Trickle - 9 - Sting
[I went completely limp and cried hard into her shoulder like a child that has just scraped her knees.]
.
April 18
"I was staring out of my window the other day hoping I would see him hanging out with Fujin and Raijin. Climbing the entrance gates and playfully swinging back and forth on them. And like children, chasing each other once and awhile.
My world is dying. I ask myself everyday "Quistis, why do you let yourself feel, if it's only going to bring pain that will flood over your pleasure?"
Sure, it's great to love and even better to be loved, but it's even greater to be alone for the rest of your life. I know what you're thinking. Yes, I probably am crazy for saying that but if anyone could feel what I feel right now chances are you'd probably cheer me on.
I wish I could've told him everything sooner. I wish that I---"
.
"Quistis, can you please open the door? I need to talk to you about something, it's extremely important."
Selphie's voice echoed into my room.
I set my pencil down, closed my notebook and walked over to the door.
"Is there anyone around?"
"No, it's just me."
I opened the door cautiously, only enough to see her face. She looked at me a bit surprised; I guess she's never seen me in this state before. My eyes were baggy, my lips were frowning and my hair was in a very sloppy bun.
She pushed the door open slowly, wide enough for her to fit in.
"So, how's it going?"
I looked down at myself and looked back at her.
"Right, Quistis will you please sit down?"
I stared at her for awhile and slowly took a seat at my desk.
"I meant over here." She sat on my bed and patted an empty spot beside her. I slowly walked to the bed, and sat down.
Please don't tell me what I think you're going to say.
"There have been rumors."
"What kind of rumors?"
She stayed silent for awhile.
"Well, rumors that someone found a body in the Roshfall Forest, near Timber."
"So?"
"The body was described as a fairly tall person with a gray trench coat and a necklace with the name "Almasy" inscribed in it."
Everything that I've ever known about him came surging to my head; flashbacks of him sitting in the library twirling pencils and catching my fall when I fell off the cliff. I could hear his voice saying "My hands are always cold". I could see him smiling at me, waving, and walking away.
I looked at her slowly, with tears building up very quickly in my eyes.
"But hey, hey…don't worry, it's just a rumor."
I closed my eyes, and nodded.
"Yes, just a rumor." I tried smiling at her, but only more tears came out.
She put her arms around me, and pulled me close to her.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Quistis."
I went completely limp and cried hard into her shoulder like a child that has just scraped her knees.
"Can I get you anything?"
Seifer.
"Do you need anything?"
Why? Why you?
I pulled away, and turned my face away from her.
"I want to be left alone. Leave, please."
She sat there for awhile, and then finally left.
It's now official. My world is dead. There's no point in living if I'm not going to be able to leave my room anymore. There's no point in leaving my room, if I'm only going to break down every 5 seconds. There's no point in breathing, without him.
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[There's no point in living, if you can't feel alive.]
-Shirley Manson