Trickle - 16 - Disappear

"On the outside I saw the coldness. I saw the Seifer that I always used to see."

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The sun's burning death was over, and we were greeted serenely by a pale bule moon, which left signs of its kisses on our forehead. A bleached shine.

I'm trying so hard to enjoy myself tonight, but everytime I hear Seifer cough, or pause in his breathing, I keep wondering if he's going to make it.

We walked to a less crowded area.

Seifer laid himself out on the benches, and began drawing shapes in the air with his fingers. I watched him. One of his legs was slightly bent, and I noticed he was using his arm that wasn't cut to paint the sky.

Why did I wait so long to finally touch him? Why does he have to be hurt when I finally get to hold him?

I walked over to him, and knelt down beside him.

"Seifer...is the poison contagious? Because if it is, kiss me now. You can't fight this alone, we could fight it together."

He lowered his hand.

"Quistis, stop talking like that! You make it sound like I'm going to die in the next minute. Even if it is transmittable, do you think I'd pass it onto you? What's the point in two people suffering?"

He sat up, and made room for me on the bench.

I could tell by his voice that he was getting fed up, because I kept asking him about it. I kept trying to find a way to cure it.

I stayed on the ground, and rested my hand in my forehead, in frustration.

I looked over at him. He had his hand in his lap, impatiently strumming his fingers. And on the outside I saw the coldness. I saw the Seifer that I always used to see. Not scared of anything, but through his eyes, I could see fear. He was afraid. Afraid of trying to walk away and only end up stumbling. Afraid of yelling at me, but only ending up whispering. Afraid of trying to push me away and only end up hugging me and crying.

"It's my fault you're in this condition. I should've never told you how I felt. I should've just visited your hideaway, and admired it with you. I should've just kept everything on the inside, and cried it out in my mind. Chances are, you wouldn't have left Balamb that night. Chances are, you'd be breathing more comfortably."

"Quistis stop it!"

He stood up, and looked down at me. His voice was raising.

"Why do you always talk like this? Why do you always look at the bad side of situations?"

"Because the bad side is so easy to see Seifer!"

I got up, and walked over to him.

"What's so bad about me dying? The world would lose someone who never 'cared'. Someone who has to pretend to be something, throughout their life. Who's going to miss someone like that?"

"I am! You put me in a different light. You've given me a new coat of skin to live in! You said I made you feel different too. Can't we just be different, and take care of eachother? Those were our plans weren't they? I mean, we haven't known eachother that long, intimately, but mentally, I've known you my whole life, and losing you, would be like losing my mind. I can't live without my mind. I can't live without you. We can't let this disease pull us apart! We're going to find a way to make you clean again. We're going to find a place, where we can live faultlessly. If you're going to die...I want to die with you."

Standing up, and being calm was a complete failure.

I crashed to the ground, and beat my fists into the cement. Crying, and screaming.

"I want to die with you Seifer!"

He pulled me up to him, and held me.

The scent of his clothes was enough to put me in a hypnotic state.

He held me tightly, and I could feel the little boy who used to be so energentic, I could feel the child who loved to play pranks, and laugh at the torment of others. I could feel a terrified man, whose sanity was collapsing.

"I want to be beautiful like you Quistis. I want to be young again, and not have to worry. I want to hold you, but not contaminate your memory of me, with this unsoundness. I want to live with you beyond this world in Elysian fields, but how can Heaven love me? I want to be baptized in your tears, because they always understand me."

I buried my face in his chest.

Don't say things like this Seifer, or I'll never let go.

From behind my shoulder, and over the sound of my struggling to breathe, I could hear his tears falling on the sidewalk. That sound...it was enough to drive to drive you insane.

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"If I should choose to fall apart, don't you think you should let me? If I should choose to die alone, you should forgive, and forget me." -Joydrop

Notes: Woo-hoo! More and more reviews! Yay! I love your reviews. I'm also extra cheery, because there is ice-cream in my view. This is great...hmm...what's that? You want the next chapter? Why certainly! I'll get started on it right now... well, after I jump the carton of vanilla goodness first. *yum!* ^_^