Disclaimer:
I don not own Evangelion, or any of the characters within.
Authoress Note: *kisses Tama-neko, the ever unwilling Muse* Yay!! Tama-neko, this is probably one of the best fics I've ever written, and I did it right after I got you!! Thank you so much!!
Tama-neko: Yeah....whatever you say...as long as you don't kiss me again...
This takes place during End of Eva, but you don't need to have seen it to understand it. Well, on with the fic.
My Name Is Ayanami Rei.
* * * * *
My name is Ayanami Rei.
I have no idea why I was named that. I have no mother, no father who could have given me such a name.
Ikari-san. He gave me that name. Maybe he likes that name. I was once told that Ikari-san had said something about that, a long time ago, before I was created.
He said that if he were to have a son, he would name him Shinji. If her were to have a daughter, he would name her Rei.
He did have a son. He did name him Shinji. Then, why did he name me? I am not his daughter. I am his creation.
He created me. Well, the scientists created me, but on Ikari-san's orders. Why did he order my birth?
Oh. I know why. The Rei that existed before, the me that once was. She's gone. She dead. She died for him.
And the one before her. She, too, died. She was killed. She said something she shouldn't have. But, she said it for him. For Ikari-san.
After they died, another was created. Another was brought forth, to replace the one lost, therefore making their sacrifices meaningless.
They did it for him. They died for him. And what did he do in return? He made another.
He made me, and he named me the same as them.
He named me Rei.
Rei. That name can mean many things. It can mean an actor. That fits me. I must always wear this mask, this impassive, uncaring, mask.
It can also mean cool, or cold. That suits me as well. Most people see me as cold.
The word can mean soul, spirit, or ghost. I guess that applies to me as well. I often wander as one, and seem to have no more substance than one.
It can mean zero, nothing, or nought. Sometimes I feel as if that is the most accurate of all the meanings of my name. I feel as if I am nothing more than a step in Ikari-san's plan. I am nothing in his heart, only a step along the way to see his beloved Yui again.
Lastly, my name can mean companion, or expression of gratitude. These do not fit me or my personality at all. I intend to change that. Yui, Ikari-san's wife, was caring, compassionate, kind. Half of me is her. Why can't I be too?
He loved Yui with all his heart. He loves Shinji too, even thought he's afraid to show it, for fear of hurting the boy.
Where does that leave me? He does not want to hurt Shinji, because when Shinji is gone, he will be gone forever. Not so with me.
I am a tool. If I break, I will be replaced. But that is not so anymore. Ritsuku-san destroyed the dummy plug system. There are no more. I am the last.
I am no longer expendable.
I no longer need fear being discarded, traded in for a more complient version of myself. I can make my own decisions. I can live for myself. I can be someone else, besides the simple tool. I can tell him the truth.
I can rebel.
My name is Ayanami Rei.
I am Ayanami Rei.
"I am not your doll."
-Ayanami_Chan
ayanami_rei@softhome.net