Modern Proverbs III
Disclaimers: I do not own Dragonball Z.
Well, here is perhaps the final Modern Proverbs (unless I get more ideas!). A trilogy sounds pretty good! I took down the old one and placed ALL NEW STUFF up. There are a couple stories I kept, but overall, all new. I was not content with the last version, so I reworked it, and I feel that this is a better version of Part III. More stories... no sayings!! Gomen! I just could not think of any! Well as I say ALL the time, yet no one really does it, except you REALLY KIND people out there, please READ and REVIEW...even if you don't like it. I just want to here comments. NO FLAMES..those are evil!!!!
Vegeta, Bulma and the Copper
Vegeta was driving along the highway with Bulma when he was pulled over by a Police officer for speeding.
"Stupid, Cop! When he gets up here I am going to blow him away!" Vegeta growled as he began to charge up his Ki. Bulma whacked Vegeta on the arm.
"I don't think so. You will just have to bear with the consequences Vegeta." Bulma crossed her arms and looked at Vegeta while he growled and rolled down the window for the approaching cop.
"What's the problem officer?" Vegeta said, trying to contain his anger. The Cop looked at Vegeta and said, "Sir, you were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Vegeta rolled his eyes. "No I wasn't. I was only going 65." Bulma gave Vegeta a confused look. "Vegeta, you were going 80, remember?"
Vegeta scowled at Bulma as the Cop rattled on.
"Well sir, I am also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light." The Cop said as he began to write the next offense.
"Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!" Vegeta placed a shock look on his face. Bulma just frowned. "Vegeta, you have known about that broken tail light for weeks. Stop covering up and start confessing!"
Vegeta shot a warning glare at Bulma.
The officer sighed as he began to speak again. "Also, I am going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt. Earth law, you know." Vegeta scowled again. "Officer, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Bulma shook her head. "Vegeta, you never wear your seatbelt."
Vegeta could take no more. "WOMAN, SHUT YOUR MOUTH BEFORE I SHUT IT FOR YOU!" Vegeta huffed and puffed.
The officer bent down into the car and looked at Bulma. " Ma'am, does your husband talk this way to you all the time?"
Bulma shook her head.
"Only when he's drunk." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOW TO KNOW YOUR FOOD IS BAD by Goten
Goten: Hello! I am Goten! I am in college. Today, I am going to show you people who are going to be entering an University or other such 'higher education', how to know if your food is edible."
(Goten walks over to the fridge and opens it.)
Goten: First you should do the 'Gag Test'. Anything that makes you gag is spoiled; except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night.
(Goten takes out a box of eggs. Something is pecking though the shell)
Goten: Ok. When something like this is pecking its way though the shell, the egg is most likely WAY past its prime.
(Goten throws the eggs into the trash and takes out the milk, Yogurt, Cottage cheese and regular cheese.)
Goten: Milk is piled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like Cottage Cheese. Cottage Cheese is spoiled when it starts looking like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get more spoiled that it is already.
Goten takes out the mayonnaise, some frozen foods, and some meat.)
Goten: First the meat. If opening your refrigerator door causes any stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your frat, sorority, dorm or whatever, then the meat is spoiled...kind of like this is.
(Goten throws meat out the window and goes to the mayo.)
Goten: If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, then it is spoiled.
Goten: Next the frozen foods. Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled-wrecked, anyway-by the time you pry them from the side with your kitchen knife.
(Goten sighs and reaches for the lettuce, canned goods, carrots, wine, potatoes and dip and places them on a table)
Goten: Lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the Vegetable crisper without Comet.
Goten: Any canned goods, like this Progresso Chicken Soup, that have become the size or shape of a basketball should be deposed of...carefully.
(Goten steps away from the rumbling can and picks up the carrot)
Goten: Remember. A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
Goten: Wine should not taste like salad dressing.
(Goten picks up a bag of potatoes and the chip dip)
Goten: Fresh potatoes DO NOT have roots, branches or dense leafy undergrowth.
(A/N: Uhhh...now I know. But it tasted all right!!!!)
Goten: Lastly, if you can take it out of the container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.
Goten: Well, thank you for joining me! I hope you have learned many valuable things, Remember also, if it talks, definitely don't eat it, and most foods cannot be kept longer than the average lifespan of a gerbil. Keep a gerbil or whatever in your fridge to gauge this. Ja ne!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Amazing Things You Learn At The Movies With Goku
Goku: Hi! I am Goku. We have all been to movies and usually have enjoyed them. Of course, some movies we have bought tickets for were horrible and the people wouldn't give you your money back for seeing it, but that is beside the point. While you went to movies just to experience 'entertainment', some of you may have never realized how important movies are to us. In fact a majority of things we learn are important...and they are from movies!
Goku: For example, thanks to movies, I always know that it is possible to park directly outside ANY building I am visiting.
(Goku stands, walks towards a TV and turns it on.)
Goku: As we wait for a television movie for a visual example, I will give you more things I, and perhaps you have learned from watching movies. Three other examples are as follows. Who would have thought that if you decided to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into or sees you dancing will instantly know the steps? Strange, huh? Also any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, but only if it is not a door to a burning building, which happens to have child trapped inside.
(Goku pushes play and and a movie starts playing)
Goku: Okay! Most people have seen 'Indiana Jones Trilogy', right? If not, you should go rent it! It's really good! But for example take the Nazis here. Jones is fighting them, but all of the Nazi guys are dancing around waiting for their turn to take him out. How stupid of them! This is another fact that I learned from this 'Indiana Jones' example: It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts- your enemies will wait patently to attack you one by one, by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked their predecessors out.
(Goku shakes his head and sighs while pushing stop)
Goku: Who would have known? Before you go, here are a couple of things you should consider: Did you know that most laptops are powerful enough to override the communication systems of either an enemy foreign country or invading civilization? And lastly, have you ever notice that when you watch a movie and a television bulletin comes on that the bulletin usually contains a story that affects you personally at the precise moment you turn on the television?
Goku: Well, consider it. I betcha that if you didn't watch movies, that you wouldn't have know a whole lot of that stuff. Well, I have to go eat now! Bye!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FINAL EXAMS (a little college humor folks!)
Gohan was now a senior in high school and he had been studying very hard for his final exam into college. Finally the dreaded day came.
Around 8:00 in the morning, Gohan walked in to his classroom, wished Videl and the others good luck as his professor handed out the test. After explaining a couple of the rules, she ordered the class to start the exam.
Gohan looked down at his exam and began to read it. He placed his name on the top and looked at the directions again. The test read:
This is your final exam. It is important that you finish in the 4 hour period allotted. Read the directions for each topic carefully. Gohan sighed. 'Well, here goes nothing!' Gohan thought to himself:
History Section:
Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief concise, and specific.
"Huh?" Gohan said out loud. "Gohan, be quiet! I am trying to concentrate!" Videl gave him a warning glare and turned back to her exam. Gohan gulped, skipped the question and went to the next.
Biology:
Create life. Estimate the differenced in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English, Japanese, French and Russian parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.
Gohan scratched his head, and one again skipped and when to the next question.
Psychology:
Based upon your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodias, Rameses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate referenced. It is not necessary to translate.
Gohan looked around at the other students. Everyone was working away, with apparent problems at all. 'Perhaps it is just me?' Gohan read more of the test.
Public Speaking:
Twenty-five crazed aliens just stormed into the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.
Gohan made a disgusted face. 'This exam is insane!' Gohan looked at his professor, who just sat at her desk, reading her book quietly. Gohan read the last two questions.
General Knowledge:
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.
Engineering:
The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box underneath your seat. You will find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In exactly ten minutes, a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.
Gohan had just had about enough of this 'exam'. He rose, marched down to his professor. "Professor? I think that you gave me the wrong test." Gohan handed her the test and she looked at it.
"Oh, Gohan! I did give you the wrong test! This is a College Final exam, not a high school! No wonder you had such a hard time! Here is the real final exam."
Gohan took the paper from her and read it. "Well, looks alright. Thank you." Gohan walked back to his seat and sat down to take the real test.
Question 1: For this question you will need to know about Philosophy. Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.
Gohan sighed. "I don't get this."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
50/50 in a Marriage
Trunks saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonalds. He noticed that they ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the man carefully divided the hamburger in half, and then counted out the fries. One for him, one for her, until each of them had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup, and set it in front of his wife.
The man began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands in her lap.
Trunks felt bad for them, so he walked up to the couple. "Ma'am, Sir, would you let me purchase another meal for you so you two won't have to share?"
The elderly man thanked him, but declined. "We have been married 60 years, and everything has always been and will be shared, 50/50."
Trunks nodded and turned to the woman. "Ma'am, are you going to eat?"
The woman nodded. "Not yet. It's his turn using the teeth."
*************************************************************************
Well, that is it!!! I hope it was all right! I spent, oh...about 3 weeks trying to come up with something! For anyone who cares, 'Where's Goku' REALLY should be out sometime Friday or next week hopefully!!!! Please read and review!!
Disclaimers: I do not own Dragonball Z.
Well, here is perhaps the final Modern Proverbs (unless I get more ideas!). A trilogy sounds pretty good! I took down the old one and placed ALL NEW STUFF up. There are a couple stories I kept, but overall, all new. I was not content with the last version, so I reworked it, and I feel that this is a better version of Part III. More stories... no sayings!! Gomen! I just could not think of any! Well as I say ALL the time, yet no one really does it, except you REALLY KIND people out there, please READ and REVIEW...even if you don't like it. I just want to here comments. NO FLAMES..those are evil!!!!
Vegeta, Bulma and the Copper
Vegeta was driving along the highway with Bulma when he was pulled over by a Police officer for speeding.
"Stupid, Cop! When he gets up here I am going to blow him away!" Vegeta growled as he began to charge up his Ki. Bulma whacked Vegeta on the arm.
"I don't think so. You will just have to bear with the consequences Vegeta." Bulma crossed her arms and looked at Vegeta while he growled and rolled down the window for the approaching cop.
"What's the problem officer?" Vegeta said, trying to contain his anger. The Cop looked at Vegeta and said, "Sir, you were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Vegeta rolled his eyes. "No I wasn't. I was only going 65." Bulma gave Vegeta a confused look. "Vegeta, you were going 80, remember?"
Vegeta scowled at Bulma as the Cop rattled on.
"Well sir, I am also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light." The Cop said as he began to write the next offense.
"Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!" Vegeta placed a shock look on his face. Bulma just frowned. "Vegeta, you have known about that broken tail light for weeks. Stop covering up and start confessing!"
Vegeta shot a warning glare at Bulma.
The officer sighed as he began to speak again. "Also, I am going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt. Earth law, you know." Vegeta scowled again. "Officer, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Bulma shook her head. "Vegeta, you never wear your seatbelt."
Vegeta could take no more. "WOMAN, SHUT YOUR MOUTH BEFORE I SHUT IT FOR YOU!" Vegeta huffed and puffed.
The officer bent down into the car and looked at Bulma. " Ma'am, does your husband talk this way to you all the time?"
Bulma shook her head.
"Only when he's drunk." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOW TO KNOW YOUR FOOD IS BAD by Goten
Goten: Hello! I am Goten! I am in college. Today, I am going to show you people who are going to be entering an University or other such 'higher education', how to know if your food is edible."
(Goten walks over to the fridge and opens it.)
Goten: First you should do the 'Gag Test'. Anything that makes you gag is spoiled; except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night.
(Goten takes out a box of eggs. Something is pecking though the shell)
Goten: Ok. When something like this is pecking its way though the shell, the egg is most likely WAY past its prime.
(Goten throws the eggs into the trash and takes out the milk, Yogurt, Cottage cheese and regular cheese.)
Goten: Milk is piled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like Cottage Cheese. Cottage Cheese is spoiled when it starts looking like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get more spoiled that it is already.
Goten takes out the mayonnaise, some frozen foods, and some meat.)
Goten: First the meat. If opening your refrigerator door causes any stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your frat, sorority, dorm or whatever, then the meat is spoiled...kind of like this is.
(Goten throws meat out the window and goes to the mayo.)
Goten: If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, then it is spoiled.
Goten: Next the frozen foods. Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled-wrecked, anyway-by the time you pry them from the side with your kitchen knife.
(Goten sighs and reaches for the lettuce, canned goods, carrots, wine, potatoes and dip and places them on a table)
Goten: Lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the Vegetable crisper without Comet.
Goten: Any canned goods, like this Progresso Chicken Soup, that have become the size or shape of a basketball should be deposed of...carefully.
(Goten steps away from the rumbling can and picks up the carrot)
Goten: Remember. A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
Goten: Wine should not taste like salad dressing.
(Goten picks up a bag of potatoes and the chip dip)
Goten: Fresh potatoes DO NOT have roots, branches or dense leafy undergrowth.
(A/N: Uhhh...now I know. But it tasted all right!!!!)
Goten: Lastly, if you can take it out of the container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.
Goten: Well, thank you for joining me! I hope you have learned many valuable things, Remember also, if it talks, definitely don't eat it, and most foods cannot be kept longer than the average lifespan of a gerbil. Keep a gerbil or whatever in your fridge to gauge this. Ja ne!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Amazing Things You Learn At The Movies With Goku
Goku: Hi! I am Goku. We have all been to movies and usually have enjoyed them. Of course, some movies we have bought tickets for were horrible and the people wouldn't give you your money back for seeing it, but that is beside the point. While you went to movies just to experience 'entertainment', some of you may have never realized how important movies are to us. In fact a majority of things we learn are important...and they are from movies!
Goku: For example, thanks to movies, I always know that it is possible to park directly outside ANY building I am visiting.
(Goku stands, walks towards a TV and turns it on.)
Goku: As we wait for a television movie for a visual example, I will give you more things I, and perhaps you have learned from watching movies. Three other examples are as follows. Who would have thought that if you decided to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into or sees you dancing will instantly know the steps? Strange, huh? Also any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, but only if it is not a door to a burning building, which happens to have child trapped inside.
(Goku pushes play and and a movie starts playing)
Goku: Okay! Most people have seen 'Indiana Jones Trilogy', right? If not, you should go rent it! It's really good! But for example take the Nazis here. Jones is fighting them, but all of the Nazi guys are dancing around waiting for their turn to take him out. How stupid of them! This is another fact that I learned from this 'Indiana Jones' example: It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts- your enemies will wait patently to attack you one by one, by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked their predecessors out.
(Goku shakes his head and sighs while pushing stop)
Goku: Who would have known? Before you go, here are a couple of things you should consider: Did you know that most laptops are powerful enough to override the communication systems of either an enemy foreign country or invading civilization? And lastly, have you ever notice that when you watch a movie and a television bulletin comes on that the bulletin usually contains a story that affects you personally at the precise moment you turn on the television?
Goku: Well, consider it. I betcha that if you didn't watch movies, that you wouldn't have know a whole lot of that stuff. Well, I have to go eat now! Bye!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FINAL EXAMS (a little college humor folks!)
Gohan was now a senior in high school and he had been studying very hard for his final exam into college. Finally the dreaded day came.
Around 8:00 in the morning, Gohan walked in to his classroom, wished Videl and the others good luck as his professor handed out the test. After explaining a couple of the rules, she ordered the class to start the exam.
Gohan looked down at his exam and began to read it. He placed his name on the top and looked at the directions again. The test read:
This is your final exam. It is important that you finish in the 4 hour period allotted. Read the directions for each topic carefully. Gohan sighed. 'Well, here goes nothing!' Gohan thought to himself:
History Section:
Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief concise, and specific.
"Huh?" Gohan said out loud. "Gohan, be quiet! I am trying to concentrate!" Videl gave him a warning glare and turned back to her exam. Gohan gulped, skipped the question and went to the next.
Biology:
Create life. Estimate the differenced in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English, Japanese, French and Russian parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.
Gohan scratched his head, and one again skipped and when to the next question.
Psychology:
Based upon your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodias, Rameses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate referenced. It is not necessary to translate.
Gohan looked around at the other students. Everyone was working away, with apparent problems at all. 'Perhaps it is just me?' Gohan read more of the test.
Public Speaking:
Twenty-five crazed aliens just stormed into the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.
Gohan made a disgusted face. 'This exam is insane!' Gohan looked at his professor, who just sat at her desk, reading her book quietly. Gohan read the last two questions.
General Knowledge:
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.
Engineering:
The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box underneath your seat. You will find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In exactly ten minutes, a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.
Gohan had just had about enough of this 'exam'. He rose, marched down to his professor. "Professor? I think that you gave me the wrong test." Gohan handed her the test and she looked at it.
"Oh, Gohan! I did give you the wrong test! This is a College Final exam, not a high school! No wonder you had such a hard time! Here is the real final exam."
Gohan took the paper from her and read it. "Well, looks alright. Thank you." Gohan walked back to his seat and sat down to take the real test.
Question 1: For this question you will need to know about Philosophy. Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.
Gohan sighed. "I don't get this."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
50/50 in a Marriage
Trunks saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonalds. He noticed that they ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the man carefully divided the hamburger in half, and then counted out the fries. One for him, one for her, until each of them had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup, and set it in front of his wife.
The man began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands in her lap.
Trunks felt bad for them, so he walked up to the couple. "Ma'am, Sir, would you let me purchase another meal for you so you two won't have to share?"
The elderly man thanked him, but declined. "We have been married 60 years, and everything has always been and will be shared, 50/50."
Trunks nodded and turned to the woman. "Ma'am, are you going to eat?"
The woman nodded. "Not yet. It's his turn using the teeth."
*************************************************************************
Well, that is it!!! I hope it was all right! I spent, oh...about 3 weeks trying to come up with something! For anyone who cares, 'Where's Goku' REALLY should be out sometime Friday or next week hopefully!!!! Please read and review!!