AUTHOR: Goddess Isa
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com
SUMMARY: Xander gets the night of his dreams, more or less
SPOILER: The Zeppo
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P
RATING: TV-MA
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, Joss Whedon does. If he ever decides to give them to me, that would be nice. =)
Okay, you can do this Harris. You can be cool. Just walk in, ease in. Walk the flow. Walk like Dead Boy if you have to.
There she is. She's sitting.....sitting with.....Willow?!?!?!
Why on Earth is she with Willow?
Last time I checked, she HATED Willow.
It's okay, you can handle this. Approach them, greet them, run Cordy out to the car and screw her.
NO!
Run Willow out to the car and screw her.
NO!
God, what is wrong with me?
There's Faith.
Faith!
This is all her fault.
Of course.
She.....put a spell on me. Or something. She took my virginity and left me with a curse. Now all I wanna do is fuck.
Not that that's a bad thing. I mean, I am a guy. Guy's only think about one thing, right?
NO! I don't wanna be like other guys. I wanna be Xander. Good, ole dependable Xander.
Boring Xander.
AHHH! Why can't I get my mind straight?!
I gotta talk to someone.
I can't just stand in the doorway all night while couples push past me as though I'm a curtain of beads hanging from the ceiling.
No, no, I've gotta.......do something.
But what?
Oooh, oooh, Cordy's getting up. She's dancing with some icky guy. No, wait, he's--She's dancing with Oz!!
Why is she dancing with Oz?
"Cordelia!"
No answer.
"Cordelia!"
Again, no answer.
Oh, there's Willow again. Maybe she can break them up. I don't know if I should talk to her though. We're not exactly the same kind of friends we were. We're kind of nothing now and--
OH MY GOD!
I think she just kissed Faith!
And now Faith is coming over here.
"Hi Xander," she put her arms around me from behind and slid them up and down my chest. As her fingers floated across my skin, my shirt just magically fell away from her touch. "Did you miss me?"
"Get your filthy hands off of him!" Buffy yelled. She came up and stood leaning over me as she punched Faith out. Surprisingly, Faith went right down. Ha! Some Slayer she is.
"Thank goodness," I said to Buffy. She stayed where she was standing and looked into my eyes for a second before straddling me.
"Now that she's gone," she purred as she leaned down to lick my neck. "We can have some fun."
"Not if I have anything to say about it!" Amy shouted.
Oh no. That's what's wrong. Amy cast another spell. Only it went wrong again and now everyone hates me. Or loves me. Or wants me.
You know, every woman in Sunnydale wanting you is so not a bad thing.
Buffy moved her tongue into my ear and that was when I felt a whip hit my ass. I pushed Buffy off of me and turned around.
There stood Cordelia in a leather masochistic outfit, a whip in one hand and handcuffs in the other.
"Wanna play?" She asked. "Doesn't matter if you don't," she whipped me again. How did my butt get bare, anyways? "'Cause I do!"
Without realizing what was happening, I found myself handcuffed to a bed. Willow was tickling my feet with her tongue, Buffy was sitting on my chest, just staring at me, and Faith....I think Faith was trying to push my--
"Wake up man," Oz said. He was standing at the side of the bed. His hair was blue.
"No...." I moaned.
"Don't say no," Faith warned. Then I saw her pull a gun.
I jerked away and saw Oz shaking me by my shoulders.
"I take it the virtual reality dream thing worked?" He smirked.
"Devon's brother rules."
Oz helped me get the goggles off. "Yeah, well just don't tell anyone I let you use it. Each take on that thing is worth a few hundred. So happy birthday for like, ever.
"Totally worth it," I told him.
"I know," he started packing the system back up. "I got my birthday gift yesterday."