The 01 Digidestined are around 25. TK and Kari are 22. The story is mostly from TK's point of view.
Dedication: This is for Sakura_Syaoran, who gave me the idea in
the first place to try writing a story like this. She wrote a happy
story so I wrote a sad one.
Sometimes
By Melissa
Everyone is afraid of something. Many people will deny that with their final breath, but I don't believe them for a moment. There is something out there that chills them to their very bones, or makes them break out into a cold sweat. Spiders, snakes, heights, sharks, unknown people and places, being alone, or a infinite number of other things are the cause of fear in people. My fear is drowning, as irrational as that sounds. Although I suppose all fears are irrational. There's just something about the thought of not being able to breathe. It gives me nightmares, even to this day. I had one again last night. I dive into a body of water, most probably a lake. When I go to come up for air though, I run into a clear barrier that is covering the surface. I beat my hands against the barrier trying to break it. My heart is pounding and I know that I'm going to have to release the breath I am holding. I don't want to because there will be no air in which to replace it. I finally release the breath because the pain in my lungs has grown too great. I exhale, and watch the tiny spheres upward and through the invisible barrier as though it is not even there. My vision is fading as I feel myself losing consciousness. Suddenly a hand breaks through the barrier, shattering it. The hand grabs a hold of me and pulls towards the surface. I break through and cough and sputter. While I am alleviating my tortured lungs by gulping in oxygen, I blink rapidly to clear the water out of my eyes to try and glimpse my savior. She hovers above me, her wings moving in slow, rhythmic beats. The pure white feathers of her wings make her fair skin seem slightly darker than it actually is. She's an angel, my angel. I feel like crying because she is so beautiful, both inside and out. I love her. And when she looks at me, suddenly I am no longer afraid.
Just like every time I wake up and sit bolt upright. I suck in a big breath as my heart hammers against my rib cage, and sweat covers my body. And every time it feels like there is a thousand pound weight on my chest. This angel that saves me night after night, is not just present in my dreams. She's a real person in my life.
I glance at the clock. It's about a quarter to ten in the morning. After taking the sheet and wiping my face, I swing my legs over the side of the bed and stand up. There was no way that I was going back to sleep. I left my room and made my way towards the kitchen. After traveling around the world for a couple of years, I had come home to Japan and was staying at Matt's apartment. Those two years I was gone though, I couldn't think of anything else but her.
Matt is already up and reading the paper. He says a couple of things to me, but I didn't hear him. I wasn't paying any particular attention. I sat down at the table and contemplated a spot on the far wall.
Matt interrupted my staring into oblivion by waving his hand in front of my face. I swiped at it.
"What??" I said a little more harshly than I had intended.
"Well, you looked kind of out of it. You didn't really respond the first couple of times I spoke to you. So I said that Jun was having my baby and we were running away together, and you didn't even react. That's how I knew that there's something going on."
I gave him a lopsided grin. "You actually said that?"
Matt shuddered. "Yeah. And normally I would never joke about something like that."
I chuckled slightly, knowing that even after all these years Jun was still after my brother. Even though he wasn't remotely interested in her.
"So what's going on? You've been moping around for days. What's up?"
My face turned serious again. I did not like where this conversation was heading. There was no way out of it though.
Taking a deep breath I looked Matt straight in the eye. "I think I'm in love."
Matt returned my stare, but it was obvious he was trying not to smile.
"What's so funny??" I demanded. I didn't think this was humorous in the least bit.
Matt held up his hands in a placating gesture. "I'm sorry. I think it's great that you're in love."
I looked down at the table, not saying anything.
"What's wrong?" Matt asked at last.
"I don't think she could ever love me back," I said sadly.
Matt furrowed his brow in concentration. "It's not Kari, is it?"
I snapped my head up and stared at him. "No, it's not Kari. We tried being together, but it just didn't work out. I love Kari, but I'm not in love with her."
"OK....then who is it?"
I was extremely hesitant about saying anything. If he smirked about how I told him I was in love, he might out right laugh when I told him who it was.
"C'mon.....," he prodded. "I can keep a secret."
I finally decided to relent. Who knows, maybe telling someone will release some of the weight that I've been carrying around. I was about to open my mouth when the phone rang.
Matt got up to get it and I silently cursed the bad timing.
"Hello? Oh hey......Yeah, we're still on for tonight......Yes, I did invite everyone over..........OK, I'll be over to get you later......Love you too......Bye."
I arched an eyebrow at Matt as he placed the receiver back on the hook. "New girlfriend?" I inquired.
Matt rubbed the back of his head. He was obviously embarrassed. "Not really. We've been seeing each other for over a year now. We've just been keeping it a secret."
He blushed slightly as a moment of silence passed between us.
"Oh! I almost forgot. Try to be here around 7 tonight. I invited everyone over for a little get together. You'll also get to see who has my heart."
"Sure thing," I said as I got up from the table. Seeing Matt so happy about his relationship made me extremely envious. I didn't feel like sharing my feelings any longer.
"Hey, where are you going?"
"I'm going to get dressed and go for a walk."
"All right. Are you sure you don't want to talk?" he offered.
"Nah, I'm OK," I replied. I needed to get out of there for awhile.
"I'll see you tonight then at seven o'clock."
I nodded and headed back towards my room.
I left the apartment at around ten thirty. I wandered around the streets of Odaiba for a little while, until I decided to go to the park. The day was extremely overcast, as if the skies would tear at any moment and let loose a flood.
I sat on a bench at the park for several hours, even though it didn't really feel like it. I didn't notice the passage of time because I was in my own little world. It wasn't until the sound of my name being called that brought me crashing back to reality. I turned to see who it was.
Kari was standing right next to me, a look of worry on her face.
I blinked a couple of times to clear my head. I gave her a sheepish grin. "Sorry, I must not have heard you."
"You really had me worried for a second. I was standing here for a couple of minutes and I couldn't get a response out of you."
I gently put my arms around her and gave her a hug. "It's been a long time," I whispered.
"Yeah. Too long," she replied. She then broke the hug and took a seat next to me. "Have you been back long?"
I avoided her eyes as I answered. "Not really. Just a few days." I could feel her stare upon me.
"TK, what's wrong?"
"What makes you think there is something wrong?"
She raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms. "Because I have always been able to read you like a book. You wear your emotions on your sleeve, so it's easy to tell what you're feeling. Are you going to tell me? Or do I have to resort to drastic measures?"
I knew exactly what she was referring to. "You wouldn't."
"Oh really, Mr. I'm-Tickilish-All-Over-My-Body. Try me."
Kari had always been relentless in her pursuit. She will never give up, no matter what the obstacles. It's part of what makes her so endearing.
"All right," I relented.
She looked at me expectantly as I tried to collect my thoughts.
"I think I've fallen in love," I said at last.
She paused a moment before speaking again. "Then why do you look like you've swallowed some tacks?"
I smiled slightly at her remark. "Because she doesn't know."
A look of understanding crossed her features.
"I haven't eaten or slept properly in the two years I was away. She's all I've been able to think about. All this time I tried to convince myself that it was just a crush or just puppy love. It turned out to be neither. I think I've loved her since I first met her. And that was fifteen years ago." I smirked slightly. "I didn't think it was possible that I would meet the girl I would love when I was only eight years old."
"Why don't you tell her?" Kari asked.
"You say that like I'm walking up and just asking what what time of day it is. I haven't seen her in two years. And suddenly I show up and say that I've fallen hopelessly and madly in love with her. I don't think so," I replied, hanging my head.
We sat in silence for a little while, listening to the sound of the wind as it rustled through the fall leaves.
"I hate having this hurt inside of me," I said miserably, breaking the silence. "I wish I had a heart of stone."
Kari slipped her arm around my shoulders. "No, you don't"
"Why?"
She looked thoughtful for a moment. "It was something I read awhile ago by an author named C.S. Lewis. It went something like this: 'Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up save in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.'"
"I don't want to be vulnerable," I replied.
Kari looked at me sadly. "I don't think anyone wants to be. That is a part of love, and there's no way around it. Love is perhaps the only emotion that has both an up and a down side. I would rather take love, with both the good and the bad, than run the risk of the alternative."
"What's the alternative?"
"Not being able to love, in any capacity, at all. I wouldn't care about Tai, or my parents. I wouldn't be with Ken. And I wouldn't love you, or any of my friends."
I nodded, as I started to understand.
I looked at her pensively. "Kari? I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Are you ever sorry about......you know......us?"
Kari took my hand. "No TK, I'm not. I enjoyed the time we were together, and I have never regretted any of it. I do love you, I always have. We just weren't in love."
I smiled slightly and chuckled. "It's funny. Everyone always pegged us for ending up together."
She smiled back. "Yeah. Sometimes things don't always turn out the way you expect or plan."
I drew her into a hug. "Ken's taking care of you right?"
"Of course. Why do you ask?"
"I'm still your best friend. I need to look out for you."
Kari slipped out of my grasp and swatted me on the arm. "You're almost as bad as Tai."
I stood up and turned to look at her. "Thanks for talking to me, Kari. I really appreciate it."
"Are you going to be OK?"
I sighed slightly. "There's only one way to find out. I know what I have to do now."
She smiled and nodded. "Good luck."
"Thanks," I whispered as I turned away and started walking.
Once again I found myself walking with no particular destination. I had a lot on my mind that needed to be sorted out. This pain I felt was not going to go away by itself. The only was that I would get rid of it was to tell this girl that I loved her. There would be several predictable outcomes. She could end up loving me too. She could apologize and say she didn't feel the same way. Or she would never want to speak to or see me again. I don't really think the third one was likely, but anything is possible I guess.
I strolled around for a couple of more hours, trying to figure out how to tell her and not sound like a complete idiot while doing so. Every time I thought I had it figured out I had to scrap it. Things always seem to sound better inside your head than they do out loud.
It was around five o'clock when I finally think I had what I wanted to say. I stopped walking to figure out where I was, since I wasn't paying any attention. Ironically, I had stopped right in front of her house.
'Apparently Fate does have a sense of humor,' I thought to myself as
I walked up the steps to her door. After a moment of hesitation I
rang the door bell.
Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the clang of the doorbell.
'Who could that be?' she mused as she reached over and turned off the
water to the shower. She gingerly stepped out of the tub and grabbed
a towel. She then made her way to the front of the house.
I had the sudden urge to run away. Oddly enough, my legs felt as if they were made out of stone. I swallowed hard and tried to prepare myself for what I had to say.
All that preparation went out the window when the door opened.
Sora stood there, her hair dripping wet and with nothing more than a green towel wrapped around her body. When she saw me her eyes lit up.
"TK! It's so good to see you! I'd hug you, but I don't want to get you all wet."
My mouth had gone completely dry as I continued to stare at her.
"C'mon in," she said as she opened the door further. "Have a seat in the living room and I'll be right with you."
She went to get dressed and I went into the living room. I sat down on the couch and stared out into space for awhile. I looked up at the ceiling for a moment. "You know, that wasn't funny," I mumbled to he Powers That Be.
"What did you say?" Sora asked as she walked into the living room.
I felt a blush rise in my cheeks. "N-Nothing," I stammered. I finally made myself look at her again.
She was wearing a pair of black jeans, with a blue/grey knit sweater. She had let her hair grow out since I had last seen her. It now hung a few inches below her shoulders. After she put on a pair of black boots she came over and sat down next to me.
Wrapping her arms around my neck, she gave me a hug.
I felt my breath catch in my throat. It was like I was drowning all over again. I had to concentrate all my efforts on the simple act of breathing. Convincing myself that I was not trapped under the water, that everything was OK. After a moments hesitation, I wrapped my arms around her.
She gently disengaged her hold and looked at me as she sat back on the couch. Her eyes were a mixture crimson and light brown. She had a stare that could penetrate the very depths of a person's soul.
"What brings you to my neck of the woods? I thought for sure I would see you tonight at Matt's."
"I'll be there. I just wanted to see you," I said quietly, trying to avoid her eyes.
She smiled at me, for only a moment. It then turned to that of concern. "TK, are you all right?"
I smiled sadly. I sure had been asked that a lot today.
She moved closer to me. For the first time I noticed she was wearing perfume. It was something of a cross between jasmine and vanilla. It was so intoxicating, I could feel my head swimming.
"What's wrong?" she asked in a low, soothing tone.
I couldn't take it anymore. I leaned forward and kissed her.
I could feel her tense up as I had caught her completely off guard. It was only a fraction of a second before she broke the kiss and practically leaped off the couch. Her eyes were as big as saucers as she turned and stared at me.
I had done the wrong thing. "I'm sorry.....," I whispered so softly that it might have been mistaken for a prayer.
She was obviously struggling to compose herself. It took her awhile to find her voice.
"Why??" she asked, obviously exasperated.
"I couldn't help myself. I'm so sorry," I said miserably.
She continued to stare at me, dumbfounded.
As much as it was going to hurt me to say this, it needed to be done.
"I'm in love with you, Sora. That is why I kissed you."
Her shocked expression was replaced by one of a combination of pity and sadness.
"Oh TK.....," she said quietly.
I knew what was coming. It still couldn't prepare me though.
"I'm sorry, TK," she said apologetically. "But I'm in love with someone else." She looked as if she was going to say more, but I cut her off.
"Please," I begged. "Don't say that what I feel is simply a crush or just puppy love. That would just demean and belittle what I feel for you and I don't think I could take that right now." I was on the verge of tears.
It was one of those moments where the silence between us was deafening, but there was nothing that could be said.
The sound of a doorbell made us both jump slightly.
"It's open!" Sora called out, never taking her eyes off of me for a second.
I could hear the footsteps in the hallway drawing closer. When I saw who it was my eyes widened.
Matt sauntered in, walked over to Sora and gave her a passionate kiss.
As I watched, I felt my heart constrict inside my chest and then shatter into a million pieces. Just like when the invisible barrier was broken in my dream.
Sora gently pushed Matt away. She then cleared her throat and looked in my direction. Matt turned around and made eye contact with me.
"Hey, TK. What are you doing here?" he inquired, a little confused.
That was the last straw. I stood up, ran past the both of them
and burst out of the house. Needing to get away, as far away as possible.
I jumped off the porch, hit the pavement and immediately took off.
Sora slumped against the frame of the door, holding her head in her hands.
"What just happened?" Matt asked, obviously concerned.
"TK showed up at my door a little while ago. I invited him in to talk because he looked like he had a lot on his mind."
"OK.....," Matt said, not understanding.
Sora removed her hands and looked at Matt with a pained expression. "He kissed me and then told me that he was in love with me."
Matt's eyes widened.
"I tried to let him down gently, but then you showed up.....and you kissed me.......," Sora trailed off.
Matt turned slightly and stared out the open door. "Damn it.....," he muttered. He then turned to Sora. "Get you coat. We have to go after him."
Sora nodded. Grabbing her jacket, she and Matt went out into the
storm.
The rain was coming down in torrents. Beating me about the head an shoulders, practically blinding me. I couldn't tell where I was or where I was going. Nor did I particularly care.
Tears mixed with the rain that ran down my face. 'Not only did she not feel the same way about me, but she and Matt are together!' I mentally screamed at myself.
I don't know which hurt more, the fact that my love was not reciprocated
or the fact that I had betrayed my brother.
Sora and Matt ran down the street, hoping this was the way that TK had gone. After a few moments they were able to make out his retreating figure. He made a sharp left turn and ran out into the street. An oncoming car slammed on it's breaks, but as a result went into a skid at an incredibly fast speed. Sora saw the car careening out of control heading straight for TK. They were too far away though.
"TK!!!!" she screamed. Her warning never reached him, as her voice
was drowned out by the sounds of the storm.
I never even saw the headlights of the car. I didn't even know it was there until it hit me straight on.
My body hit the asphalt with a sickening thud. Slowly, I rolled onto my back. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the car that had hit me. It had struck the curb and had turned on it's side.
"Ouch.....," I moaned. That one simple word was perhaps the biggest understatement of all time.
All I could do was stare up at the pitch black sky, and watch the rain.
It kind of reminds me of when I was little. I would lie outside and
watch the snow fall. Snow was just rain in another form, after all.
I think that I must be dying, because I'm becoming nostalgic.
Unbeknownst to TK, blood from his broken body was spreading outward
onto the slickened streets. It appeared as if he was sprouting giant
crimson wings with which to take flight.
As my life was running out, I became aware that I could no longer feel any pain. Not in my body and also no longer in my heart.
It was hard to hear anything over the chorus of the storm. I could almost swear I heard Matt calling my name. He didn't sound that far away, but I can't wait any longer. It feels like that weight is back on my chest again. It's so hard to breathe.....
I thought back to what Kari had told me barely a few hours ago. 'Sometimes things don't always turn out the way you expect or plan.'
A single word echoed in my soul as I closed my eyes.
'Sometimes....'
The End
More Author's Notes: This story is the result of what happens
when I am waiting to get inspired for the other stories I am working on.
Anyway. You know the drill. Let me know what you thought of
it. You made it all the way down here, after all:) Until next
time.
"To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our
human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to
find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person
one desires to be." - Anna Louise Strong