Yuffie's World
by Saralady
"Gawd! I gotta do a show with HIM?!" Yuffie wrinkled her pert nose and pointed to Cloud with a thumb.
"Well, most shows of this nature have a co-host." The stage manager patted her shoulder, then moved off, calling over his shoulder. "Look at it this way, at least you're the one with their name in the title of the show!"
"Gawd." Yuffie glared at Cloud who merely shrugged and looked about the set. They both sat on a beaten up old couch, and behind them sat an obviously fake wood paneled wall. Before them was a scratched up little coffee table, supporting a pair of drumsticks and two mugs of water. Cloud picked up the drumsticks and began methodically chewing on one of them.
Yuffie looked into a camera. "I am NOT working with him."
The cue-card man sweatdropped and pointed to the on-air sign. "Oh, er…Yuffie's World, Yuffie's World. Party time, excellent."
Cloud removed the drumstick from his mouth. "You're supposed to sing that."
"Bite me, unicorn boy." She glared and stole a mastered Bahamut summon as he began to swirl the water in his mug with the half-eaten stick. "Anyway," she turned her attention back to the camera, "this is my little show, and here we're gonna show you guys some up and coming musical groups. Tonight we have a brand new band called Turk Fever. Wait, Turk Fever?! Dammit, who invited Reno and his half-assed wannabe rock band?!"
Reno walked on stage, followed by the rest of the Turks, including the believed dead Tseng. "Oh give it a rest, Ninja Chick! You know you came to see us play at the new Seventh Heaven last night."
"Only to get a good laugh!" She sneered and stood, ignoring the five materias that fell from her pocket. "Your guitar skills are laughable, Elena kept making eyes at Tseng and forgetting to even play her damn bass, and Tseng couldn't keep a beat to save his life!"
Reno glared. "I can't play? Who was saying I was great with my hands last night, hmm, Ninja Chick?"
Cloud leapt up. "Schwing!"
"Grossness!" Yuffie stole one of his drumsticks and hit him with it.
Elena blinked. "Oh, so you two are back together again? I thought after Yuffie caught Reno feeling up that one girl in the bar last week that you two had split up, or was it over getting caught with that girl in the weapons shop who was handling your electro rod?"
"WHAT?!" Yuffie began to throttle Reno, who dropped back and hunched over to try and protect himself. "Some girl was playing with your rod?!"
"ELENA!" Reno jumped behind the couch. "You talk to damned much! Yuffie, I was really getting my rod repaired, I swear!"
Tseng sighed and sat down at his drum set. "Speaking of, could we get on with the performance now?"
Cloud jumped up again. "Schwing! Schwing!"
Yuffie gave up on beating the holy hell out of Reno long enough to whap Cloud upside his spiky head. "Fine, whatever. Here's Turk Fever, what a stupid name for a band, playing their new single, 'Elena Talks too Much'."
Reno picked up his guitar, Elena her bass, and Rude stepped behind the microphone. Tseng gave a count of four, then all instruments began cranking out heavy, dirty sounding music and Rude opened his mouth. Cloud frantically began beating on his thighs with his drumsticks, looking like someone having a sugar fit. Elena suddenly stopped playing and grabbed the microphone from Rude. "HEY! Wait a minute!"
"Dammit, Elena! This is our big break and you're gonna spoil it!"
Rude looked hurt and tried grabbing for the microphone. Elena smacked his hands away. "Is this song about me?"
Reno sweatdropped, then slapped on his most charming grin. "You? Why would ya think somethin' like that, babe?"
"Well…how many girls do you know named Elena?"
"Oh lots! We know lots, of loud mouthed, never shuttin' up about private matters Elenas, right Rude?"
Rude tried again to retrieve the microphone and had to scramble across the room as Elena chucked it at a camera. "That's it! I'm out! Find someone else to join your damn pathetic band!"
Rude found the mic and sniffled, noting it was lodged in a cameraman's mouth. Cloud continued beating on his thighs like a madman till Yuffie smacked him upside the head again and took away his happy sticks. "Cut it out! Now, we're going to the phones to see what the viewers at home thought. Get ready to hear you suck, Reno!"
Yuffie hit the first button on the phone. "Hello, you're on Yuffie's World! What did you make of that poor excuse for a band, Turk Fever?"
"Ooh…well them, I didn't pay much attention to. I was distracted by you."
"Oh?" Yuffie blinked and stole some more materia from the unsuspecting Cloud. "What about me?"
"Mmm…those legs, baby, ooh!" The voice on the line began to breathe heavily. "Yeah, and that little shirt showing off that belly of yours. And those pants, unbutton 'em just a little more. Just a little more…"
Yuffie's jaw dropped. "GROSSNESS! YOU PERVERT!" She kicked the phone across the room. "Can't anyone screen these damn calls?!"
Reno came up from behind and stroked her hair. "There, there, babe. I won't let him getcha. I'll cover your back…and your front too." He grinned and began to stroke her side.
"Gawd, Reno, give it a rest, will you?!"
"Aww, c'mon! Can't ya forgive me?" He turned to face her and smiled with his deep blue eyes. "Ya know I could never leave ya."
Yuffie rolled her eyes, but he smirked, knowing he'd won her back yet again. "C'mon, babe, let's go somewhere."
Everyone exited the set, save the crew and Cloud who was again chewing on his drumsticks. The cue-card man motioned to him and held up the "time's up" card. Cloud blinked at the camera for a bit, then leapt up again. "Schwing!"