Thinking of You
Fushigi Yuugi is property of Yuu Watase. And other people/companies I don't know. If you are really puzzled about this fic, read the author's note at the end. :)
I never thought this would happen.
I, Hotohori, Emporer of Konan, first of the Suzaku seishi, fell in love with a Seiryuu seishi.
But I can't say I could help it, after all. Love strikes randomly, as I've seen with many. I'd always thought the Seiryuu were evil, nothing but spawns to the way of life as we knew it. The only one I ever could like was Amiboshi-kun and his strong will. The Seiryuu were out to destroy the Suzaku, destroy my kingdom of Konan, and summon Seiryuu for their evil deeds.
Yet, all those thoughts seemed to tumble into nothingness, never seemed to have existed. I saw her in the afterlife, following her lover's brutal murder of my physical body. I laid eyes on Seiryuu shichiseishi Soi for the first time. The keeper of the Tassle. Flowing crimson hair, deepest red, that she had told me was the color of her bloody conscience and past. But me, myself, thought she was beautiful. The heart shaped face, the contrast of the flowing white dress that clung to her slim body and her shimmering red hair.
And all she had said, that first time the dead Suzaku seishi and the dead Seiryuu seishi met was simply, "I'm sorry."
There was such pain in her voice, that it even wrenched my heart. I've always been 'weak' like this, if I say. But the suffering and regret lined in those fine words were prominent. I thought at the time that it was nothing but the pain of death, something that would heal.
But then I realized, deep down in my heart and soul, that it was the pain of unconditional love not returned. Just as I had loved Miaka but she would never love me back, she loved her Shogun and he couldn't, no wouldn't, return her love. It was a revelation that was made my soul cry out.
I felt not pity, nor sorrow for her. I couldn't ever feel that, for I never felt that for myself. I could only feel compassion for this woman. We were kindred souls and spirits, united by our twisted fates.
And I was falling head over heels for this kindred spirit. And the amazing thing was, so was she. We weren't alone anymore.
As the days and weeks (in our world) went by, and we spoke, all of us as a group, we accpeted each other. We realized we weren't enemies anymore, that we didn't have to fight each other. We just wanted what was best for our people, and some of us went off course in the process, mostly thanks to Nakago. I know this pained her very dearly, but we all had to come to accept it, and I wanted to be there to help her to accept it. We all were. Soi, Mitsukake, Nuriko, Chiriko and amazingly, Tomo, Ashitare (as much as the poor thing could...) and Miboshi.
And in some stroke of luck (or would it be random insanity?), the very Gods we worshipped sent us back into the heat of battle, with comrades we knew and comrades we thought lost.
I was fully apprehensive at first, Soi being pregnant and such, but she wanted to go back. She wanted to go back to her Shogun. After what we had been through...
Yet another love I had manged to lose to another man. What, I wasn't beautiful enough? What did he have that I didn't? What did Tamahome and Nakago have that I didn't possess? It was almost laughable, it was so cliched. I was heartbroken. I had almost felt used. Well, I did feel used until she turned to me, a smile on her face and hope in her eyes, and gave me one last kiss, accompanied by the words, "Arigatou, 'Hitei."
But it wasn't over yet, oh, it was far from over. I wouldnt let it end there, with my feelings so wrapped up in her, the woman I would move worlds for.
He treated her, forgive my language, like shit. He almost let them, Soi and their unborn child, die for his own selfish ambitions. Ambitions rooted it nothingness, nothing but material wants, and no emotional needs. Just to feed his need of power. God, the rage stirred in me at that very moment like never before. It was like nothing else existed, nothing but my love for her and that moment where her dreams were shattered into nothingness.
But my heart opened to her yet again, for she was the only one I could love now, I couldn't turn back and I couldn't deny her.
I'll never forget the look of pure confusion but with love interwined when I wrapped my arms securely around her, whispering in her ears softly, only for her, 'aishiteru'. I broke the barrier that had been erected in Kutou to keep the Suzaku's powers at bay with my love for her, the Seiryuu beauty, who had stolen my heart and my soul, my very being and core. I safely grasped her out of the way of the would-be fatal katana's that would have pierced her being had I not launched her out of the way.
From that day on, she was mine and mine alone. And I was her's, as we had both known deep inside from the start. She shall be my Empress, and the child she carries in her womb will be my heir, and I shall love it with my heart and soul, as if it were my own. For as far as I'm concerned, it always has been in everything but blood.
Yet, I somehow think she hates me , not him as she screams, "You bastard! He's making me do this! He did this to me!"
Which leaves me to genuinely ask, with a slight bit of fear, if I was really this much of a spurn to my mother when she had brought me into this world, into my fate...
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Made: Sometime in late December '00 or early January '01.
Revised: May 3rd '01.
Well, if you'd seen the Fushigi Yuugi forum at fanfiction.net lately, you'd have seen a message asking for opinions on a Nakago/Soi/Hotohori love triangle. This is 'preview' of it, so to speak. I wrote this in Home Ec. And basically, this is my AU, where there is no Houki, and Soi was pregnant when she died but the child was allowed to develop in the afterlife. Hopefully, the rest is explainable. If you want to see the full thing made, not just this little 'Hitei preview thingie, give a review or e-mail hayleyk@team-censbela.com okay?
-Kuja no Miko/Ghaleon no Aijin/Yagami no Miko/Hikitsu no Koibito/Cecil no Miko/Krizalid's Sex Slave/She Who Has Wayyyy Too Many Titles and a Lust For R. Yamazaki