"Hi and welcome to night 14 of Who Wants to be a Team Rocket member!" Jessie stepped onto the new stage that had been built after a certain someone's Snorlax had crushed the last studio.
James came out next to her. "The show where you can earn your status as a full Team Rocket member!" The crowd cheered as Meowth jumped out. "That's right!" he smiled.
"Now we have 10 contestants from all over the universe," said Jessie. "You guys know the rules. The first fastest-finger question is: Put these characters from Magnum, P.I in alphabetical order starting...now!"
The TR motto music came on while the contestants plugged in their answers. Time ran out.
"Ok! The correct answer is: A.Higgins, B.Magnum, C.Rick, and D.TC. And the person who got it right was..." James looked down, puzzled. "No one? But we have to have someone get it right, or we'll have to cancel-"
"Ranma Saotome, I challenge you to a duel!" A boy suddenly crashed through the studio's skylight and landed on the floor. He blinked.
"This...this isn't the Tendo Gym, is it?" He straightened and brushed a strand of black hair away from his face while tightening a yellow bandana around his head.
"He's our contestant!" Jessie and James pushed the boy into the hotseat. "Welcome!You've made it to Who Wants to be a Team Rocket Member! What's your name?"
"Ryoga Hibiki." Ryoga looked confused. "Is...can you tell me where the Tend-"
"You have three lifelines-poll the audience, phone a friend, 50/50, and the additional option to stangle anyone who gives you a wrong answer," Jessie said sweetly. "Shall we start?"
"Um...ok..." Ryoga scratched his head, lost in both where he was at and in confusion.
Jessie began. "For ten bucks, which one of these is Ranma's fiancee form the series Ranma 1/2? A.Shampoo, B.Akane, C.Kodachi, or D.Kasumi?"
Ryoga closed his eyes. "Could it be? Even people afar know of thier engagement. And I, I am here alone. No one knows of my true love for Akane. Oh, Akaneeeee!" he sobbed.
"You are right! It is B.Akane!" said Meowth. "Next question!"
James asked, "Also in Ranma 1/2, what is the name of Akane's pet pig? A.Pig-man, B.Miss Piggy, C.P-chan, or D.Ryoga? Hey cool, they have your name in here!"
Ryoga's head shot up. "Could...could they know? They know of Ranma and Akane...is it possible? They must know my secret-about me being P-chan!"
"What's he babbling about?" Meowth whispered to Jessie. "I don't know," Jessie whispered back. She looked at James, who shrugged and said, "Correct, it is P-chan! Now for 50 bucks, name two other Rocket members. A.Rocky and Bullwinkle, B.Abraham and Sarah, C.Cassidy and Butch, or D.Caesar and Salad?"
Ryoga was bewildered. "Rocket? But I don't see-"
"Yes, it is C!" Jessie quipped before Ryoga could say another word.:Now for 100 bucks and the status of a Team Rocket junior member, complete the follwing: To protect the world from-A.train stations, B.vacations, C.do-whitty-whop-whateveration, or D.devestation?"
"What?" Ryoga scratched his head. "Um...What was that earlier about a lifeline?"
"You can use a lifeline to help you with your question," said Meowth. "What do you want to do? Phone a friend?"
Ryoga brightened. "I can call Akane?"
"Ok!" chirped Jessie. "AT&T, please get Akane on the phone!"
Briiiiing! Brrrrrriniing! the phone rang. "Hello?"
"Akane?" asked Jessie.
"Oh, my! No, this is her sister Kasumi. Who is this?"
"It's Jessie from Who Wants to be a Team rocket Member!" Jessie said brightly. "Is Akane there?"
"Oh my, yes, she is. Ahem. AAAAAAKKKKKKKAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"
Whap! Bam! Kapow! "Ouch!"
"Serves you right, Ranma!" a voice growled in the background.
"Uncute tomboy!" a voice yelled back.
"Akane, it's some game show person for you," Kasumi said.
"Oh, all right... Hello, this is Akane."
"Hi! This is James from WWTBATRM! We have Ryoga on the line. He's going to ask you a question and 4 possible answers. Ok?"
"Um...ok..."
"All right, you have 5 minutes, starting now!" James hit the timer.
"Akane?"
"Hey, Ryoga."
"Um, I was...was..uh, k...k...k...kind of wondering if...you know..."
"Yeeeeeees?"
"W-w-ould you, i mean, if you want....would you l-l-like to, to..."
"Akane! Hey, tomboy!"
"Ranma get out of here!" Pow!
"Ranma, give the phone ba-"
"Hello, this is Ranma."
"Ranma!" Ryoga cried. "When I get back to Nerima you are dead!"
"Hello to you too, Ryoga," Ranma said wryly. "Good-bye."
"Don't hang up!" Ryoga screeched. "Hello? Akane? Are you there?"
Pow! "Hi, Ryoga, sorry 'bout that," Akane said sweetly. In the background there was the sound of someone yelping in pain. "So what were you saying?"
"I'd like it if you, if you, um, iiiiiiff....Akane, would you like to go out with-"
"Thirty seconds!" James called.
Ryoga jumped.
"Would I like to...." prodded Akane.
"Would you like to answer my question?" Ryoga muttered.
"Sure, ask away."
Ryoga asked the question. Akane laughed. "Haven't you ever watched Pokemon? It's D.devestation."
"Ok, thanx." ryoga took a deep breath. "Akanewouldyouliketogooutwithme?"
"Sorry!" chirped James. "Time ran out right after she answered you. She never heard what you said."
Ryoga screamed. "That's it! I give up! I'm going back to Nerima! Farewell! Fear not sweet Akane, I am coming!" He dashed into the ladies' room.
There was a scream and Ryoga came back out, totally red. "Um which way's the exit?"
Jessie pointed and he left.
James read out the next fastest-finger question. "Put these donuts in the order they were introduced starting from-"
"Donuts?" A figure stood up from the audience. He wandered down and began looking for donuts. "I want one!"
"Who are you?" growled Meowth.
James brightened. "I have a donut!" He whipped out a box of store-bought donuts. "Want one?"
Jessie hit him. "He gets nothing until he tells us his name!"
"The name's Homer Simpson," said Homer. "Now give me-mmmmm! Is that is chocolate custard pickle-filled donut with Tabasco sause and seseme seeds? Mmmmm...."
Homer reached for a donut, but Jessie shoved him into the hotseat before he could even touch one. "Let's play WHo Wants to Win a Pickle-Filled Donut?" she suggested and hissed to James, "You can't just give out prizes; the contstants have to win them!"
"Oh." James' face fell.
Jessie rolled her eyes. "For one donut, name the man who created the absolute greatest saga of all time, Star Wars? A. George Lucas, B. Obi-Wan, C.Yoda, or D. What are you talking about?"
"Ummm..." Homer thought for a second. "I say...oh, I don't know, Can I have a donut?"
"Wrong!" crowed Jessie. "Bye-bye!"
"But I want a donut!" cried Homer.
Jessie booted him out of the studio. She smiled sweetly. "Now for our next contestant.."
"Me!" Tracey from Pokemon stood up from the audience. "I want to be on!"
"You're supposed to be dead!" James yelled.
"I have an idea." Britney Spears called from the contestant's circle. "Pick one of us 10 who acually worked to get here!"
"Oh, shut up, you sl-" Jessie began.
"She's right." A figure stood up from seat #6. "Pick on of us."
James gulped as a black-cloaked figure stormed over from the circle to the hotseat. His face was painted red and black, and sinister yellow eyes peered at Jessie, James, and Mewoth intently.
"I will be your next contestant," he said.
Team Rocket nodded immidiatly, not wanting to argue with this person. "Whh...whu...what's yyyyyour nuh, nuh, nnnnname?" James stuttered in fear.
The contestant settled in the hotseat. "I am Darth Maul," he said menacingly.
"Ok," said Jessie. "Um..you playing for a donut or a Rocket member?"
"Who are you?" Another black cloaked figure with mechanical breathing came down from the audience and glared at Maul.
"Another Sith?" asked Maul, reading the other's thoughts. "It cannot be. My master and I are the only Sith."
"I am the last Sith, Darth Vader!" Vader cried. "There is only room for one. You must die!"
There was a hum and in a sudden blur two lightsabers clashed. Team Rocket screamed and hid under the hotseat.
Maul swung at Vader. He ducked and used the Force to throw a computer screen at Maul. He missed and the computer hit Britney Spears instead.
She stood up, blood running down her face. "You'll pay for this!" she screamed. "My skimpy, nearly see-through, skintight, spaghetti strap minidress is ruined!" Britney began to sing '...Baby One More Time.' "My skimpy dress is ruined, and I, I must deside how to kill you *in revenge*. When I'm not perfect I lose my mind, give me a si-"
Darth Vader and Darth Maul slashed downwards, yelling, "Your singing sucks! Shut up!"
Britney screamed in agonising pain as the lightsabers made two huge gashes in her body. "You will pay!" she screeched.
The crowd cheered. "Yay, Britney's dying!"
The two Sith continued to duel. Justin Timberlake from 'Nsync walked in. He saw Britney on the floor, bleedeing and severed.
"You killed her!" he cried.
"Go away!" yelled the Sith and slashed him in half.
"Noooooooooo!" Britney screamed from the floor. "Not Justin!"
"Aren't you dead yet?" Jessie yelled from under the hotseat.
The audience roared in approval. "Justin and Britney are dead! We're free from the clutches of stupid music!"
"But now we have nothing to listen to!" someone in the audience cried.
"Never fear, alternative music is here!" Suddenly Third Eye Blind, Smashmouth, the GooGoo Dolls, Blink 182, the Barenaked Ladies, the Foo Fighters, and Stroke 9 burst in. The crowd cheered.
"Al-ter-na-tive! Al-ter-na-tive!" they chanted.
The bands broke into song and the crowd went wild. The Sith came to some agreement and went back to the Star Wars Universe after the Force was made the universal religion. Team Rocket adopted alternative music as their main theme song and background music for their show. Alternative became the offical music of the entire world and anyone caught listening to anything else was severly punished. Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake's bodies were dumped somewhere near the North Pole and were totally forgotten. The entire band of 'Nsync commited suicide once they found out their fellow member was dead and their bodies were dumped somewhere in Antarctica. The Backstreet Boys, upon hearing all this, disappeared into thin air and were never seen again. The world was once again a happy place.
THE END