Title: Not My Place
Author: Ailie McFarland
Fandom: BTVS
Spoilers: Tough Love (aired 5/1/01)
Rating: PG
Archive:
Distribution: Oh! Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes!
Feedback: It's what I live for. Well, that and the end of finals week.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I just couldn't sleep after tonight's ep. Just because I'm a W/O shipper doesn't mean I don't think what happened is horrible. Sigh. Anyway, this was written quickly and spur of the moment, so don't be too hard on me!
"Thank you for calling the Magic Box, your one stop ..."
"What happened to Willow?"
"Oz?" The connection isn't very good, these international calls aren't exactly the clearest thing in the world, but I can still hear the surprise in Giles' voice.
"Yeah. What happened to Willow?" I wish I could explain why I know something is wrong. I just do. It's happened a few other times. I'd feel this flash of sudden happiness or pain, and wonder if it was from her. But this time, it was just too intense. I know it wasn't my imagination.
"She's fine, Oz. I promise you." But I know better. During my meditation today, I felt the bottom drop from beneath me. It was as if everything I held sacred was taken away, my soul ripped from my body as I fought desperately to hold onto it. Everything was cold and dark. I imagine this feeling must be close to what Angel experienced when he lost his humanity.
"Giles, I know she's not fine." I spent hours shivering on the floor of my apartment, trying to deal with this emptiness robbing me of clear thought and reason. I thought I would give anything to take that feeling away.
I was wrong.
Next came anger. Actually, it was all consuming rage. Even when I killed Veruca, I never felt this way. Words can't express the darkness of the emotion. Every time I become the wolf, I touch that darkness. Today I drowned in it.
Silence on the other end of the line, followed by a heavy sigh. "There was ... an incident." My breath catches in my throat. I knew that something was wrong. Giles goes on, starting at the beginning with Glory and Dawn. At first I had to fight the urge to scream, to tell him to get on with it already. It's not that I don't care about Buffy and the others, but right now, Willow is my main concern. Eventually I realize what he's doing. To understand the magnitude of the situation, I have to understand what they've been going through since I left.
Then he reaches the point. "As best we can tell Glory somehow came to the conclusion that Tara was the key. When she discovered her error, she was most displeased." There's that silence again. When even Giles runs out of words, you know it's bad. "She ... fed off of Tara, for lack of a better term."
The enormity of that statement strikes me. Tara is irrevocably changed, leaving Willow behind. There was a time when I thought the same thing had happened to Willow, when her vampire twin invaded the Bronze. At the time, I had busied myself trying to discover a way to save the lives of the club goers, pushing aside my breaking heart. Willow didn't have that kind of distraction. "What did Willow do?"
"Attacked. Drew on some very dangerous sources to attempt to bring Glory down. She didn't succeed, but managed to escape injury."
My little Willow took on a God. It's hard for me to believe in some ways. After all, when I left Sunnydale the spells were still somewhat on the smaller scale. Apparently things have changed, and so has she. I'd always knew she'd truly bloom someday, and let everyone see the strong person I saw inside of her. I just didn't imagine I wouldn't be there to see it as well.
"How is Tara?" I don't know Tara well. I don't know her at all, actually. But if Willow loves her, she must be a good person. And despite the fact that I attacked her that one day ... I feel terrible about what has happened. No one deserves this. No one.
"She's home, resting. Not much change as far as I can tell, but Willow insists ... she says sometimes are better than others."
"And Willow?" My heart leaps up into my throat. Just saying that name, thinking of her face ... sometimes it's more than I can bear.
"I suppose as good as can be expected. Buffy and Dawn are with her now, helping her watch Tara. It's hard on all of us, on her in particular. Especially so soon after losing Joyce ... which I suppose you haven't heard about either." I half listen as Giles explains the circumstances surrounding the death of Buffy's mother. It's not that I didn't like the woman. In fact, she was just about the coolest mom-type figure I ever had the pleasure of meeting. It's just too much, too fast. Too much change. I've only been gone a year. Just one year.
Eventually I realize Giles is quiet. He must be waiting for me to say something. "Is there anything I can do?" A stupid question, but one I need to ask.
"No. I think everything is as under control as possible under the circumstances. Life on the Hellmouth and all of its pleasures. And ... as far as Willow is concerned, I think it would be best if I didn't mention this call to her. I appreciate your concern, but it's not your place to do such things. It would probably ..."
"Hurt more than help. I know. That's why I called you instead of her. I just ... I needed to know."
"I understand."
There's a click, then a dial tone.
I wish I understood why this keeps happening. Why Willow and I still have this connection. If I was a poet, I might say it was the bonds of eternal love, unbroken by time and distance. But that's a load and I know it. Maybe it's the wolf in me and the witch in her. Maybe it's from being in such close proximity to her spells for all those years. There's lots of things it could be, and the truth is I'll probably never know. I can deal with that.
What I can't deal with is knowing that she's hurting. I want to wrap my arms around her, kiss her hair, and tell her everything will be alright. At this point I'd even settle for hearing her voice over the phone. I'm tempted to call and leave a message on her machine, just to let her know I'm thinking about her and hoping that Tara will recover. But as Giles said, it's not my place.
Not anymore.
Author: Ailie McFarland
Fandom: BTVS
Spoilers: Tough Love (aired 5/1/01)
Rating: PG
Archive:
Distribution: Oh! Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes!
Feedback: It's what I live for. Well, that and the end of finals week.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I just couldn't sleep after tonight's ep. Just because I'm a W/O shipper doesn't mean I don't think what happened is horrible. Sigh. Anyway, this was written quickly and spur of the moment, so don't be too hard on me!
"Thank you for calling the Magic Box, your one stop ..."
"What happened to Willow?"
"Oz?" The connection isn't very good, these international calls aren't exactly the clearest thing in the world, but I can still hear the surprise in Giles' voice.
"Yeah. What happened to Willow?" I wish I could explain why I know something is wrong. I just do. It's happened a few other times. I'd feel this flash of sudden happiness or pain, and wonder if it was from her. But this time, it was just too intense. I know it wasn't my imagination.
"She's fine, Oz. I promise you." But I know better. During my meditation today, I felt the bottom drop from beneath me. It was as if everything I held sacred was taken away, my soul ripped from my body as I fought desperately to hold onto it. Everything was cold and dark. I imagine this feeling must be close to what Angel experienced when he lost his humanity.
"Giles, I know she's not fine." I spent hours shivering on the floor of my apartment, trying to deal with this emptiness robbing me of clear thought and reason. I thought I would give anything to take that feeling away.
I was wrong.
Next came anger. Actually, it was all consuming rage. Even when I killed Veruca, I never felt this way. Words can't express the darkness of the emotion. Every time I become the wolf, I touch that darkness. Today I drowned in it.
Silence on the other end of the line, followed by a heavy sigh. "There was ... an incident." My breath catches in my throat. I knew that something was wrong. Giles goes on, starting at the beginning with Glory and Dawn. At first I had to fight the urge to scream, to tell him to get on with it already. It's not that I don't care about Buffy and the others, but right now, Willow is my main concern. Eventually I realize what he's doing. To understand the magnitude of the situation, I have to understand what they've been going through since I left.
Then he reaches the point. "As best we can tell Glory somehow came to the conclusion that Tara was the key. When she discovered her error, she was most displeased." There's that silence again. When even Giles runs out of words, you know it's bad. "She ... fed off of Tara, for lack of a better term."
The enormity of that statement strikes me. Tara is irrevocably changed, leaving Willow behind. There was a time when I thought the same thing had happened to Willow, when her vampire twin invaded the Bronze. At the time, I had busied myself trying to discover a way to save the lives of the club goers, pushing aside my breaking heart. Willow didn't have that kind of distraction. "What did Willow do?"
"Attacked. Drew on some very dangerous sources to attempt to bring Glory down. She didn't succeed, but managed to escape injury."
My little Willow took on a God. It's hard for me to believe in some ways. After all, when I left Sunnydale the spells were still somewhat on the smaller scale. Apparently things have changed, and so has she. I'd always knew she'd truly bloom someday, and let everyone see the strong person I saw inside of her. I just didn't imagine I wouldn't be there to see it as well.
"How is Tara?" I don't know Tara well. I don't know her at all, actually. But if Willow loves her, she must be a good person. And despite the fact that I attacked her that one day ... I feel terrible about what has happened. No one deserves this. No one.
"She's home, resting. Not much change as far as I can tell, but Willow insists ... she says sometimes are better than others."
"And Willow?" My heart leaps up into my throat. Just saying that name, thinking of her face ... sometimes it's more than I can bear.
"I suppose as good as can be expected. Buffy and Dawn are with her now, helping her watch Tara. It's hard on all of us, on her in particular. Especially so soon after losing Joyce ... which I suppose you haven't heard about either." I half listen as Giles explains the circumstances surrounding the death of Buffy's mother. It's not that I didn't like the woman. In fact, she was just about the coolest mom-type figure I ever had the pleasure of meeting. It's just too much, too fast. Too much change. I've only been gone a year. Just one year.
Eventually I realize Giles is quiet. He must be waiting for me to say something. "Is there anything I can do?" A stupid question, but one I need to ask.
"No. I think everything is as under control as possible under the circumstances. Life on the Hellmouth and all of its pleasures. And ... as far as Willow is concerned, I think it would be best if I didn't mention this call to her. I appreciate your concern, but it's not your place to do such things. It would probably ..."
"Hurt more than help. I know. That's why I called you instead of her. I just ... I needed to know."
"I understand."
There's a click, then a dial tone.
I wish I understood why this keeps happening. Why Willow and I still have this connection. If I was a poet, I might say it was the bonds of eternal love, unbroken by time and distance. But that's a load and I know it. Maybe it's the wolf in me and the witch in her. Maybe it's from being in such close proximity to her spells for all those years. There's lots of things it could be, and the truth is I'll probably never know. I can deal with that.
What I can't deal with is knowing that she's hurting. I want to wrap my arms around her, kiss her hair, and tell her everything will be alright. At this point I'd even settle for hearing her voice over the phone. I'm tempted to call and leave a message on her machine, just to let her know I'm thinking about her and hoping that Tara will recover. But as Giles said, it's not my place.
Not anymore.