Trickle - 7 - Crying

[I looked directly at him while 1,000 rivers of tears tried drowning me.]

.

When we reached the area, he walked towards the hole and jumped in calmly and easily. I didn't really know what was going on. But, when I saw him turn around and stare back up at me from his hideout, I realized that he was waiting for me to jump in.

"Oh, right. You're waiting. Okay…"

I took a deep breath, cautiously placed my foot over the ledge and pulled it back quickly. It was like reaching into a warm bath, but finding the water cold.

"If you think too much, you'll screw everything up, and end up hurting yourself."
"I know that, I can do it. Just give me a minute."

I moved my foot slowly down the path hoping there was a way I could walk down, instead of jump. When I did feel the path go lower, and lower I started to walk down it slowly.

"Ah, you're going to hurt yourself Quistis."

I ignored his comment, and stepped lower.

Suddenly, the dirt beneath caused my foot to slide in front of the other and I slid down the path. Seifer got a concerned look, and reached out to grab me.

The fall was too sudden, it caused me to push him down to the ground and come crashing on top of him.

"Are you OK?"

He was even more beautiful up close. His gray eyes shifted from left to right quickly; examining both of mine. His eyebrows were lowered, and his face seemed so serious, and marked with worry.

I looked behind me. Dust was surrounding the area I just fell from and when it cleared, I saw how high it really was.

"I'm fine, Seifer. I want to tell you something."

"Okay, do you have to be on top of me to tell me?" He laughed, with his hands on my waist trying to lift me off of him. Before he actually could, I lowered my lips to his.

They touched for the smallest second. It might as well not even have happened.

"Wait, what are you doing? Get off of me."

This time, he used all of his strength to push me off. I backed away and watched him dust himself off.

"Is that all you're going to say? Get off of me?"
"What am I supposed to say?"
"Well, did you feel anything at all when that happened?"
"No."

"Seifer, you don't have to pretend with me! You know, I actually believed for awhile that you didn't feel anything, but I know you're much more than that!"

My voice was beginning to rise. He just stood there.

I stayed quiet for awhile.

"You don't have to be brave with me."

I tried climbing back up the dirt ledge I just fell off of. To my surprise, I actually made it up. I started walking back. Seifer followed, climbing it quicker and smoother.

"Wait." He grabbed my arm, and turned me around.

"I'm sorry. I just, I can't really explain what I felt. But I know it wasn't enough to make an impact."

Ouch.

"Oh, so do you think if Rinoa did it to you for that short while, you wouldn't feel anything either? That's it, isn't it? You're still completely in love with Rinoa. Well, I don't know if you noticed but she doesn't even know you're alive."

Big mistake Quistis.

His eyebrows lowered, and I suddenly wished that I never had said that.

"YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME!" He yelled.

His voice was loud, it caused me to flinch and back away.

"Seifer, don't get crazy, calm--" I choked on what I was going to say. "Calm down, I didn't mean what I just said. What I meant was--"

"You're over here telling me all this and you don't even know what the hell is going on in my life! Why? I didn't confide in you. I'm not asking you to analyze my life; you couldn't if you tried."

My lips started to quiver and I began narrowing my eyes, to hold my tears in.

"What I meant to say was…" My voice was slowly raising, and at that very moment I knew exactly what I always wanted to say to him. "…You're over here living for Rinoa and she doesn't know, but did you know that I was living for you?"

He stayed silent.

The only sound that could be heard was my whimpers and the only movement out of the two of us was me wiping my eyes with the palms of my hands.

"I was so relieved, that you would be the one to pull me from everything that's been holding me back in my life. I was so certain."

I looked directly at him while 1,000 rivers of tears tried drowning me.

"You have no idea how much I hold in. Do you think your tears mean anything to me?" He asked, with a disgusted voice.

"....."

I closed my eyes slowly thinking of what he just said; letting it sink into every nerve in my body. There was an awful ringing in my ears and when it stopped, the only thing I could hear was his footsteps as he was walking away from me.

.

[This must be underwater love. The way I feel it slipping all over me.]
- Smoke City