Spirits of the World
by Saralady
"Annnnnnd it's the lady's man! Gimme a call you fine, fine-"
Someone off camera cleared his throat.
The red head rolled his eyes. "Jeez, Rude, fine. Welcome to Spirits of the World, our little dive into the wide, wide world o' spirits."
Rude nodded. "AKA, alcohol."
"DAMN straight!" Reno grinned and winked at the camera. "But...still...ladies, feel free to give a call."
Behind his dark sunglasses, Rude rolled his eyes.
"Okay, here we go! All the way from Wutai we have a lil' somethin' called sake. You know, there's a great place out in Wutai called Turtle's Paradise. If you're ever in the area, it's Turks approved! Isn't it, Rude?"
Rude nodded.
Reno opened the large bottle and handed it over to his silent partner. "Here, man, you need to loosen up."
Rude nodded and tilted the bottle to his lips.
"Sake's fermented rice wine or somethin'...tastes different from normal wine. Doesn't it, Rude?"
Rude continued to drink.
"Yeah, so like I was sayin', tastes different. Now if ya ask me, you should always go with wine if ya can. Higher concentration of alcohol, gets that good ol' buzz goin' a lot faster than anything else...'cept maybe moonshine, but that shit'll fuck ya up. Ever seen Cloud Strife? Heh heh heh...I made a joke, Rude."
Rude pulled the now empty bottle from his mouth and nodded.
"Seriously though, moonshine'll do it to ya. If the maker doesn't know what they're doin' and ya drink it, you can go blind!"
"I thought you went blind from activities involving certain magazines and videos...like the ones strewn about your apartment but aren't yours..."
Reno smirked and shoved a new bottle at his friend. Obediently the large man began to drink. "Now what Rude's drinkin' is called Rum. It's made on some of the southern islands from fermented molasses. Enjoyin' that, Rude?"
Rude's now flushed face nodded and he grinned. Reno opened the fridge and pulled out a six pack of beer. "Heineken...heh heh...hiney..."
Rude dropped his empty rum bottle and his pants. "Hiney."
Reno laughed and popped the top off of his beer via the countertop. "Now, beer's damn popular, and it's made from malt and water, and it's flavored with hops."
Rude giggled and began to hop about the room like a frog. "Hops, hops, hops!"
"Yeah, some monkeys used to make it so they could keep from starving to death while fasting...or...no...sorry, monks, not monkeys. Damn, you cue card guys need to write bigger or somethin'."
Rude jumped on the counter top and grinned. "MONKEY!!!" He began slapping his ass, laughing hysterically. "SPANKING!!!!"
"Damn, Rude, no more alcohol for you...Anyway, interesting fact about any grain based alcohol, if you have pollen allergies, you can react to the drinks! Damn I'm glad I ain't allergic...well I am to Scarlett, but she's contagious, heh heh...know what I mean, Rude?"
The camera panned over to find Rude literally shaking his ass to a random radio song. He hiccuped and stumbled. "Hey! Re *HIC!*, Reno! You gotta come dance, man!"
"Damn, Rude, I didn't think they'd give us such good quality shit..." The redhead twitched slightly and sweatdropped. "Hey...why're you giving me that look? Rude..."
Rude grinned. "You're awful purdy, ya know?"
"Purdy.....yeeeeeah.....ano...Rude...How about I go over here, and you go over there?"
Rude pouted then began to advance again. "But then I couldn't kiss you, you big hunk o' burnin, burnin...stuff..."
After looking around for help from the stage crew, and of course, finding none, Reno whipped out his electro rod. "Don't make me use this, Rude."
Rude pounced and Reno jabbed him over and over, but considering Rude's size, and the heavy amounts of alcohol coursing through his veins, he merely giggled. "Are you trying to tickle me? Silly willie billie!"
"Uh...um...er...HOLY SHIT! IT'S A TALKING GOAT TIED TO A TRUCK!!"
"HUH?! STINKYNUTS IS HERE?!" Rude jumped off of Reno, looking for the said creature.
"Uh...that's it for this show...uh...I...gotta go." Reno bolted like a chocobo with a tail on fire.
Rude returned to the stage and blinked incoherently, his head throbbing. "The hell just happened here?" Scratching his bald head, he popped some Advil and exited the building, vowing for the hundredth time to never ever drink again.