Angel almost ran into Sunnydale Memorial Hospital, with Cordelia and Wesley close behind. It was late afternoon when Buffy called, so by the time they reached Sunnydale, they were sure visiting times would be over. Gunn had stayed in LA, he has assured the others that he and his friends would take care of everything while they were gone, and told them to stay away as long as they needed to.
Cordelia ran over to the desk. "I'm here to see Mr Rupert Giles."
The receptionist looked up at her. "Are you family?"
"No, but we're really close friends."
"I'm afraid you can't go in right now, but some other friends of his are waiting over there, if you'd like to wait with them until someone can see you."
Cordelia had walked off before the lady had finished talking, leaving Wesley and Angel to thank her for her help.
"Cordelia!" Willow's voice rang out, and sure enough, Cordelia could make out the redhead through her teary vision.
"Where's Angel?"
Cordy turned to Buffy. "He's right behind me." To her immense surprise, Buffy leaned over and hugged her tightly.
"Thankyou for coming." Cordelia didn't know how to reply, as her impulse response would have sounded rude, even though she didn't mean it that way. Instead, she returned the hug. She was pleased to hear Angel voice behind her, and Buffy let go and went to him.
"How is he?" Cordelia didn't want to ask the question, as much as she wanted to know, she had an awful feeling that they were about to tell her that there was nothing the doctors could do. She didn't want to lose him.
"They haven't told us anything. He was in pretty bad shape when we got here though."
"What happened." Buffy turned to look at Angel, fresh tears in her eyes.
"It was my fault. He came with me to find Glory. I've been training a lot, and … I got this stupid idea into my head that I could take her. He wouldn't let me go alone, and … when we found her, she went straight for him. I think she knew he couldn't do anything to stop her. I tried my best, but the most I could do was rip her dress. He was doing OK, holding his own, managing to take the kicks and punches and still retaliate, but she threw him through a window. We weren't very high up, but it was enough knock him out. I didn't hang around to fight, I brought him straight here." Her voice quietened. "I wasn't quick enough."
"Miss Summers?" A fresh voice began from behind Cordelia. She wiped her eyes, and turned round to see a doctor standing there.
"Yeah, that's me." Buffy walked towards him, not letting go of Angel's hand.
"I'm Doctor Simpson. You can go in for a little while now, but don't expect him to respond. You might be shocked by the way he looks, he's got a lot of tubes and wires connected. He's still unconscious, and there's still a possibility that he won't come round. We'll know better after we've done some tests."
"When will that be?" Cordelia had put up all her barriers, and was trying her best not to get upset.
"They'll be ongoing over the next few days. We'll have to speed things up if he hasn't woken up tomorrow, though, because if there's any serious damage we may need to work quickly.
"Is that … likely?" Willow looked frightened, and Wesley took hold of her hand.
"The longer he remains unconscious, the more likely it is that there could be brain damage."
Cordelia was numb with shock, unable to think or move.
"So, we can go in?"
The doctor nodded. "But you have to keep quiet."
"Why? If he can't hear us does it matter how loud we are?" Cordelia was using impudence to cover her pain, just like she used to do in high school.
"I understand you're upset." The doctor looked sympathetic. "There really is nothing we can do at the moment."
Willow spoke up. "She understands. She's just confused. We all are."
Dr Simpson nodded. "He's through there. The nurse on duty will show you where do go, but the best thing you can all do right now is get some rest." He looked at his beeping pager. "I have to go. Will you all be OK?"
"We'll be fine." Buffy spoke for all of them.
***
They went in one at a time, although Angel didn't go in at all. They knew he was only there for Buffy's sake, he had been uncomfortable around Giles ever since Jenny's death.
Buffy went first. She was in there a long time, and when she came out her face was tear stained.
Cordelia went next. She got the feeling Willow was avoiding going in. She used to have a 'thing' for Giles in high school, and even though she was … well … gay now, it would still be hard for her. She knew that if anything happened to Xander, for example, she knew she would be completely devastated.
She pushed open the door, and popped her head round it slowly. Even though the doctor had prepared them for how he would look, it took her breath away. Steeling herself, she went in. She couldn't bear to see him like that, but she knew that if there was the slightest chance that he could hear her she had to be brave.
"Hi Giles," she whispered. Taking a seat next to the bed, she leant her elbows on the edge of his berth. "I thought you might like to hear about what we've been doing in LA. You remember the Krevilock I saw in my vision? It wasn't as easy as I thought – the vision forgot to tell me that there was more than one. Luckily Gunn showed up at just the right time, and he and Angel got out pretty much unscathed.
There hasn't been much going on since. Wesley's been acting a little weird recently – weirder than usual, that is. Pretty much since you stayed. Where did you go anyway? I bet you got yourself all worried about Buffy. That would be typical of you, always taking your duty so seriously." She looked up. "I guess that's what got you here."
She sat in silence for a few minutes, looking around the room. There wasn't much to it – just the bed, a couple of chairs and a table. The window faced the direction the sun would be rising in a few hours, which would make it look a little less like a prison cell. She made a mental note to bring some flowers, to brighten up the room.
Her gazed drifted onto his lifeless body. His bare chest was almost completely purple, and there were countless deep gashes in his skin. His face … she could hardly stand to look at his face. It looked as if he was in so much pain. His head was wrapped in bandages, and both eyes were swollen shut. His nose looked all the wrong shape, although that might have just been the bad light.
A sob escaped her, just as she heard the door click. She turned her head towards it, and saw Buffy.
"Cordelia?" She whispered. "Tara just got here – she's been at Giles' getting a few of his things together. She found this on his desk." Buffy handed a white envelope to Cordelia, and she saw that it had her name printed on the front.
With trembling fingers, she opened it, and slipped out the sheet of thin white paper.
"Dearest Cordelia,
This is my sixth attempt at writing this letter, and I'm almost certain this one won't get sent either. I wanted to thank you for the lovely evening we had when I was in LA, and for making my stay so enjoyable. I'm sorry it had to end so abruptly, but after you went to bed I remembered that Anya was going on a customer care course the next day and I had to get back to mind the shop."
'OK,' she thought. 'Not Buffy related, but I got the duty part right.'
"The other thing I wanted to say is slightly more difficult. This is the reason this letter had taken so many attempts. I've tried all sorts of techniques, from taking the longest route possible to say it, to hardly saying it at all. I've decided that this time, I'm just going to come straight out and say it.
When we spent so long talking that night, I realised how little I knew you when you were in Sunnydale. You always hid behind a front, and I was fool enough to believe it. I should have known better. It wasn't until I saw you sleeping that night that I realised how I felt. How I've felt, deep down, ever since I met you, and have been to blind to see for myself. I love you Cordelia.
When I tucked you into bed, you looked like such a vulnerable little girl, I could hardly believe you were the same person. But I did. It was that moment that I realised how deeply in love with you I am. I wanted to stay with you forever and protect you from everything. It hurt when I realised that I couldn't. That's the true reason I left that night. After I spoke with Wesley, I realised it would be torture to sleep so close to you, and not be able to have you. That's the selfish person I am.
Anya did have to go on a course, but I was sure Willow and Tara would mind the shop if I were late back. They're good like that.
I hope that you don't hate me for what I've said, and if you ever do read this letter without reciprocating the feelings, I hope that we can still be friends.
Yours always,
Rupert"
When she read those last words, Cordelia broke down completely, letting the letter slip to the floor.
"I'm sorry … I have to go." Cordelia ran out of the door, alarming Buffy. The slayer walked over to where Cordelia had dropped the letter and started to unfold it. She stopped herself just in time. This was obviously a private letter … she would just keep it safe for Cordy.
***