Attack of Gigantic Pikachu!

by Hardra61

Hardra6 is doing it again! Sound the alarms! Despite the title, this is NOT A DUMB POKEMON THING! I don't even like pokemon so much so there! Oh yeah....Um, CSM plays the Sims, Scully does this Sailor Moon thing, The Gunmen are chased by those Matrix Guys

Attack of Gigantic Pikachu!

One more dumb X-files Parody By Hardra6

Rating: PG

Summary: CSM plays the Sims, Scully does this Sailor Moon thing,
The Lone Gunmen are chased by the Matrix Guys, Mulder has
illusions of The Beatles and Gigantic Pikachu eats a couple
superheroes!

Notes: A late-at-night thing. Probably sucks. I'll let you decide. Read,
thataway. \/


******


Fade in. Mulder is playing the Sims on his computer, Scully is
painting by number. The News is playing on the tv in their office
across the room.

Scully: Mulder, help. I can't find any more twos.

Mulder: (to computer) CAN'T YOU TAKE THE TRASH OUT ANY
FASTER YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR WORK!

Scully: what the heck are you doing?

Mulder: (to computer) WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE NO MORE
MONEY?????

Scully dashes over to Mulder's computer and switches it off with a
dramatic click.

Mulder: Oh, thank you Scully!

Scully: No problem Mulder.

The news suddenly becomes several notches louder.

News Guy: We have just received word that a large, yellow monster
thing is terrorizing DC! Superman, Batman, Captain Planet, if you
exist, please save us!

The tv clicks off.

Mulder: Did you see that Scully???

Scully: Sure did Mulder.

Mulder: This looks like a job for.....

X-files theme plays, Mulder and Scully appear in their suits with their
guns out.

Mulder: MULDER AND SCULLY!

Scully: Scully and Mulder.

Mulder: MULDER and SCULLY.

Scully: SCULLY and MULDER.

Mulder: hey, I'm the tall, handsome smart guy who knows
everything!!

Scully: Well I'm more logical than you are, not to mention the head of
a whole Scully fan cult!

Mulder: (mockingly) there must be some rational way to stop all this.

Scully: (mockingly) why don't you go ask your aliens to sort it all
out?

Mulder: THAT'S IT!

Mulder attacks Scully. They exchange blows for a good 2 or 3
minutes, then Skinner jumps into their office wearing a white robe
and holding a copy of the Bible

Skinner: I have a peaceful solution to all of this.

Mulder/Scully: WHAT?

Skinner: I hereby deem thee, SCULDER!

Mulder crosses his arms.

Mulder: MULDEY.

Skinner and Scully: SCULDER!

Mulder: MULDEY!!!

Mulder moves to attack Skinner and Scully but two men the room
and a flying walrus appears in the air above them.

Mulder: Wha......?? Who are you????

Man #1: I am the eggman.

Man #2: no, *I* am the eggman!

Walrus: I am the walrus!

Scully: Ohhhh kay.

Mulder: oooh. Are you for real?

Walrus: no. You are sitting in a padded cell in the hospital recovering
from your alien abduction.

Mulder: Aww.

Mulder jumps into the walrus's arms and they fly out the door along
with the two eggmen. Scully and Skinner start to kiss passionately,
their mouths looking like they're both chewing gum.

Scully: (pulling away) oh, wait--

Scully takes a large wad of Bazooka Joe out of her mouth and sticks
it under Mulder's table. She holds her hand out convictingly and
Skinner puts a big wad into her hand. Sticking it under the table, she
takes out her gun and cocks it.

Scully: Let's go kill that big yellow monster.

******

Gigantic Pikachu snatches a helicopter and munches on it. Eleven or
twelve police cars drive up and three men in funny outfits come
zooming through the air. Gigantic Pikachu eats Superman, Batman,
and Captain planet.

Scully runs up to it, pauses, and then says a little prayer before
turning to the swat team behind her.

Scully: Okay! Aim to kill. Then when you've killed it, take it to the
lab. It might not fit in the lab. If it doesn't fit in the lab, give my
friend Mr. Kirk a call. He's bound to have a shrinking ray.

Swat guy: Yes, Ma'am! (runs off)

Mulder hops up to her in a straight jacket and a goofy look on his
face.

Mulder: Scully, Scully, Scully, Mind potatoes at the beach, la la la!!
Nascar fruits are blooming in the winter planetarium today!!!

Mulder hops in circles. Scully makes sure nobody is looking, then
knocks him out with the butt of her gun.

Scully: dum de dum....(whistles)

Skinner races up, his arms flailing.

Skinner: Scully! We can never take this thing! it just ate President
Bush's secret supply of Cheetos! There's nothing that can stop it!

Suddenly Langly, Byers and Frohike run by. Frohike grabs Scully's
cell phone as he passes. A man in black is not far behind him.

Frohike: (into phone) Get us out of here! Where's the nearest phone?
What? that's too far!! Too far!!!

The screen freezes zooms completely around the Lone Gunmen.
Langley jumps into the air and it freezes again, and he kicks the
MIB's face.

Byers: Let's get out of here!!

They run into a building, pick up a phone and disappear. Scully and
Skinner shrug and point their guns at the giant Pikachu again. Mulder
wakes up.

Mulder: Freeze the cool aid!!!!! Freeze the cool aid!!

Scully coughs and bashes him on the head at the same time.

Scully: Get the choppers in there! I want this thing alive!

The Smoking man walks up and Scully gasps.

Scully: You're supposed to be dead! I read it in the script!

CSM: Psssh. I'm the smoking guy girlfriend. I've died like a million
times. Is this time any different??

The smoking man takes out a laptop and begins to play The Sims. He
makes a family of Scully, Mulder, Skinner, Pikachu and the Swat
Guys. It goes something like this.

******

Scully is bending over to look directly into the microwave as its
heating up her breakfast. Mulder is watching tv, Skinner is sitting on
the toilet with little blurry things over him, Gigantic Pikachu is
dancing to the radio, and the swat guys are partying around the pool
in the back yard that nobody can figure out how anybody managed to
pay for.

Scully: Yei M'snama na appa yeiaday.

A bubble with a picture of food pops up over her head. She continues
to stare into the microwave as its goes around.

Mulder: Noi Shannaray if snona implad.

A bubble with a picture of Scully with radiation burn pops up over his
head. Scully's social meter goes down. Mulder's fun meter goes up
cuz he's watching tv.

Skinner comes out of the bathroom without flushing. He walks over
to Scully. Scully is preparing her food.

Scully: Ippa noi snan fillifay ickshnor!

A bubble containing a picture of Skinner flushing the toilet appears
over her head. Skinner blushes and goes back into the bathroom;
flushes the toilet.

Mulder stands up and goes over to Scully. CSM clicks on Scully and
selects "talk" and "compliment" until the word "kiss" shows up.
Mulder and Scully kiss and passionate music plays. A screen pops up.

Screen: would you like to volunteer to father the baby?

CSM selects yes, giggling. A baby magically appears. Scully quits
her job and sings to the baby. Mulder's social meter goes down and
his love meter with Scully goes back to 3.

Scully: (to mulder) Nava ish loto cara neegh!

A bubble with a picture of Mulder holding the baby and a big *X*
over it appears over Scully's head. Mulder sniffs and goes to watch
more tv.

Skinner comes out of the bathroom and smiles while going up to the
baby. Scully glares at him.

Scully: (to Skinner) Nava ish loto cara neegh!

A bubble with a picture of Skinner holding the baby and a big *X*
over it appears over Scully's head. Skinner half smiles nervously and
sits down on the couch next to Mulder.

Giant Pikachu finishes dancing and goes out to swim with the swat
guys. The swat guys run away and Pikachu jumps into the pool,
splashing water and creating a tidal wave. Everyone is killed and the
screen tells CSM, Game over.

*****

CSM: like, that's so like totally not fair!

Meanwhile, Pikachu is still at large. Scully jumps into the air and
does a magical transformation. She becomes SuperScully and flies
towards Pikachu's giant head.

Scully: Super Scully Rainbow Skeptic Attack!!!!

Pikachu is thrust back with the force of Scully's skeptical blow.

Scully: I don't believe that a creature with your genetic makeup can
exist! I don't believe a creature with your genetic makeup can exist!

Mulder wakes up and jumps into the air. He becomes SuperMulder
and flies towards Pikachu's giant head.

Mulder: I BELIEVE YOU GIANT PIKACHU!

Scully's jaw drops.

Scully: Oh my God, Mulder, you're wearing TIGHTS!

Mulder screams and dives behind a protective building. He comes out
zipping up his jeans.

Mulder: Whoops, too far. Where was I? Oh yeah. I BELIEVE YOU
GIANT PIKACHU!

Pikachu gets tears in his eyes and Mulder and Pikachu fly towards
each other to hug in slow motion.

Scully: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN......

The Swat Team plays go fish. CSM begins to bang his laptop
computer against Skinner, who is drooling on his shoes watching the
fight above.

Mulder sails towards Pikachu.

Scully: ......OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO......

Mulder and Pikachu embrace and cry. Pikachu squeezes Mulder too
hard and Mulder falls to the ground, insane again.

Mulder: Please pick my Fruity Pebbles for me!! Pleeeeeeeease????

Men in white hospital jackets comes and take Mulder away.

Mulder: PIIIIIKKKKKAAAAACHHHUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!

Pikachu: MUUUUULLLLLLDDDDDEEEERRRRR!!!

Everyone pauses and look up at Gigantic Pikachu. He looks back
cynically.

Pikachu: what'd you expect me to say? "Pika pika pika"?

SuperScully and Skinner exchange looks. The swat guys blow up
Gigantic Pikachu. SuperScully demorphs into Scully and she falls on
top of CSM, who becomes road pizza. With anchovies and extra
olives.

Scully: (turning to Skinner) well, I guess that's it. Mulder's in the
hospital, CSM is road pizza, and the Swat guys are....where are the
swat guys? (looks around)

Skinner: (sighing) well, they're giving Mulder a belated Bar Mitzvah.
Don't know how the're going to get him out of the hospital....

Scully: We've got to stop them!

Skinner: This is a job for.....!

Scully: (Screaming) SCULLY AND SKINNER!!

Skinner pauses, looks strangely at Scully.

Skinner: .......Skinner and Scully....??

Scully pauses, looks at skinner, and sighs.




The End


.....Know it sucked, don't care...!
Mebby I'll make more later and they'll be funnier. Oh well. Later!
~hardra6