I used to be the perfect classic fangirl: obsessive, loud, drooling, ditzy, fanatical, maniacal, psychotic, and overly hormonal.
It was fun.
Then my best friend played a very scary and realistic prank, and I realized the error of my ways. Now I'm just obsessive and ditzy. I no longer follow along after my idol with intentions of doing harm to any other fan that dared touch him.
It really is a good thing that they stopped me when they did. That way, when he started dating, his 'perfect love', as he calls 'em, is safe from my ex-psycho ways. Now I laugh at all the silly girls who flirt with him at the same time that they give evil death glares at his sweetheart.
I love endearments. I use them for everyone. My parents, my brother, my friends, my idol, his 'sweet baby' (another of his terms), and even my enemies. If I like someone, I'll call the 'hon', which is short for the American term 'honey' which exemplifies a sweet person.
If I don't like someone, I'll call them 'sugar'. It's supposed to be a nice term, but I use it as the opposite. I don't like sugar, unless it's mixed in with something, such as cookie batter, and sweet rolls.
For my brother, and his best friend, and his girlfriend (my brother's that is), I say 'genius'. It's used for him because he's anything but, and I call the other two that, because they could be and are.
Then there's 'beautiful'. My idol, and his little brother. What kind of genes did their parents have to produce two such wonderful creatures. I did say that I was still obsessive, didn't I? But they're both worth being drooled over.
For my American e-pal, Jensu, I got the term 'chicita', which means something like 'little girl'. I use that for my female friends, except Dai's girl. She's 'genius', remember.
For Mimi, Jyou-chan's girl, I use the term 'dink'. It's another term that I got from Jensu. It defines someone that isn't exactly intelligent, and who annoys you, but who you like anyway. I call Mimi that when she starts drooling over her own boyfriend, Jyou Kido.
Not that I really blame her. She only sees him when she comes back to Japan, and that isn't often. I like her, but she's really difficult to keep track of, across the ocean and all that.
But that doesn't really concern what I wanted to share with you today. I was just thinking that things work out really well, if you look in the right place, in just the right way. At times, people can do this easily, because it can be really obvious.
Yet, there are times that you can only see something if someone else points it out to you. It's not that it's hidden, and it's not that you're slow, or unsmart, it's just that it happens to be such a small thing that it's very easy to overlook. If there isn't someone to knock you upside the head.
That person was my brother, as I mentioned before, and my friend Sora.
It was an ordinary day. I was waiting impatiently for the phone to ring, because I *knew* that Matt would call that day. I was absolutely certain that he was in love with me. I took a shower with the cordless on the sink barely a foot away. Then I took it into the kitchen while I made lunch.
I didn't turn on the television or the radio, just in case I couldn't hear the phone. Thankfully, Dai wasn't up yet, because I knew that the moment he was, quiet wouldn't exist anymore.
I love my brother, but he's so immature. (Like I'm really any better.) He never stops bouncing around the house. He really is a remarkable person. He's so resilient (I got that term from Izzy a couple of days ago), that he always bounced back, no matter what the world did to him. I envied him that. I was ready to cry, because behind the knowledge that *Matt really did like me* was the knowledge that a person can only fool themselves for so long.
I was close to the breaking point.
I wanted to be mad at him. Him, with his perfect hair, and perfect voice, and silent, edgy style. He was perfection, and I thought I was worthy. We learn something new everyday.
I deserved perfection. I was absolutely certain that someone such as I deserved nothing less that the absolute best. And he was it. Lessons are hard for someone that doesn't want to listen to the answers.
When Dai woke up, I asked him if he had plans. I knew that he was going to the concert that night. Him and all his little friends had gotten tickets from the lead singer. Yamato. There had been an extra for me, because Matt is really a nice guy.
(I'm sorry if this is confusing. I'm still trying to 'assimilate' myself now, with the person I was then. I don't mean to go back and forth, but it's hard to separate the two halves after jsut a couple of days.)
I was sure that the ticket was because he was planning on announcing his love for me there. What a 'dink' was I. There is only one time in life when you can blame a man for breaking your heart. When he tells you that he'll love you forever, and then tells the same thing to another girl a week later.
Matt wasn't, and isn't, like that. He never promised me anything. He tried so many times to tell me that he wasn't interested, but I was too stubborn and obsessed to listen.
I look back on it now, and their relationship, and I have to slap myself at how blind I was. It seems so obvious now. But love is blind. In more ways than one.
That night, the one I've been trying to tell you about, I made Dai let me walk with his friends. I knew that I didn't want to be with my own little clique. I didn't understand why at the time, but I followed my instincts anyway. We sat with ten other people that I know Matt and Dai spend a lot of time with.
I was seated between Izzy and Sora, which is cool, because she's a really good friend, and he's a really nice guy. I think that it might have been planned that way. In fact, I'm pretty certain it was.
I could see Tai, Matt's best friend, and Kari, Tai's sister, at the other end of the row. I remember thinking that He looked especially dressed up, and extremely nervous. I thought that he might be waiting for a date.
I can be observant about some things. Sometimes.
The lights dimmed, and the little concert hall became hushed. They played larger crowds, but this was a benefit concert, so it was less crowded than normal. The lights on stage came up, and we could see the outline of the band.
Then a spotlight followed Matt onstage, his lean body fitted into jeans and a sleeve-less shirt. I could feel myself beginning to drool. He took the mike in hand and called out a greeting. The place roared loudly in response. And then he broke the news. Ishida Yamato...was taken.
"Sorry, ladies. But my heart has been stolen, and they refuse to give it up. This song is dedicated to my one and only, my courage, my soulmate." I didn't have to follow his gaze to know where he was looking. I had recognized the expression in his eyes from before. He got it when he looked at...
Oops! I jumped ahead a little. I was going to tell you why I stopped being a psycho stalker fangirl. The concert comes later. With a happy ending!
It was a week before the concert, a Friday night. I stood primping in front of the mirror in the bathroom. I smiled as I heard Daisuke complaining in the hallway. I had already been in there for more that an hour, and I wasn't planning on coming out anytime soon. Until my mother yelled at me to get out.
I picked up my stuff and flounced out the door, giving him a look of superiority as I passed. The effect was lost on him as he ran past me and into the bathroom. I growled in frustration.
In my room, I dropped my stuff on the bed temporarily and leaned over my desk. On it's surface was an unfinished letter to my would-be boyfriend, and crush, Yama-chan. It looked like others that I had sent before, but I had pre-signed this one. The others had had a question mark. But I made sure that the information that I sent was personal and knowledgeable of it's recipient.
Don't ever sign a letter that reveals half of a person's life story with a question mark. It's too difficult to explain to your parents why the police are issuing a restraining order against their oldest child.
I left a flower daily in his locker, and a note on his doorstep at night, so that he found it in the morning. It was all very innocent and sweet, from my point of view.
I found out later that Matt began to get paranoid that he had a stalker. He was frightened of a person who knew so many of his secrets, but refused to talk to him in person. It wasn't fear, it was mystery. Expain that to a boy who's too hot for his own good.
He began to lock his dressing room door. Someone had to walk him to his car at night, and Tai, his best fried, was always around for protection. Nobody was going to hurt Yama-chan without a fight.
That Monday, I told Sora about my sweet little love notes. She gave me a frustrated lecture on what stalking was, and how scary it could be. I blew her off, knowing that I wasn't doing any such thing. She tried to reason with me, but I refused to listen. As always.
That night, when I got home, was a letter, unsigned. It read: //My dearest love, I love the way that your hair smells as you pass by me in the halls. I love the way that you laugh at the jokes of your friends. I love the way you tease your little brother. You are perfection. With love, ??????//
I was in heaven. I thought Matt had written it. Then I found a note that I had, a grocery list that he had dropped one day, and compared the writing. It didn't match. So someone else had seen me, and was interested! I could make my crush jealous now.
I forgot to write a letter that night. The next morning, there was a single rose on my window sill. I live on the top floor. There is no fire escape outside my window.
I began to worry, a little. My door was locked, so Dai couldn't have done it. Could he? I questioned him, but he denied it, and I can tell when he's telling the truth, or so I thought.
I went to school, scanning the halls for a boy who seemed to stare. Everyone was staring by the time I made it to my locker. I kept jumping away from people who would accidentally touch me as they passed. I tried to ignore it, but I kept looking over my shoulder, trying to catch someone watching me.
By the end of the day, I was a nervous wreck. There had been nothing new, but I was on the lookout. I guess my talk with Sora had sunk in. When I got home, there was a note from my parents, telling me that they had taken Dai someplace. I hoped home, to the zoo.
I slumped down on the couch and tried to relax. A knock sounded on the door, and I approached it cautiously. When I opened it, noone was there. A single red rose sat on the welcome mat. I picked it up and slammed the door shut, setting the chain, and clicking the deadbolt in place.
There was a note attached to the flower. //My love, if only you could see your perfection as I do. Such perfection should be frozen for all time, so that generation upon generation can peer at you're effortless beauty. I wish I could find a way to imprint your image permamently on the heart of the world. I wish I could find a way to keep you perfect forever, a way to stop time. ???????//
I looked at it for a moment, then decided that maybe it wasn't too threatening. Then I reread the last sentence several times. In my paranoia, I took it as a threat to kill me, so that I would never age, or betray that 'perfection'. I knew I was overreacting, but I remembered seeing a movie once where a girl rejects her secret admirer without realizing it, and he comes back and kills her.
I threw it away and ran to the phone. But I had noone to call. Matt had enough problems as it was, Tai was with Matt, and Sora would just say 'I told you so'.
Izzy! Koushiro Izumi! The name rang thankfully through my head, and I dialed the operator for the number. After a couple of minutes, I heard the line begin to ring, and a voice said, "Moshi, moshi."
"Hello. Is Izzy...uh, Koushiro there, please?" His mom had picked up. She put him on the line. "Hi, Izzy. Look, can I talk to you for a couple of minutes?"
"Sure, Jun." He sounded confused. "Let me switch phones." A pause. "Okay. Go ahead, what's on your mind?"
"Well, uh, it's kinda silly really. I got this note yesterday, and then a rose this morning and another note when I got home. They're unsigned, and I don't have a clue as to who they're from."
"You have a secret admirer. Congratulations." He sounded genuinely puzzled now. I couldn't blame him.
"Okay, this is going to sound crazy, and I know that I'm overreacting, but...I think that I might be in danger!" I waited while he digested that piece of news. "The rose was on the outside of my window. WE LIVE ON THE TOP FLOOR! The second note kept talking about keeping my perfection, and freezing it, and stopping it from fading. What do you do when you want to keep a rose, you kill it by drying it out! And it came with another rose!"
"Jun? Are you okay? Listen, I'm going to hang up..." I shook my head wildly. "I'm going to hang up and call you on my cell phone. Then I'm going to come over. I need you to give me your phone number, okay?" I complied. "Bye, Jun."
I hung up the phone and waited. When it rang, I picked it up and yelled out Izzy's name. It wasn't him. "Jun, are you okay?" Sora. I thought desparately.
"No." Then I explained what had happened in the last day. "I"m scared, Sora. He knows where I live, and he could know that I'm alone. I'm just glad that Izzy's coming!"
"Why did you call Izzy, of all people?" Sora asked me curiously. I thought it over for a second, not finding an answer.
"I don't know, really. I just kind of figured that he would know what to do, I guess. The bell just rang, so he's here. I'll call you back later. Thanks, Sora."
I walked to the door and opened it to an empty hallway. Taped to the door was a note. I couldn't open it, couldn't bring myself to touch it. I heard the ping from the elevator and looked up, my heart in my throat. Izzy stepped into the hallway.
"Jun? Are you okay? When did this get here?" He pushed me gently inside and took down the note. I lead him into the kitchen and pulled out two sodas, on autopilot. He unfolded it and read it. "Maybe you had something."
I looked at him with wide eyes and snatched the note from his hand. // My dearest, I wish I could be there with you now. Know that you will never be alone, for I am always near. When you are loneliest, I will be there. ?????//
"This is the fourth time today that I've gotten something! Who's doing this?"
"Maybe it's a joke. Is there someone that you can think of that would want to scare you? Any one at all?" I shook my head. Matt leaped to mind, but he didn't have the motive to do it, since he didn't know that I was behind the notes.
"Am I overreacting? Tell me it's just my imagination." I wanted desperately to hear reassuring words.
"I don't think that you are. Stalkers can be dangerous people, especially when they now so much about their victims. People who leave strange notes and don't want the recipient who know who they are, usually have a reason to keep their identity hidden. They could just feel inferior, or they could be using it as a disguise to plan to hurt some-one."
I sighed, angry that he had jumped to the same conclusion as Sora. "It doesn't mean that they're psycho and dangerous! Some people just want to be mysterious and...and...unique."
He nodded, and looked away from me with a cold smile. I had never seen him so ruffled before. He looked genuinely upset over something, and I don't think that it was just the notes, but I wouldn't ask him. It was probably something personal.
"I'm going to go down and get my laptop. I'll bring it up and try to analyze the handwriting." He stood up and I followed him to the door. "Don't open this for anyone. I'll be right back."
I shut the door behind him and waited beside it. He didn't return immediately, and I assumed that he took the stairs. I made my way back into the kitchen and took care of my can. His was still full. A knock soudned on the door.
"Izzy?" No answer. "Izzy, is that you?" My hear was pounding. I had never wanted to hear the red-head's voice so badly in my life.
The knock came again softly and I backed away. I couldn't bring myself to look through the peep-hole. The possibilities of who stood on the other side were endless. The knob began to turn, and I realized that I had forgotten to lock it. My throat constricted and I couldn't breath. The door flew open.
I screamed, or tried to. No sound came out, for which I am grateful now. Dai and our parents walked in, talking and laughing over something. Nobody paid attention to my pale face, or the tears of fear runnig down my face. I flew out of the apartment, wanting to escape.
Izzy found me in the elevator on the ground floor, huddled in the corne and staring at the paneling. "Jun? Are you okay?"
At first I didn't respond. I had actually started to piece it together in my head. When you push the fear aside, there is a general calm that steals through your body, and everything becomes crystal clear.
"Sora." My voice was calm. I could feel a slight smile coming to my mouth as my friend stepped around the corner to look at me. Davis was behind her with a shameful expression on his face.
"I tried to tell you how it felt. You wouldn't believe me. This has only been going on for a day, can you imagine what Matt has felt like for the last several weeks?" She looked mad at me still, but apologetic about it also. I nodded slowly and stood up with help from Koushiro.
"It wouldn't have been so bad if you weren't so gullible." My brother pointed out to me as only a little brother can. I stuck my tongue out at him. It was all that I could manage. "I personall thought that the rose and the note on the door was good. My idea, of course."
Sora rolled her eyes at him as they moved into the elevator and started towards our floor. Izzy was silent. I doubted that they had included him in their plans. He was too sweet of a guy to do such a thing.
And Dai was right. I had made myself paranoid in believing that there was something so wonderful about me that a guy would go through such lengths. I really was conceited. Somethings never change.
So, seeing the error of my ways, I told Matt that I was sorry, and that I would lay off. I have never seen anyone so relieved. Now we actually talk in the hallways!
Sora and I are still good friends. I understand her motivation. I will get even with Daisuke. That's what sisters are for.
The concert.
I'm sitting in the front row with Izzy and Sora, and we're watching Yamato make his big speech on stage. The audience is extremely quiet as they wait for a name that he won't give. It was private. But I knew.
I watched his gaze, the one he used to talk about his love, the one that I've seen thousands of times before when they're together, and the one that he's using right then. He smiles into the front row, and I see Tai wink at him, his smile grin and just as sappy.
Sora and Izzy were watching me, waiting to see the heartbreak that I had been setting myself up for. They were in for a surprise. I had realized as I walked in with Davis and greeted all of his friends, that without the obsession, I had no real liking for Matt outside of friendship.
I smiled and clapped, the others doing the same. Matt smiled at me, and Tai clapped as hard as I did. T.K. and Dai were yelling and trying to outdue each other in volume and enthusiasm.
After the concert, the thirteen of us went backstage and called for take-out. We sat around in a waiting room as the rest of the band packed up and left. Matt and Tai sat on the same chair, the blonde in the seat, and his koibito on the arm.
Dai, Kari, T.K, Ken, and Cody sat on the floor in a circle. Miyako was 'freshening up' in the bathroom. Sora, Mimi, and I sat on a sofa and caught up on the latest gossip. Actually, they talked, and I stole glances out of the corner of my eye at a certain boy.
I did say that I was still obsessive. Without realizing why, I had called Koushiro when I was scared. I had known that I could count on him, even though we didn't talk at school or anything. The heart knows many things without the mind being aware of them.
He and Jyou were talking, off to the side. I was starting to feel uncomfortable, because I had slipped out of the conversation with the girls, and I was kind of lonely, not talking to anyone.
All right, not talking to him!
I got up and said goodbye to Mimi and Sora, then went to congratulate Matt on a good concert, and Tai on his good fortune. I pulled Dai's hair and told him I was leaving. He decided to stay behind with his friends.
Outside, the moon was full and the sky was full of stars. The air smelled of food from a nearby restaurant as I began the walk home. It was a night for lovers, but I was the odd man out. I had invited myself to be with them, they hadn't invited me.
A footstep sounded behind me. Preoccupied, I didn't hear it until a hand pulled roughly at my arm. A strange man loomed over me as he covered my mouth with one hand and pulled me toward the shadows with the other. He didn't manage to get too far.
From behind him, a body rammed into his and knocked him down, me with him. I scooted away and watched as Izzy hit him, once, twice, and then jumped off to stand breathing heavily over him.
The man got up and pulled a knife from his pocket. I know that Izzy's smart, but he's not a Judo master, and his only asset had been surprise. A shape moved behind me, and a blast of lighting, or electricity, shot out at the man, leaving him stunned on the ground.
Neither Izzy, nor I, moved. We were both still in shock. He had acted without concious thought when he came to my rescue. I fought the urge to cry as I stood up. He looked up at me and I stumbled into his arms, releasing the tears. The others ran up behind us, somehow knowing that something had happened.
I refused to let go of Koushiro as Dai and Sora tried to comfort me. His jacket was getting soaked, and I was beginning to choke on the tears. Matt put a hand on my shoulder and tried to talk to me, but I gripped harder and pressed closer.
With uncertain patting of my back, Izzy relayed what he had walked out to find. I heard a strange voice that took credit for the bolt of light, but still couldn't bring myself to let go. I knew that that hadn't been part of the scheme to get me away from my Yamato-obsession. I had truly been that close to getting raped.
Koushiro began pulling me toward home, some of the others following. Matt and Tai picked up my attacker to take him to the nearest police station. Izzy stopped them. "That might not be the best idea, guys. How are you going to explain what happened to him?"
That caught my attention. I pulled back, sniffling and wiping at my cheeks. "What did happen?" Everyone looked at me, then at Koushiro, and then behind me. I slowly turned, following their gazes. I almost fainted.
A giant red insect stood flapping its wings two feet away from me. It looked at me out of its multiple-buggy-eyes. I watched as it floated to the ground and stood before me, waist-high. "This is Tentomon." Izzy moved around to stand beside the insect.
"Pleased to meet you, Miss Motomiya." It held up one hand...claw...thing in a friendly manner. I found myself reaching out a hand to it in return. It sounded friendly, and the others seemed to know what it was. They were acting as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening.
I caught Izzy biting his lip as he waited for me to decide whether I was going to freak out, or shake...hands. I shook hands. It wasn't cold, as I had expected. It was almost like shaking hands with person with the plastic winter mitten used in winter.
"Hello, Ten-to-mon." I said awkwardly as the others seemed to sigh in relief. Izzy was smiling at me, so I smiled back. I had absolutely no concept of reality at that moment. I had no clue as to what was going on, or even what I was feeling. That's when I fainted.
I woke up in Izzy's arms. My heart jumped in my throat and I tried to sit up. That accomplished exactly nothing, because I slid off the concert-house couch onto the floor. Most of the others had left. Izzy, Sora, Dai, and Matt were waiting with me.
Sora leaned over and looked at me. "Are you okay? I called your mom and told her you were at my house, so she wouldn't worry." I nodded dumbly.
"Uh, thanks." My voice was kind of raspy, the after-effect of crying. Izzy handed me a glass of water. I looked up into his eyes and lost myself in their depths. He looked away.
I turned my gaze to my cup, ignoring, but not missing, the look between Sora, Dai, and Matt. I had found a new obsession. "Not everyone has to wait with us." Sora looked pointedly at Matt and Dai, but Izzy stood up. My friend turned to me again. "I called for a taxi. My parents are gone for the night, so we won't have to worry about waking them up, or asking permission."
I nodded again. I was starting to annoy myself by being so quiet and agreeable. I'm normally outspoken and outgoing. There are times when silence is called for, or expected. Being attacked and saved by a giant insect is one of them.
"I should probably go home. Dai is staying with me, so don't worry about him." Matt picked up his guitar and made dragged Dai out by the goggles around his neck. I smiled slightly at the picture they made.
Sora and Izzy helped me to my feet. He hadn't said anything about leaving, but I couldn't see how he could want to stay. Any misconceptions or hopes I had were killed when he said, "I'll ride with you. Tentomon and I will make sure that you're both protected and secure before we head home."
"What about you?" The question slipped before I could stop myself. His eyes flashed to mine for a second before he shrugged. Sora was watching us both with a knowing smile. I wanted to slap her.
"I have Tentomon. I'll be okay." I nodded as if that was the most normal and understandable answer in the world. I understood nothing. The three of us made it outside at the same time that the taxi pulled up. We piled in, and I saw the little insect flitting through the shadows.
I had gotten stuck in the back with Izzy, and Sora had found her way into the front seat. I didn't realize that until I turned to find Izzy looking at me. "What?" I asked quietly. Me, quiet!
He shook his head and looked away. But not for long. "Are you completely over Matt?" The question came out of nowhere. I thought for a moment, and then nodded. We stayed silent for a couple more minutes. We avoided eye-contact.
"Izzy?" He looked at me. "Can I call you Koushiro?" He nodded without hesitation. "Thank you. For everything. Last week, and tonight. Especially tonight. You've been really great."
"There is no need to thank me, Jun. I'm glad that I was able to be of service and aid to you." He said it with sincerity and politeness. He's always been so polite. Even his little friend thingy's polite. I looked out the window and sighed as Sora's apartment building came into view.
Izzy got out with us and walked us to the front door. Sora made her way straight to the stairs and waited when I turned back to our escort. "There is a need to thank you. And also, to apologize, for putting you into an uncomfortable position. Because, when I stopped being stupid, I realized how...much I was missing by being so...stupid with Matt. And I would also like to thank you for one more thing."
He looked at me, and I knew that he knew that he liked me. It wasn't conceit. It was the knowledge that comes when you actually like someone in a mature fashion, and they like you also. He waited. "Thank you for the rose. The first one."
I smiled and ran to catch up with Sora who had already started up the stairs. Who else could put a rose outside the window of a top-story apartment except for a flying giant insect.
See, I didn't lie. Happy ending. Twisted plot (wait, that wasn't on the list), and the day that I realized what a stupid, obsessive...etc, etc...I can be when I'm stupid. The last year with Izzy has been great. I get a single red rose delivered once a month to my window.
And there's also a signed note each morning in my locker. //To Jun, with love and thoughts of you. K. Izumi//
Now my Matt shrine is an Izzy shrine. I collect all of his old essays and each letter in a special box in my room.
____________________________
Author's note: Okay, so that sucked. Sorry. Sue...
Disclaimer: Don't own Digimon, or its characters. They aren't mine! I swear it!
Author's note (cont.): ...me! See if I care! I tried to be as nice to Jun, and make her as nice as possible, without getting to OOC. Too late, I know. Sorry about the Taito. There was no warning, so flame. Odd coupling: Junshiro! I've never read it before, but I think that it could work. Maybe.
It was fun.
Then my best friend played a very scary and realistic prank, and I realized the error of my ways. Now I'm just obsessive and ditzy. I no longer follow along after my idol with intentions of doing harm to any other fan that dared touch him.
It really is a good thing that they stopped me when they did. That way, when he started dating, his 'perfect love', as he calls 'em, is safe from my ex-psycho ways. Now I laugh at all the silly girls who flirt with him at the same time that they give evil death glares at his sweetheart.
I love endearments. I use them for everyone. My parents, my brother, my friends, my idol, his 'sweet baby' (another of his terms), and even my enemies. If I like someone, I'll call the 'hon', which is short for the American term 'honey' which exemplifies a sweet person.
If I don't like someone, I'll call them 'sugar'. It's supposed to be a nice term, but I use it as the opposite. I don't like sugar, unless it's mixed in with something, such as cookie batter, and sweet rolls.
For my brother, and his best friend, and his girlfriend (my brother's that is), I say 'genius'. It's used for him because he's anything but, and I call the other two that, because they could be and are.
Then there's 'beautiful'. My idol, and his little brother. What kind of genes did their parents have to produce two such wonderful creatures. I did say that I was still obsessive, didn't I? But they're both worth being drooled over.
For my American e-pal, Jensu, I got the term 'chicita', which means something like 'little girl'. I use that for my female friends, except Dai's girl. She's 'genius', remember.
For Mimi, Jyou-chan's girl, I use the term 'dink'. It's another term that I got from Jensu. It defines someone that isn't exactly intelligent, and who annoys you, but who you like anyway. I call Mimi that when she starts drooling over her own boyfriend, Jyou Kido.
Not that I really blame her. She only sees him when she comes back to Japan, and that isn't often. I like her, but she's really difficult to keep track of, across the ocean and all that.
But that doesn't really concern what I wanted to share with you today. I was just thinking that things work out really well, if you look in the right place, in just the right way. At times, people can do this easily, because it can be really obvious.
Yet, there are times that you can only see something if someone else points it out to you. It's not that it's hidden, and it's not that you're slow, or unsmart, it's just that it happens to be such a small thing that it's very easy to overlook. If there isn't someone to knock you upside the head.
That person was my brother, as I mentioned before, and my friend Sora.
It was an ordinary day. I was waiting impatiently for the phone to ring, because I *knew* that Matt would call that day. I was absolutely certain that he was in love with me. I took a shower with the cordless on the sink barely a foot away. Then I took it into the kitchen while I made lunch.
I didn't turn on the television or the radio, just in case I couldn't hear the phone. Thankfully, Dai wasn't up yet, because I knew that the moment he was, quiet wouldn't exist anymore.
I love my brother, but he's so immature. (Like I'm really any better.) He never stops bouncing around the house. He really is a remarkable person. He's so resilient (I got that term from Izzy a couple of days ago), that he always bounced back, no matter what the world did to him. I envied him that. I was ready to cry, because behind the knowledge that *Matt really did like me* was the knowledge that a person can only fool themselves for so long.
I was close to the breaking point.
I wanted to be mad at him. Him, with his perfect hair, and perfect voice, and silent, edgy style. He was perfection, and I thought I was worthy. We learn something new everyday.
I deserved perfection. I was absolutely certain that someone such as I deserved nothing less that the absolute best. And he was it. Lessons are hard for someone that doesn't want to listen to the answers.
When Dai woke up, I asked him if he had plans. I knew that he was going to the concert that night. Him and all his little friends had gotten tickets from the lead singer. Yamato. There had been an extra for me, because Matt is really a nice guy.
(I'm sorry if this is confusing. I'm still trying to 'assimilate' myself now, with the person I was then. I don't mean to go back and forth, but it's hard to separate the two halves after jsut a couple of days.)
I was sure that the ticket was because he was planning on announcing his love for me there. What a 'dink' was I. There is only one time in life when you can blame a man for breaking your heart. When he tells you that he'll love you forever, and then tells the same thing to another girl a week later.
Matt wasn't, and isn't, like that. He never promised me anything. He tried so many times to tell me that he wasn't interested, but I was too stubborn and obsessed to listen.
I look back on it now, and their relationship, and I have to slap myself at how blind I was. It seems so obvious now. But love is blind. In more ways than one.
That night, the one I've been trying to tell you about, I made Dai let me walk with his friends. I knew that I didn't want to be with my own little clique. I didn't understand why at the time, but I followed my instincts anyway. We sat with ten other people that I know Matt and Dai spend a lot of time with.
I was seated between Izzy and Sora, which is cool, because she's a really good friend, and he's a really nice guy. I think that it might have been planned that way. In fact, I'm pretty certain it was.
I could see Tai, Matt's best friend, and Kari, Tai's sister, at the other end of the row. I remember thinking that He looked especially dressed up, and extremely nervous. I thought that he might be waiting for a date.
I can be observant about some things. Sometimes.
The lights dimmed, and the little concert hall became hushed. They played larger crowds, but this was a benefit concert, so it was less crowded than normal. The lights on stage came up, and we could see the outline of the band.
Then a spotlight followed Matt onstage, his lean body fitted into jeans and a sleeve-less shirt. I could feel myself beginning to drool. He took the mike in hand and called out a greeting. The place roared loudly in response. And then he broke the news. Ishida Yamato...was taken.
"Sorry, ladies. But my heart has been stolen, and they refuse to give it up. This song is dedicated to my one and only, my courage, my soulmate." I didn't have to follow his gaze to know where he was looking. I had recognized the expression in his eyes from before. He got it when he looked at...
Oops! I jumped ahead a little. I was going to tell you why I stopped being a psycho stalker fangirl. The concert comes later. With a happy ending!
It was a week before the concert, a Friday night. I stood primping in front of the mirror in the bathroom. I smiled as I heard Daisuke complaining in the hallway. I had already been in there for more that an hour, and I wasn't planning on coming out anytime soon. Until my mother yelled at me to get out.
I picked up my stuff and flounced out the door, giving him a look of superiority as I passed. The effect was lost on him as he ran past me and into the bathroom. I growled in frustration.
In my room, I dropped my stuff on the bed temporarily and leaned over my desk. On it's surface was an unfinished letter to my would-be boyfriend, and crush, Yama-chan. It looked like others that I had sent before, but I had pre-signed this one. The others had had a question mark. But I made sure that the information that I sent was personal and knowledgeable of it's recipient.
Don't ever sign a letter that reveals half of a person's life story with a question mark. It's too difficult to explain to your parents why the police are issuing a restraining order against their oldest child.
I left a flower daily in his locker, and a note on his doorstep at night, so that he found it in the morning. It was all very innocent and sweet, from my point of view.
I found out later that Matt began to get paranoid that he had a stalker. He was frightened of a person who knew so many of his secrets, but refused to talk to him in person. It wasn't fear, it was mystery. Expain that to a boy who's too hot for his own good.
He began to lock his dressing room door. Someone had to walk him to his car at night, and Tai, his best fried, was always around for protection. Nobody was going to hurt Yama-chan without a fight.
That Monday, I told Sora about my sweet little love notes. She gave me a frustrated lecture on what stalking was, and how scary it could be. I blew her off, knowing that I wasn't doing any such thing. She tried to reason with me, but I refused to listen. As always.
That night, when I got home, was a letter, unsigned. It read: //My dearest love, I love the way that your hair smells as you pass by me in the halls. I love the way that you laugh at the jokes of your friends. I love the way you tease your little brother. You are perfection. With love, ??????//
I was in heaven. I thought Matt had written it. Then I found a note that I had, a grocery list that he had dropped one day, and compared the writing. It didn't match. So someone else had seen me, and was interested! I could make my crush jealous now.
I forgot to write a letter that night. The next morning, there was a single rose on my window sill. I live on the top floor. There is no fire escape outside my window.
I began to worry, a little. My door was locked, so Dai couldn't have done it. Could he? I questioned him, but he denied it, and I can tell when he's telling the truth, or so I thought.
I went to school, scanning the halls for a boy who seemed to stare. Everyone was staring by the time I made it to my locker. I kept jumping away from people who would accidentally touch me as they passed. I tried to ignore it, but I kept looking over my shoulder, trying to catch someone watching me.
By the end of the day, I was a nervous wreck. There had been nothing new, but I was on the lookout. I guess my talk with Sora had sunk in. When I got home, there was a note from my parents, telling me that they had taken Dai someplace. I hoped home, to the zoo.
I slumped down on the couch and tried to relax. A knock sounded on the door, and I approached it cautiously. When I opened it, noone was there. A single red rose sat on the welcome mat. I picked it up and slammed the door shut, setting the chain, and clicking the deadbolt in place.
There was a note attached to the flower. //My love, if only you could see your perfection as I do. Such perfection should be frozen for all time, so that generation upon generation can peer at you're effortless beauty. I wish I could find a way to imprint your image permamently on the heart of the world. I wish I could find a way to keep you perfect forever, a way to stop time. ???????//
I looked at it for a moment, then decided that maybe it wasn't too threatening. Then I reread the last sentence several times. In my paranoia, I took it as a threat to kill me, so that I would never age, or betray that 'perfection'. I knew I was overreacting, but I remembered seeing a movie once where a girl rejects her secret admirer without realizing it, and he comes back and kills her.
I threw it away and ran to the phone. But I had noone to call. Matt had enough problems as it was, Tai was with Matt, and Sora would just say 'I told you so'.
Izzy! Koushiro Izumi! The name rang thankfully through my head, and I dialed the operator for the number. After a couple of minutes, I heard the line begin to ring, and a voice said, "Moshi, moshi."
"Hello. Is Izzy...uh, Koushiro there, please?" His mom had picked up. She put him on the line. "Hi, Izzy. Look, can I talk to you for a couple of minutes?"
"Sure, Jun." He sounded confused. "Let me switch phones." A pause. "Okay. Go ahead, what's on your mind?"
"Well, uh, it's kinda silly really. I got this note yesterday, and then a rose this morning and another note when I got home. They're unsigned, and I don't have a clue as to who they're from."
"You have a secret admirer. Congratulations." He sounded genuinely puzzled now. I couldn't blame him.
"Okay, this is going to sound crazy, and I know that I'm overreacting, but...I think that I might be in danger!" I waited while he digested that piece of news. "The rose was on the outside of my window. WE LIVE ON THE TOP FLOOR! The second note kept talking about keeping my perfection, and freezing it, and stopping it from fading. What do you do when you want to keep a rose, you kill it by drying it out! And it came with another rose!"
"Jun? Are you okay? Listen, I'm going to hang up..." I shook my head wildly. "I'm going to hang up and call you on my cell phone. Then I'm going to come over. I need you to give me your phone number, okay?" I complied. "Bye, Jun."
I hung up the phone and waited. When it rang, I picked it up and yelled out Izzy's name. It wasn't him. "Jun, are you okay?" Sora. I thought desparately.
"No." Then I explained what had happened in the last day. "I"m scared, Sora. He knows where I live, and he could know that I'm alone. I'm just glad that Izzy's coming!"
"Why did you call Izzy, of all people?" Sora asked me curiously. I thought it over for a second, not finding an answer.
"I don't know, really. I just kind of figured that he would know what to do, I guess. The bell just rang, so he's here. I'll call you back later. Thanks, Sora."
I walked to the door and opened it to an empty hallway. Taped to the door was a note. I couldn't open it, couldn't bring myself to touch it. I heard the ping from the elevator and looked up, my heart in my throat. Izzy stepped into the hallway.
"Jun? Are you okay? When did this get here?" He pushed me gently inside and took down the note. I lead him into the kitchen and pulled out two sodas, on autopilot. He unfolded it and read it. "Maybe you had something."
I looked at him with wide eyes and snatched the note from his hand. // My dearest, I wish I could be there with you now. Know that you will never be alone, for I am always near. When you are loneliest, I will be there. ?????//
"This is the fourth time today that I've gotten something! Who's doing this?"
"Maybe it's a joke. Is there someone that you can think of that would want to scare you? Any one at all?" I shook my head. Matt leaped to mind, but he didn't have the motive to do it, since he didn't know that I was behind the notes.
"Am I overreacting? Tell me it's just my imagination." I wanted desperately to hear reassuring words.
"I don't think that you are. Stalkers can be dangerous people, especially when they now so much about their victims. People who leave strange notes and don't want the recipient who know who they are, usually have a reason to keep their identity hidden. They could just feel inferior, or they could be using it as a disguise to plan to hurt some-one."
I sighed, angry that he had jumped to the same conclusion as Sora. "It doesn't mean that they're psycho and dangerous! Some people just want to be mysterious and...and...unique."
He nodded, and looked away from me with a cold smile. I had never seen him so ruffled before. He looked genuinely upset over something, and I don't think that it was just the notes, but I wouldn't ask him. It was probably something personal.
"I'm going to go down and get my laptop. I'll bring it up and try to analyze the handwriting." He stood up and I followed him to the door. "Don't open this for anyone. I'll be right back."
I shut the door behind him and waited beside it. He didn't return immediately, and I assumed that he took the stairs. I made my way back into the kitchen and took care of my can. His was still full. A knock soudned on the door.
"Izzy?" No answer. "Izzy, is that you?" My hear was pounding. I had never wanted to hear the red-head's voice so badly in my life.
The knock came again softly and I backed away. I couldn't bring myself to look through the peep-hole. The possibilities of who stood on the other side were endless. The knob began to turn, and I realized that I had forgotten to lock it. My throat constricted and I couldn't breath. The door flew open.
I screamed, or tried to. No sound came out, for which I am grateful now. Dai and our parents walked in, talking and laughing over something. Nobody paid attention to my pale face, or the tears of fear runnig down my face. I flew out of the apartment, wanting to escape.
Izzy found me in the elevator on the ground floor, huddled in the corne and staring at the paneling. "Jun? Are you okay?"
At first I didn't respond. I had actually started to piece it together in my head. When you push the fear aside, there is a general calm that steals through your body, and everything becomes crystal clear.
"Sora." My voice was calm. I could feel a slight smile coming to my mouth as my friend stepped around the corner to look at me. Davis was behind her with a shameful expression on his face.
"I tried to tell you how it felt. You wouldn't believe me. This has only been going on for a day, can you imagine what Matt has felt like for the last several weeks?" She looked mad at me still, but apologetic about it also. I nodded slowly and stood up with help from Koushiro.
"It wouldn't have been so bad if you weren't so gullible." My brother pointed out to me as only a little brother can. I stuck my tongue out at him. It was all that I could manage. "I personall thought that the rose and the note on the door was good. My idea, of course."
Sora rolled her eyes at him as they moved into the elevator and started towards our floor. Izzy was silent. I doubted that they had included him in their plans. He was too sweet of a guy to do such a thing.
And Dai was right. I had made myself paranoid in believing that there was something so wonderful about me that a guy would go through such lengths. I really was conceited. Somethings never change.
So, seeing the error of my ways, I told Matt that I was sorry, and that I would lay off. I have never seen anyone so relieved. Now we actually talk in the hallways!
Sora and I are still good friends. I understand her motivation. I will get even with Daisuke. That's what sisters are for.
The concert.
I'm sitting in the front row with Izzy and Sora, and we're watching Yamato make his big speech on stage. The audience is extremely quiet as they wait for a name that he won't give. It was private. But I knew.
I watched his gaze, the one he used to talk about his love, the one that I've seen thousands of times before when they're together, and the one that he's using right then. He smiles into the front row, and I see Tai wink at him, his smile grin and just as sappy.
Sora and Izzy were watching me, waiting to see the heartbreak that I had been setting myself up for. They were in for a surprise. I had realized as I walked in with Davis and greeted all of his friends, that without the obsession, I had no real liking for Matt outside of friendship.
I smiled and clapped, the others doing the same. Matt smiled at me, and Tai clapped as hard as I did. T.K. and Dai were yelling and trying to outdue each other in volume and enthusiasm.
After the concert, the thirteen of us went backstage and called for take-out. We sat around in a waiting room as the rest of the band packed up and left. Matt and Tai sat on the same chair, the blonde in the seat, and his koibito on the arm.
Dai, Kari, T.K, Ken, and Cody sat on the floor in a circle. Miyako was 'freshening up' in the bathroom. Sora, Mimi, and I sat on a sofa and caught up on the latest gossip. Actually, they talked, and I stole glances out of the corner of my eye at a certain boy.
I did say that I was still obsessive. Without realizing why, I had called Koushiro when I was scared. I had known that I could count on him, even though we didn't talk at school or anything. The heart knows many things without the mind being aware of them.
He and Jyou were talking, off to the side. I was starting to feel uncomfortable, because I had slipped out of the conversation with the girls, and I was kind of lonely, not talking to anyone.
All right, not talking to him!
I got up and said goodbye to Mimi and Sora, then went to congratulate Matt on a good concert, and Tai on his good fortune. I pulled Dai's hair and told him I was leaving. He decided to stay behind with his friends.
Outside, the moon was full and the sky was full of stars. The air smelled of food from a nearby restaurant as I began the walk home. It was a night for lovers, but I was the odd man out. I had invited myself to be with them, they hadn't invited me.
A footstep sounded behind me. Preoccupied, I didn't hear it until a hand pulled roughly at my arm. A strange man loomed over me as he covered my mouth with one hand and pulled me toward the shadows with the other. He didn't manage to get too far.
From behind him, a body rammed into his and knocked him down, me with him. I scooted away and watched as Izzy hit him, once, twice, and then jumped off to stand breathing heavily over him.
The man got up and pulled a knife from his pocket. I know that Izzy's smart, but he's not a Judo master, and his only asset had been surprise. A shape moved behind me, and a blast of lighting, or electricity, shot out at the man, leaving him stunned on the ground.
Neither Izzy, nor I, moved. We were both still in shock. He had acted without concious thought when he came to my rescue. I fought the urge to cry as I stood up. He looked up at me and I stumbled into his arms, releasing the tears. The others ran up behind us, somehow knowing that something had happened.
I refused to let go of Koushiro as Dai and Sora tried to comfort me. His jacket was getting soaked, and I was beginning to choke on the tears. Matt put a hand on my shoulder and tried to talk to me, but I gripped harder and pressed closer.
With uncertain patting of my back, Izzy relayed what he had walked out to find. I heard a strange voice that took credit for the bolt of light, but still couldn't bring myself to let go. I knew that that hadn't been part of the scheme to get me away from my Yamato-obsession. I had truly been that close to getting raped.
Koushiro began pulling me toward home, some of the others following. Matt and Tai picked up my attacker to take him to the nearest police station. Izzy stopped them. "That might not be the best idea, guys. How are you going to explain what happened to him?"
That caught my attention. I pulled back, sniffling and wiping at my cheeks. "What did happen?" Everyone looked at me, then at Koushiro, and then behind me. I slowly turned, following their gazes. I almost fainted.
A giant red insect stood flapping its wings two feet away from me. It looked at me out of its multiple-buggy-eyes. I watched as it floated to the ground and stood before me, waist-high. "This is Tentomon." Izzy moved around to stand beside the insect.
"Pleased to meet you, Miss Motomiya." It held up one hand...claw...thing in a friendly manner. I found myself reaching out a hand to it in return. It sounded friendly, and the others seemed to know what it was. They were acting as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening.
I caught Izzy biting his lip as he waited for me to decide whether I was going to freak out, or shake...hands. I shook hands. It wasn't cold, as I had expected. It was almost like shaking hands with person with the plastic winter mitten used in winter.
"Hello, Ten-to-mon." I said awkwardly as the others seemed to sigh in relief. Izzy was smiling at me, so I smiled back. I had absolutely no concept of reality at that moment. I had no clue as to what was going on, or even what I was feeling. That's when I fainted.
I woke up in Izzy's arms. My heart jumped in my throat and I tried to sit up. That accomplished exactly nothing, because I slid off the concert-house couch onto the floor. Most of the others had left. Izzy, Sora, Dai, and Matt were waiting with me.
Sora leaned over and looked at me. "Are you okay? I called your mom and told her you were at my house, so she wouldn't worry." I nodded dumbly.
"Uh, thanks." My voice was kind of raspy, the after-effect of crying. Izzy handed me a glass of water. I looked up into his eyes and lost myself in their depths. He looked away.
I turned my gaze to my cup, ignoring, but not missing, the look between Sora, Dai, and Matt. I had found a new obsession. "Not everyone has to wait with us." Sora looked pointedly at Matt and Dai, but Izzy stood up. My friend turned to me again. "I called for a taxi. My parents are gone for the night, so we won't have to worry about waking them up, or asking permission."
I nodded again. I was starting to annoy myself by being so quiet and agreeable. I'm normally outspoken and outgoing. There are times when silence is called for, or expected. Being attacked and saved by a giant insect is one of them.
"I should probably go home. Dai is staying with me, so don't worry about him." Matt picked up his guitar and made dragged Dai out by the goggles around his neck. I smiled slightly at the picture they made.
Sora and Izzy helped me to my feet. He hadn't said anything about leaving, but I couldn't see how he could want to stay. Any misconceptions or hopes I had were killed when he said, "I'll ride with you. Tentomon and I will make sure that you're both protected and secure before we head home."
"What about you?" The question slipped before I could stop myself. His eyes flashed to mine for a second before he shrugged. Sora was watching us both with a knowing smile. I wanted to slap her.
"I have Tentomon. I'll be okay." I nodded as if that was the most normal and understandable answer in the world. I understood nothing. The three of us made it outside at the same time that the taxi pulled up. We piled in, and I saw the little insect flitting through the shadows.
I had gotten stuck in the back with Izzy, and Sora had found her way into the front seat. I didn't realize that until I turned to find Izzy looking at me. "What?" I asked quietly. Me, quiet!
He shook his head and looked away. But not for long. "Are you completely over Matt?" The question came out of nowhere. I thought for a moment, and then nodded. We stayed silent for a couple more minutes. We avoided eye-contact.
"Izzy?" He looked at me. "Can I call you Koushiro?" He nodded without hesitation. "Thank you. For everything. Last week, and tonight. Especially tonight. You've been really great."
"There is no need to thank me, Jun. I'm glad that I was able to be of service and aid to you." He said it with sincerity and politeness. He's always been so polite. Even his little friend thingy's polite. I looked out the window and sighed as Sora's apartment building came into view.
Izzy got out with us and walked us to the front door. Sora made her way straight to the stairs and waited when I turned back to our escort. "There is a need to thank you. And also, to apologize, for putting you into an uncomfortable position. Because, when I stopped being stupid, I realized how...much I was missing by being so...stupid with Matt. And I would also like to thank you for one more thing."
He looked at me, and I knew that he knew that he liked me. It wasn't conceit. It was the knowledge that comes when you actually like someone in a mature fashion, and they like you also. He waited. "Thank you for the rose. The first one."
I smiled and ran to catch up with Sora who had already started up the stairs. Who else could put a rose outside the window of a top-story apartment except for a flying giant insect.
See, I didn't lie. Happy ending. Twisted plot (wait, that wasn't on the list), and the day that I realized what a stupid, obsessive...etc, etc...I can be when I'm stupid. The last year with Izzy has been great. I get a single red rose delivered once a month to my window.
And there's also a signed note each morning in my locker. //To Jun, with love and thoughts of you. K. Izumi//
Now my Matt shrine is an Izzy shrine. I collect all of his old essays and each letter in a special box in my room.
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Author's note: Okay, so that sucked. Sorry. Sue...
Disclaimer: Don't own Digimon, or its characters. They aren't mine! I swear it!
Author's note (cont.): ...me! See if I care! I tried to be as nice to Jun, and make her as nice as possible, without getting to OOC. Too late, I know. Sorry about the Taito. There was no warning, so flame. Odd coupling: Junshiro! I've never read it before, but I think that it could work. Maybe.