I sat alone in the study
of my room, for I find comfort and solace within these walls. I had just returned
after I had prevented Millerna to go and leave the country, to no avail, now
I sit here alone.
I will forever be like this.
Forever be lonely, forever be alone. One by one, I'm losing all the things,
all the people I hold dear. Why?
My sisters, they had abandoned
me. I envy them. For they have the courage to turn their back to our country
and to our father, to follow what they think is right. I, on the other hand,
have chosen to be silent within the walls of the palace, and follow whatever
father wants me to do. Marlene has achieved the peace she always desired. And
Millerna, she will achieve what her heart desires, for she has something to
hold on. I have nothing. Not even my youngest sister. She had turned her back
to me and to her country, and deep inside my heart, I know she's right. This
war is going to be meaningless, and meaningful in a sense.
When I look to Millerna's
eyes, I see myself before, though she's more outgoing and outspoken than me.
I love her, and I don't want her to feel the pain that Marlene had gone through
and I am going through.
Her eyes are more open to
the real world than mine. I refuse to see a world outside the palace walls for
I am afraid of what I may find. I know the world is cruel and unfair. And instead
of doing something about it, I choose to sit here, doing nothing. All I did
was watch over my now only sister, Millerna, for her welfare, and for the country's
sake. I can't do anything to the world. But I know that she can. She had studied
the medical arts, something that will bring nothing but help to the people.
That's why deep inside my heart, I allowed her to go, for she will be able to
lend a hand. In this upcoming war, I pray for her safety, and the safety of
others. I am weak. And she is strong. But I also am strong, in other ways too.
I am strong for I am still living here besides the pain of losing a sister,
pain of having a sister turn against me, and not having the one I love. I am
strong to accept the duty of princess, but also stupid to do so.
Marlene, I admired her and
I always will. I look up to her, for she had held the courage of the heart.
She has come to learn what life is with love. I wish I could be the same. But
I don't hold the courage that she, and Millerna seem to have. We're all different.
But we are the same. Same blood runs in our veins. I wonder if that's the reason
why we all fell for one person.
The irony of it all. The
three princesses of Asturia, have fallen head over heels for a Knight Caeli.
I've seen the pain it caused. I, myself, am experiencing it. And I don't want
another sister to feel it. I'm selfish. I now understand. I'm selfish in a way
because I don't want my sister to get hurt. But now I understand that Millerna
is strong and the way she chose is for her to realize the truth there is to
being born in royalty and the truth behind it. She will have to experience the
pain, and if she stumbles and fall, I will always be here.
My love for the knight hasn't
change. But that love will remain only in my heart, and will never go out. In
the end, it is not only the woman who weeps. He is right. I've opened my eyes
only to the life of a princess but now I open them to the life of a knight.
He also has experienced pain as much. I learned now that I really can't judge
the pain of each soul, and compare it to the others. Everyone has gone through
something, and it is not comparable to anything. Allen's life has been rough,
and I feel guilty of judging him immediately. He will always hold the happiness
and pain of his love for Marlene. That's why I admire him, and love him still.
This war.. What will this
war cause now? War causes nothing.. or rather everything. It causes people to
realize the mistakes they committed, and the horror it brings. War forces young
hearts to grow up. Millerna will probably mature after all this. But besides
that.. war crushes each child's hope, and dream, a dream of tomorrow.
A dream. I have a dream,
but it will forever be locked in recesses of my soul, a dream far from reality.
A dream that someday, I can freely love someone who will love me back, no titles,
no status, but just me and him, a dream that someday, everyone will attain peace
in his or her own hearts, and I also want to attain the peace in mine. It is
impossible, I know. Why? Why is it impossible for me, when Marlene has achieved
it? How did she do it? She loved, and was loved back. Why? Is it because I strictly
follow the etiquette of a princess or am I too afraid to reach for it? Or is
it just because I choose to see reality than to follow a dream? Or maybe because,
I am afraid to love. I don't know. But soon.. I will know, and I will realize
what my life is for.
05.04-05.01
end~ [ now what does '~' mean? for me it means it's still undecided if
i will write a continuation for this.. i want to.. but as said, it's still undecided.
]
a/n: i happen to come across a site which mentioned princess eries, and
i also happen to remember that i wanted to write something about her for sometime
now, so i decided to do so. here is what i came up with.. yeah, yeah, i should
be doing wings of destiny, another fic of mine, but i wanted something for eries..
another thing, i usually do a lot of research for a fic, especially character
analyzation, but as i said before this is a spur-of-the-moment kind of fic,
so any changes i feel appropriate will be done to make this better.
