Trickle - 10 - Water

[I couldn't take the feeling of being cold anymore.]

.

Relax Quistis. It's just a rumor, it's just a rumor.

For the remainder of the day, I sat in my bed huddled up, with my back against the wall. The thought of death capturing someone so close absolutely terrified me. The thought of him being gone without me apologizing was too much to deal with. If tears were a certain color you would be able to see all the places I've cried in. You'd see the puddles around my desk, a trail leading to my bed, even on my wall as I hit them in anger with liquefied hands.

Guilt was the only thing surrounding me. I needed to be clean again.

.

It was 3:24 a.m. but I didn't care. I wasn't going anywhere the next day, I didn't need to sleep.

I turned the knob and watched crystal water flow into my bathtub.

What if he really is dead?

I stared into the mirror. My reflection was more unrecognizable than ever. My eyes were stained a red color, my cheeks looked flushed, and my lips were just one fine line carefully drawn on.

I looked away and restricted myself from seeing the person who drove him away and rested my elbows on the sink counter.

It's OK Quistis; everything is going to be OK.

After standing there for a full 7 minutes in that position, I removed my clothes and stepped into the bathtub. I sat down slowly, trying to adjust to the frigidness. I usually always felt so clean just sitting in icy water, but I couldn't take the feeling of being cold anymore.

Rotating the knob, I felt warmer water engulf me.

"You know nothing about me!"

I closed my eyes.

"You don't know how much I hold in."

When the water was warm enough I reached out blindly with my eyes still closed and turned it off.

"Why Ms.Trepe, I think that's the first real smile I've seen in a long time!"

I sunk lower into the bathtub and pinched my eyes close tightly, as if that could stop me from breaking down.

Why did I wait so long to catch him? Why did I have to push him away from me? Why couldn't I just stay silent and sit there with him in the dark? Did he think of me as he was walking away? Did I hurt him, as much as he hurt me?

There was a silent, slow knock at the door.

I thought I was hearing things, but the knock came again.

Who the hell is awake at 3:00 in the morning?

"I SAID I WANTED TO BE LEFT ALONE!" I yelled through the open bathroom door, hoping whoever it was heard me.

The knock stopped for awhile, but slowly began again.

Dammit!

Slamming my hand down on the side of the tub, I reached for a towel and went for the door.

I opened it slowly, with an angry face but my eyebrows slowly lifted to a shocked state when I saw Seifer looking down at the ground. He looked at me quickly and smiled. He was breathing fast and clutching his arm; as a red stream flowed through his fingers.

[If you're the guilt, then I'm the shame, and if I'm hurt, then you're the blame.]
-Sneaker Pimps and Portishead