Potions, Poems, and Present-Day Problems, Chapter Dos (Two)
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A/N: We're back, with the second chapter. I'm sure you're positively
delighted. I believe we've just won ourselves the award for the Longest
Subtitle in Fanfiction History. Thanks to all who reviewed our last little
installment, you were very encouraging. Y'all rock! You know, we've been
listening to a lot of music while writing this… including Bon Jovi and Lady
Marmalade (Pink, Lil Kim, Maya, Cristina Aguilera.) It was all very
inspiring, especially while writing at 1:00 AM. We are insane. We realize
that. You do not have to tell us. J
Hey man, it's a been awhile
Do you remember me?
I hit these streets when I was seventeen
A little wild a little green
Been up and down and in between
But all these years and miles and memories
I'm still chasin' dreams
But I ain't looking over my shoulder…
- Older, Bon Jovi (our anthem)
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Where we left off last time: "It appeared the twins had more to look up to than just the marauders after all."
"Er, George?" Fred asked.
"Yes?"
"I think we have a slight problem." Fred looked significantly worried,
his brow furrowed deeply towards his blue eyes.
"What would that be? We're practically out of trouble… except for that
detention. But no matter, Fred, what's our problem?" George replied.
The twins had been talking for nearly an hour, reminiscing about the days
of old, the good old days when pranks were plentiful and times weren't as
rough. Fred remembered the time in their fourth year that they set the
Plimpies loose on the school. Professor Sprout hadn't been able to sit down
for a week… having a plimpy attached to your bum doesn't make for a
comfortable seat! However, it now seemed that there was an important problem
to address. Always the intelligent one, Fred began to explain with a
contemptuous look on his face.
"Well, we've stolen the book, gotten of trouble, talked a lot and
supposedly 'discovered our destiny'-" here both twins had a good laugh and
rolled their eyes "- but now what? I mean, why did we get the book in the
first place? And is there something special we need to accomplish now that
we've discovered we have ancestors who've probably been dead for a thousand
years that are exactly like us?"
"Good point."
They sat in silence, thinking of ways to use the book.
"We could practice our posture and balance it on our heads." George
suggested simply.
Not having any other ideas, Fred complied. "All right." So they each took turns for over half an hour, balancing the old book upon their heads and wobbily walking across the room. During George's turn, Fred commented, "Okay, this is getting boring. And you're starting to walk
like a duck."
George rolled his eyes. "Quack." Fred jumped off his bed, rushed across the room and snatched the book off his twin's head, and both of them were knocked to the floor, completely breathless and winded.
"Well," George suggested, "why don't we look in the book?"
"Are you sure this one won't scream, or bite, or demand that we go buy
them a six-pack like the last one did?"
"Fred." George whispered. "The book didn't ask for a six-pack."
"Then who did?" Fred asked incredulously.
"That was me. I really wanted to know what it tasted like so I used my
superior ventriloquism skills to make it sound like the book said that."
"Then what did you do with the six pack once I gave it to you?"
"I drank it." George stated, as if it were obvious.
"Oh, that's why you started making out with that lamppost…"
"Yeah." George said. "Exactly. Okay, open the book Mr. Genius."
"Thanks for the compliment!" Said Fred sincerely.
"Don't you know sarcasm when you hear it?" George rolled his eyes, then
eyed the book in his brother's hands. "Come on, open it!"
"Fine." Fred took one look at the book before ripping it open. He was
expecting a sword to chop his head off, for a banshee to swallow his brother
whole (he crossed his fingers hopefully at that one), or at least a blinding
flash of light, but nothing happened. How typical. This book belonged to his
ancestors, the ones who were pranksters just like them! Fred felt quite
ripped off.
****************************************************************************************************************
At that moment, Harry and Hermione were on the couch in the Gryffindor
common room snogging like there was no tomorrow. Suddenly, Hermione's hair
turned bright blue and Harry developed a severe case of amnesia.
"Who are you?" Harry asked, breaking away from the kiss.
"What?" Hermione ran her fingers through her hair, suddenly realizing
that it was an unruly shade of blue.
So much for nothing happening when the book opened…
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"Well then…" George trailed off. "I guess we should figure out what to do
with the book now."
"Hmm…" Fred said sarcastically. "It's a potions book, so maybe we should
try to grow something! Or, transfigure something!"
"No, dummy, potions books are used for making potions…"
"Now it's my turn to say it: don't you know sarcasm when you hear it?"
Both boys harrumphed.
"Oh. Okay, then, let's look at a potion." Flipping through the book, Fred read the first potion. "Invisibility potion. Typical. I could've guessed that as a first year."
They spent several hours skimming the tomes of pages in the newfound book that was apparently theirs. George spent half an hour staring at a veela, and Fred eventually had to pull the poor boy away from it, and would've spanked him or yelled at him or told him to go sit in the corner like their mum would've, but it struck him that it was now 7:00 PM, and they needed to go to their detention in Dumbledore's office. When they got to his office, there was a note on the gargoyle:
To Fred and George Weasley,
I'm afraid I had an emergency that required my immediate attention (they
needed someone to test the newset flavour of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour
Beans…) and I will not be able to supervise your detention this afternoon.
Professor Snape has ever so kindly volunteered to allow you to serve it with
him. Please report to his office as soon as you get this note. Thanks!
- Headmaster Dumbledore
"Oh no," Fred groaned.
"Why are you groaning? You got your name first on the letter!"
George fussed.
"I'm not groaning because of a stupid thing like that! I'm upset because
we have to serve our detention with Snape!"
"Oh…"
"Wait! If we're in Snape's office, then we can get the potion supplies!"
"Yeah, if he happens to look away from us for an entire ten minutes…"
"That's where I come in. I'll cause a distraction and you steal the
supplies!"
"Perfect!"
"I would think serving a detention would be less than perfect, don't you
agree boys?"
Both twins spun around and saw Snape standing behind them with an evil
glint in his black eyes. A sinister twisted grin was on his face and both
twins knew that meant he had something awful planned for them. Most likely
they would be scrubbing out barrels of dragon boogers or picking bezoars out
of dead goats for the first years. They followed in silence as Snape led them
down to his dungeons.
"You will be skinning Erumpents then separating the tails, horns, hide,
and the sac of venom within their horns. It causes things to explode and if
one thing explodes in this room, you will both have a week's worth of
detentions! Get started. The carcasses are over there. They will all be
completely finished before you leave," Snape instructed. He then handed them
both a dull plastic knife and sat back to watch.
"Get ready to steal the supplies, George," Fred whispered as he tried in
vain to cut into the carcass. Unknown to Snape, Fred had his hand on the horn
and was ready to poke it into another carcass's … lower abdominal region.
George had his hand on another horn preparing to do the same thing.
"On the count of five…" Fred whispered.
"One…"
"Two…"
"FIVE!" George shouted as they plunged the horns into the other carcasses
on cue. Blood, guts, and other things you will only learn about in anatomy
class splattered everywhere. George heard Snape shouting loudly, but ignored him. Fred kept
shoving horns up "lower abdomen regions" as Snape kept swearing
and going ballistic. George shoved as many ingredients in his robes as would
fit, including some innards of Erumpents plus their horns (exploding liquid
included). Both twins rushed out of the dungeons with Snape hot on their
heels. They barely lost him when they escaped into the girls' bathroom where
Moaning Myrtle was sobbing and flooding the floor.
"Why are you here? You aren't girls." She demanded.
"We are too girls! We've just been hit with this awful curse that changed
us into boys and we are so ashamed we can't go to Madam Pomfrey!" Fred wailed
in the highest pitched voice he could muster.
"Yeah, we can't bear it, so we're going to wait in here untill it wears
off," George added with a fake sob. Myrtle eyed them suspiciously, then
retreated into her stall.
"Genius, Fred!" George whispered as they hurried to the stall closest to
the door.
"Thanks. Did you get all the supplies?" Fred asked.
"Yup. All in my robes."
"I can tell," Fred said as he poked George's bulging clothes, laden with
ingredients for their potions. "You look like an over-eating hippopotamus.
Too bad Cho can't see you now…"
George blushed furiously. "I don't like Cho! And besides, if we're girls,
that would be wrong. I'd much rather have you."
"What?!?"
"Well, no, wait… you're a girl too, I forgot. Okay, then, Draco."
"WHAT!?!" Fred screamed at the top of his lungs.
"You said we were girls." George said this as if it was something he said
every day, he wasn't even smiling as he usually did when he played a joke.
"I was lying, you prat! Now take back those words you said and tell me
you didn't mean them."
"But that would be a lie."
"Oh, God. Just drop it." That was all George heard, but if he'd listened
more closely, he would have heard Fred mutter, "My brother…my twin…" But George, being the
complete and total idiot that he usually was, didn't care to listen long enough.
"Fine." George said. "Where should we go to make the potions? I'll get
the book!" He cried. "Accio Moste Potente Potions!"
"Oh, NO!" Fred slumped to the floor in an unsuccessful effort to detain
his brother from summoning the book. He could hear the sound of ancient
parchment rippling through the air, the clatter of heavy metal objects being
dented, and a swarm of owls being hastily de-feathered by the whipping wind
of the book. And just for the sake of tradition, several doors collapsed, not
to mention the screaming girls…
George raised his hands in triumph, the age-old book clutched in his
hands. "I did it!" He cheered. "I did it!"
"Don't repeat yourself. It's annoying. It doesn't matter what you did
either, because we're in so much trouble that nothing can save us now." Fred
retorted with an air of superiority.
"You think you're so great, don't you?" George laughed. "Well, this time,
it is I, Gregory Frederick Weasley, not you, Frederick Gregory Weasley, who
will have the last laugh. You are right, nothing can save us now… nothing but
a potion!"
Fred sighed resignedly. It was true, his twin did have a point. There was
bound to be something in that huge book of theirs that could save their sorry
bums. "All right, then, where should we go to prepare the potion? You know,
everyone always assumes that there is some secret passage somewhere hidden
within Hogwarts concealed by a loose brick that was created by the Marauders
that you or I or Harry, Hermione and Ron will someday find and follow in
their footsteps, then realize their ultimate destiny. Personally, I think
it's a corny idea."
"Dear brother, it would be rather corny, except for one thing. Er, there
IS a secret passageway concealed within Hogwarts hidden by a loose brick that
the Marauders created that you or I or Harry, Hermione and Ron will someday
find, follow in their footsteps, and realize their ultimate destiny. It's
right over there."
Fred said simply, "Ack."
The twins walked to the other side of the hallway, and George tugged a
loose brick to reveal the famed Hidden Passageway Concealed Within Hogwarts
Behind a Loose Brick Created By The Marauders That Fred, George, Harry,
Hermione and Ron Would Someday Find and Follow in Their Footsteps, Then
Discover Their Ultimate Destiny.
"Wow…" George breathed. "It's the Hidden Passageway Concealed Within
Hogwarts Behind a Loose Brick Created By The Marauders That Fred, George,
Harry, Hermione and Ron Would Someday Find and Follow in Their Footsteps,
Then Discover Their Ultimate Destiny! I bet the marauders made it."
"No duh."
A/N: Wow! The end… of this chapter ::evil laughter::. It's not our fault
we're insane, really! I swear, we were dropped on our heads when we were
babies. If you haven't noticed, we modeled Fred after Abby, Weasley Twinette
#1 (twisted but intelligent) and George after Dragonwings, Weasley Twinette
#2 (twisted but…er…extremely twisted). Hehe! Many realizations were made
during this chapter, especially that Dragonwings can not put Abby's hair into
a ponytail, Abby really CAN explode (Abby-kabobs!) and that Bertie Bott's
Every Flavor beans do have a sardine flavour.
Disclaimer: Um, wow… we don't own any of the characters, JKR does. Warner
Brothers owns some of the stuff too. We don't own Moste Potente Potions, a
six-pack (although Dragonwings did at one time, gee, wonder what happened to
it), or pretty much anything else. We are proud owners of the Hidden
Passageway Concealed Within Hogwarts Behind a Loose Brick Created By The
Marauders That Fred, George, Harry, Hermione and Ron Would Someday Find and
Follow in Their Footsteps, Then Discover Their Ultimate Destiny. Yay, we own
something! Please R/R.