Nightcap
by Saralady
Vincent gazed dispassionately at the set before him.
The director jovially clapped the ex-turk on the shoulder, grinning widely. "Well, what do you think of the set, Mr. Valentine?"
"......"
"I take that as a good silence?"
Vincent slowly blinked and stared at the man from the corner of his eyes. ".....this set's color theme consists of pastels. I specifically asked for black and red."
"Heh..." The man sweatdropped and backed off. "To be honest, Mr. Valentine, we were afraid we might lose you in the picture, considering black and red is all you wear and all..."
"...If I agree to wear something...differently colored...will you paint this set correctly?"
"Well...what else would you have in mind, sir?"
"...a suit..."
"Oh! Wonderful! I think that'll work! But we'll have to do that in the next show, taping starts in one minute! Everyone take your places!"
Vincent sighed and gracefully sat down in the chair behind his large desk. He should never have agreed to host a late night talk show. NEVER. But for some reason, the idea had sounded strangely appealing only a week earlier. Glancing at the cue-cards in front of him, he prepared himself for the inevitable.
"And noooooooow men and women of Nibelheim, it's tiiiiiiime for youuuuuurrrrr, NIGHTCAP!" The suddenly intensely bright stage lighting, and deep, resonant sound of the announcer's voice caused Vincent to jump inwardly. "Tonight's featured guests are Reno and Rude of the Turks!"
Vincent groaned and looked skyward. Just my luck... Regaining his composure, the raven-headed man turned towards the camera, his usual mask of emotionlessness. "Ladies and gentlemen...please welcome Reno and Rude."
The two Turks in question strode into the room, grinning and waving like mad before plunking down into the two overstuffed chairs on either side of Vincent's desk.
"Heya Valentine!" Reno smirked and twirled his electro-rod while Rude gave a simple nod of his head in greeting. "So what's the topic?"
Vincent's eyes returned to the cue cards. ".....Fuel prices..."
"DAMN! Aren't you pissed at Rufus? I mean, sure he's our boss, but the man's hikin' up prices faster than Scarlett can lift her skirt!"
"....." Vincent nodded in agreement as did Rude.
"I mean, look, if we gotta pay a little more, I understand that, right? But goin' up from 50 gil/gallon to 150 gil/gallon is freakin' ricoculous!"
"...I think ya mean ridiculous, Reno."
Vincent nodded again and Reno zapped Rude with his electro-rod.
"...Well I think it's time for us to go to the audience for a reaction...is anyone at a microphone?" Vincent's eyes found a young woman with silver hair and a set of gleaming eyes poised to preach a mere 15 feet away. "...Yes?"
"The fuel prices stink! But....you....dang, I can smell you guys from here, what are you wearing? Aspen or something? Wow, that's a beautiful smell.....almost as beautiful as you two......"
Rude raised his eyebrows above the rim of his glasses and pointed to himself, smiling slightly. Reno immediately zapped him with the rod again. "Me an' Valentine, dumbass."
The zapping proved a sufficient distraction for the young woman to leap the audience railing and glomp onto Vincent. "YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!! I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN, I SWEAR!!!"
".....Security....."
Five strong men rushed out and began the arduous task of prying the girl from Vincent's form, finding they needed to manouver her in such a manner as to wriggle her downwards, towards his feet. Of course once they got her there, they required three crowbars to pry her off. That's not to say, however, that she didn't come away with a prize...
".....?!"
"Eh? What's wrong, Valentine? Ya look paler than usual, man." Reno cocked his head and rested his electro-rod on his shoulder.
"My...my socks...she took my scooby doo socks! Those were my favorite pair, too! LUCRECIA! SHE TOOK MY SOCKS!!!" With that, Vincent crumpled onto his desk, lost in a sea of depression and muttering 'Lucrecia', 'socks', and 'scooby snacks' over and over again.
"Huh...well guess that means me 'n' Rude'll end the show. Hope ya had fun...well we know ya did, we were on, ain't that right, Rude?"
The bald man nodded.
"Damn straight." The red-head grinned broadly. "Well, since it's the end and Valentine didn't give us the plug he promised, we'll do it ourselves! Reno and Rude's World O' Spirits'll be on Public Access Nibelheim sometime in the near future! Keep your dial tuned in and you'll see us again!"
"...SCOOBY!!!"