever? I noticed today everyone has moved on with his or her life. Rinoa grows more beautiful every day. Squall still has trouble expressing his feelings, but at least he tries to talk to about them now. Selphie and Irvine are starting to reach a more serious point in their relationship. Zell was offered a chance to battle in a contest being held in Deling City sometime in the summer. And look at me. Still sitting here, whining to a book how things never turn out the way I want them to. God, I'm so pathetic.

Speaking of pathetic, I can't stop thinking about what Seifer and I would've been doing last night if Fujin and Raijin didn't interrupt us. What those two really need is a good punch in the nose. I'd be more than happy to give it to them.

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My reflection is starting to look different. The face I used to consider being mine was now pale and drawn and my lips that used to love company now handed out counterfeit ideas and laughter. They needed more color.

I reached for the lipstick I've kept by my sink for the longest time and decided since it was a special occasion; I'd have an excuse to wear it.

It was a color that was very out of date. But strange enough, it blended in with my peach colored outfit perfectly.

No matter how hard I try to look different, things never work out. I always look so normal, so ordinary.

I decided to leave my hair down instead of the usual bun.

It's 5:40, my plans are to stay in here until 5:50, when there's usually only 3 people left roaming the halls.

There'd be no point in leaving now. There'd a big line for the elevator and even worse, a huge line to the entrance of the ball.

I guess the only right thing to do right now would be to sit at a desk and twirl a pencil or head down to the library and check out "10 ways to enhance your Sex Life!"

I decided not to do either one of those and walked over to my window.

Outside I could see Fujin, Raijin, and Seifer, who were all dressed very sharply, standing by the entrance talking to some guards.

My guess is that Seifer is complaining about the guards near the "Restricted Area". He wasn't yelling though. He was talking very calmly, while those two idiots behind him cheered him on.

Ah, he has a way about him. He convinces anything to anybody.

The guard nodded his head and Seifer smiled, gave him a quick pat on the back and walked away.

Fujin and Raijin were still standing by the guard playing around; too busy to notice that Seifer was walking away. He didn't mind though, things would be a lot easier if they never followed him around in the first place.

It was 5:57.

I shut off my lights and headed towards the elevators hoping I would run into him.

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It was so crowded down here; it was hard to find just one person. But, towards the front of the line I could see the whole gang; Squall and Rinoa, Selphie and Irvine, and Zell.

I rushed to them hoping I wouldn't get lost in this line.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned quickly.

It was Seifer, he gave a little wave.

"Oh my goodness, you scared me."

"I scared you?"

"Yeah, it's just that crowds frighten me and--"

I stopped when I saw Fujin and Raijin standing behind him.

How the hell did they get up here so quickly?

Fujin was looking me up and down with a disgusted look on her face and Raijin was turned around talking to someone behind him. Seifer was still waiting for my response.

"Never mind."

"Do you have a special place in line or are you..." He gasped. "...Planning on cutting in front of some people?!" He had a jokingly fearful look on his face.

"I--uh…I was going to go stand with Squall and all them." I pointed to the front of the line.

"Squall?" He retorted.

I smiled at him.

"Yes, Squall." I said proudly.

He looked away.

The lines were beginning to move and I noticed that I was still standing here with Seifer. If I had walked up to Squall and everyone else I'd be boarding the elevator right now.

Seifer wasn't saying anything, but when he saw my little four-some through the glass of the elevator going up, he laughed.

"Looks like your plans are ruined."

"Oh, darn. Whatever will I do?" I tried blending in with his joking-ness, but I just ended up making not accomplishing anything but confusion.

I blushed and looked down.

Quistis, shut up. Stop trying to be funny 'cause you're only making a fool of yourself.

From the window nearby, I could see that the sun was going down and the lights around Balamb were coming on. They became brighter and brighter, as the sun sank lower and lower.

Come on Seifer, please talk. Say anything.

We stepped slowly, in complete silence and rode the elevator up to yet an even longer line.

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[If I am silent, I am not real. If I speak up, then no one would hear.]
- Garbage