Sorry - (that must be about the fifth time I've apologised for this story)- that this second chapter thing took so long, but I couldn't think of anything remotely funny for weeks - an even then it was remote…
TITLE: Ha, Bloody Ha -and yes that was sarcastic!
Chapter 2
That had gone well - about as well as Pavarotti potholing. Scully had seen Skinner earlier that morning to discuss yesterday's er… 'situation'. Actually, to tell the truth he'd seemed to take it fine and perfectly understand that in fact whatever she'd said yesterday - or done yesterday she did not mean…
'Yeah, Sure that's okay with me. We just forget about yesterday' Skinner had said.
'That would be great' she said and had beamed like a mouse with a melon up its arse.
'Done'. He had smiled back.
Anyway, Scully thought she'd pushed the point home enough and left, missing Skinner's 'Does she like me, or is does she like me!', and then an attempt at a seductive growl that sounded more like a dog being castrated -very sexy. Her thoughts were interrupted by a rap at the door- she opened it cautiously for some reason expecting to see a bogeyman or goblin, or something - (she has an active imagination okay?). But it was worse, far worse - it was Skinner - in shorts.
'Heeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllloooooooooooooooo-'
'Hi, and bye', Scully cut his greeting short- She didn't know when he was going to finish and she had an appointment in three days that she couldn't cancel. ' I thought we said we'd forget about yesterday'
'I did.'
'Okay….', Scully said wondering whether he'd missed the point or not let his ego understand it.
Skinner pushed past her into her living room. 'SKINNER' she warned.
'I'd prefer it if you call me Walter, or call me Walte-baby, or - just call me what you like'
'How about I CALL the police' she said feeling mildly stupid, being FBI and all. But Skinner hadn't heard her instead he had his eyes on some…videos? What? MULDER…
'Got them especially for us did you Dana', Skinner said picking the porn video's up then reading them out 'Beauty and the beast, Old Mac Donald shagged a farm, ' Scully interrupted 'They not mine'
'Sure.' Skinner gave her a mischievous grin, that she really didn't want to be witness to. Her face flushed and she gushed - 'No, they're not. I don't go for that stuff, they're Mulder's he left...'
She stopped seeing Skinner stiffens - his neck that is, just to clear up any obscurity.
'Like that is it? You and Mulder?' He said disgruntled.
'No. No. What I mean is that. They were sent here …for Mulder…'s friend.' She said lying through the skin of her teeth, which in fact are not covered by skin, now that I mention it.
'Three of you? You, Mulder, and his friend - and the porn video's? And you didn't invite me?' Skinner actually looked hurt.
'No..You don't understand..' Way to go Scully, you're digging yourself in deeper and deeper, and no you're making a mighty fine job of it without a spade.
She'd finally got rid of him and forgot about him, that was until 6:00 the next morning when a courier had woken her to sign for a package…
Scully burst threw Skinner's door not listening to the reception's cries. 'I TOLD YOU THAT WE ARE NOT AN ITEM.' She shouted throwing the package down and ripping the lid off to reveal some er - well put it this way, underwear, designed by someone with a very large imagination and a lot of time on their hands.
Skinner coughed looking suitably embarrassed. 'Scully would you like to meet Special Agent Scott and Marlow, they will be helping you on your new case.' The agents were standing in the corner trying to look as un-intruding as the Chippendales at a funeral'
After Skinner left them, Scully chatted to the agents before having to leave for a important meeting with Mr Nobody, in nowhere, at anytime, in other words leave the room as quickly as possible as she felt soooo embarrassed and had turned a shade of red that clashed with her hair. Scott and Marlow had been nice to her but had performed the whole little 'I -didn't -understand what- happened -back- there -and -I'm- going- to- pretend- that -I've -forgotten- it -routine -but- in -the mean- time -you -can- kiss- my -arse -to- prevent- me -from- bringing- it -up -again-and-I'm-just-rambling-on-down-now- until-I-make-a-paragraph-out-of-this-hyphen-thing…
She should have guessed that it was Mulder's idea of a sick joke, knowing she'd instantly think it was Skinner. She'd shouted at him for being so cruel and wasting his time when he could be looking at their case. But he'd said that it was mail order and that he hadn't had to shift his butt an inch as his phone was in his pocket and hence it only took about a minute - blah- blah- blah-. What kind of catalogues does he get sent to his house anyway, she'd pondered for all of one millisecond.
Anyway, Mulder called her later that day saying he had a lead that their man was going to be in some club at 3.00. It was now 2 hours and five vodkas later -Mulder's not Scully's, and this bloke still hadn't shown up. She looked at Mulder, he looked a mess -he loosened his tie for the 10th time complaining that it was too hot in there, yet she refrained from telling for the 100th time that he'd had too much to drink ..suddenly his eyes lit up, he'd seen him, the elusive man they'd been tying to get hold of for ages…
She followed Mulder as he rushed after the man, through the crowded club, down the stair, along the passage and into, yes and I do mean into, the revolving door.
'On your report', Skinner read 'you have stated as your reason to fail to arrest this man as, and I quote 'Special Agent Mulder's tie became caught in the revolving door jamming the door so that' you 'Agent Scully could not get out' wasting precious minutes 'until a kind passer by who happened to be carrying scissors' - as one does - 'kindly cut Agent Mulder free -by which time the suspect had long gone.'
The agents nodded feeling as sheepish as a Macdonald's lamb chop king sized burger.
'Well, it not being an official statement and everything, I thought we might tell the TRUTH for once' Mulder jabbed - there had been tension between these two- provoked by Skinner -ever since the porn video incident Scully's house the day before…strange that.
* * * * * *
Scully had been feigning 'I-found-your-little-send- Scully-underwear-joke-funny' whenever she was in Mulder's presence - But OH NO. She had not forgotten about it, she would forget her name, her brand of hair dye and her skirt, before she forgot Mulder's joke.
The perfect chance came when Fowley asked Mulder to the annual get together thing she arranged for agents- even so Scully felt she was only invited as a polite gesture so she wouldn't feel left out -yeah, she'd rather grow a third leg than have to enjoy an evening arranged by bimbo from hell. But, that said, this was a great opportunity for revenge - and what's sweeter? About three chocolate gateau's and a box of strawberry fondant cakes I know you're thinking - Scully would have agreed but she was out of them and would have to settle for revenge…
To cut a short story even shorter she spiked Mulder's drink - in a nice way though- just so he'd feel a bit , well - bold, brash, reckless, unruly, wanton,- I think you get the picture . She knew she should of stopped him but it was hilarious - he'd spent the evening slapping people's butt's for a laugh - yes men included as he was finding it hard to tell the difference, yet it kept him entertained - that was until he came to Mrs Marlow (who looked like she'd swallowed the empire state building for breakfast) and boy did he get a thumping. Agent Marlow looked more surprised than angry, at the fact that Mulder's hand hadn't been swallowed up by her triple butt cheeks, yet soon regained control of his slack jaw to pull Mrs Marlow off Mulder.
They left soon after that, getting the hint that Mulder had outstayed his welcome and Scully let Skinner know that she'd take Mulder home to help him sort out his upcoming bruises. But had to cut their conversation short and drag Mulder away as soon as possible when she realised he was saying or rather slurring to Skinner something about his butt being firmer than Fowley's -okay…
The next morning, Mulder was slightly the worse for wear - that being the understatement of the century.
'Coffee?' she asked. Trying to ease his fuzzy brain.
'Noooo. More like a sharp blow to the head.'
'Tea?' she tried instead ignoring his joke.
'No coffee' he replied, looked distractedly past the door. Scully peered round to see Skinner walking towards Mulder, ducking back, she hissed 'Ignore me, I can't deal with Skinner this early in the morning'. She stood flat against the wall with the optimistic hope that Skinner had been struck blind the night before and would miss her well-camouflaged black suit against the white wall. But Skinner walked straight past them not saying anything, but slapping Mulder's butt and giving him a playful grin as he passed. Mulder turned to her wide-eyed
' I have never been more afraid in my life!' he said through his astonishment.
'Been there, done that', Scully replied and went to get Mulder that sharp blow to the head - er- I mean coffee.
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TITLE: Ha, Bloody Ha -and yes that was sarcastic!
Chapter 2
That had gone well - about as well as Pavarotti potholing. Scully had seen Skinner earlier that morning to discuss yesterday's er… 'situation'. Actually, to tell the truth he'd seemed to take it fine and perfectly understand that in fact whatever she'd said yesterday - or done yesterday she did not mean…
'Yeah, Sure that's okay with me. We just forget about yesterday' Skinner had said.
'That would be great' she said and had beamed like a mouse with a melon up its arse.
'Done'. He had smiled back.
Anyway, Scully thought she'd pushed the point home enough and left, missing Skinner's 'Does she like me, or is does she like me!', and then an attempt at a seductive growl that sounded more like a dog being castrated -very sexy. Her thoughts were interrupted by a rap at the door- she opened it cautiously for some reason expecting to see a bogeyman or goblin, or something - (she has an active imagination okay?). But it was worse, far worse - it was Skinner - in shorts.
'Heeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllloooooooooooooooo-'
'Hi, and bye', Scully cut his greeting short- She didn't know when he was going to finish and she had an appointment in three days that she couldn't cancel. ' I thought we said we'd forget about yesterday'
'I did.'
'Okay….', Scully said wondering whether he'd missed the point or not let his ego understand it.
Skinner pushed past her into her living room. 'SKINNER' she warned.
'I'd prefer it if you call me Walter, or call me Walte-baby, or - just call me what you like'
'How about I CALL the police' she said feeling mildly stupid, being FBI and all. But Skinner hadn't heard her instead he had his eyes on some…videos? What? MULDER…
'Got them especially for us did you Dana', Skinner said picking the porn video's up then reading them out 'Beauty and the beast, Old Mac Donald shagged a farm, ' Scully interrupted 'They not mine'
'Sure.' Skinner gave her a mischievous grin, that she really didn't want to be witness to. Her face flushed and she gushed - 'No, they're not. I don't go for that stuff, they're Mulder's he left...'
She stopped seeing Skinner stiffens - his neck that is, just to clear up any obscurity.
'Like that is it? You and Mulder?' He said disgruntled.
'No. No. What I mean is that. They were sent here …for Mulder…'s friend.' She said lying through the skin of her teeth, which in fact are not covered by skin, now that I mention it.
'Three of you? You, Mulder, and his friend - and the porn video's? And you didn't invite me?' Skinner actually looked hurt.
'No..You don't understand..' Way to go Scully, you're digging yourself in deeper and deeper, and no you're making a mighty fine job of it without a spade.
She'd finally got rid of him and forgot about him, that was until 6:00 the next morning when a courier had woken her to sign for a package…
Scully burst threw Skinner's door not listening to the reception's cries. 'I TOLD YOU THAT WE ARE NOT AN ITEM.' She shouted throwing the package down and ripping the lid off to reveal some er - well put it this way, underwear, designed by someone with a very large imagination and a lot of time on their hands.
Skinner coughed looking suitably embarrassed. 'Scully would you like to meet Special Agent Scott and Marlow, they will be helping you on your new case.' The agents were standing in the corner trying to look as un-intruding as the Chippendales at a funeral'
After Skinner left them, Scully chatted to the agents before having to leave for a important meeting with Mr Nobody, in nowhere, at anytime, in other words leave the room as quickly as possible as she felt soooo embarrassed and had turned a shade of red that clashed with her hair. Scott and Marlow had been nice to her but had performed the whole little 'I -didn't -understand what- happened -back- there -and -I'm- going- to- pretend- that -I've -forgotten- it -routine -but- in -the mean- time -you -can- kiss- my -arse -to- prevent- me -from- bringing- it -up -again-and-I'm-just-rambling-on-down-now- until-I-make-a-paragraph-out-of-this-hyphen-thing…
She should have guessed that it was Mulder's idea of a sick joke, knowing she'd instantly think it was Skinner. She'd shouted at him for being so cruel and wasting his time when he could be looking at their case. But he'd said that it was mail order and that he hadn't had to shift his butt an inch as his phone was in his pocket and hence it only took about a minute - blah- blah- blah-. What kind of catalogues does he get sent to his house anyway, she'd pondered for all of one millisecond.
Anyway, Mulder called her later that day saying he had a lead that their man was going to be in some club at 3.00. It was now 2 hours and five vodkas later -Mulder's not Scully's, and this bloke still hadn't shown up. She looked at Mulder, he looked a mess -he loosened his tie for the 10th time complaining that it was too hot in there, yet she refrained from telling for the 100th time that he'd had too much to drink ..suddenly his eyes lit up, he'd seen him, the elusive man they'd been tying to get hold of for ages…
She followed Mulder as he rushed after the man, through the crowded club, down the stair, along the passage and into, yes and I do mean into, the revolving door.
'On your report', Skinner read 'you have stated as your reason to fail to arrest this man as, and I quote 'Special Agent Mulder's tie became caught in the revolving door jamming the door so that' you 'Agent Scully could not get out' wasting precious minutes 'until a kind passer by who happened to be carrying scissors' - as one does - 'kindly cut Agent Mulder free -by which time the suspect had long gone.'
The agents nodded feeling as sheepish as a Macdonald's lamb chop king sized burger.
'Well, it not being an official statement and everything, I thought we might tell the TRUTH for once' Mulder jabbed - there had been tension between these two- provoked by Skinner -ever since the porn video incident Scully's house the day before…strange that.
* * * * * *
Scully had been feigning 'I-found-your-little-send- Scully-underwear-joke-funny' whenever she was in Mulder's presence - But OH NO. She had not forgotten about it, she would forget her name, her brand of hair dye and her skirt, before she forgot Mulder's joke.
The perfect chance came when Fowley asked Mulder to the annual get together thing she arranged for agents- even so Scully felt she was only invited as a polite gesture so she wouldn't feel left out -yeah, she'd rather grow a third leg than have to enjoy an evening arranged by bimbo from hell. But, that said, this was a great opportunity for revenge - and what's sweeter? About three chocolate gateau's and a box of strawberry fondant cakes I know you're thinking - Scully would have agreed but she was out of them and would have to settle for revenge…
To cut a short story even shorter she spiked Mulder's drink - in a nice way though- just so he'd feel a bit , well - bold, brash, reckless, unruly, wanton,- I think you get the picture . She knew she should of stopped him but it was hilarious - he'd spent the evening slapping people's butt's for a laugh - yes men included as he was finding it hard to tell the difference, yet it kept him entertained - that was until he came to Mrs Marlow (who looked like she'd swallowed the empire state building for breakfast) and boy did he get a thumping. Agent Marlow looked more surprised than angry, at the fact that Mulder's hand hadn't been swallowed up by her triple butt cheeks, yet soon regained control of his slack jaw to pull Mrs Marlow off Mulder.
They left soon after that, getting the hint that Mulder had outstayed his welcome and Scully let Skinner know that she'd take Mulder home to help him sort out his upcoming bruises. But had to cut their conversation short and drag Mulder away as soon as possible when she realised he was saying or rather slurring to Skinner something about his butt being firmer than Fowley's -okay…
The next morning, Mulder was slightly the worse for wear - that being the understatement of the century.
'Coffee?' she asked. Trying to ease his fuzzy brain.
'Noooo. More like a sharp blow to the head.'
'Tea?' she tried instead ignoring his joke.
'No coffee' he replied, looked distractedly past the door. Scully peered round to see Skinner walking towards Mulder, ducking back, she hissed 'Ignore me, I can't deal with Skinner this early in the morning'. She stood flat against the wall with the optimistic hope that Skinner had been struck blind the night before and would miss her well-camouflaged black suit against the white wall. But Skinner walked straight past them not saying anything, but slapping Mulder's butt and giving him a playful grin as he passed. Mulder turned to her wide-eyed
' I have never been more afraid in my life!' he said through his astonishment.
'Been there, done that', Scully replied and went to get Mulder that sharp blow to the head - er- I mean coffee.
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