Whee! I'm a wonky weirdo. ^-^;; And this is the fic that I wrote when I should have been writing my history term paper. (Seriously, term paper...fic...term paper...of course the fic's going to win! ^-^) I sooo shouldn't write when I'm stressing about school and life and stuff... And guess what? It has a sucky title and summary! Go me!
Anyway, thanks for reading this over for me starsnake!! You're the best, and I definitely owe ya one for looking at this craziness! ^-^ And thanks to everyone on the ML for just being so downright cool. (Y'all rock! *bounces happily*) And Finny, you're a sweetheart too! And I promise to get that email back to you once I get this blasted term paper written. (Of course, it might help if I quit procrastinating...ugh.)
Okay, anyway...this takes place about twenty some odd years after 02...and I suppose you could say this fic's AU. Enjoy! ^-^;;;
****
A Matter of Responsibility
"How could you do this to me?!"
"Yamato, there wasn't a choice." The blue haired man said with a sigh as he plopped down tiredly in the chair Shinkeru had forgotten to tuck back under the table after dinner. Blowing out a frustrated sigh, Yamato finally gave up pacing and pulled out the chair opposite Jyou and slid into it.
"I know." The blonde haired man finally admitted after a moment. "But can you really blame me for being upset? I swear Jyou, I'm this close to losing it. Between the kids and work and not being able to sleep without you beside me..."Yamato shook his head slightly before burying it his hands.
"Yamato, don't do this to yourself. Just use the money..."
"I am not going to use your fucking money." Irritated, the blonde slammed his hands down on the table and glared across the table at his love. He absolutely refused to use the money, it was just too dirtied, too stained. And it was simply too soon to be contemplating the implications behind it. "I'm gonna get a cup of coffee." He muttered absently as he stood up, deliberately turning his back on Jyou.
"You can't keep letting things go on like this. You're killing yourself here. And you know I hate to see you this rundown." Hearing the oh so familiar worry in his partner's voice, the blonde felt a ghost of a smile tug on his lips. "Besides, the kids need you to be with them now and not putting in overtime at work."
"Jyou..." He ground out between his teeth as a warning of sorts before turning around. Jyou stared back at him, that worried look of reproach in his dark blue eyes as he gazed over the rim of his glasses. God, how he had missed that look. Of course, that only served to further aggravate him.
"Jyou, you know I've been thinking about it. And you're right, I'm a mess. Maybe the kids would be better off with your ex..." The blonde trailed off uncertainly, as Jyou shot him a pained look. "Look, I know when you left you were expecting me to take care of them, but I'm not so sure I can. I'm not so sure that I'm the person that they need."
"You're their father too, Yamato. You promised me you'd take care of Shinkeru and Ruki."
"And you promised me that we'd always be together, that you'd never leave me. Sometimes, Kido, we don't always get what we want." He snapped back. Couldn't Jyou see that he had gone as far as he could? He couldn't be the father those kids needed right now, not without Jyou here to help him.
"So you just want to take them and leave them with Mimi, huh?" Leave it to Jyou to switch tactics.
"That was the plan, yes." The blonde took a swing of his coffee, without looking over at the lean dark haired man sitting at his kitchen table.
"What about Kenji?" Yamato flinched slightly.
"I...I was kind of hoping that Mimi would take him in too. God, Jyou. You have no idea. He just reminds me so much of you." He sighed and then shot his dark haired lover a frown. "How'd that happen anyway? He looks almost exactly the same way Takeru and I did at that age, but he acts just like you." It was a familiar question between them, and for a moment, Yamato let himself pretend that Jyou hadn't really just ditched him to raise their three kids by himself.
"Which is exactly why I don't want Mimi raising them. Sure she loves the kids, but come on. You've seen her house. There's little glass figurines all over the place, and the carpet...she has white carpet." Jyou gave him a disgusted look over the top of his glasses. "Kenji's already too quiet and withdrawn as it is, living in Mimi's crystal palace will not be good for him. And can you seriously picture Mimi putting up with Ruki's antics?"
Okay, well maybe Jyou had him there, Yamato acknowledged with a sigh as he thought about his youngest daughter. "I suppose she is a little bit of a terror. But don't you think she could use a little bit of a calming influence? A mother's touch?" He made a wild stab at a last attempt to convince his partner. The frown that marred Jyou's features spoke volumes.
"Mimi? A calming influence? This is my ex we're talking about, right? Yamato, there's a reason the kids lived with me after the divorce. She's an actress in the States, you know that she's always flitting from place to place to do her movies. Most likely Ruki and her brothers would get stuck with a nanny at best, in a boarding school at the worst. Yamato, what they need right now is you." Jyou leaned over almost earnestly as Yamato looked back with growing self-doubt.
"Jyou, I can't do it. I can't do this without you here to help me." The blonde man finally bit out after a tense moment, frustration etched on his face. "Maybe you're parents..."
Jyou shot him a death glare from across the table.
"Okay, okay...that's a bad idea. I guess I knew that before I even suggested it." Matt ran a hand through his hair as he tried to take a calming breath. "You father tried to take them right after you left, you know. He's a real piece a work, your old man."
"I was worried he'd do something like that." Yamato looked up to see the sympathetic concern in Jyou's eyes. "That's why I left explicit instructions with the lawyer naming you their guardian. Damn it all, I don't want them to grow up the way I did."
"Well, I don't think you have anything to worry about. I think your father started rethinking the whole thing when Ruki bit him."
"She bit him?"
"Yup. Romany's still calling her 'Vampire Ruki'." Yamato managed a small chuckle at the nickname his nephew had come up with. Still though, it hadn't been half as funny when it'd been happening to them. "I was just standing there, Jyou, and your father comes up announcing in that stuffy voice of his that he's gonna take the kids and raise them the proper way. I think he conveniently forgot for a moment that Kenji's mine by blood. And then he all but rips Ruki out of my arms. Man, you should have seen the look on his sour old face when she twisted around and sank her teeth into his shoulder."
"That's my girl." Jyou managed with a laugh. "I wish I could have seen that. I'll bet Dad almost had a stroke. Shuu, Shin, and I never would have had the nerve to do something like that."
"It gets better. Shinkeru hauled back and kicked him in the shin while he as hollering at Ruki to quit biting him."
"And Kenji?"
"Already running to get your brothers for help." Yamato answered with a chuckle as he traced a finger around the ridge of the coffee mug. It was one that Jyou had brought with him when they'd moved in together. 'I love NY' was written across the white ceramic sides, and Yamato had always loved the irony in it, because Jyou had hated New York. His lover could go on for hours about how the smog aggravated his allergies or how the people were always so rushed and rude. "Maybe the kids could stay with Shin or Shuu..."
"Yamato." He looked up to see Jyou's serious face staring back at him. Guiltily, he swung his head around and stared back out at the den, avoiding his partner's gaze.
"The kids love those two, you know. And Shin and Shuu are always good to them." The blonde added softly, feeling awful for even suggesting it. But couldn't Jyou understand? He wasn't cut out to be a single father. His own childhood and living with a single father hadn't prepared him at all for this. And he certainly didn't want their three kids to grow up like he had either. Kenji, Shinkeru, and Ruki deserved to have a whole person. And he hadn't been whole for a while now...
"Shin's out of the question. You know he does those anthropological digs in West Africa six months out of the year. And while I think it would be educational for the kids, I don't think they need to be running around on a foreign continent half a year at a time. Yamato, they need stability."
"That's just it, Jyou. You were their stability. Hell, you were my stability. They were better off with you. More than they'll ever be with me." Pushing the mug out of the way, the blonde man rested his chin on his crossed arms.
"They can't come where I'm going, and you know that." Jyou bit out harshly, and Yamato flinched.
"I know." He snapped back before getting up to pace again. "It's just that I'm not exactly the most dependable person here. They need someone they can rely on. And as much as you don't want to admit it, that was you. Not me. Give me a break, even when we were in the digital world I was couldn't be there for you guys. Not like you needed me to be."
"Please. That was over twenty years ago." The look on Jyou's face clearly stated that he wasn't buying the blonde's train of logic.
"So it was twenty years ago. It was irresponsible for me to just up and leave the group--Takeru-- like that. And you can't even claim that that's an isolated incidence. I mean, look at the way I knocked up Mimi's Maid of Honor at your wedding."
"Yeah, but look at the way you convinced her to carry the baby to term, and the way you took Kenji in. And even in the digital world, Yamato, you did come back when we needed you." Jyou shook his head as he clasped his hands in front of him on the table. "Everyone makes mistakes. I'm not asking you to be the perfect father, here. I'm just asking you to look out for them and take care of them and yourself."
"It'd be a lot easier if you were here." Yamato muttered sullenly, feeling very much like a rebuked five year old.
"Well I'm not going to be here anymore, and I need you to face that fact. Listen, Yamato, I have to know that you and the kids are going to be okay." The blonde looked up sharply at Jyou's last words and scowled.
"Okay? Okay?! How the hell are we supposed to be okay, Jyou? Everything we've known is being turned topsy-turvy. Everything we" Yamato gestured back and forth between the two of them, "shared together is just a fucking memory." Sinking back into the chair, Yamato willed himself not to cry. He'd already shed too many tears over this as it was. "Nothing, save having you come back to us, is going to make everything okay again."
"I can't come back. You know that." Jyou's dark blue eyes were pleading. "Just take the insurance money, Yamato."
"I. Don't. Want. It." The blonde bit out in short snarled words as he abruptly stood up again. He just couldn't make himself sit in that chair across from his lover. Not right now. Turning, he opened the fridge, fished out the lettuce and a tomato. He really wasn't all that hungry, but he needed to do something with his hands, and making a sandwich just seemed appropriate.
"You are being so stubborn." He heard Jyou mumble under his breath. And turning slightly, he glared down at the lean man to let the man know that he'd heard that comment.
"Jyou, I know you mean well, but I can't accept that money. It isn't right. Just like my raising the kids isn't right. I mean, you've only been gone two months and things have already fallen apart around here. I'm losing it; I'm seriously losing it. Kenji acts like you. Shinkeru flat out looks like you. And Ruki...Ruki just reminds me of everything that's missing around here now that you're gone."
"Yamato..."
"What if I'm just as bad a single father to them as my Dad was to me? I mean, honestly Kido, what were you thinking, naming me their guardian? What do I know about that sort of thing? God, I'm so scared I'm gonna fuck this up. Actually, I'm terrified that I already have." The knife blurred slightly in his hand as he started chopping at the lettuce.
"Yamato, you're their Dad. Nothing I say or you do is going to change how they feel. In their hearts, you're just as much their father as I am. Even Shinkeru, who's old enough to remember parts of my living with Mimi thinks of you as his dad."
The blonde man drew a small breath as the knife stilled half way into the head of greens. In his heart of hearts, those kids were just as much his as they were Jyou's, too. They had been ever since Jyou had moved in with them six years ago.
"I'm going to screw it up." He said finally, biting back the tears that kept threatening to spill.
"No you aren't." He turned slightly to see Jyou leaning on the counter beside him, a look of complete trust on his face. "Take the money, Yamato. Quit your job, I know you never liked it much anyway. You still have dreams yourself, right? Don't make me be the one stopping you from reaching for those. You wanted time to work on your art and on your lyrics, this is the perfect time and opportunity. All those kids need from you right now, is for you to be here with them."
"How can you have such faith in me?" The question tumbled out of his mouth as he looked at his partner in consternation.
"Because I know you, and I love you."
"I...I'll think about it then." Yamato finally conceded, although both he and Jyou knew that it was as good as an agreement. 'We'll see' as Ruki could well attest to, meant the same thing as 'yes'. The knife came down hard, hitting more than just the lettuce on it's way down. "Oh shit."
"Geez, Yamato! Quick, grab a dish cloth." Jyou butted in, distracting him from his now bleeding hand. "And don't you dare think of putting it under the faucet."
"Alright, alright. I'm getting the dish cloth." The blonde muttered in response to his love's nagging. He'd managed to slice himself pretty good this time. From the look of it, the cut was pretty deep.
"You're gonna need stitches." Jyou added as he peered over to get a better look at Yamato's hand. Wrapping the cloth around the wound tightly, the blonde reluctantly nodded his agreement. "Better call Takeru and Daisuke."
"Yeah, but I'm sure Romany's already sleeping..."
"It's an emergency, Yamato. They'll understand. And it's not like they have to move Romany too far, they live two floors down, for heaven's sake."
"You're being pushy."
"You need to get that taken care of, and if I don't push you, who will?"
Muttering under his breath, Yamato reached out and picked up the phone with his good hand and dialed Takeru and Daisuke's number. "Hey, Takeru, it's me. Yeah, listen, I was making myself a sandwich and I managed to cut myself pretty bad. No, I'm not going to bleed to death in the next five minutes. I just need to go get a couple stitches...you will? Thanks."
"They're coming up?" Jyou asked, the worry still evident in his eyes. Rolling his eyes, Yamato nodded.
"Yeah, Daisuke's gonna drive me to the Emergency Room, and Takeru's gonna watch the kids."
"I'm sorry, Yamato."
"Like you said, there wasn't a choice." The blonde finally admitted with a heavy sigh. "Just...when they get here, don't do anything to freak out Romany..."
"You mean...?"
"Yeah, he's a little different that way. You remember how he is, right?" Yamato tilted his head with a grin at the mildly astonished look on Jyou's face. His poor love was so set on seeing the world through scientific eyes sometimes. Oh, he wasn't as bad as Koushiro about it, but Jyou still had a hard time fathoming things that couldn't be explained away in normal, logical terms. His reaction to the phone booths in the digital world was just one example among thousands.
And as for Romany. Well, you just couldn't always explain Daisuke's son away in scientific terms or reasoning, Yamato decided.
A couple minutes later the door chimed and Yamato got up to let his brother and his brother's boyfriend in.
"Sorry about this." The blonde apologized, somewhat stiff with embarrassment, as Daisuke hiked Romany a little bit higher up in his arms. The seven year old blinked for a moment, and Yamato smiled at the confused, old soul look in the youngster's eyes as they darted back and forth between him and Jyou.
"Uncle Jyou?"
"Hey Sport, we already had this talk, remember?" Takeru stepped in, taking the cinnamon haired boy from Daisuke before Yamato could interrupt. "Uncle Jyou's in heaven. Now why don't we go get you tucked in on the top bunk in Ruki's room."
Yamato manage a weak grin as Jyou gave the little boy a wink before Takeru took him into the other room.
"You'll take care of the kids and yourself?"
Turning back to Jyou, Yamato sucked in a deep breath and nodded slightly. "I promise." He whispered.