Author's
Notes:
Hey,
ya'll. I've had quite a few reviews telling me to continue, so I have. I want
to thank all of you for your reviews, because the reviews are what have pressed
me to upload new chapters so quickly.
One reviewer stated that my strange mixture
of the Japanese and Cartoon Network versions is confusing, and after reviewing
my work, I agree. In doing the fic in the manner I had, I was trying to prevent
the confusion a reader who has never seen the Japanese versions feels when
reading the Japanese names, but it only made things more confusing. So, from
now on, instead of mixing the two as I have done, I will post this;
Usagi=Usako=Serena=Serenity=Sailor Moon
Haruka=Amara=Sailor Uranus
Michiru=Michelle=Sailor Neptune
Mamoru=Darien=Tuxedo Mask
Chibiusa=Rini=Sailor Mini Moon
Makoto=Lita=Sailor Jupiter
Minako=Mina=Sailor Venus
There. Now that
should avoid all confusion, and the only names I will use in the remainder of
this fic are those from the Japanese version. Have a peachy day!
Disclaimer-
I don't own Sailor Moon. Everything but
the plot of this fic belongs to Naoko Takeuchi and Pioneer. They are the
geniuses: I am but an amateur.
The long-awaited chapter five-
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The afternoon had barely dawned when Usagi awoke, shining golden light through the small, airy room. Her eyes were still unfocused, and she was having trouble remembering what had happened. Confused and dazed, she sat up, looking into the eyes of her friend Ami.
"Ami-chan! What are you doing here?" A gentle, yet firm hand was placed across her chest, forcing the queen to lie flat. Ami brushed away quickly the hair from her eyes, before speaking to her childhood friend.
"You need to lie still, Usagi. You've been through quite an ordeal today, and you need your rest."
Lying bewildered on the couch, Ami's patient stole another glance among the concerned throng of people before turning urgent blue eyes to the doctor.
"I need to know, Ami. What happened?" She knew in her heart it wasn't good, knew that her time alive was running short, but her mind refused to believe. The disease, the cancer as the doctors had called it, was eating away at her brain, and every breath she took, every day that dawned, could be her last.
"You collapsed today, Usako. Do you remember anything?" asked Mercury, her blue eyes staring into Usagi's own, trying to discern something about the petite woman who was her friend and her queen.
"I only remember playing with Chibiusa and waking up here."
"All of you clear out!" Haruka bellowed. "Allow the queen time alone with the Senshi!" The many people left, shuffling their feet and throwing resentful looks to her. With but a glare on her part, the glances and mutterings around Uranus stopped.
"Usako, please, what's wrong?" Michiru had just walked through the shining glass doors, yet in time to hear the end words of the conversation.
"Usagi," Ami said, her blue eyes full of concern and friendly affection, "something is wrong. I know it, Haruka and Michiru know it, why won't you tell us?"
Usagi's azure-toned eyes grew glassy with unshed tears as she pulled upon her strength to keep them from falling. She didn't want to cry, she didn't want to give herself up to the dreaded, horrible loneliness, the feelings of despair and eternal death. She wanted light, beautiful light, the ray of hope within her soul, the spirit of life.
Yet as she lay there, hearing her friends' questions but not listening, she felt that gorgeous, precious living spirit fading into the darkness, the absolution of oncoming death.
"Perhaps I should tell them," she thought, "let them say to me the words I wish to hear. Let them tell me I am not dying, that I am not alone and lonely, that the absolution will not come."
A sparkle on the lake outside caught her eye as she watched through the glass panes of the door. It was sunlight on the crystalline waters, infusing them with its life, its hope.
"My hope is gone. What if I just let it all go," she was overcome by the sadness and self-pity she felt, "If I just let go, let the shadows consume me... End the pain, the suffering... I have suffered long enough, now let someone else draw up my burden..." Usagi closed her eyes, and inhaled softly the sweet scent of the room and the summer day.
"Summer," she said, the first words she had spoken to her confused and frustrated Senshi, "The season when life is at its fullest, ripening, blossoming under the golden light of the sun. The light shines everywhere, brightening until it encompasses every life, bringing joy and happiness in its wake." She paused, savoring the beauty of the moment and the place, "And yet, even as everywhere else the light blooms, within me it fades. It recedes into the darkest corners of my being, further with each passing day, and I wonder, I truly wonder, why not give up?"
"Usako..." Michiru said, her voice full of worry.
"What are you talking about, Usa-chan?"
Ami bit her lip as she watched this woman, who had been one of her greatest friends, and still was. She knew the hurt had gone deep when Mamoru had left, but she didn't know how far. Usagi turned her gaze to Ami's, and the young doctor knew: this wasn't about Mamoru; this was about life. Usagi was giving up on life.
"Oh no you don't, Usagi." Ami said, her voice choking with suppressed grief and anger. "Don't you dare give up."
Haruka saw Usagi's eyes meet with the Mercury Senshi's, and then swiftly look away, filled with tears.
"I don't know what it is wrong with you, but there are too many people who depend on you for you to give up like this. Look at me, Usako," Ami said forcefully, and Serenity met her gaze, ashamedly and downcast.
"What about Chibiusa?" Serenity's eyes hardened and she said, quite coldly,
"Leave her out of this, Ami."
"Why? I've seen her, and believe me, that little girl loves her mother more than you can see. You're the only parent she has left, Serenity. Will you leave her alone in the world, like Mamoru did you?"
Ami knew her words were harsh, and perhaps cruel, but Usagi needed to think about this. She had to convince the queen to stay alive. To fight.
"I ask you this; remember our child. Remember Rini." The same words she had spoken to Mamoru, all those years ago. Was she forgetting her child? Was she being a hypocrite?
"It's cancer." She said at last, knowing the Mercury Senshi had won this small battle. Haruka and Michiru jerked upright, and Ami closed her eyes to hide her pain.
"Where?" Mercury asked quietly. This had not been what she had expected to hear, and judging from the Outer Senshi's reactions they had not known either.
"A third-degree tumor, lodged within my brain."
"Is it operable?" asked Michiru, still reeling from the shock of her friend's deadly illness. Serenity sadly shook her head.
"There has to be something we can do." Haruka said, with the same violence and passion she had when discussing Raye and Mamoru.
Usagi sighed. "The doctors are doing all they can. They can't operate because of its position in my brain. I've been going every other week for radiation therapy, and the doctors are still hopeful."
"Hopeful because there's a chance of you getting better, Serenity, or hopeful because they don't want to tell their queen she's dying?" Ami said, and she looked tired and weary.
"I'm not sure." Usagi answered, watching the young doctor as she shuffled papers in a brown leather briefcase.
"I'll wait until I know more, Usagi, but I don't want to lie to you. Brain cancer is extremely difficult to treat and to diagnose. You said this was a third-degree tumor?"
"Yes."
"If it is indeed a third-degree tumor, it is far too large for operation anyway. How is the radiation therapy coming?"
Usagi fidgeted little as she felt Ami's deep, intelligent blue eyes watching her closely. Nervously, she played with a strand of her golden hair as she watched the three worried Senshi about her.
"I don't know."
"Usagi, I want to see your medical records and talk to your doctors." Encouragingly, she laid her hand on Usagi's, holding it between her own.
"I feel so alone... so helpless..." Her expressive eyes were discouraged and downcast as she fought the internal struggle only she could face.
"No, Usagi." Haruka said, watching her queen with gentle eyes. She and Michiru walked over to where Usagi lay on the cream-coloured sofa. They both lay their hands on top of Ami's, looking deeply into their friend's eyes.
"As long as you have us, you aren't alone, Usagi." Ami said, complete certainty in her features.
"She's right, Usako. Together we can get through this." said Michiru, smiling slightly.
"Yeah. As long as we're here, Usako, you'll never be alone."
"Thanks, guys." Serenity said, her spirits lifting.
"What are friends for?" Haruka smiled, calling on her strength. Usagi needed it now; needed desperately for her Senshi, her friends, to be strong for her. She needed their strength to be able to fight.
Usagi smiled softly. Her friends. They were being strong for her, giving her their strength so that she might fight the disease and win. Looking at them, she wondered how she could have ever thought she was alone.
"They're right. I am not alone. With them, I can win." She turned her gaze outside once more, as the day gave way to the night and the moon appeared on the horizon. A new day would dawn for her, a day that would bring light, and hope.
* * * *
What do you think? Well, be sure to let me know with reviews, and e-mail suggestions or comments to lisametcalfe@hotmail.com. Thanks,
Lady Pluto