Potions, Poems, & Problems
A/N: Hello all! This is our second fic, full of insanity (as usual) and hopefully, it will make you laugh. Many things happened during the writing of this fic. Abby (Twinette #1) ate too much sugar and Dragonwings (Twinette #2) fell asleep and was breathing so weirdly that Abby had to shake her awake. Gee, I'm sure you really wanted to know that, didn't you? ::evil laugh:: Anyhow, we'll let you get to reading. This is simply the first chapter, but be warned, more chapters will appear later. It does not seem at this moment that there will be more than two or three chapters in this entire series.
It was a typical day at Hogwarts School of Magic. Things were exploding, people were shouting, and the Weasley Twins were up to no good. It wasn't as if they were doing anything particularly terrible.
Of course, nothing could match the time in their second year that Snape had come to visit McGonagall during transfiguration. The pair was working on transfiguring a sock into a snake, and they thought it would be
interesting to see their least favorite Professor's sock turn into as snake as well. Of course, they accidentally missed his socks and hit his pants. Fred and George learned more than they ever wanted to about their potions professor… who knew that Snape loved tabby cats enough to charm dancing ones onto his briefs?
However normal this little task seemed, their next adventure was going to turn out to be anything but typical, as the duo would soon discover.
They had recently discovered that Hermione had checked out the book, "Moste Potente Potions" and had done what anyone would have done: stole it. It was not easy. "George, how are we going to get into the girls' rooms? More importantly, how are we going to get the ingredients for these potions once we get the book?"
"My dear brother, you doubt our superior intellengence and our quick wit? If you will remember we have broken into nearly everything this school has to offer and then some. We have also snuck into the girls' dorms before."
"Yeah, but McGonagall caught us and it didn't help that you were holding Cho's bra and that other girl's panties that you had tried on not once, but twice!"
"Has the wrath of McGonagall finally caught up to you? Are you seriously thinking of giving up an opportunity like this just because of an over-stuffed shrew in tights with a bun and glasses thicker that the Earth's crust who also has a stick shoved so far up her bum it could be used for a lightening rod?"
"Dear brother, forgive me. I have sinned against thy grand will. Bless our father and hail Mary!"
Suddenly, their chat was interrupted quite rudely by none other than Professor Flitwick, walking casually down the corridor. "Oh, m'dear boys, good to hear you finally learning some respect for religion. Yes, hail Mary, full of grace!" The merry professor continued walking, humming an old church hymn and chuckling to himself. George and Fred burst into laughter the moment the old little man was out of their superficially innocent gazes.
"Back to the plan," Fred continued.
"Yes, back to the plan. As I was saying, since it 'twas I who dared to doubt our genius, I shall volunteer to venture into the dark depths of the fifth year girls' dorm," George replied with a slight bow.
"Nay, my dear brother. We shall go together as one in the name of mischief, trouble, and all that is not so very nice!" Fred said as he headed to the Gryffindor common room with George right behind him
"I've got dibs on Lavender's bra and panties!"
"What is it with you and ladies' undergarments?" Asked Fred, quite amused.
"I don't know, I simply find them interesting. Don't you?"
"I guess."
And with that, they headed off toward the Gryffindor common room, grinning in silence and walking with a new determination. Anyone who had passed them would have been able to tell by the looks on their faces that they were definitely up to something, but seeing as no one passed by, everything was safe.
Finally, they reached the portrait hole and whispered the password, "skcih skcits dna ylgu skcihc" and clambered exictedly into their common room, the room they had created so many memories in over the better part of their lives. Who could forget the day they hung the chicken from the ceiling? Whispering as if they were mere children on a playdate, their plans developed from cunning to, well, really cunning. In fact, they doubted if perhaps they were actually Slytherins at heart… nah. Scratch that thought.
Heading straight to the famed spiral staircase where they'd acted out "Romeo and Juliet" so many times with unsuspecting first years, they were grinning from ear to ear and laughing like the maniacs they were. The looming door with the sign "5th Year Girls" stood before them.
"Dare we?" Fred questioned.
"Yes, dear brother, we do."
"All right, George, but no trying on undergarments. We're just here to get the book and leave."
"Fine." George said disappointedly.
Pushing open the door, they were astonished at the sight that lay before them. It was not what they'd expected.
What they had in mind was an empty room just like the boys' rooms. What they got was a room full of girls…changing.
They never knew how much girls could cuss, scream, and yell until that moment. They also did not take into consideration all the heavy, blunt objects in their room ready for throwing.
"Fred, are you fascinated with girls' undergarments now?" George inquired.
"Yes." Fred replied bluntly, and before any more damage could be done, both of them ran deftly out of the room, slamming the door behind them and resting their hands on their knees, gasping for breath.
"Well, that didn't work, did it?" It was more of a rhetorical question than an actual question. Therefore, George didn't answer. There had to be another way to get that book… there simply had to be.
"I've got it!" George cried. "I saw the book on Hermione's nightstand." He spoke as if he were a genius.
"So?" Fred asked. "Big deal."
"No, you don't get it… we can use the 'accio' charm to get it! We'll just wait until the door opens and then - zip – "accio Moste Potente Potions!"… it'll be right in our hands!" This was the wrong thing to say. Just as George cried out for the book, it came sailing straight through the wooden door, leaving it completely splintered and useless, stirring up dust as it collapsed onto the floor after dangling for a few seconds by one brass hinge. Fred and George smacked their heads fretfully at the same time, and Fred quickly grabbed the book before motioning quietly to his brother. The screams of the girls could be heard more loudly than ever, and both twins resisted the sudden urge to take one quick peep in the busted door frame before bolting clumsily into their seventh year dorm rooms.
"So, what shall we try first? A love potion, perhaps?" Fred whispered once they were safely in their room.
"Nah, too predictable. What about a Polyjuice potion?" George resoponded.
Fred didn't have time to answer, for at that moment they heard a voice that spelled doom for them both:
"FREDERICK! GREGORY! GET DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!" Ah, the voice of McGonagall.
The Twins quickly slunk down to where McGonagall was. They knew if they tried to avoid punishment, it would just be worse. Kind of like the time they posted fake pictures of McGonagall and Snape having a little, 'private time'. Who knew posting pictures of your teachers snogging on the sofa could get you a month's worth of detentions per kissing professsor? When they got to the scene of the crime, McGonagall's lips were microscopically thin and her face was redder than any tomato they had ever seen (or hurled at the first years during their broom riding lessons).
"Boys, I am very disappointed in you." Her eyes were narrowed in annoyance and disgust. "I don't know what you think you were doing, but as you know, rule 571 of the Hogwarts Code clearly states on page 28679 section K paragraph 3, that "students of the opposite sex are not allowed in each other's dorms!" This is cause for your immediate removal from school premises. Did you know that? DID YOU KNOW THAT?" Steam seemed to issue from the very head of the professor as she fumed angrily. However, it was apparent that a hint of a smile was twitching amongst her thin-pressed lips.
"Professor?" George asked innocently. "Have you ever considered trying out for the annual Creative Tea Boiling contest down in Hogsmeade? You could "use your head" and win a prize, both literally and figuratively!"
This really did it. Fred and George were cordially escorted by the angered professor straight towards the evil place that could only be known as… dun dun dun… THE OFFICE.
"My dear brother," Fred whispered to George, "I do believe we are officially screwed."
"At least we have the book."
"The book won't do us any good against the all out wrath of mum."
"Maybe there's a potion in there that can erase your memory." George suggested.
"I can see that now, 'Mum, we weren't thrown out of Hogwarts in disgrace! That's just your imagination. We're home because we missed you. Don't worry, those people who are laughing at you, mainly Malfoy, were just hit with a giggling charm. Nothing is wrong at all.'" Fred replied as he rolled his eyes.
"Well, you don't have to get snippy with me."
"Speaking of snippy, there's the office…" Fred whispered.
"What does that have to do with being snippy?" George inquired.
"I don't know, it just seemed like the right thing to say."
And that was that. They walked along in complete and utter silence, and not a single word would escape their lips from now until eternity as far as they were concerned, seeing as their mother would probably come to Hogwarts and murder them in their sleep for disgracing the family.
Professor McGonagall mumbled the password into Dumbledore's office and sudddenly our two favorite heroes found themselves being ushered up the stairs and into the circular room for about the millionth time in their lives. They kept their heads looking downward, and whether it was a sign of repspect toward their professors or an act of severe embarassment, the world may never know. Most likely, it was simply the fact that there were scattered detention slips all over the floor, and most of them had their name on it… there were some from their first year, even… and they found it amusing and comforting to read off all the reasons why they had been put down in the dungeons to scrub cauldrons or up in the astronomy tower to clean telescope lenses.
"Ah, Professor Professor McGonagall. Lovely to see you… and hello, Mr. Weasley, Mr. Weasley." As he said each 'Mr. Weasley' he gave each boy a curt nod. It was difficult to tell whether he was angry or not. Professor McGonagall began speaking.
"Headmaster, these two boys have just…" She began angrily, but was cut off by Dumbledore.
"Yes, I know, and all that I ask is that the book be returned to it's rightful owners." There was a hint of a gleam in his eye as he said this. McGonagall looked at him sternly.
"What book?" She interrogated.
"Why, the book they stole from the girls. That was the reason that they wanted in the dorms in the first place! My dear Minerva, what did you think they'd done?"
Professor McGonagall's cheeks flushed, and she opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out.
"Never mind. I don't want to know what you thought they were going to do." Dumbledore smiled his usual all-knowing smile, then looked over to the Professor who still held the boys captive by clutching their wrists possessively and waiting for something more to be said. "You can let go of them now, Minerva. They're not prisoners."
Fred and George exchanged glances once they were released. Surely they would receive more punishment than this… and whatever it was, it was bound to be terrible.
Dumbledore was about to say that the two "felons" could go, but a look from McGonagall told him that more punishing needed to be done, so he said, "And the two of you will also be expected in my office tomorrow, Sunday, at 7:00 PM for a detention to last until 10:30 PM. That will be all, you two may go back to your rooms now. May I emphasize that they be your rooms, not anyone else's."
With that, George and Fred turned around and abruptly trotted back down the stairs from which they'd came, leaving their professors behind them before any more punishments could be given. They exhaled at the exact same time, and as twins tend to do, they both whispered, "Wow. We got off easily." Grinning to themselves, they continued walking back to the Gryffindor common room.
When they reached it, they said the password, jumped inside the portrait hole after a quick chat with the fat lady ("How did you get so fat?" "Does it bother you being called the Fat Lady?" "Have you ever heard of Jenny Craig?"), and ran straight back to their dormitory. Once they were sitting on their beds, they began to talk.
"The detention is no problem," Fred implied warily, "but the book…"
"Yeah." George replied as his brother's sentence trailed off. "Dumbledore said that we must return it to it's rightful owner."
Now it was Fred's turn to contradict. "Correction, brother dearest. He said to return it to it's rightful owners. Plural."
"So? That just means that there is more than one owner."
"But if you think about it, we can either return it to Madam Pince or Hermione. Those are two completely separate people. We cannot return the book to both of them, so there must be some other owners. Two other owners… wait, two owners…" Fred's eyes widened. "George, let me see that book."
George tossed the leather bound potions book to his brother. The cover was a deep scarlet with silver bindings, an unusual combination, as most library books were either scarlet with gold, or green with silver. Apparently, this book was special.
Fred caught the book with two hands, reading the cover. It read, of course, "Moste Potente Potions" but the author's name was scratched out, probably long ago. Flipping to one of the back pages that, in a normal book, would be blank … but in this book, there was something written on those pages. Fred read it aloud.
Two Slytherins we are
Cunning, deceptive by far
We always know what mischief is best
But now we both are laid to rest
Someday our descendants will come to find
This lovely book, it's one of a kind
When they receive it, Disaster will strike
Doors fall down, women scream… the like
Though bravery, not evill, will be more prudent
These two will forever be our students
Family lines will again be traced
Let this book ne'er be misplaced
And all hell will be raised
When they come to find our book.
The two gasped, but it was Fred who was first to speak. "D'you… d'you remember what mum told us long ago as new first years when we asked her what house she thought we would be in?"
"Yeah, she told us we'd be in Gryffindor." George said, unimpressed.
"No, she mumbled something after that…"
"Something about how we did have two Slytherin ancestors who were mischief-making twins, but…" Realization dawned. "WE HAD TWO SLYTHERIN MISCHIEF-MAKING TWIN ANCESTORS!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.
"Ssh, quiet, people will come running up here if we're too loud!" Fred warned.
"Sorry."
"'S okay. And they're certainly dead, so that explains the next first of the poem.
"And the next says something about their descendants finding the book." George piped up excitedly, smiling to himself.
"Yes, and it is rather lovely." Fred exclaimed. George rolled his eyes. "But the next bit is what makes me so suspicious… about disaster striking, girls screaming, and doors falling down."
"Do you think…" George paused.
"I don't know what to think, brother."
"I think it's pretty clear who the rightful owners of this book are. It needs to be given to two mischief makers, who are cunning, joking, brave and… frankly, I believe the rightful owners are us." He stated matter-of-factly.
It appeared that the twins had more than just the Marauders to look up to after all.
A/N: You like? No? Yes? Well then, why don't you let us know by reviewing? We love reviews, but we won't beg. Constructive criticism is, of course, always welcome. Thank you for reading our insane fic, and if you made it this far, then heck, you deserve an award. For those of you who yelled at us in our last fic, Hicks, Sticks and Ugly Chicks, for making fun of hick-like people, we have something to say to you. WE ARE TEXANS! WE ARE HICKS (Sort Of)! So there! Heehee.
Disclaimer: We do not own Fred, George, Hogwarts, etc. but we do own the personalities we created for them. Who knew that George would be so obsessed with underwear and that George would actually be smart enough to look up a poem? We also own the idea for the mischief they're creating, and all the mentions of past torture they'd inflicted on the unsuspecting school, the idea that they had cunning Slytherin twin ancestors, and the poem in the back of Moste Potente Potions… Most Potent Potions…
Final A/N: Thank you again for reading, and please do R/R.